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Thread: Really bad Joke of the Day

  1. #491
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
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    Pleasant Valley NS Canada
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    22,322

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I just farted on my wallet... now I have gas money.
    Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

  2. #492
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mmd View Post
    I just farted on my wallet... now I have gas money.
    Methane?
    But are you thane?

  3. #493
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    36,678

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    An artist thought she'd discovered a new color, but it was just a pigment of her imagination.
    Rattling the teacups.

  4. #494
    Join Date
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    Southern Maine
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    21,561

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Reynard38 View Post
    If somebody throws something at trump does the secret service yell “Donald duck!”
    In most cases that's true, but not in breweries.....he's really good at dodging the draft.

  5. #495
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    New Zealand's Far North
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    9,955

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Insanity is hereditary

    You get it from your children.
    Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the journey.
    Winston Churchill.

  6. #496
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Portland, Oregon
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    71,221

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    For my fellow horn players ---


    Q. What is the loudest pet you can own?

    A. A trumpet,,,
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  7. #497
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
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    509

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Book Title:

    "Fallen"

    By: Lucy Lastik

  8. #498
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    NE Scotland
    Posts
    11,473

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by birlinn View Post
    Methane?
    But are you thane?
    Do I look like Macbeth?
    Or maybe you just have a lisp, in which case I can tell you "there ain't no sanity clause".
    Structures uninformed by geometry tend towards the ramshackle.

  9. #499
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Portland, Oregon
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    71,221

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Tried this last night. Half a dozen times. Sad to report... no success --

    Q. How do you get a confession out of a hamburger patty?

    A. Grill him...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  10. #500
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    Jhb ,Gauteng,South Africa
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    40

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    biggest ant in the world? the eleph ant

  11. #501
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    New Hampshire
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    33,328

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Got caught taking a leak in the local swimming pool today.

    The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

  12. #502
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Hills of Vermont, USA
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    38,017

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    Tried this last night. Half a dozen times. Sad to report... no success --

    Q. How do you get a confession out of a hamburger patty?

    A. Grill him...
    Musta been fried...
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  13. #503
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    Frankfort, MI
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    9,572

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The local Bookcase Factory is closing--their last run of cases got shelved...

    Jeff C

  14. #504
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  15. #505
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
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    ibeeria
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Man walks into a pub with his dog and asks the barman for a free beer....
    'get outa here, good grief...
    ' no really , my dog can talk, , go on ,must be worth a couple of drinks...
    ' go on,ask him who's his favourite composer... you got nothing to lose and think of the extra trade you'll get.
    So the barman thinks , well he's got some front, this bloke ,.... sighs,...ok. Who's your favourite composer.?
    Dog goes 'Bark'
    Right! , out now ! jeeez...
    Dog turns to the man and says
    ' you know , I've been thinking, maybe next time I should say Rimsky Korsakoff
    Freda Kahlo 'mind your own business, Diego'

  16. #506
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Mountain lakes of Vermont
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    15,740

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Guy goes into a psychologist's office and keeps saying, "I'm a tee-pee, no I'm a wigwam, no I'm a tee-pee, no I'm a wigwam..." Psychologist says, "Settle down, you're too tense."
    I was born on a wooden boat that I built myself.

  17. #507
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    Apr 2005
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    Hills of Vermont, USA
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    38,017

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    That one's a real pup Rich!
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  18. #508
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    Aug 2008
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    NE Scotland
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    In a small town, in an autonomous region of Spain, there was a fire in a cinema. The audience rushed to the fire exits but found that all but one had been locked. During the rush to the only available fire escape many people were killed.
    This is what happens when you put all your Basques in one exit.
    Structures uninformed by geometry tend towards the ramshackle.

  19. #509
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    East Quogue,NY
    Posts
    21,602

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    What's the difference between a cocktail lounge and an elephant fart?





    A cocktail lounge is a barroom and an elephant fart is a BAH-Roooooooom!


