Really bad Joke of the Day

[David G]

Almost out of cheese. Down to one last small chunk of sharp cheddar in the fridge.

What do you call a cheese with no sidekicks? Provolone....

[David G]

My sweetie was doing her rounds at the hospital y'day when she overheard the following --

Doctor: "How's that kid doing who came in after swallowing all the coins?"

Nurse: "No change yet..."

[Breakaway]

Almost out of cheese. Down to one last small chunk of sharp cheddar in the fridge.

What do you call a cheese with no sidekicks? Provolone....

Thats a gouda one!


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[gypsie]

The people of Qatar don't watch the Flintstones.
But the people of Abu Dhabi do.

[JayInOz]

Hahahaha!

[Uncle Duke]

A man approaches a widow at her husband's funeral and asks "do you mind if I say something?"
She consents, so he places his hands on her shoulders, looks deep into her eyes and says "Plethora."
"Thanks", she says. "That means a lot".

[johnw]

Cop said, 'are you drinking?'

I said, 'are you buying?'

We laughed and laughed. I need bail money.

[David G]

I used to be kind of indecisive...

Now I'm not so sure that's a good idea.

[JayInOz]

A friend called me and said he was going for an important job interview. He said You know the boss- could you give him a call and put in a good word for me? I said Sure. So I called the boss and said Existentialism. Didn't seem to help- he didn't get the job JayInOz

[AndyG]

Local news - a man just fell into, and is trapped, in a vat at our local distillery. His condition is extremely serious, but he's in good spirits.

[David G]

A friend just got back from a long vacation on the Mediterranean. He said no one gets up before 10am in Athens. I asked why, and he said, 'Dawn is tough on Greece'...

[birlinn]

Doesn't work this side of the pond- I presume Dawn is a cleaning product?

There was a recent law regarding their beaches that banned dogs swimming in Greece. Will this affect Korean restaurants?

[Garret]

Doesn't work this side of the pond- I presume Dawn is a cleaning product?

There was a recent law regarding their beaches that banned dogs swimming in Greece. Will this affect Korean restaurants?

Dawn dishwashing liquid has long had a "Dawn is tough on grease" slogan.

As an aside, it's been found that Dawn is the best soap for leaning up wildlife affected by oilspills & is widely used for that. Proctor & Gamble (the mfr) has donated truckloads to various spill cleanups - though most used is purchased of course.

[WX]

Today's One Liner Chuckles.


Let's have a moment of silence for all those who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride stationary bicycles.


I sleep with the bedside lamp on. My friends think I'm weird but I think it makes a lovely hat.


Just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the bush. Her boyfriend would've done it, but he's out of town.

[bluedog225]

Good a place as any. Lost in translation.

50692CA6-5847-466B-A707-86136BACC233.jpg

[UCanoe_2]

I wonder if there are trans VWs?

[CWSmith]

I wonder if there are trans VWs?

Occasionally you read about someone who puts a V8 into a VW bug. Does that count?

[birlinn]

UK company Powergen realised in time that Powergenitalia was probably not a good idea.

[Garret]

I wonder if there are trans VWs?

Sure - they had to obfuscate the reality by adding "porter". Different times...

[UCanoe_2]

There is a local company called Dean Steel that specializes in putting up frameworks for building and other structures. Until a few years ago, the lettering on the side of their vehicles read:

DEAN'S STEEL ERECTION

Golly, Dean -- it takes a lot of nerve to advertise that on your truck!

[David W Pratt]

I wonder if there are trans VWs?

Most certainly, they were built with a transaxle!

[David W Pratt]

UK company Powergen realised in time that Powergenitalia was probably not a good idea.

As did the large manufacturer of plumbing fixtures, American Radiator and Standard Sanitary, when they opted not to use their initials in advertising material.

[Henning 4148]

Most VW still have a transmission.

[David G]

There is a local company called Dean Steel that specializes in putting up frameworks for building and other structures. Until a few years ago, the lettering on the side of their vehicles read:

DEAN'S STEEL ERECTION

Golly, Dean -- it takes a lot of nerve to advertise that on your truck!

Many years ago, I knew a couple of guys who built Pole Barns. They did so many of them that they could throw one up double-fast. Their company name? Quick Erections. And their tagline? Satisfaction Guaranteed.

[Stiletto]

The number 666 is said to be evil, so is 25.80697 the root of all evil?

[Osborne Russell]

There is a local company called Dean Steel that specializes in putting up frameworks for building and other structures. Until a few years ago, the lettering on the side of their vehicles read:

DEAN'S STEEL ERECTION

Golly, Dean -- it takes a lot of nerve to advertise that on your truck!

How about "Steely Dean"?

[Garret]

The number 666 is said to be evil, so is 25.80697 the root of all evil?

Only if you're square...

[David G]

It's not unheard of for me to fall asleep briefly in the recliner while reading a book... before I haul myself off to the bedroom for my main sleep.

I call that a snore d'oeuvre...

[Stiletto]

Can anybody recommend a good second hand shop?

IMG20221203110130.jpg second hand.jpg

[Oysterhouse]

Uggggg--

A local pole barn company has the name of----
"Excell Erection"

Their company motto--
" Our erection can't be beat"

[David G]

A boating buddy lives in a dodgy part of town, and chimed in this morning with this story --

I went to the gas station to get a Gatorade and as I walk up, I noticed these Officers watching a woman smoking while pumping her gas. I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid, crazy, or tweeking, especially with the Officers standing RIGHT there. Being that it’s In This part of town it’s a sure bet she was TWEEKING.

.Anyway, I minded my own business and went in for Gatorade....As I was paying I heard someone screaming!! Man, I’m talking violent death screams!! I looked up and saw the woman's arm was on fire!! She was swinging her arm, running around going nuts!! When I got my Gatorade and walked out the door the Officers had the woman on the ground putting the fire out!!

Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the patrol car....I was thinking, arrested?? I was thinking, Shouldn’t she be in an ambulance, not a patrol car?? Being the nosey person I am, I asked the Officer what they were arresting her for....The Officer looked at me, dead serious, and said, "WAVING A FIRE ARM IN PUBLIC!"

[David G]

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar...

[CWSmith]

^ A friend had a car that would say that when a door wasn't fully closed. He was fond of using that joke by opening his door at the punch line.

[birlinn]

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar...

But a nightjar is not a jar- is it a door?

[johnw]

But a nightjar is not a jar- is it a door?

Not in the daytime.