Really bad Joke of the Day

[David W Pratt]

They are indeed bad, but, in this setting, they can shine

[Tom Wilkinson]

Casket salesman: "We have a new line of clear caskets available, would you be interested?"

Undertaker: "How are they selling?"

Salesman: "Remains to be seen."

[birlinn]

Chap walks into a bar with a large piece of tarmac under his arm.
"A pint for me, and I'll have one for the road"

[RFNK]

That reminds me of the sad news I heard today that Willie Nelson was killed by a truck. Singin' on the road, again.

Rick

[CWSmith]

I saw this on the cartoon thread, so maybe I can get away with this joke:

Attachment 54037

Q: Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: Because men won't ask for directions.

[David G]

Q. Why did the pony ask for a drink of water?

A. Because he was a little horse...

HEY... the thread title DID say 'bad' jokes!!!

[TomF]

Oh Tom. Remains to be seen?

I did that thing with my nose and coffee.

[Garret]

I saw this on the cartoon thread, so maybe I can get away with this joke:



Q: Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: Because men won't ask for directions.

A corollary:

Why did NASA start hiring female astronauts? So when they got lost in space, there'd be someone who'd ask for directions

[Osborne Russell]

Why can't women read maps?

Because they don't know how because they've never tried. <rimshot>

[David G]

Q. Why does the U.S. not take soccer seriously?

A. Because they're just doing it for kicks...

[P.I. Stazzer-Newt]

Swmbo spent half of yesterday preparing a huge vat of lamb based soup/stew from raw ingredients for her church fellowship group.

with apologies to J. London

The Cawl Of The Wild

[amish rob]

Oh Tom. Remains to be seen?

I did that thing with my nose and coffee.

We can imagine the delivery, which enhances the humor 1,000,000,000 fold, que no?

Peace,
Funniest Guy Ever. Seriously.

[Rich Jones]

Oh my... this is getting out of hand. There are really bad jokes and then there are the really, really bad jokes being offered here. I just might have to delete this thread....

[Garret]

Oh my... this is getting out of hand. There are really bad jokes and then there are the really, really bad jokes being offered here. I just might have to delete this thread....

Don't you dare!

We're all jonesing for some humor these days...

Was that rich or what?

[David G]

Q. What sort of jokes does one make in the shower?

A. Clean jokes...

[oznabrag]

An artist told me once that she had invented a new color, but it was just a pigment of her imagination.

[David G]

So Glen, being the humanitarian he is, finally convinces Bobbys to move to Texas and help him start a ranch. They can only afford one bull to start, and a handful of cows. But to really make the whole operation take off, they need to buy another bull. But they only have $500. The Glen tells the BS, “I will go to the auction and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram... and you can come haul him home.”

He goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, he goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. He is stumped on how to tell the BS to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, he tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.” Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will he know to bring the trailer from just that word?” Glen replies, “He’s a redneck, so he reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.'”

[RFNK]

So the fly comes home to find his wife waiting in new lingerie. Maggot!

Rick

[Rich Jones]

Q. What sort of jokes does one make in the shower?

A. Clean jokes...

Unless they are going down the drain...

[David G]

Q. Why did ol' dad have to call a halt today to harvesting shellfish?

A. Because I pulled a mussel...

[David G]

I really wanted to buy a camouflage shirt, but.....


I couldn't find one.

I wondered when you'd show up. This is right up your alle... HEY whereja go?

[JayInOz]

I keep seeing little brown spots in front of my eyes! Have you seen an optomestrist? No, just little brown spots JayInOz

[Osborne Russell]

I keep seeing little brown spots in front of my eyes! Have you seen an optomestrist? No, just little brown spots JayInOz

Outstanding!

[JayInOz]

Let me see if I can remember this one.

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car's A/C craps out. He stops at the next town, and luckily finds a repair shop open. The mechanic sees the poor penguin sweltering in the heat, and says, "I'll check it out right away. There's an ice cream shop across the street where you can cool down."
The penguin goes into the shop, and orders an ice cream cone. Problem is, with no hands, he has an awful time with the cone, and gets ice cream all over his face.
When he gets back to the repair shop, the mechanic looks up from under the hood, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "Geez man, it's just vanilla ice cream!"

Just for you Fred- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7qJ7wAhfHU JayInOz

[JayInOz]

Still funny though

[JayInOz]

Top of the mornin to ya Mrs Oflaherty. And how would ya be on this fine mornin? Oh Mrs Oflannagan I've not been feelin myself lately. Oh well- twas a disgustin habit ya had there anyway JayInOz

[David G]

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A. A fsh...

[Bobby of Tulsa]

Oh Fred you reminded me of a really bad joke. This guy was going out on a first date and ask a friend what he should do, the friend told him when you get to the place she lets you kiss her just start kissing her cheeks and neck and saying I love you. Well everything went well and he managed to kiss all the way down to her neck always saying I love you. Well as he moved to her shoulder, she said lower lower. So in his best lowest voice he said I love you.

[Tom Wilkinson]

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[TomF]

I love you, in a bro kinda way.

Herself doesn't, however.

[David G]

Q. How much does the Tulsmanian Devil pay for dead batteries?

A. Nothing... he's no dummy. He knows they're free of charge...

[Tom Wilkinson]

I love you, in a bro kinda way.

Herself doesn't, however.

[amish rob]

I could drive around in Bigfoot ALL day with you Toms. As long as I don’t have to drive, because steering through tears and stomach cramps may prove a challenge.

Peace,
Mucho

[CWSmith]

Top of the mornin to ya Mrs Oflaherty. And how would ya be on this fine mornin? Oh Mrs Oflannagan I've not been feelin myself lately. Oh well- twas a disgustin habit ya had there anyway JayInOz

I need to remember this one! That really is pretty good.

[Bobcat]

The old man gets asked about his underwear: Boxers or briefs?

"Depends"