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Thread: British Motorcar Humour

  1. #1
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    Default British Motorcar Humour

    ITS CHAOS, BE KIND

  2. #2
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    I like it!
    IMAGINES VEL NON FUERINT

  3. #3
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    LOL!

    How Lucas remained a going concern is one of the wonders of the Western world...
    Gerard>
    Albuquerque, NM

    Every Republican is an obstacle to progress.

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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour


  5. #5
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Lucas was a great innovator! He invented the first three-way switch: Dim, flicker and smoke.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour


  7. #7
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Snort!

    When I was racing amateur SCCA stock class events, there were some who brought their MG's, Triumphs, etc. It was always sad to see how much time they spent trying to keep them operational. There was a Citroen that showed up for a while that was a rock. Not fast... but reliable. The BMW's were solid, also. Despite what some here think - my two Italians were rock solid as well. Fiat. Alfa. The Fiat was my daily driver, and the Alfa could have been.
    Last edited by David G; 07-05-2022 at 01:09 PM.
    David G
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  8. #8
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour



    -Guinness

  9. #9
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Guinness View Post


    -Guinness
    That sticker will be no good at all most of the time. Type's too small to read when the vehicle is up there on the lift again <G>
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  10. #10
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    As a Jeep Wrangler owner, I agree, but it did make me laugh when I first saw one on the back of a Range Rover.

    -Guinness

  11. #11
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Guinness View Post


    -Guinness
    I was remarking to a friend that my electric garage door opener failed and that I had to open the thing by hand like a common peasant.

    My 2021 Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk probably has almost all the bells and whistles of that Rover but at $30,000 less.
    I was born on a wooden boat that I built myself.
    Skiing is the next best thing to having wings.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    As an ex l**d r***r owner, now Jeep owner I have a lot more spare time to do the nicer things in life, rather than fix the bl***y LR again.

    My attempt at humour, my LR owning friends seem to take offence
    best 4 x 4.jpg

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  14. #14
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Gerarddm View Post
    LOL!

    How Lucas remained a going concern is one of the wonders of the Western world...
    Those disc brakes were a particularly dumb idea. Not to mention the diesel engines.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Gerarddm View Post
    LOL!

    How Lucas remained a going concern is one of the wonders of the Western world...
    Those disc brakes were a particularly dumb idea. Not to mention the diesel engines.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    I love a good Lucas joke just like the rest of us, make em myself.
    Never had a problem with Lucas electrics though, not one that wasn't justified anyway. There was the time I had to replace the ignition switch in that E type I had for a few years, the weight of the extra keys on the ring slogged it out after 40 odd years.Something on the current MG? ( 54 years old)... nope.
    Oh.. it had to have the fuel pump tapped when I left it for 6 months, still going though.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by John B View Post
    I love a good Lucas joke just like the rest of us, make em myself.
    Never had a problem with Lucas electrics though, not one that wasn't justified anyway. There was the time I had to replace the ignition switch in that E type I had for a few years, the weight of the extra keys on the ring slogged it out after 40 odd years.Something on the current MG? ( 54 years old)... nope.
    Oh.. it had to have the fuel pump tapped when I left it for 6 months, still going though.
    BMW had problems with heavy keychains & ignition switches.

    I too never found Lucas to be as bad as many claimed. Now the cloth insulation in old Jags, Triumphs, etc. that faded/lost color even out of the reach of the sun was a different story.
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  18. #18
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    I grew up with old British cars, the electrical problems tended to be because they were OLD cars!
    There is nothing quite as permanent as a good temporary repair.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    I've had one British car or another since 1968. Several Spitfires, Morrises, now an MGB. I have to admit that while I seldom had issues with the electronics (OK..electricals...not real electronics) in my own cars (had one Spitfire go over 200K miles...several clutches and consumables, but the damn thing just kept running!) other people's kept me fed and paid for college. I actually had more trouble with my Volvo's K-Jetronic injection than I ever did with any of the British cars.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Joseph Lucas
    First patented lamp was a ships lantern

    E7E3E752-0062-43C7-8E38-68FB9F037028.jpg
    I had several old British Bikes, BSA, Royal Enfield and etc and the Lucas stuff was pretty good quality
    The Magdyno could be challenging, But the straight magnetos were very good...

    https://eltaeurope.com/lucas-lightin...ver-140-years/

  21. #21
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    The thing is, when your Lucas electricals gave you trouble it was easy to replace the offending bit. Not a computer chip within a thousand miles. I had a boss who bought a new Range Rover to tow the horse float and take his daughters obese Welsh Mountain Pony to Pony Club events on weekends. He graciously offered to let me take it for a drive on our dirt roads. Come to a tight corner at my usual speed, turn the wheel and it would slide forward and throw a shower of gravel and then turn when the brakes had slowed it enough. It was probably lovely on sealed roads but not up to the task where we lived. JayInOz

  22. #22
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    British car humour has a twisted side to it. An example is welshplug size in early Landrovers.
    I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned


  23. #23
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    The problem with range rovers today, is they are fitted with comparatively low profile road tyres, going off road or onto dirt and gravel roads is just not what they were designed for.
    Just an amateur bodging away..

