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Thread: Need help--first time back to US in years!

  1. #1
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    Default Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Hey guys, I'm hoping there's some True Patriots here who can help me with some questions. You see, I haven't even set foot in the United States of America since 2019--and that was only for a very short visit . I know I'm out of practice and out of touch at the moment, but I was born in Jesus's Favorite Country, dammit, and I don't wanna risk anyone thinking I'm some kind of damn foreigner by now. So maybe someone can help me get up to date with 2020's America?

    1) Does a 30-round clip hold sufficient ammo for a trip to the supermarket if you're just gonna buy a few things? I don't wanna be unprepared.

    2) I know the American diet consists principally of meat, saturated fat, and sugar. Can't I save time by just eating sugar-fried meat?

    3) How long do I have to Stand My Ground before exercising my Second Amendment rights if I think a minority or a woman or a liberal is threatening my Constitutional Liberties? I have been told they are destroying America.

    I am also wanting to make sure I am wearing the right clothes so no one will mistake me for being one of those liberal elites.
    What do you think of this lil' number? Is it too subtle? They only have it in sizes up to 4XL, though.


  2. #2
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    This one seems a little more straightforward, honestly. Just back to the basics, you know?
    No dancing around the issue like some kind of snooty intellectual.


  3. #3
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    While I'm back, I might just buy some quality Made in the USA furniture, too.
    For some reason, the local IKEA just doesn't stock anything like this.


  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Observation from afar, shoot first, ask questions later seems to be the standard operating procedure. Take more than one clip? No......take more than one gun!

    Regarding the sugar fried meat, sorry........... Americans think the world revolves around you and not the sun! The Brits have one on you in this department as they do in many others!
    Here are some recipes that will more than answer your queries:

    Tom Kerridge's Treacle-Cured Beef | Dinner Recipes | Woman & Home

    ( don't you love how the website is Woman & Home and the recipe is by Tom Kerridge )
    (( I hope i'm not making gender stereotype false assumptions..... Tom may well be a she or and a he ))......sorry that's my inner Leftie getting the better of me........

    and another:

    Black Treacle & Miso-Marinated Rump Recipe | Lyle Golden Syrup


    Now regarding the shirt, to avoid looking Liberal you need an updated version of the shirt.....the one that has President, YES HE IS STILL OUR PRESIDENT Trump riding the eagle, .......bare chested, rifle in one hand, a bible in the other!

    Something along these lines edited into the shirt but with a rifle instead of a rocket launcher so sales go up and to make room for the bible as a prep for the 2024 elections. God this all makes me one happy patriot! God Bless Amerika!




    Wako and away we go! Yeee Haar! Howdy Do Dar Day!





    ....yes of course I'm conflicted......just don't tell my buddies!
    Last edited by Hallam; 06-08-2022 at 03:24 AM.
    Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. Leonardo da Vinci.

    If war is the answer........... it must be a profoundly stupid question.

    "Freighters on the nod on the surface of the bay, One of these days we're going to sail away"
    Bruce Cockburn

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Dunno about any of that, the US is a funny place. I'd suggest you ask Yeadon - he's always right.

    Pete
    The Ignore feature, lowering blood pressure since 1862. Ahhhhhhh.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    I like that first picture of the shirt- looks like a chicken in a clown suit. Hey James do you have a furrin accent yet? JayInOz

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    One Nation under Cod?
    Something fishy about that...
    Bald, ugly, not too bright but incredibly sexy in an unattractive sort of way....

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by epoxyboy View Post
    .... I'd suggest you ask Yeadon...
    Good grief! I can't imagine why you'd think I'd ask Yeadon about Real America™. That dude has been living--entirely by choice!--in that hippie haven of the People's Republic of Seattle for, like, decades, man. He probably owns less than a dozen guns, total! In fact, last time we went to the range to exercise our Constitutional rIGHTS, he had to borrow one of MY guns. Disgraceful.

    Plus, I think he even went to college. Probably has a subscription to the New York Times and the Mother Earth News.

    I'd maybe ask Yeadon if I wanted a recipe for vegan tofu alfalfa sprout wraps, but not if i wanted the recipe for FREEDOM!!!

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Trump ought'a give his'self an enema with that rocket rifle and cleanse his system.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    It's easy to get a twisted view of a nation when one observes it from abroad, just my personal experience
    Ragnar B.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Just stay out of the former Confederate states, maybe Wyoming and Idaho, it'll be OK.
    "For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations,
    for nature cannot be fooled."

    Richard Feynman

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by mizzenman View Post
    It's easy to get a twisted view of a nation when one observes it from abroad, just my personal experience
    Maybe so, and I really wanted to spend a year touring your national parks. But was always put off by what Donn told me was your 'culture'. Now the place is far too dangerous for a tourist without a survival course before arriving.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by skuthorp View Post
    Maybe so, and I really wanted to spend a year touring your national parks. But was always put off by what Donn told me was your 'culture'. Now the place is far too dangerous for a tourist without a survival course before arriving.
    Despite the ancient truth that 'bad news sells papers' (and we have no shortage of bad news) this is objectively false. Nobody gets out of this world alive, but it ain't like you see on the news.
    "For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations,
    for nature cannot be fooled."

    Richard Feynman

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by Keith Wilson View Post
    Just stay out of the former Confederate states
    haters gonna hate
    Simpler is better, except when complicated looks really cool.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by skuthorp View Post
    Maybe so, and I really wanted to spend a year touring your national parks. But was always put off by what Donn told me was your 'culture'. Now the place is far too dangerous for a tourist without a survival course before arriving.
    Come to the beautiful state of Vermont, we're sane here.
    I was born on a wooden boat that I built myself.
    Skiing is the next best thing to having wings.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by James McMullen View Post
    This one seems a little more straightforward, honestly. Just back to the basics, you know?
    No dancing around the issue like some kind of snooty intellectual.


    Pffffttt... Just throw on a MAGA hat and you can become invisible.
    "The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
    -William A. Ward



  17. #17
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Pless View Post
    haters gonna hate
    Yeah, but my mom was from Georgia, and I went to high school in North Carolina. Haters gonna hate, and I hate some things, but not southerners. But you're taking me way too seriously; similar weirdness can be found in lots of places, just not so often.
    Last edited by Keith Wilson; 06-08-2022 at 09:15 AM.
    "For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations,
    for nature cannot be fooled."

    Richard Feynman

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    It’s not possible to advise you without knowing your gender identity, if applicable.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    And where you stand on the nipple issue.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    The country has changed. There are even some Americans who think teachers should not be armed and half trained for shootouts with their students. Wyatt Earp is rolling in his grave.
    There is no rational, logical, or physical description of how free will could exist. It therefore makes no sense to praise or condemn anyone on the grounds they are a free willed self that made one choice but could have chosen something else. There is no evidence that such a situation is possible in our Universe. Demonstrate otherwise and I will be thrilled.

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    McMullen, you're not fooling anybody with this act. But... if you put a 30 horse on Rowan, I, for one, will consider that a credible step into the void.

    Jeff

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    ^ Even though several arms manufacturers have offered free on line courses on conflict resolution in the classroom featuring their weapons.
    There is no rational, logical, or physical description of how free will could exist. It therefore makes no sense to praise or condemn anyone on the grounds they are a free willed self that made one choice but could have chosen something else. There is no evidence that such a situation is possible in our Universe. Demonstrate otherwise and I will be thrilled.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by Keith Wilson View Post
    Just stay out of the former Confederate states, maybe Wyoming and Idaho, it'll be OK.
    Now, now Keith. We are replacing them.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    hope you can stifle your attitude long enough to avoid the cavity search at customs.

    just blink twice if you brought the stuff

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    All I gotta say, if you are wearing that 'Speedo' attire in post # 2 - Is : Ensure you have 'cleared leather' before wrapping your finger around the trigger - just saying . .



    Rick
    Charter Member - - Professional Procrastinators Association of America - - putting things off since 1965 " I'll get around to it tomorrow, .... maybe "

  26. #26
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    I want to go visit Singapore but have a few questions first.

    (1) Will I have total freedom of speech? I've heard there are strict limits on that.
    (2) Will I have total freedom to meet with any group I want? I've heard there are strict limits on associating with groups that might oppose the official government positions.
    (3) Will I be able to criticize the government in a newspaper article? I've heard there is very limited freedom of the press.
    (4) Can I buy sugar-fried meat there?
    I was born on a wooden boat that I built myself.
    Skiing is the next best thing to having wings.

  27. #27
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    people are saying you can be caned for chewing gum

  28. #28
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    You guys are heavy on the irony, satire, and sarcasm.
    I'm not leaving.

    -- Mike Pence

  29. #29
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Without friends none of this is possible.

  30. #30
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Just to make sure you donít get mistaken for an American liberal, I would recommend getting a lifted pickup truck and flying the largest American Flag you can find from the truck bed. Remember, you will be safe if the gun nuts think you are a patriotic American, and the bigger the flag, the more patriotic you will seem to be.

  31. #31
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Don't forget the full camo outfit and flak vest. Open carry with at least four magazines (for each firearm) in a tactical harness.

  32. #32
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Personally, I think James might feel safer here in America if he got himself a fatsuit. No reason to stand out amongst his peers.


    Screen Shot 2022-06-08 at 9.51.40 AM.jpg
    Quote Originally Posted by James McMullen View Post
    Yeadon is right, of course.

  33. #33
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ralphie Boy;[URL="tel:6674084"
    6674084[/URL]]Just to make sure you donít get mistaken for an American liberal, I would recommend getting a lifted pickup truck and flying the largest American Flag you can find from the truck bed. Remember, you will be safe if the gun nuts think you are a patriotic American, and the bigger the flag, the more patriotic you will seem to be.
    I saw a real American that had US flags on four corners of his pickup bed. Some pithy stickers too!

  34. #34
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    If your flashlight isn't tactical grade, get to the nearest Walmart asap and pick one up. Really, everything you own should be tactical grade.
    There is no rational, logical, or physical description of how free will could exist. It therefore makes no sense to praise or condemn anyone on the grounds they are a free willed self that made one choice but could have chosen something else. There is no evidence that such a situation is possible in our Universe. Demonstrate otherwise and I will be thrilled.

  35. #35
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    Default Re: Need help--first time back to US in years!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ralphie Boy View Post
    Just to make sure you don’t get mistaken for an American liberal, I would recommend getting a lifted pickup truck and flying the largest American Flag you can find from the truck bed. Remember, you will be safe if the gun nuts think you are a patriotic American, and the bigger the flag, the more patriotic you will seem to be.
    You can buy new ones that look dirty and tattered, like you've been in a long battle. Saw one on a lifted pickup that was rolling coal and wondered how many times the guy had to stomp on that flag to get it looking like that.

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