Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 35 of 55

Thread: My Favorite Limerick

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Wrocław, Poland
    Posts
    12,827

    Default My Favorite Limerick

    (Let's see how many Forumites end up banned because of this thread...)

    Here's mine:

    There once was a bard of Hong Kong
    Who thought limericks were too long.



    Tom
    Ponoszenie konsekwencji!

    www.tompamperin.com

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    81,891

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    There was a young belle of old Natchez
    Whose garments were always in patchez.
    When comments arose
    On the state of her clothes,
    She replied, "When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez."


    —Ogden Nash
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Wrocław, Poland
    Posts
    12,827

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    ^^^

    Nice, but the meter is all wrong, and doesn't scan. Not too atypical of Nash, actually.

    Tom
    Ponoszenie konsekwencji!

    www.tompamperin.com

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    81,891

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Quote Originally Posted by WI-Tom View Post
    ^^^

    Nice, but the meter is all wrong, and doesn't scan. Not too atypical of Nash, actually.

    Tom
    JFC... do you KNOW how hard it is to find Scot-approved limericks??? <G>
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    81,891

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    There once was a candidate, Trump,
    whose message rang clear at the stump:
    "Vote for me, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!,
    because I am ME,
    and everyone else is a chump!"

    M.R. Burch
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    West Sacramento, CA
    Posts
    9,955

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    I once knew a girl from St. Claire,
    who want to boink on the stair.
    The bannister broke,
    but by doubling my stroke,
    I polished her off in the air!
    Speak softly and carry a mouthful of marbles.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Uki, NSW, Australia
    Posts
    35,201

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    All the ones I can think of, Scot would not think much of.


    • There was a young woman named Bright,
      Whose speed was much faster than light.
      She set out one day,
      In a relative way,
      And returned on the previous night.
    I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned


  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Wrocław, Poland
    Posts
    12,827

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    JFC... do you KNOW how hard it is to find Scot-approved limericks??? <G>
    Scot-approved is not a requirement. Do you feel lucky, punk?

    Tom
    Ponoszenie konsekwencji!

    www.tompamperin.com

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    81,891

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Quote Originally Posted by WI-Tom View Post
    Scot-approved is not a requirement. Do you feel lucky, punk?

    Tom
    After you, Alphonse!

    Meantime... a marine themed one I'm fond of. Don't recall the author --

    A wonderful bird is the pelican;
    His beak can hold more than his belican.
    He can hold in his beak
    Enough food for a week,
    Though I’m damned if I know how the helican!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Still Above the Grass
    Posts
    8,010

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Previously posted on the haiku thread:

    A lovely young woman named Kate,
    Was desperately wishing to mate,
    She went for the kill,
    But her gambit lacked skill,
    So losing the king was her fate.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Uki, NSW, Australia
    Posts
    35,201

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    • There once was a farmer from Leeds,
      Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
      It soon came to pass,
      He was covered with grass,
      But has all the tomatoes he needs.
    I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned


  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    81,891

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    I shoot the Hippopotamus
    With bullets made of platinum,
    Because if I use leaden ones
    His hide is sure to flatten 'em.


    —Hilaire Belloc
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  13. #13
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    8,751

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    A newlywed couple named Kelly
    Spend their honeymoon belly to belly
    It seems in their haste
    They used library paste
    Instead of petroleum jelly
    What's not on a boat costs nothing, weighs nothing, and can't break

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Gulgong. Central west N.S.W. Australia
    Posts
    6,063

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    There was an event quite uncanny
    Befell a distinguished old granny
    She sat on the seat where she left her false teeth
    And she bit herself right on the fanny.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    New Zealand's Far North
    Posts
    10,854

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Here lies Monica Lewinsky
    She did not die in vain
    She served her president on her knees
    And had her taste of fame.
    There is nothing quite as permanent as a good temporary repair.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    81,891

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    A flea and a fly in a flue
    Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
    Said the fly, "let us flee!"
    "Let us fly!" said the flea.
    So they flew through a flaw in the flue.


