My Favorite Limerick

[Dave Wright]

There was a young man from Racine,
Who invented a screwing machine.
Concave or convex, t'would fit either sex,
But oh what a bastard to clean!

[lupussonic]

There was a young fellow called Perkin,
Who was oft fond of jerkin his gherkin.
His father yelled 'Perkin! Stop jerkin yer gherkin!'
'Your gherkins fer ferkin, not jerkin!'

[birlinn]

Bowdlerised version:

There was a young lady of Harrow
who thought that her mouth was too narrow
for times without number
She'd chew a cucumber
but could not encompass a marrow.

[birlinn]

No-one has mentioned the body-painting Australian yet!

[Flying Orca]

My favourite Scot-friendly limerick:

There once was a lady named Huck
Who had the most terrible luck
She went out in a punt
Fell over the front
And was bit on the leg by a duck.

As for the rest of 'em, I know entirely too many, having been given the standard reference work (Legman, 1970) by my nautical uncle for my fourteenth birthday.

[JimD]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who went to the beach with a bucket
He dug with his hands
And filled it with sand
And into the sea he would chuck it.

[WX]

There was a young man of Australia
Who painted his bum like a dahlia.
The drawing was fine,
The colour divine
But the scent – ah! that was a failure.

[WX]

There was a young girl of Australia,
Who went to a dance as a dahlia,
When the petals uncurled,
It revealed to the world,
That as clothing the dress was a failure

[Flying Orca]

A comely young miss from Darjeeling
Would dance with such exquisite feeling
That for miles around
There'd be nary a sound
Save for fly buttons hitting the ceiling.

[SchoonerRat]

I will be sorely disappointed if this thread dies before reaching at least 5 pages.

KEEP 'EM COMIN'....please.

[birlinn]

To his bride, said the lynx-eyed detective
"can it be that my eyesight's defective-
is your east tit the least bit
the best of your west tit,
or is it a trick of perspective?"

[lupussonic]

Good ^ !

[CWSmith]

I don't know if this qualifies as a limerick, but Robbin Williams claimed this is a poem his mother would recite to him.

"Spider spider on the wall,
don't you got no sense at all?
Don't you know that wall's been plastered?
Get off that wall you stupid spider."

[lupussonic]

A famous one...

There was a young lady from Ealing,
Who had such a curious feeling,
She laid on her back, and opened her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling.

See you all in a year or two...

[CWSmith]

See you all in a year or two...

???? What's up?

[lupussonic]

Just not sure where the line is....

[Ron Williamson]

Innuendo isn't quite the same as in-your-end-oh!
R

[CWSmith]

Just not sure where the line is....

Oh! I've read worse. I think I've typed worse.

[CWSmith]

Innuendo isn't quite the same as in-your-end-oh!
R

Which begs the question, "Do you think the Queen album by the same name was a deliberate double entendre? I have to think it was.

[Ron Williamson]

Double entendre?
No

Clearly single entendre.
lol

R