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Thread: Really bad Joke of the Day

  1. #71
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    Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!


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    Tom

  2. #72
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Wilkinson View Post
    Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!


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    At least you left yourself some margarine for error.

    Peace,
    Backseat Comic

  3. #73
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. What did the Pacific Ocean say to the beach?

    A. Nothing. It just waved...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  4. #74
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    Default Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by amish rob View Post
    At least you left yourself some margarine for error.

    Peace,
    Backseat Comic


    I try not to get too churned up about it.

    Here is my dad joke for today. (I send a dad joke a day to my daughter, at her request)



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    Tom

  5. #75
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    An old one, and a bit naughty, but here goes...

    A chap is driving through a rural area he had not been to before, and notices a smart looking pub with expensive cars outside- a Ferrari, a Lamborghini, two Porsches, etc., and decides to go in for a pint. The only person he sees is the very attractive barmaid.
    Puzzled, he asks "whose are all the cars outside?"
    "They are all mine", she replies "I won them betting"
    "What do you bet on?" he asks.
    "Absolutely anything. For instance, I bet you can't do everything my six year old nephew can do. You win, you can choose any one of those cars. You lose, I get your BMW"
    Easy peasy he thinks, as she yelled for nephew Jimmy to appear.
    With that, she peeled off her sweater, revealing she was very good shape. "now Jimmy. I want you to lick my breasts'
    Jimmy does as he is told. "Your turn, Mister', so he too does as he is told.
    "Now, Jimmy, I want you to rub me inside my panties". Again Jimmy does as he is told. 'Your turn, Mister", so the chap does likewise.

    "Now, jimmy, take out your wee willy winky, and bend it double"....

  6. #76
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    There's a statue of a lion with a man's head and a lion's body among the Pyramids of Giza.

    It is missing its nose.

    If you're wondering how it smells, it Sphinx!
    Rattling the teacups.

  7. #77
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. What does a house wear to a nice party?

    A. A ddress...
    Last edited by David G; 03-07-2020 at 02:31 PM.
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  8. #78
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    This one is timely.


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    Tom

  9. #79
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    What did the psychiatrist say when his patient said he was thinking of suicide?..........

    'You'll be paying in advance from now on.'
    I would rather have doubt than be certain and wrong.
    Richard Feynman.

  10. #80
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A little polar bear sitting on an iceberg next to his mother. "Mum- am I a pure bred polar bear?" You are indeed, my son!" Relied his mother. "No brown bear in me?" No. "Any black bear or spectacled bear or panda bear?" "No dear- you're pure bred, one hundred percent polar bear. Why do you ask?" And the little feller replies "Coz I'm f###in freezin!" JayInOz

  11. #81
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Surprise lovin' is the best thing to wake up to.

    Unless you're in prison...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  12. #82
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    Default




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    Tom

  13. #83
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Wilkinson View Post



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    Beep!

    Peace,
    UPC

  14. #84
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Two cannibals sitting round a fire:
    "Your wife makes a lovely stew"
    "Yes, but I'll miss her"

  15. #85
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Two nuns on vacation in the states, and someone suggests they get a hot dog for lunch.

    Doubtful, and somewhat take aback at the name, the women nonetheless purchase their lunches, and proceed to a nearby bench to eat.

    The first nun unwraps her lunch and gasps.
    “What’s wrong?”
    ”Oh, nothing. I do wonder which part of the dog YOU got, though...”

    Peace,
    Robert

  16. #86
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A young American lady asks a Scotsman, what is under his kilt....

    Try putting your hand up there so you can tell for yourself....

    My gosh it's gruesome...

    Aye and if ye keep holding it like that; it'll grew some more!!!

  17. #87
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. Why did Curtis take so long deciding to get a haircut?

    A. Because he had to mullet over...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  18. #88
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by twodot View Post
    My three favorite jokes:

    So these two Deadheads are sitting around a fire, completely out of weed, and one says to the other, what is this shi* we're listening to?

    So these two cannibals are sitting around a fire, barbecuing a clown, and one says to the other, does this taste funny to you?