    —Ogden Nash
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Tacoma, WA
    Posts
    20,371

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    It's neither limerick nor haiku, but it rhymes.

    "Fleas", by Strickland Gililan

    Adam
    Had 'em
    ITS CHAOS, BE KIND

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Wrocław, Poland
    Posts
    12,827

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    A flea and a fly in a flue
    Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
    Said the fly, "let us flee!"
    "Let us fly!" said the flea.
    So they flew through a flaw in the flue.


    —Ogden Nash
    You're living dangerously--there's a lot of F words in that one. Scot, are you watching this guy?

    Tom
    Ponoszenie konsekwencji!

    www.tompamperin.com

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    West Sacramento, CA
    Posts
    9,955

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    There once was a plumber from Lee,

    Who was plumbing a girl by the sea,

    Said the girl, stop your plumbing, there's somebody coming

    Said the plumber, still plumbing, it's me.
    Speak softly and carry a mouthful of marbles.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Beachport, South Australia
    Posts
    2,082

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    My Gran's favourite ditty..

    A bug and a flea went out for tea on a reel of cotton,
    The bug got lost and the flea was found,
    on a baby's bottom.
    Bald, ugly, not too bright but incredibly sexy in an unattractive sort of way....

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    N. Fal on Cape Cod
    Posts
    18,146

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    To do the Fool's Jig with a broom
    You have to have plenty of room
    For if you should miss
    you can't even piss
    Much less can you woo'em and scroo'em
    A society predicated on the assumption that everyone in it should want to get rich is not well situated to become either ethical or imaginative.

    Photographer of sailing and sailboats
    And other things, too.
    http://www.landsedgephoto.com

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Apr 1999
    Location
    Hyannis, MA, USA
    Posts
    50,826

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    A tongue twister limerick -

    A flea and a fly in a flue
    Were imprisoned so what could they do?
    Said the flea, "Let us fly."
    Said the fly, "Let us flee."
    So through the flaw in flue they flew.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Isle of Mull, Scotland
    Posts
    9,832

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Bit of an echo on here at the moment?
    See post #16

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Isle of Mull, Scotland
    Posts
    9,832

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Anyway, an ancient one:

    When the Town Clerk took his advantage
    of a certain young lady of Wantage
    said the Borough Surveyor
    "You'll have to pay her-
    you've altered the line of her frontage"

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Apr 1999
    Location
    Hyannis, MA, USA
    Posts
    50,826

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Ah, no wonder I thought of the flea and the fly, complete with getting the last line a bit off.

  26. #26
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    81,891

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Quote Originally Posted by WI-Tom View Post
    You're living dangerously--there's a lot of F words in that one. Scot, are you watching this guy?

    Tom
    And they all rhyme with 'you'. Like 'flue you' <G>
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  27. #27
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    81,891

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Quote Originally Posted by Ian McColgin View Post
    Ah, no wonder I thought of the flea and the fly, complete with getting the last line a bit off.
    Genius bear repeating <G>


    Spread the word!
    Have you heard?
    All across the nation,
    We are going to be
    A great generation!


    -- Yolanda Renee King (g'daughter of MLK, and 9 at the time)
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  28. #28
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Gulgong. Central west N.S.W. Australia
    Posts
    6,063

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    After you, Alphonse!

    Meantime... a marine themed one I'm fond of. Don't recall the author --

    A wonderful bird is the pelican;
    His beak can hold more than his belican.
    He can hold in his beak
    Enough food for a week,
    Though I’m damned if I know how the helican!
    A favourite little verse taught to me by my grandmother when I was a kid-

    What a wonderful bird the frog are
    When he hop he fly almost
    And when he sit, he sit on what he ain't almost got.
    And he don't got no sense hardly either.

