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Thread: Really bad Joke of the Day

  1. #701
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Did someone do this one already??

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  2. #702
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  3. #703
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    What? No posts to this thread in over a week? This one came from Cousin Judy, so it must describe a Canadian deer camp:

    Ted's Snoring


    We're all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Ted, because he snored so badly. We decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so we voted to take turns.



    The first guy who slept with Ted and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.



    We asked, "Man, what happened to you?"



    He said, "Ted snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."



    The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.



    And again we asked, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"



    He said, "Man, that Ted shakes the roof with his snoring. I ended up watching him all night."



    The third night was Jim's turn. Jim is a tanned, older cowboy, who is a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said.



    We couldn't believe it. We asked, "Jim, what happened?"



    He said, "Well, when we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Ted into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Ted sat up and watched me all night."



    With age comes wisdom.
    "George Washington as a boy
    was ignorant of the commonest
    accomplishments of youth.
    He could not even lie."

    -- Mark Twain

  4. #704
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    If Cruella de Ville can't wear a dalmatian coat, then why are doctors allowed to wear lab coats?
    I was born on a wooden boat that I built myself.
    Skiing is the next best thing to having wings.

  5. #705
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rich Jones View Post
    If Cruella de Ville can't wear a dalmatian coat, then why are doctors allowed to wear lab coats?


    I'm not sure you can be fur given for that one!

    Kevin


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

  6. #706
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Kevin - I can't hold back any longer... I gotta tell the story. As a young man, Kevin met a stunning redhead. She had a shaved head, wore black leather, and carried both a knife and a stungun. She wasn't interested in his sort, but he was absolutely smitten, and (I hate to reveal this) made a bit of a fool of himself with his 'jumping-puppy' insistence. And every time he ran into her... he was stunned all over again.
    Last edited by David G; 07-31-2021 at 11:16 AM.
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  7. #707
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Sorry Michael, but that doesn't qualify as a bad joke. I'm still chuckling.
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  8. #708
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Garret View Post
    Sorry Michael, but that doesn't qualify as a bad joke. I'm still chuckling.
    I love it when someone tries to tell a bad joke and fails that badly!

    That was great!
    "Where you live in the world should not determine whether you live in the world." - Bono

    "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." - Will Rogers

    "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." - Groucho Marx

  9. #709
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I was born on a wooden boat that I built myself.
    Skiing is the next best thing to having wings.

  10. #710
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rich Jones View Post


    😆


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

  11. #711
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day


  12. #712
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  13. #713
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  14. #714
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. -- How much does a rainbow weigh?

    A. -- Not much, it's pretty light...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  15. #715
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  16. #716
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  17. #717
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  18. #718
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  19. #719
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  20. #720
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  21. #721
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The man that invented the Ferris wheel never met the man that invented the merry go round. They traveled in different circles.
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  22. #722
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  23. #723
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Doctor, I keep hearing "The green, green grass of home".

    Ah, that sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.

    Is it common?

    "It's not unusual".

    Nick

  24. #724
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  25. #725
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I plan on opening a new shop soon... in my attic.

    I expect sails to go thru the roof!!!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  26. #726
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    I plan on opening a new shop soon... in my attic.

    I expect sails to go thru the roof!!!
    Better reef them before you have too many sales, then. :-)

  27. #727
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Every time this thread is bumped, I get a little endorphin rush....
    If I use the word "God," I sure don't mean an old man in the sky who just loves the occasional goat sacrifice. - Anne Lamott

  28. #728
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Not all boatbuilding tasks are equally enjoyable. Enlarging a small hole, for instance, is boring. Fastening cedar lapstrakes, otoh, is riveting!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  29. #729
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    But carvel planking is screwed up!
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  30. #730
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    If you are a Catholic ply-lap boatbuilder, your litugical response will always be semper epoxy vobiscum.

  31. #731
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A man was admitted today to the hospital where my wife works. He had inserted 25 plastic horses into his nether regions. By the time she left the building... his condition was being described as 'stable'.
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  32. #732
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    “It was sad he died, if only we had known his blood type.

    However I shall always treasure his faint last but inspirational words ‘Be positive.’ “
    Last edited by Rum_Pirate; 12-01-2021 at 01:39 PM.

  33. #733
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Two old blokes on the golf course. One bends down to pick up his ball and sees a frog sitting next to it. The frog says "If you kiss me I'll turn into a beautiful woman and love you passionately three times a day for the rest of your life". Old bloke picks up the frog, drops it in his bag and zips it shut then collects his ball and continues on the course. His mate says "Are you going to take her up on her offer?" Old bloke replies "At my age? I'm keeping the talking frog!" JayInOz

  34. #734
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Two old men sitting on a park bench.
    One turns to the other and says, would you like an ice cream?
    Sure says the other, I'll have a rum and raisin...maybe you should write it down?
    No worries says the first, one rum and raisin coming up.
    When he's about twenty feet away the other bloke calls out, you sure you don't want to write it down?
    No, I can remember a rum and raisin ice cream, be right back.
    About an hour later the bloke comes back, sits down, and says, here's your pie.
    The other bloke looks at him and says, I knew you'd forget the tomato sauce.
    without freedom of speech, we wouldn't know who the idiots are.

  35. #735
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.


    In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer.

    Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.


    The examiner walked slowly around the sled.

    He check the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose.

    He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload.


    Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass.

    Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.


    "What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.


    The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose a power source on takeoff."

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