Really bad Joke of the Day

[Rich Jones]

This morning, the priest at my church started his sermon with this one:

A pastor noticed that his little white church was in need of a coat of paint. He then bought a gallon of white paint and proceeded to start painting. With one side done, he realized that he'd already used half a gallon and wouldn't have enough to finish. Not wanting to go all the way back to the paint store, he found some paint thinner in the basement, which he mixed into the paint thus enabling him to finish the other three sides.
That night it rained really hard and in the morning he noticed that the one side was perfect, but the other three sides were streaked and washed out looking.
Frustrated, he raised his face to the heavens and cried out, "Oh Lord! What do I do?"
A thunderous voice came down from Heaven saying,

"REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE!"

[Jim Bow]

Correctly titled.

[Garret]

I like your priest!

[David W Pratt]

Might retain that title for more than a day

[Breakaway]

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a a bar.

The rabbit says: I must be a typo.


Kevin


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[Breakaway]

I like it!

Another....

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The rabbit says: I must be a typo.


Kevin


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[CWSmith]

I like your priest!

Ditto. It takes heavenly protection to tell a joke that bad.

[CWSmith]

Rowan Atkinson:

https://youtu.be/N9NCyGaxoDY

Take note of the "relief" joke at the end.

[Rich Jones]

Ditto. It takes heavenly protection to tell a joke that bad.

You bet! Can you imagine the sound of the entire congregation groaning at that joke?

[David G]

From the JOKES MINISTERS TELL file --

Q. What did you think of the wedding of the two antennas?

A. I didn't do a great job with the ceremony... but the reception was great!

[RFNK]

I like them but I have a weakness for really silly jokes. Thanks!

Rick

[CWSmith]

You bet! Can you imagine the sound of the entire congregation groaning at that joke?

I bet they groaned, but they smiled when they did it.

[TomF]

If this is an ongoing thread, like the Cartoons or BYOB, then someone has to alert Tom Wilkinson.

[amish rob]

If this is an ongoing thread, like the Cartoons or BYOB, then someone has to alert Tom Wilkinson.

75 pages, easy, if he gets started.

Peace,
Boy Ant

[Todd Bradshaw]

How do you make holy water?

You start with regular water and boil the hell out of it.

[leikec]

Why did the chicken cross the road? She knew eggzactly where she wanted to go.

Jeff C

[Jim Bow]

Wow, a whole series of jokes without the inclusion of an accordion, a banjo, or a bass player.

[David G]

Comments Never Heard At Church

1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

[Tom Wilkinson]

Took my chameleon to the vet. He wasn't able to change color.

Turns out he has a reptile dysfunction.

[leikec]

Took my chameleon to the vet. He wasn't able to change color.

Turns out he has a reptile dysfunction.

Seek help...



Jeff C

[Phil Y]

I like terrible jokes.

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[ThomRose]

Why did the chicken cross the road? She knew eggzactly where she wanted to go.

Jeff C

Why did the turkey cross the road?

He wanted to be like a chicken.

[RFNK]

The standard has fallen.

Why did the mouse leave home?

His father was a rat.

Rick

[Rich Jones]

Good Lord... what have I started....

[RFNK]

What did the chicken say when her mother laid an orange?

Look't marmalade!

Rick

[David G]

I've got a stock of 'bad jokes'. The kids call them 'dadjokes'. And just in case I run out... they gave me a book of 'em for xmas. Here's one --

Q. When's the best time for a dentist appt.?

A. Tooth-hurty

[Peerie Maa]

Isaak prayed every night "Oh Lord, please let me win the lottery".

Then one night his prayer was answered " Isaak, Isaak, work with me on this"
"Buy a ticket!"

[Peerie Maa]

The doctor was attending the lying-in of a wife of an ethnic minority of your choice.
After a long delivery of twins going into the late evening, the doctor realised that it was triplets at least.
To the husband: " Bring the lamp closer please"
A: " Not on your life, It must be the light that is attracting them".

[David G]

Q. How did you camping trip go?

A. It was GREAT... and in tents...

[JayInOz]

The church elders were discussing how they divvied up the money collected in the plate at services. The priest said I draw a circle on the floor. I throw the money up and what falls inside the circle I give to the church fund and what falls outside the circle I keep for myself. The minister said I also draw a circle but I do the opposite with the money- inside the circle is for me. The rabbi said I throw the money up- what God wants, God keeps. What falls back down is mine JayInOz

[Puttputt]

Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.

[LongJohn]

Doc Watson tells a joke on one of his albums that goes something like this:

In a small town with 2 churches - a Presbyterian and a Baptist - the ministers make their rounds visiting parishioners on bicycles.

One day the Presbyterian is riding down the street and sees the Baptist walking in the other direction. He stops and asks 'what happened to your bike?'

The Baptist says 'someone must have stolen it, I can't find it anywhere.'

The Presbyterian says 'between the two of us we minister to about everyone in this town. What do you say, next Sunday, we both deliver sermons on the ten commandments and really hit home on Thou Shalt Not Steal. Maybe that will flush out the thief.' 'Good idea' says the Baptist, and they go on their way.

Monday morning, they run into each other again - both on their bicycles. The Presbyterian says 'hey, our sermons must have worked!'

Baptist replies 'yeah, but not quite how we figured. When I got to Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife, I remembered where I left it.'

<groan>

- John

[LongJohn]

As a biology major in a college with lots of pre-meds, I came up with this one:

How many pre-meds does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change the bulb and two to kick the ladder out from underneath him.

<groan>

- John

[Phil Y]

OK Ive got a medical one too, but its pretty bad.

Corona virus can be contained.

[birlinn]

A termite walks into a pub, and asks "is the bar tender here?"