California Here I Come!

[Memphis Mike]

Next month. I'm flying into Santa Maria and driving back to Memphis on the Southern route across the American Southwest.

I'm on a secret mission. Operation "Twin Delivery."

[J. Dillon]

Great Mike ,

Be sure to stop at the Grand Canyon . One of the best things to see in the world.

JD

[Paul Pless]

Someone told me there's a girl out there,
with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.

[Memphis Mike]

Great Mike ,

Be sure to stop at the Grand Canyon . One of the best things to see in the world.

JD

I plan on it, JD. It's only an hour off the route on the way back.

[JimD]

My mother had twins and she was plenty sorry. Yes, the Grande Canyon is definitely worth a look. Have fun, Mmike.

[Phillip Allen]

You can stop in here on your way back through...

[Katherine]

Grandpa Mike. Congrats to you and Sue.

[Hwyl]

Grandpa Mike. Congrats to you and Sue.

you're in-two-itive.

[Lew Barrett]

Have fun MM. It's a trip we'll be making soon.

[Memphis Mike]

You can stop in here on your way back through...

I might, Phillip but I think you are a little to the North Of I-40 and I'm really gonna be rollin by the time I hit Arkansas.

[Leon m]

Thats a nice drive. Some years ago I drove from San Antonio to LA via New Mexico, and Arizon (man was that beautiful), then I swung through Utah and Colorado on my way back.

Here are two tips to make your trip more enjoyable, first take a copy of Hotel California (or any of your favorite Eagles music) , second stop at the Navajo reservation and buy yourself a wool blanket...I gaurantee it will be your favorite blanket for the rest of your life...I wore mine out a few years ago, so pick me one up while your at it.

[Memphis Mike]

Thanks Leon. I really like the idea of listening to some Eagles while coming through there.

[BrianW]

Congrats Mike, and enjoy your ride!

[Memphis Mike]

Thanks, Brian. Ya just never do know what life is gonna throw at ya. This is gonna be a fun trip but the next few months may be rather "trying" around my house.

[Peter Malcolm Jardine]

congrats Reverend... have a safe trip..

[JimD]

As long as you're stopping off to visit everyone you might as well take a quick jog up to Canada

[Memphis Mike]

As long as you're stopping off to visit everyone you might as well take a quick jog up to Canada

Hell no! And miss Paris? Man, I'm gonna search her out.

[Tar Devil]

Congrats, Gramps and Gramma!!

[jack grebe]

Mike, if you would take a few pic's in 29 palms. that was the first place SWMBO and I lived and we haven't been back since.

[huisjen]

Congratulations Mike, and even though this is winter, carry extra water on the trip throught the desert. You never know.

Dan

[Joe ( Cold Spring on Hudson )]

Congratulations Mike

Oh and as someone who has traversed the southwestern desert in a car that gave me the inside and OUTSIDE temp I remember thinking when I saw 115 F outside and 70F inside that not much was livin outside of the car.

Be prepared and also be prepared to get a whole new sense of SCALE

[brad9798]

Neat stuff, Memphis!!!

Check out Winslow, AZ for a girl in a flatbed FORD!

Or, go see Tombstone, AZ (OK Coral)

[Memphis Mike]

Mike, if you would take a few pic's in 29 palms. that was the first place SWMBO and I lived and we haven't been back since.

Where is 29 Palms, Jack? I'll see what I can do.

[Leon m]

I really like the idea of listening to some Eagles while coming through there.

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air

You'll be feelin it .

[dmede]

Someone told me there's a girl out there,
with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.

That was in the 60's. She grew up to be a corprate lawyer for Oracle, shops at REI for her casual wear, orders a minimum 5 modifier latte from starbucks every morning and rides tandem road bikes with her power husband on the weekends (they like long walks on the beach with thier purebread golden retreiver, drink expensive Napa cabernet with Powerbar appetizers and buying extreamly overpriced realestate). Yeah thats her, all growed up now and a real b!tch!

[John of Phoenix]

Congrats! Twins!!

Ahh yes, the Northern Route. You have some spectacular scenery ahead of you along Arizona’s stretch of I-40.
The Grand Canyon for certain, but you'll drive right through the Painted Desert.


And right by the Petrified Forest in the Eastern part of the state.


And one of the planet's more impressive holes in the ground is the meteor crater just a few miles further west.


Then you're in Flagstaff. A pretty little city that's done a good job of preserving its heritage.


The turn off to the Grand Canyon is a few miles west of Flag, State Route 64 North. You can't miss it, just follow the tour buses.

If you've ever heard of the famous Route 66 Cafe...

...this ain't it. Somehow, it's in NYC. This is the original "Route 66 Road Kill Cafe" in Seligman.
"Today's specials (everyday's specials actually) - Splatter Platter - Swirl of Squirrel - Big Bagged Stag - Highway Hash"
One of the best little hole-in-the-wall joints ever.