  24. #24
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    I had a Sabra in the mid '60s. The twin SU carbs overflowed, the gasoline vaporized on the mufflers, and I'd use up another fire extinguisher. Not the chick magnet a 19 year old imagined. But watching the blue electric light from the plug wires on a muggy night . . .

  25. #25
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Garret View Post
    BMW had problems with heavy keychains & ignition switches.
    Had? I wonder if that's why my Gen II MINI Clubman failed to start yesterday when I left the grocery store.

    Battery's fine, everything else works. Tried jumping, tried bumping (towed, on a strap, drop clutch when in 2nd or 3rd w/ignition on), no success. At 90,000+ miles I'd still like to drive it for another bunch but not if it costs me $1,000/month just to get to work three days a week.

    Who invented CAN BUS electric systems anyway?
    When the people wanted the Constitution amended, it was amended. When the elites wanted the Constitution amended, but the people did not, that is called democracy."

    Thomas Sowell, JWR August 3, 2022

  26. #26
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    My experience with Lucas, The Prince of Darkness, that the electrics only go out in the rain. How does that work in the UK?

  27. #27
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by The Ranger View Post
    My experience with Lucas, The Prince of Darkness, that the electrics only go out in the rain. How does that work in the UK?
    Yup, I had an ancient and very rusty Triumph Spitfire in the UK. The windscreen wipers could only be relied upon to do their thing on dry, sunny days.

    The car's lights were often a bit of a lottery too. I remember heading home one night and the only lights I could coax into working were the left-hand indicators.

    Motoring was so much more of an adventure back then...

  28. #28
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    I vaguely recall that Minis and land crabs with their transverse engines would drench their distributors with water when it was wet out, causing some problems of the not go kind.
    Is it politically correct to say transverse now?

  29. #29
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by John B View Post
    Is it politically correct to say transverse now?
    Was the tranny transverse?

  30. #30
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Canoeyawl View Post
    Was the tranny transverse?
    Sumptimes
    I'd much rather lay in my bunk all freakin day lookin at Youtube videos .

  31. #31
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by P.I. Stazzer-Newt View Post
    Sumptimes
    Saabs had the tranny as the sump. They were chained too!
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  32. #32
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Many millennia in the future, anthropologists will make educated guesses about the climate and infrastructure of the twentieth century British Isles. Temperate, dry, superb pavement, based on their analysis of their cars.

  33. #33
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Garret View Post
    Saabs had the tranny as the sump. They were chained too!
    Chained transmissions...
    Only in Vermont

    "Two hunters come upon a big hole. The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom.
    I wonder how deep it is."

    The second hunter says," I don't know, let's throw something down and listen
    and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

    The first hunter says, "There's this old automobile transmission over here,
    give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".
    So they pick it up and carry it over, and count - one and two and three -
    and throw it in the hole.

    They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a
    rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come
    crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jumps
    in head first.

    While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole
    and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
    "Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat
    around here anywhere, did you?"

    The first hunter says, " Funny you ask 'cause we just standing here a
    minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a 100 miles
    an hour and jumped head first into this hole here!"

    The old farmer said, "That couldn't be him, he was chained to a
    transmission!"

  34. #34
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by David W Pratt View Post
    Many millennia in the future, anthropologists will make educated guesses about the climate and infrastructure of the twentieth century British Isles. Temperate, dry, superb pavement, based on their analysis of their cars.
    The superb quality of our roads


  35. #35
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    Default Re: British Motorcar Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by John B View Post
    I vaguely recall that Minis and land crabs with their transverse engines would drench their distributors with water when it was wet out, causing some problems of the not go kind.
    Is it politically correct to say transverse now?
    A friend had a V12 E type that would do this. Mind you, he is a talented marine engineer who also owned three (3) Subarus. A man who saw any car as an engineering challenge.
    Last edited by Andrew Craig-Bennett; 07-06-2022 at 06:08 PM.
    IMAGINES VEL NON FUERINT

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