I miss the "Humor.. I Need Humor" thread...

[Joe Dupere]

Two old folks at the retirement home go on their first date together. They got along very well, and what with one thing leading to another they had a very passionate night together.

Later the next day some of his friends asked the old fella how things went. "Well" he said, "if I'd known she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her".

Across the rec room, some of her friends asked the old woman what she thought of the evening. "Well" she said, "if I'd known he could get it up, I wouldn't have worn panty hose!"

[The Bigfella]

Joe.... that's so old that my father told it to me when I was a kid.

Meanwhile

[Joe Dupere]

Joe.... that's so old that my father told it to me when I was a kid.

Hmmmph! I didn't know panty hose was invented back when you were a kid!!

[The Bigfella]

Hmmmph! I didn't know panty hose was invented back when you were a kid!!

Invented in the mid 50s

[Joe Dupere]

Invented in the mid 50s

17s? or 18s?

[Chris Woodward]

Meanwhile

Now THAT is funny

[Waterdown]

Not mine, but:

So, there are two nurses on the floor on evening shift, an older nurse and a young nurse...

The older nurse comes back to the nursing station one night and says, 'Do you know that the old man in room 263 has a tattoo on his _penis_. He has the word "Swan" tattooed there!'

'Oh, no,' says the younger nurse [with a gesture of opening arms], 'it says "Saskatchewan".'

[Bob Cleek]

Not mine, but:

So, there are two nurses on the floor on evening shift, an older nurse and a young nurse...

The older nurse comes back to the nursing station one night and says, 'Do you know that the old man in room 263 has a tattoo on his _penis_. He has the word "Swan" tattooed there!'

'Oh, no,' says the younger nurse [with a gesture of opening arms], 'it says "Saskatchewan".'

A couple on their honeymoon at a nude beach in Jamaica met a Rastaman who had "Wendy" tatooed on his. They asked, "Is your wife's name Wendy?" He replied, "Oh no, it says "Welcome to Jamaica, Mon, have a nice day!''

[Bob Cleek]

An elderly lady was feeling a bit frisky one night and became peeved that her husband of many years seemed much more interested in laying in bed watching "Superman" on television. So, she went into the bathroom, got naked, and tied a towel around her neck, cape style. She ran into the bedroom and dove onto the bed, her arms outstretched, and yelled, "Super Pussy!"

Her husband looked away from his movie for a moment and said, "I think I'll have the soup."