Another major change coming to my life

[John Smith]

the plan in Nov. '21 was our granddaughter, her hubby, and their twin daughters would move in and live here for free so they could save money enough to get their own place.

That has come to be. Come next weekend, barring anything unforeseen, they are all moving into a condo they've bought.

This plan included June and I being here together when this happened. Sadly it didn't work out that way and when they move out I will be truly alone here.

Looking back at my life, I had an older brother and a mom and dad. Everything I did was with some part of this or all of it. Then, of course I made friends and we did stuff. When I got married and we had kids, we did many things together and with other friends.

I can't remember ever actually being alone. A bit scary. I have a few old friends still living, and we all speak on the phone. Hopefully when the days get longer we'll figure ways to see each other now and then.

It's a bit frightening.

[Jimmy W]

Will the granddaughter and her family still be close? When my mother died, my father didn't like being alone even with my sister right next door. He got remarried to an high school friend who's husband had died.

[Jim Bow]

John, all I can do is listen. Or in this case read. I only hope that letting us know what’s going on is helping you move along. It’s helping me to seriously contemplate the future. I appreciate your every entry here. You are loved, my friend.

[dutchpp]

I can imagine that this is a bit frightening, I'm sure it takes some serious adjusting.
The best advice I can give you is that you should stay active and go out and visit people and events.
Over here in Europe a lot of older people that live alone often join some kind of "club", the chess club, the boatbuilding club, the dance club etc., to improve and broaden their social network.
Although I'm not sure how these things are organized in the USA, all the best!

[sandtown]

The number of USAeans living alone has increased . . . a lot . .

There were 37 million one-person households in 2021, or 28% of all U.S. households. In 1960, single-person households represented only 13% of all households.

[skuthorp]

What Fred said…"I guess being alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely, as long as you like yourself, which I do. Do I converse with myself? Yes, I do - and one of these days I'm gonna win an argument! "

[birlinn]

Been living alone for over 30 years. You get used to it!

[L.W. Baxter]

i like eleanor roosevelt's advice, "do one thing every day that scares you". i usually manage three or four good scares.

maybe you can take fearsome solitude as an opportunity. to everything there is a season. this could be your season to absorb and reflect, without being filtered by, or filtering for, others.

or, get a needy dog and spend all day trying to keep it placated and happy.

[cathouse willy]

You need a dog, opening the door to an enthusiastic welcome home from your furry friend is soooo much better than coming home to an empty house.

[JayInOz]

John you will be totally free to do exactly as you wish. Go to bed and get up any time you like. Sing badly or murder a musical instrument without embarrassment. Find a hobby and leave a mess on the table. Come and go as you please. Seriously- take yourself out for a meal or a coffee now and then and find out where other oldies go to mix. Join a charity that does stuff. I've always been lucky in that I loved being alone and most of my interests encouraged that- it's hard to be a successful bow hunter as part of a crowd I spent so much time alone that I started to really resent being disturbed Just don't start feeling sorry for yourself- you can be your own worst enemy if you look at it all wrong. Be brave and break the ice and start a conversation with strangers. You'll be OK. JayInOz

[hawkeye54]

John, if you can swing a hammer, run a paint roller, use a screwdriver - check out your local church or a Habitat affiliate - there are lots of folks whose houses need just a bit of help - it feels good to be able to help others (even a little) ) and you will interface with some other folks who 'are just there to help'



Only my 2 cents,


Rick

[John Smith]

Been living alone for over 30 years. You get used to it!

By the time I'm 107?

I have no idea how long it will take, or even if, I'll get used to it. For the moment it's a bit frightening. I do have family fairly close by, but that's not quite the same.

I have old friends whom I talk with via telephone. If I get through the winter months, we'll be seeing each other; none of us like driving at night, so the longer daylight will be helpful.

I appreciate all the support here. It helps.

[John Smith]

John, if you can swing a hammer, run a paint roller, use a screwdriver - check out your local church or a Habitat affiliate - there are lots of folks whose houses need just a bit of help - it feels good to be able to help others (even a little) ) and you will interface with some other folks who 'are just there to help'



Only my 2 cents,


Rick

I could make a wood shop, but I've only got one reliable hand. We will see. It may not be as bad as I tend to fear, or it might be worse. One day at a time.

[Dave Hadfield]

Join in -- sign up with groups of people doing fun things that you enjoy.

All organizations want volunteers, always.

This is an opportunity.

[Chip-skiff]

Having spent most of my working life not only alone but miles from the nearest road, I'm accustomed to solitude.

But I always liked heading to town for pizza and beer, and a few turns on the dance floor. The solitude made me relish the company, and vice-versa.

Tricks for self-maintenance: Think ahead to avoid situations where you'll need an extra hand or set of eyes. Double-check the small stuff, like turning off stove burners. For cooking, use a timer with a loud beep. If you need to get up on a high ladder or a roof, or under a car on a jack, ask a neighbor to stand watch.

Feeling isolated is tough. We live in a remote spot, an hour from the nearest town. The neighbors we were close to have mostly died off or moved to warmer climates, or nearer medical care. The new people aren't as friendly or adapted to rural life. We both spend lots of time keeping track of the local wildlife, walking the dog, etc.

I enjoy regular check-ins with web stuff such as the WBF, which at least pass the time. I used to volunteer on nonprofit boards, but the travel wore me out. I grow seedlings for the local community garden and food program. Not being keen on the 2 hr. roundtrip to town, I'm looking into low-contact volunteer stuff. I did a lot of editing on contract and wouldn't mind helping grad students, particularly non-English speakers, prepare theses or dissertations. I learned a lot doing that in the past: particle physics, educational theory, medieval hagiography, aspen genotypes, et many ceterae.

In any event, I wish you well.

[Breakaway]

I live alone. I like it.

Kevin


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[bluedog225]

Second the idea to find a group. Church, volunteer, anything. Heck, I use Restore. Just go regularly and say hello to people. You will find others like yourself. It’s not the same but it helps. And new relationships form. All the best.

[John Smith]

Thanks for all the support.

[Brian Palmer]

John you will be totally free to do exactly as you wish. Go to bed and get up any time you like. Sing badly or murder a musical instrument without embarrassment. Find a hobby and leave a mess on the table. Come and go as you please. Seriously- take yourself out for a meal or a coffee now and then and find out where other oldies go to mix. Join a charity that does stuff. I've always been lucky in that I loved being alone and most of my interests encouraged that- it's hard to be a successful bow hunter as part of a crowd I spent so much time alone that I started to really resent being disturbed Just don't start feeling sorry for yourself- you can be your own worst enemy if you look at it all wrong. Be brave and break the ice and start a conversation with strangers. You'll be OK. JayInOz

I agree. I've been living alone for the past 5 years since getting a divorce and I am now 60. Like others, it is the first time in my life really, after growing up with siblings and having roommates and my own family. The freedom to do as I wish when I want to has been pretty liberating. Even though I had to also deal with the grief of losing a family member at the same time, I have done a lot of volunteer work that has brought me great satisfaction and I have gotten to know people I would not have otherwise.

Embrace the opportunity.

Brian

[LeeG]

Hey John. I have no words of wisdom but second Brian’s comment about embracing opportunity. Amongst the grieving and hard times I hope the bluebird of happiness drops some pleasant surprises your way.

[Chip-skiff]

Another bit: During the waves of COVID, we cut back on our entertaining at home and visiting friends. But I make an effort to check in by email or phone with our closest pals on a regular basis. Not the same as face-to-face, but better than an echoing silence.

[John Smith]

Another bit: During the waves of COVID, we cut back on our entertaining at home and visiting friends. But I make an effort to check in by email or phone with our closest pals on a regular basis. Not the same as face-to-face, but better than an echoing silence.

Phones and email are much help.

Wife and I would just take a ride to nowhere a couple or three times a week during Covid, and for a while after, just to get out of the house. I took such a ride yesterday, and it felt quite strange. Time heals all wounds they say, but they don't say how long.

One day at a time.

[elf]

I've lived alone for 26 years now and I hate it. And yet, I never succeeded at letting another person share my living space. When I tried, i gave up my identity in the effort to build an identity as part of a couple.

Still, I don't like having to be all the motivation for filling the time. I didn't like it when I was married to someone who was perfectly happy to let me do all the planning and cheerfully went along, and I didn't like it when the other person was unable to share his life.

So I like it when I'm busy and I hate it when I'm not.

John, you have an opportunity to figure out what you enjoy doing enough to do it whether someone else wants to go along or not. You also have an opportunity, as long as you can drive, to find your way to serving society. It doesn't have to be a big thing. I have a Meals on Wheels route which is one morning a week. I stand out on election day holding signs for candidates I approve of. I could scurry about doing a million similar things - immerse myself in social services (my town has endless needs for volunteers), join a group and take some leadership role. The world is crying out for people to take on these tasks and they build community and fill the time. And yes, you could get a pet which can drag you out of the house, or warm your lap, and if you don't want to share your living space with it, I guarantee the local animal rescue places would give an eye tooth for your help.

But most of all you are at a crossroads where many lapse into mindless staring at the boob tube. And you can choose to not be one of those.

[Tom from Rubicon]

I bonded to Ramona September18, 1987. I don't keep friends. I've wasted enough of my life that is never reciprocated.
Mona's cancer will come back.
It's a given. If Mona goes before me. I spent too many years as a Steppenwolf. Truthfully, I don't like being alone. But finding a person that will take you on in your 70's?
It does happen.
John, the lonely thing is a killer. Keep that in mind.

[Landrith]

I tried to figure out Hesse's Steppenwolf as a teen ager. No context. I am in my 60's a late bloomer , I may start to understand some of it. I am comfortable being alone. It seems to be preferable. Yet I end of taking care of some person. I don't like pets very much and don't have one. Several people I know are living longer and more stable lives because they are taking care of pets or domestic animals.

