Being a Karen about my neighbor's American flag

[Jim Mahan]

Dear Abby,

I'm on the verge of being a Karen with my neighbors. These people moved into Nancy's house after she passed three or so years ago. Nancy's daughter and her boyfriend and a bunch of their adult kids live there now, across the street, and for whatever reason, they keep to themselves. I quit waving at them as they drive down the street because they don't wave back and just look right through me. Dunno what's up with that; I get along just fine with everyone else on the block. Whatevs.

The thing I'm feeling Karenish about is that they have the same American flag on a pole on the corner of their porch, that Nancy had put up forever ago. I think Nancy's husband, passed at least fifteen years ago, was a veteran, but I'm not sure. I don't remember ever talking to him, either.

At least a year ago I noticed the flag looking faded. Then last summer, during some wind, the bottom corner of it got hung up on the corner of the porch roof and started a tear. And then it just slowly became a little worse over time. And then in the hellatious wind we had with the series of winter storms, since New Year's, the flag continued to get hung up and get torn, until now it is just plain ragged.



It bothers me. I see them walk out the front door and walk back in later and pass that flag each time and remain, apparently, oblivious. They actually sit on the porch almost directly under it, and still it waves all raggedy, and they do nothing about it. It's a disgrace, and frankly offensive. Notice in the pic, they still have the Holloween pumpkin on the porch and some Christmas decorations still up.

My dilemma is that since we are not on speaking terms, I am loathe to broach the subject with them directly. I thought about just taking it down myself, but I am not that bold. They might be home, they might have a doorbell camera. So it occured to me I might enlist the help of the local VFW, so I could stay anonymous. I'm not a member. I was in the USAF eight years, from seventy-two to eighty, and served overseas, and contributed indirectly to the war effort during Viet Nam, but I was never in country nor in any kind of combat, so I don't feel like I qualify for membership in the VFW. I'm not much of a joiner anyway.

But I figured their organization might want to help, and reach out to these neighbors to ask them to take the flag down, whether they want to put up a new one or not, they should at the least get rid of the ragged one. I thought I might just go buy them one and leave it on their porch, but I can't really afford thirty bucks for a flag for someone else I don't even talk to and who apparently doesn't give ****, and again, the ring camera thing. I just don't want to get into a stink with any of my neigbors. I'm all about conflict avoidance, but it rankles me every time I see that flag. It preys on what little mind I have left.

Signed,

patriotic Karen.

[Osborne Russell]

I'm all about conflict avoidance, but it rankles me . . .

Death to fake Americans. Death to appeasers.

[elf]

Looks like it'll be gone in another storm. Let it be. They're obviously not into tidyness.

I bet if you got in the house it would be a mess too.

[LeeG]

Dear Karen, it’s quite possible the flag is a remembrance of Nancy for her daughter and that addressing the raggedy flag would be like getting rid a memory. Maybe you could make this a serenity prayer kind of exercise and let go of it.

Btw I have my Christmas garland up from two years ago and you are more than welcome to come and take a picture of it and all the other detritus I’ve spread around.

Down a ways someone has an American flag staked out upside down touching the ground with solar lights illuminating it. They used to have Trump signs but took them down. They’re on their second flag as the first one weathered away. At my grandaughters dance studio the adjacent house had a Trump and American flag outside and the American flag looked like your neighbors after a storm and eventually was replaced. The Trump sign is gone.

People have different priorities about appearences.

[CWSmith]

Ignore it. Only an idiot fought for the flag. We fight for the Constitution and that gives idiots the right to fly a flag 24x7 if they wish.

[bluedog225]

Keep waiving. Don’t let up. Wear them down. I’ve got a bunch of country weirdos on the street at my country place who don’t waive back. I’ll never stop. Figure I’m modeling good behavior.

[Paul Pless]

that **** pisses me off

worse are douchebags who fly a tattered flag from pickup
the flag invariably stained by rolling coal exhaust

[L.W. Baxter]

take them a new flag and offer to put it up.

[Canoeyawl]

Sounds like a organized crime front, I would stay well clear of them

[Yeadon]

take them a new flag and offer to put it up.

This was my thought too. Tell them about your relationship with the current flag.

[LeeG]

take them a new flag and offer to put it up.

That might help Jim process his issues but not necessarily bring resolution. They may not care about the flag. They may not even consider its condition as they never put it up to begin with. The neighbors may say thank you, they may be upset that someone is telling them they’re place needs fixing up. They may say. No thanks then Jim gets to stew for years about those ungrateful so and so’s.

[L.W. Baxter]

he doesn't have to "tell them". he can offer.

if they decline then he knows something about them, no need to speculate, no need to stew. hang the flag correctly on his own place.

[LeeG]

Just sayin’ that controlling exterior events to settle his interior discontent can go on and on and on. Truly one can have good intentions but Jim has a list of negatives about these people that I doubt will evaporate with a new flag.

[Nicholas Scheuer]

You could mail an anonymous note.

[Canoeyawl]

Maybe someone is ill, could be a hundred reasons for the apparent neglect
Always a dicey situation with nieghbors

[Yeadon]

What if you shipped a flag to the house via amazon. Send it anonymously as a “gift” - no note.

[LeeG]

What if you shipped a flag to the house via amazon. Send it anonymously as a “gift” - no note.

