Really bad Joke of the Day

[Tom Wilkinson]

Would you like to discus?

Peace,
Dr. Wham-O

[Garret]

That shot was well put!

[oznabrag]

Would you like to discus?

Peace,
Dr. Wham-O

Haven't we disgusted this before?

[Garret]

Well, I am always on track to field such.

Peace,
EFL

I'd reply, but I have to dash off - life keeps putting hurdles in front of me, but somehow I vault over 'em.

[TomF]

Sometimes, social distance is a good thing.

[David G]

Inspired by the 'what did I miss' thread --

Q. Why shouldn't you buy anything with Velcro?

A. Because it's a rip-off...

[P.I. Stazzer-Newt]

Just received a text from my mate in Germany, saying everyone is panic-buying sausages and cheese.

Sounds like a würst-käse scenario to me...

[Tom Wilkinson]

Finland has just closed its border. No one is allowed to cross the Finnish line.


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[birlinn]

Ouch!

[Rich Jones]

Gawd…… these jokes are getting worser and worser every day.... Keep up the good work!

[David G]

In these days of shortages, I finally asked the neighborhood grocer, 'Where CAN I buy some chick broth, then?' He said to try the stock market...

[kgr1]

Whats the difference between a sly little person, and a prolific prostitute? The first is a cunning runt, and the second is a running... (oh, man, I'll be in trouble for that one!)

Heard that over 50 years ago, but the set-up was "What's the difference between the midgets' caucus at a Mensa meeting, and a women's track team?" Answer, "One is a group of...."

Guessed it right, too.

[RFNK]

Toilet paper is more valuable than money now so, in these straightened times, the bank is happy to take the rolls in case of runs.

Rick

[sleek]

Toilet paper is more valuable than money now so, in these straightened times, the bank is happy to take the rolls in case of runs.

Rick

Now that is effin funny

[Tom Wilkinson]

What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.


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[David G]

If you discover you suffer from kleptomania?

You'd better take something for it...

[David G]

You stole that.

Peace,
EFL

Stole. SUCH a harsh word. I merely picked it up outta some small pocket of humor somewhere...

[David G]

Here's another on I sto... errrr... picked up somewhere --



Bobby worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

"Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" Bobby said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

[RFNK]

I'm sick to death of this coronavirus.

Rick

[RFNK]

The number of coronavirus cases is dropping.

Rick

[sleek]

Corona virus disease
Plague of locusts in Africa
I'm a first born son and getting nervous
Was it Trumpets that signal the end,
Or was it Trump/Pence?

[Tom Wilkinson]

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.

It took me a while to realize it was just a Fanta sea.


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[David G]

Q, Why did Dad spider tell his son to go out and play?

A. Because he was spending too much time on the web...

[McMike]

My wife was on a call with a French co-worker. Not about work, as they aren’t working, but just a check in.

He asked, “How is your Quarantine going?”
She answered, “Oh, it’s not a Quarantine. It’s a Sparkling California Lockdown”

Peace,
I’m Not The Funny One (And She Owes Him Some Coffee...)

Sharp yet pleasant on the pallet.

[Tom Wilkinson]

D2D7D66F-F762-4006-A1EA-56C18D63A85F.jpg

[Stiletto]

I've been looking for a job, bot no-one is even interested in checking out my CV.

[David G]

One of my son's girlfriend's (a blond... I think) told me this one a while back --

Two Blonds walk into a bar. The barkeep ask them, "Are you two sisters?"

They giggle and say, "NO... not at all. We're not even Catholic".

[Tom Wilkinson]

I just noticed two large bumps on my car battery.

Had them tested and one came back positive.

Hope it's not terminal.


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[Garret]

I just noticed two large bumps on my car battery.

Had them tested and one came back positive.

Hope it's not terminal.


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Just say "ohm" & it'll be all better. Do I sense some resistance? You better hope it hasn't reached the cell level.

[Tom Wilkinson]

Easy now!! You're gonna get me all amped up!

[Breakaway]

The current tone of this thread is shocking!

Kevin

[oznabrag]

The current tone of this thread is shocking!

Kevin

You're putting up too much resistance.

[Garret]

Nah - he's just wired.

I could see that from a cable away..

[oznabrag]

Nah - he's just wired.

I could see that from a cable away..

I couldn't gauge his condition.

[Tom Wilkinson]

In a parallel universe this series of jokes might be funny.

Have fun guys, I'm off to do circuit training.