The unsettling thing is that I sometimes think I am missing being among friends doing some things I used to do, but when I do rarely get away and look for it, I see the people my age are long gone, seemingly disappeared. I think they were not as active or aren't in good health. I have older friends that experience this much more than I do. Sort of scary.

[John Smith]

We will see. I do think of things I'd like to do, but I'm really not able to do them. Age is catching up to me. I expect (hope) that when the days get longer a few of my old friends and I will get together. None of us like driving at night, and getting dark at later hours will be helpful.

[elf]

Well, don't let that get in the way. I'm 80 and yesterday I went from North Falmouth to New London to the Catboat Association annual meeting and luncheon, then back to Providence to attend a wonderful concert in a church in East Providence, then home. Left home at 9am, got home around 10:30pm. Just can't drive as fast in the places where lots of random people are likely to be strolling home from dinner in the dark of winter. I stop more often to consult my phone's map, to try to get lost less in unfamiliar places, too.

It was a fine concert. The Catboat people are utterly charming. They annual meetings are exactly what you would expect - talks about how to sail a catboat, how to run rendezvous, how to install electric motors in your catboat, how to refinish your deck, how to buy the right paint. Along the way I went to Hunt's Camera in Providence - had to hang a u-ey three times because it was dark and I got in the wrong lane to turn - and had a good conversation with the clerk about hot shoe mounted LED banks. Never been in that section of Providence, and if people behind me didn't like the speed I was driving? Tough.

Stay off the big highways, but don't let driving after dark crimp your adventures.

[Tom from Rubicon]

"and if people behind me didn't like the speed I was driving? Tough."

You made me smile Emily. You would bust my chops if I dared say what I was thinking.

Tom

[Landrith]

"and if people behind me didn't like the speed I was driving? Tough."

You made me smile Emily. You would bust my chops if I dared say what I was thinking.

Tom

In the 1980's my mother's ancient father would think nothing of jumping in one his late 1960's Toyotas and driving from Palm Springs California to Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was deathly afraid of driving with him in Tulsa in the 1960s when he could still see. In the 1980's I only braved one road trip to California driving myself as an adult in a late model car. And I still broke down in the middle of the dessert. He did it by driving in the low 50 mph's all the way. And driving only during the day. Got in a dispute with his banker and felt he had to go surprise the poor guy in person...

But, having remarried in retirement, and moved to where her family was in California, he had thriving social life, dancing and swimming, he had a lot of new friends his age there. Surprising, since his WWII island hopping medic and triage experience had made him one of the most toxic cynical people personality wise.

[elf]

Well, McColgin will tell you I have a peppy driving style. My brakes are pretty trustworthy and every once in a while I do have to call on them to perform above and beyond.

But in the dark in strange places I do get more conservative.

I am an admirer of turn signals and cruise control. And especially of lights on all the time - day and night.

And in my 55 years of driving I have been in three accidents (one dumb deer in the middle of the interstate, one lady drove into me at an intersection where I had ROW) and been given no speeding tickets.

[The Q]

I worked 90% of my life on my own, often locked in a 15ft square windowless room for hours on end.
At home there is SWMBO and the dog, , they (various dogs and SWMBO) have been with me for half my life. But....
I have been a member of a model railway club for many more years, and been a member of sailing clubs for 45 years ( true clubs no paid staff, everything done by helping each other.
Now I've retired I'll going to help at a local radar museum, which has only one paid manager, everyone else is a volunteer.

Excuse me. The dog ls look at this tablet, then at me in a very disapproving way.. I think he wants attention.

[John Smith]

Well, McColgin will tell you I have a peppy driving style. My brakes are pretty trustworthy and every once in a while I do have to call on them to perform above and beyond.

But in the dark in strange places I do get more conservative.

I am an admirer of turn signals and cruise control. And especially of lights on all the time - day and night.

And in my 55 years of driving I have been in three accidents (one dumb deer in the middle of the interstate, one lady drove into me at an intersection where I had ROW) and been given no speeding tickets.

At 77, I have a clean license. I like driving. Just feels weird without the wife in the car with me. Expect I will get used to it.

I did get one ticket that was tossed. Traffic light was turning red. I could not stop by the sign that said "STOP HERE ON RED", so I kept going. Cop gave me a ticket for running the red light. I called our state Capital and talked to man named Klarr to ask if I should have stopped at the actual intersection or kept going. He found the light in question was not approved by the state, so they can't give a ticket for going through it no matter what color it is. He send a letter so stating, which I gave to the judge, who had to dismiss.

Judge would not tell answer when I asked if I should have stopped or kept going.

[John Smith]

Oncoming headlights are brighter and higher off the road, which makes driving in unfamiliar places in the dark difficult. Certainly no fun. That said, days are beginning to get longer.