You should have nice weather up north on the Mogollon (pronounced muggy-on) Rim. The elevation's about 7000' and it stays nice and cool during the summer. Highs in the 80's and down to the 50's at night.

It starts to get more typical high desert as you get to Kingman, fewer trees with more scrub and cactus, but beautiful in its own way. When you get Needles, CA and beyond you'll develop a real respect for the pioneers who traveled that stretch in wagons and on horseback. Stark is an understatement.

Have wonderful trip.

[Michael s/v Sannyasin]

you've got lots of nice scenery to drive through. First of all Santa Maria is a real nice place. You'll probably be coming down 101? An hour or so south of Santa Maria, just after the Solvang/Buelton exit, you'll cut through the canyon and see the ocean. Take the exit for Gaviota St. Beach and stretch your legs a bit.

You'll see a lot of nice coast at least down through Ventura, then the highway cuts inland (unless you jump over to route 1).

Or, from Santa Maria, you can drive over the mountains through Taft California (where I used to skydive) and then maybe pickup route 40 in Bakersfield. Taft is a dust bowl, not nearly as scenic, but no traffic.

Not too far North of the Grand Canyon are Bryce and Zion National Parks. If you've got the time, you'd really appreciate a drive through there.

When you get near Gallup NM, look for Ortega's off to the right. They sell indian jewelry and stuff, really high quality.

Have a great time!

Congrats on the twins!

[JTA]

After those twins scream for the first 5 hours, scrap all above plans and drive shortest, fastest possible route to Memphis.



Jack

[Bob Cleek]

Gee, they have an airport in Santa Maria now? Things must really be developing! LOL
Actually, I just checked... they have five flights a day from LAX and that's it. Shoot, you could probably drive to Santa Maria faster than it would take to fly, unless you were at LAX to begin with.

Well, you have a few "must sees..." like their funky little courthouse where Michael Jackson recently headlined... and his Neverland Ranch in Los Olivos, if you "get lucky," you might get to meet McCauley Calkin!






Then, there's the absolute "must see..." the junction at Cholane, just outside Paso Robles where James Dean bit the big weenie. The morbidity of the Dean culties gets a bit much, but the food at the Jack Ranch Cafe is decent for a diner.




Then, there's that wide spot in the road called Parkfield, which consists of a restaurant with a post office attached and a volunteer fire department, IIRC. It's claim to fame is that it sits on the San Adreas fault and is the most heavily instrumented hunk of dirt on the planet. The Coast and Geodetic Survey knows when a cockroach farts in Parkville! Hasn't been a quake of any size there in a few days, but if you hang around there, you'll probably feel one. About as as active there as it gets.



Heading east, you'll know that you've left California when your fillings stop falling out. CA has the worst highway maintenance in the country. Hit that blacktop in Nevada or Arizona and you know you've reached the promised land! When the washboard road ends, you'll know you've crossed the Colorado River. You probably won't know otherwise, since by the time it gets that far south, it's been sucked dry. Oh, and be prepared for the rattlesnake warning signs in the rest stop parking lots and get used to seeing lots of these:



All of which is to say, you might call this the "Journey to the Armpit of the World!" LOL

I do have to admit that the Confederate Air Force (Now they call themselves the "Commemorative Air Force." What a bunch of PC wimps!) base at Camarillo Airport is worth a visit, though.



Oh, did I mention that a Desert Water Bag or three is a must when crossing the desert? If you have to ask why, don't go...



So, you've seen the elephant... next time take the train!

[huisjen]

If I were ever crazy enough to want to go that way, I'd want to see the trinity test site glass parking lot in New Mexico.

[Memphis Mike]

Thanks again guys! BTW, the twins haven't been born yet. That's why I'm picking her up. They will be born here in Memphis and will be staying here at the house for awhile. That's two wimmins, two identicle twins, three cats, Heidi the lab and a pet mouse.........and me......all here......under one roof.

[Bob Cleek]

Seriously, when is she due? Be really sure you have great air conditioning in the car. Pregnant women have a hard time in the heat!

[Memphis Mike]

Seriously, when is she due? Be really sure you have great air conditioning in the car. Pregnant women have a hard time in the heat!

Bob, she's due in December but probably won't go that long. She just got a new car so I'm sure the air conditioning is fine.

[Bob Cleek]

Mike, one more thing... anytime you are on the road and see a Flying J truckstop or a Cracker Barrel restaurant, STOP! Those two make traveling a lot more enjoyable.

[Wild Dingo]

Your gonna be a poppy Mikey?? U BLOODY LITTLE BEAUTY!!

Truely the absolute bestest fun this side of havin the nippers in the first place!! REALLY!! Actually its bedderah!! Cause if they stink puke or puddle you gets to smile laugh an say "hey theys all yours kiddo I done my time!"

So you made up your mind what you wanna be called? Gramps sounds sooo flamin old eh? an Granpa is just way too seriass which is why I chose Poppy much more funner! and now thats your duty from here on yer ol phart to have fun enjoy the little takkers and have a second childhood oooh parenthood the second time round is so good

Enjoy the trip... make lots of stops for her no matter what pull over get her out and walk her around preggers sheilas aint fun on long trips specially preggers sheilas with double buns in the oven... believe me Ive been there We went on our honeymoon a year after getting hitched and possumpoop was up the spout with a double yoker inside burbling away up to darwin and down through the middle in the middle of summer... she felt it mostly around Oodnadatta where the temp in the shade read 120F and with the aircon blowing a gasket inside the car wasnt too much better... and I tell you what mate that damned trip couldnt be over soon enough!! ever seen a tiny blonde beached whale on pins loosin the plot in 120F heat? you dont want to... stop lots cool her down lots carry shyteloads of water and ice dunk her head in it as often as you can and keep a towel handy to soak for her... oh and be prepared to floor it to get her that much needed must have NOW chocolate topped double anchovies ham an pinapple pizza

NOW DAMNITALLTOFRIGGINHELL YOUR NOT BLOODY LISTENING YOU DONT LOVE ME IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULD GET ONE FOR ME YOU HATE ME YOU DONT LOVE ME WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME ALL I WANT IS ONE LOUSY PIZZA AND YOU WONT GET ONE FOR ME WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME IM MAKIN YOU A POPPY

etc etc etc

of course by the time you do get to where you buy her that bloody chocolate coated double anchovie ham and pinapple pizza shes changed her mind and now wants a hot fresh cooked by mum apple pie with thick whipped cream slatherings of sugar an lots of walnuts crushed of course some hundreds and thousands and topped with some medium rare steak

And of course you will show her the wonderful pizza she asked for but now doesnt want even though you suffered the indignity of the curious worried frowns of the poor joker that made the said pizza for you and of course she will say

YOU DONT LOVE ME WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME YOU EAT THAT HORRID LOOKING THING YOUR TRYING TO POISON MY BABIES YOU HATE ME WHY DO YOU HATE ME I LOVE YOU DADDY I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME

etc etc etc

as I said be prepared to floor it.... accept the tickets and keep flooring it... if the highway patrolman says something stupid like "look buddy Im gonna have to give you another ticket how about you slow down an get that purty young filly home safe eh" just smile an say "look ere mate IM BLOODY WELL TRYIN BUT YOU KEEP FRIGGIN STOPPIN ME!! You dont like it mate you get out of me bloody way or you drive her... no thats it YOU BLOODY DRIVE HER..." and get out and start walking away... be strong Mikey its your only salvation

Have fun!

[Phillip Allen]

I might, Phillip but I think you are a little to the North Of I-40 and I'm really gonna be rollin by the time I hit Arkansas.

About an hour north of Ft. Smith...over the mountains, through the tunnel, past the U of A campus/Razorback Stadium.

A place to rest for a night if you are too tired to make that long flat (boring) drive across Arkansas

[JimD]

Say hi to Paris for me

[Cuyahoga Chuck]

Make certain you are not carrying any firemaking aparati in case the authorities stop you.

[Mrleft8]

Make certain you are not carrying any firemaking aparati in case the authorities stop you.

Lighters are legal now... If you can believe it....
MMike....You might want to find a song..... "California" by John Mayal. (Not the Blues Breakers). It's on the "Turning Point" album. That, "Sawmill Gultch Road" and "Thoughts About Roxanne" are among the best finger pick British blues you'll ever hear (IMHO).

[Tanbark Spanker]

California is where wooden boats go to die.

[Cuyahoga Chuck]

Lighters are legal now... If you can believe it....
MMike....You might want to find a song..... "California" by John Mayal. (Not the Blues Breakers). It's on the "Turning Point" album. That, "Sawmill Gultch Road" and "Thoughts About Roxanne" are among the best finger pick British blues you'll ever hear (IMHO).

I was refering to ground travel not air travel. With all the forest fires now occuring I'm waiting for authorities to start searching suspicious "fureigners".

[Memphis Mike]

About an hour north of Ft. Smith...over the mountains, through the tunnel, past the U of A campus/Razorback Stadium.

A place to rest for a night if you are too tired to make that long flat (boring) drive across Arkansas

Thanks Phillip. If I decide to do that I still have your number programed into my phone.

[Memphis Mike]

It's official. I got my plane ticket today. Due to arrive in Santa Maria at 1:30 in the afternoon on the 16th of August. Will leave the next day for Memphis with expecting mother in tow.

Life is an adventure and I will always remember the summer of 2007. You guys.... and you know who you are... have brought some much needed joy to my life this year.