    Kevin
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

  20. #510
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
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    71,221

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. Why is fishing better than playing the banjo?

    A. You don't have to tuna fish...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  21. #511
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    198

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Just be aware, "The arse you kick today-you may have to kiss tomorrow"

  22. #512
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    ibeeria
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    3,599

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Man goes to the psychiatrist and says, Doc, I can't help thinking I'm
    a pair of curtains
    Doc says 'pull yourself together man.'
    Freda Kahlo 'mind your own business, Diego'

  23. #513
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Gulgong. Central west N.S.W. Australia
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    4,270

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Feller walks into a store and says I think I'm a moth. Store keeper says I think you need to see a psychiatrist. Feller says yeah I was on my way there but I saw your light on. JayInOz

  24. #514
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Portland, Oregon
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    71,221

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  25. #515
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
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    ibeeria
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    3,599

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    knock knock
    who's there?
    Isabel-
    Isabel who?
    Isabel Necessaryonabicycle
    Freda Kahlo 'mind your own business, Diego'

  26. #516
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Isle of Mull, Scotland
    Posts
    7,893

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    That joke dates back to when bikes were penny- farthings!

  27. #517
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    Gulgong. Central west N.S.W. Australia
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    4,270

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Knock knock. Who's there? Avon- your doorbell's fu... um... not working.

  28. #518
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    landlocked in Mt. Solon, VA
    Posts
    914

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    An oldie from the WBF, worth dragging out every four years:


    Did you hear about the medical condition associated with this year's presidential campaign?

    People are complaining to their doctors that they can't get aroused by either of the candidates.

    They are being diagnosed with Electile Dysfunction.
    "George Washington as a boy
    was ignorant of the commonest
    accomplishments of youth.
    He could not even lie."

    -- Mark Twain

  29. #519
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    71,221

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. What do you call a blind deer?

    A. No ideer...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  30. #520
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Gulgong. Central west N.S.W. Australia
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    4,270

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A dead blind deer? Still no eye deer.

  31. #521
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    71,221

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. Hey Jay... can February March?

    A. No, but April May...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  32. #522
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    landlocked in Mt. Solon, VA
    Posts
    914

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q: What do a tornado and a West Virginia (Newfoundland, etc.) divorce have in common?

    A: In either one, somebody's going to lose a mobile home.
    "George Washington as a boy
    was ignorant of the commonest
    accomplishments of youth.
    He could not even lie."

    -- Mark Twain

  33. #523
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    ibeeria
    Posts
    3,599

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Went and bought a chicken the other day, thinking maybe it will make some sandwiches, a salad perhaps .
    three days later and all its done is s**t on the floor
    Freda Kahlo 'mind your own business, Diego'

  34. #524
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    71,221

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Food jokes, eh?

    Q. What do you call a cheese without any friends?

    A. Provolone...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  35. #525
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    landlocked in Mt. Solon, VA
    Posts
    914

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Once upon a time there was an old farmer in West Virginia. One day some city slickers drove up and asked permission to hunt squirrels on the farm.

    "Why, sure," said the farmer, "and my boy Zeke will go with you and show you the good spots."

    So while the city slickers got their expensive hunting gear and fancy shotguns out of the car, Zeke walked around and picked up a pocket full of rocks.

    Zeke led the hunters to a good spot in the woods, and they took turns with the squirrels. One at a time, the city slickers would each shoot a squirrel, and then Zeke had a turn.

    Zeke was pretty accurate with the rocks. One rock, one dead squirrel. Finally everyone had a limit, and they hiked back to the farm house.

    "Say, Zeke," one of the city slickers asked, "I noticed that you threw rocks at the squirrels left handed, but you do everything else with your right hand. Why is that?"

    "Well," Zeke replied, "Paw won't let me throw right handed. He says it tears up too much meat."
    "George Washington as a boy
    was ignorant of the commonest
    accomplishments of youth.
    He could not even lie."

    -- Mark Twain

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