And they never put it up. Then Jim would have another thing to let go of.

[Canoeyawl]

If you contact amazon they will tell you who sent it

[skuthorp]

Get over it. It's just a bit of patterned cloth that get's misused by all and sundry all the time. What is it with Americans that they can be so easily distracted by nationalisic advertising.

[the_gr8t_waldo]

let it be

[Durnik]

^ speaking words of wisdom..

[Breakaway]

I would leave the flag alone. Its none of your business.

On the no waving: I dont wave a lot. Why? Because I am usually on the phone, often with another call on hold or beeping through.

Not to mention, I often have my two teen daughters in the car, and car time is when we catch up on a lot of stuff.

Finally, I am also almost always drinking coffee. So, even if the other stuff has not fully captured the attention I have left after driving, I have no free hand to wave with.

But, dude, bottom line? Its not that I am not waving at you. I dont even notice you.

Kevin


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Andrew Craig-Bennett]

The yachtsman in me just has to ask - do they raise it at 08.00 and lower it at dusk, or is that not done in the USA?
(I never could understand why the star spangled banner was visible by the dawn’s early light!)

[JimD]

It would bug me, too. But their home, their flag, their business.

[bluedog225]

If you’re otherwise occupied, raising one finger is sufficient.

[bamamick]

I pass by a Catholic high school all the time, and they are flying the American, state and Vatican flag at the same height, which is obviously a no no according to flag protocol.

This kind of thing doesn’t bother a lot of us, but to those who lost loved ones and were handed that flag at the funeral, to a lot of folks, it does. I don’t really know how to address something that with a neighbor, but I think if it were me I’d ask them if they’d like it replaced and then make the offer. If they declined I would just try and turn a blind eye.

Jmo, of course.

Mickey Lake

[the_gr8t_waldo]

The yachtsman in me just has to ask - do they raise it at 08.00 and lower it at dusk, or is that not done in the USA?
(I never could understand why the star spangled banner was visible by the dawn’s early light!)

last time I saw this was when I was in the service ,
30 some years ago

[JayInOz]

Get sandtown onto it. He would handle it delicately and with tact.

[Garret]

Another "It's just a bit of colored cloth" vote. What they do for their family/community/country matters, an old flag doesn't. If you don't believe that, look at all the sleazy Reps who worship it.

[bamamick]

In America you are supposed to have a light shining on the flag if it’s not flying in daytime.

I was working with some German guys who were sitting behind me in our control room (here in the States). They didn’t know that I could understand them enough to parse out that they were laughing about our ‘stupid American flags’. ‘Everywhere you look they are flying their **cking flag!’ this one guy said. I quietly asked the second guy, who was a support tech for a compressor company, to step outside, where I told him that I had understood what had been said and I’d appreciate if he kept things like that to himself.

In all the time I spent in Germany I don’t remember seeing a flag on someone’s house, but on a trip to Denmark, I saw the Dannebrog flown over many farms and several houses in Odense. I don’t know why it is for most, but for a lot of Americans it’s just a way to honor those who died, gave up their lives so that those of us here today can post on the WoodenBoat forum.

Mickey Lake

[Andrew Craig-Bennett]

You seldom see a Union Flag in England; you will see the cross of St George flown from parish churches but that is for religious, not for national reasons. You are more likely to see a saltire in Scotland, however.

In England the cross of St George pops up during the football World Cup, but in recent years that and the Union flag have been appropriated by the racist right, and are usually avoided by decent people.

[WszystekPoTrochu]

If it bothers you, speak with them. I like the idea of offering them a new flag, but it will require some salesmanship skills on your side.
It won't count as going Karen on them until you shout, p.ss on their doormat or call the cops. Bonus points for checking more than one checkmark. A local newspaper entry for checking all three.

To disrespect a flag is to disrespect the nation. Not the state, the nation. You have every right to have feelings about it.

In all the time I spent in Germany I don’t remember seeing a flag on someone’s house

They have some interalized restraint displaying national patriotism outside of UEFA Euro Championship and FIFA World Cup time slots after some... unfortunate events from last century. Not even kidding, it really is an awkward topic for them

You seldom see a Union Flag in England; you will see the Cross of St George flown from parish churches but that is for religious, not for national reasons. You are more likely to see a saltire in Scotland, however.

You will not see a Polish flag just hanging on a normal day. Until 2004 it was literally illegal for a regular Janek and Stachu to fly the flag not on a national holiday. Now it is allowed, but still they encourage to take it down in bad weather out of respect.

[sp_clark]

Local American Legion chapter may be of help. Ours folded a few years ago, they had a dropbox for flags due for retirement.

But as others have noted, it's their property not yours, they're entitled to do as they please with it unless & until it becomes a public nuisance.

Despite how it may rub you the wrong way.

[robm]

why the star spangled banner was visible by the dawn’s early light!

Because they were too busy being shot at to risk going out to pull it down!

[JTA]

I pass by a Catholic high school all the time, and they are flying the American, state and Vatican flag at the same height, which is obviously a no no according to flag protocol.

Mickey Lake

Hey Mickey - I'm pretty sure other flags can fly at the same height as the American Flag, they just cannot be higher.
"Displaying the American Flag Alongside Other Flags:
In the United States, no other flag should be placed above the American flag or, if they are to be placed on the same level, to the right of the American flag."