    A patron in a French restaurant asks the waiter, do you have frog's legs? He replied, no, rheumatism makes me walk this way. (the only Boy's Life joke that I remember from grades school)
    Two cannibals are strolling down the beach when they meet another one in a big hurry. He stopped to ask the pair if he were late for dinner and they replied 'Yes. Everyone's eaten.'
    Rattling the teacups.

  19. #89
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Woman walks up to a Scot in a kilt and asks, ' Is anything worn underneath ?'

    'Ach nay, ma'am, its all in perfect working order'
    'C'est la vie' say the old folks it goes to show you never can tell

  20. #90
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    These two gals walkin down the street, Rosie says it is gonna rain. A few blocks later the rain is coming down. posiey says how did you know that? Rosie says instincts and Posiey says, my end stinks to but it did not tell me it was gonna rain.
    "para todo mal, mezcal, y para todo bien también" (for everything bad, mezcal, and for everything good, as well.)

  21. #91
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by twodot View Post
    My three favorite jokes:

    So these two Deadheads are sitting around a fire, completely out of weed, and one says to the other, what is this shi* we're listening to?
    )
    A hundred years ago when I was young they were popping pills- a drug they knew as Mandrax- or Mandies. There was a joke about the two guys completely bombed on mandies, shuffling along the footpath. One of them slowly turns around, puts his foot on a snail and crunches it. His friend says Aw man- what you do that for? And he replies Geez man the little fu##er's been followin me all mornin. JayInOz

  22. #92
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by JayInOz View Post
    A hundred years ago when I was young they were popping pills- a drug they knew as Mandrax- or Mandies. There was a joke about the two guys completely bombed on mandies, shuffling along the footpath. One of them slowly turns around, puts his foot on a snail and crunches it. His friend says Aw man- what you do that for? And he replies Geez man the little fu##er's been followin me all mornin. JayInOz

    Called Qualudes here.

  23. #93
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    That be ludes man

  24. #94
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    What's the difference between an animal doctor and a soldier of the Third Reich?

    One's a veterinarian and the other is a veteran Aryan.
    Rattling the teacups.

  25. #95
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    How does NASA organize their yearly party?

    They just plan-et.......


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    Tom

  26. #96
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. Why did Glen NOT trust stairs?

    A. Because they were always up to something...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  27. #97
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    Q. Why did Glen NOT trust stairs?

    A. Because they were always up to something...
    Or on a downer....

  28. #98
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. How did Bubbles feel when he finally realized that the Earth is not flat, and that it rotates on its axis?

    A. It really made his day...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  29. #99
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    A linguist professor speaking to his class:

    In English, a double negative becomes positive but in German; a double negative remains negative.

    In fact, there is no language on this planet where a double positive becomes negative.

    A student in the back row said:

    "Yeah, Right!"


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    Tom

  30. #100
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Wilkinson View Post
    A linguist professor speaking to his class:

    In English, a double negative becomes positive but in German; a double negative remains negative.

    In fact, there is no language on this planet where a double positive becomes negative.

    A student in the back row said:

    "Yeah, Right!"


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    BZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!

    I'm sorry Pilgrim... but that submission must be disallowed, as it comes nowhere close to qualifying as a BadJoke. It is, in fact, a Most Excellent joke. And a longtime fave <G>
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  31. #101
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    Ok, a do-over then.



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    Tom

  32. #102
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The judges have awarded you extra marks!!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  33. #103
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    Q. How did Bubbles feel when he finally realized that the Earth is not flat, and that it rotates on its axis?

    A. It really made his day...
    Good to read threads once in awhile .

    Whatswitdis guy?

  34. #104
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I walked into the clinic today and said I had a 1:30 appt.

    "Which doctor", says the receptionist.

    To which, I replied, "NO, I want the REGULAR doctor".
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  35. #105
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    There was a massive fight in my local supermarket over the few remaining toilet rolls. It was so bad that the police had to be called. Luckily there were no serious injuries: only some soft tissue damage.

    Andy
    "In case of fire ring Fellside 75..."

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