  29. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Wrocław, Poland
    Posts
    12,827

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Quote Originally Posted by JayInOz View Post
    A favourite little verse taught to me by my grandmother when I was a kid-

    What a wonderful bird the frog are
    When he hop he fly almost
    And when he sit, he sit on what he ain't almost got.
    And he don't got no sense hardly either.
    Reminds me of this from somewhere--usually said in response to some kind of "I wish" complaint about you want things to be:

    And if'n a frog had wings, he wouldn't whomp his @ss when he landed.

    Tom
    Ponoszenie konsekwencji!

    www.tompamperin.com

  30. #30
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Between Bourgeoisie and Proletariat - Australia
    Posts
    6,731

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    As a bonafide and real actual Limerick man from Limerick, i'll take the liberty of drifting the thread with a sideways form;

    I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son
    I'm only plucking pheasants 'till the pheasant plucker comes.

    Me husband is a keeper, he's a very busy man
    I try to understand him and I help him all I can,
    But sometimes in an evening I feel a trifle dim
    All alone, I'm plucking pheasants, when I'd rather pluck with him.

    I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's mate
    I'm only plucking pheasants 'cos the pheasant plucker's late !

    I'm not good at plucking pheasants, at pheasant plucking I get stuck
    Though some pheasants find it pleasant I'd rather pluck a duck.
    Oh plucking geese is gorgeous, I can pluck a goose with ease
    But pheasant plucking's torture because they haven't any grease.

    I'm not a pheasant plucker, he has gone out on the tiles
    He only plucked one pheasant and I'm sitting here with piles !

    You have to pluck them fresh, if it’s fresh they’re not unpleasant,
    I knew a man in Dunstable who could pluck a frozen pheasant.
    They say the village constable had pheasant plucking sessions
    With the vicar on a Sunday ‘tween the first and second lessons.

    I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's mum
    I'm only plucking pheasants 'till the pheasant plucker's come.

    My good friend Godfrey is most adept, he's really got the knack
    He likes to have a pheasant plucked before he hits the sack.
    I like to give a helping hand, I gather up the feathers,
    It's really all our pheasant plucking keeps us pair together.

    I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's friend
    I'm only plucking pheasants as a means unto an end !

    My husband's in the forest always banging with his gun
    If he could hear me half the time I'm sure that he would run,
    For there's fluff in all my crannies, there's feathers up my nose
    And I'm itching in the kitchen from my head down to my toes.

    I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's wife
    And when we pluck together it's a pheasant plucking life !
    It's all fun and games until Darth Vader comes.

  31. #31
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Isle of Mull, Scotland
    Posts
    9,832

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Another oldie:

    There was a young girl of Madras
    who had a most beautiful ass
    T'was not round and pink,
    as well you might think,
    but grey haired, long eared, and ate grass.

  32. #32
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Location
    Seattle Washington USA
    Posts
    393

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    poor missus Alcazar
    got her head stuck in a pickle jar
    she tried and tried but couldn't get loose
    and finally drowned in the pickle juice

  33. #33
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    West Sacramento, CA
    Posts
    9,955

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Old Muther Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her doggie a bone.

    When she got there the cupboard was bare,

    Then Rover came over

    And gave her a bone of his own.
    Speak softly and carry a mouthful of marbles.

  34. #34
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    UK. Cornwall, Suffolk.
    Posts
    9,096

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    The once was a lady from Kew,
    Who filled up her fanny with glue,
    She said with a grin, if they pay to get in,
    They can pay to get out of it too.

  35. #35
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Long Beach, CA
    Posts
    3,467

    Default Re: My Favorite Limerick

    Not really a limerick, but I feel a need to include my favorite short bit of verse.

    Roses are red.
    Violets are blue.
    I opened the window,
    and in flew a dead bird.

    Now I will assail Scott with a real limerick.

    There was a young man from Kent.
    His ____ was so long that it bent.
    It caused so much trouble that he put it in double,
    and instead of coming, he went!

    How long do I have to stay in Banned Camp?
    Schooner sailors love to get blown offshore!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •