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Thread: Really bad Joke of the Day

  1. #1156
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Almost out of cheese. Down to one last small chunk of sharp cheddar in the fridge.

    What do you call a cheese with no sidekicks? Provolone....
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  2. #1157
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    My sweetie was doing her rounds at the hospital y'day when she overheard the following --

    Doctor: "How's that kid doing who came in after swallowing all the coins?"

    Nurse: "No change yet..."
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  3. #1158
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    Almost out of cheese. Down to one last small chunk of sharp cheddar in the fridge.

    What do you call a cheese with no sidekicks? Provolone....


    Thats a gouda one!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

  4. #1159
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The people of Qatar don't watch the Flintstones.
    But the people of Abu Dhabi do.
    It's all fun and games until Darth Vader comes.

  5. #1160
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Hahahaha!

  6. #1161
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A man approaches a widow at her husband's funeral and asks "do you mind if I say something?"
    She consents, so he places his hands on her shoulders, looks deep into her eyes and says "Plethora."
    "Thanks", she says. "That means a lot".
    Sometimes you've gotta leave the kibble out where the slow dogs can get some....
    ... Roy Blount, Jr.

  7. #1162
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Cop said, 'are you drinking?'

    I said, 'are you buying?'

    We laughed and laughed. I need bail money.

  8. #1163
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I used to be kind of indecisive...

    Now I'm not so sure that's a good idea.
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  9. #1164
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A friend called me and said he was going for an important job interview. He said You know the boss- could you give him a call and put in a good word for me? I said Sure. So I called the boss and said Existentialism. Didn't seem to help- he didn't get the job JayInOz

  10. #1165
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Local news - a man just fell into, and is trapped, in a vat at our local distillery. His condition is extremely serious, but he's in good spirits.
    "In case of fire ring Fellside 75..."

  11. #1166
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A friend just got back from a long vacation on the Mediterranean. He said no one gets up before 10am in Athens. I asked why, and he said, 'Dawn is tough on Greece'...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  12. #1167
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Doesn't work this side of the pond- I presume Dawn is a cleaning product?

    There was a recent law regarding their beaches that banned dogs swimming in Greece. Will this affect Korean restaurants?

  13. #1168
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by birlinn View Post
    Doesn't work this side of the pond- I presume Dawn is a cleaning product?

    There was a recent law regarding their beaches that banned dogs swimming in Greece. Will this affect Korean restaurants?
    Dawn dishwashing liquid has long had a "Dawn is tough on grease" slogan.

    As an aside, it's been found that Dawn is the best soap for leaning up wildlife affected by oilspills & is widely used for that. Proctor & Gamble (the mfr) has donated truckloads to various spill cleanups - though most used is purchased of course.
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  14. #1169
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Today's One Liner Chuckles.


    Let's have a moment of silence for all those who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride stationary bicycles.


    I sleep with the bedside lamp on. My friends think I'm weird but I think it makes a lovely hat.


    Just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the bush. Her boyfriend would've done it, but he's out of town.
    without freedom of speech, we wouldn't know who the idiots are.

  15. #1170
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Good a place as any. Lost in translation.

    50692CA6-5847-466B-A707-86136BACC233.jpg

  16. #1171
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I wonder if there are trans VWs?
    "George Washington as a boy
    was ignorant of the commonest
    accomplishments of youth.
    He could not even lie."

    -- Mark Twain

  17. #1172
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by UCanoe_2 View Post
    I wonder if there are trans VWs?
    Occasionally you read about someone who puts a V8 into a VW bug. Does that count?
    "Where you live in the world should not determine whether you live in the world." - Bono

    "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." - Will Rogers

    "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." - Groucho Marx

  18. #1173
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    UK company Powergen realised in time that Powergenitalia was probably not a good idea.

  19. #1174
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by UCanoe_2 View Post
    I wonder if there are trans VWs?
    Sure - they had to obfuscate the reality by adding "porter". Different times...
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  20. #1175
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    There is a local company called Dean Steel that specializes in putting up frameworks for building and other structures. Until a few years ago, the lettering on the side of their vehicles read:

    DEAN'S STEEL ERECTION

    Golly, Dean -- it takes a lot of nerve to advertise that on your truck!
    "George Washington as a boy
    was ignorant of the commonest
    accomplishments of youth.
    He could not even lie."

    -- Mark Twain

  21. #1176
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by UCanoe_2 View Post
    I wonder if there are trans VWs?
    Most certainly, they were built with a transaxle!

  22. #1177
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by birlinn View Post
    UK company Powergen realised in time that Powergenitalia was probably not a good idea.
    As did the large manufacturer of plumbing fixtures, American Radiator and Standard Sanitary, when they opted not to use their initials in advertising material.

  23. #1178
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Most VW still have a transmission.

  24. #1179
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by UCanoe_2 View Post
    There is a local company called Dean Steel that specializes in putting up frameworks for building and other structures. Until a few years ago, the lettering on the side of their vehicles read:

    DEAN'S STEEL ERECTION

    Golly, Dean -- it takes a lot of nerve to advertise that on your truck!
    Many years ago, I knew a couple of guys who built Pole Barns. They did so many of them that they could throw one up double-fast. Their company name? Quick Erections. And their tagline? Satisfaction Guaranteed.
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  25. #1180
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The number 666 is said to be evil, so is 25.80697 the root of all evil?
    There is nothing quite as permanent as a good temporary repair.

  26. #1181
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by UCanoe_2 View Post
    There is a local company called Dean Steel that specializes in putting up frameworks for building and other structures. Until a few years ago, the lettering on the side of their vehicles read:

    DEAN'S STEEL ERECTION

    Golly, Dean -- it takes a lot of nerve to advertise that on your truck!
    How about "Steely Dean"?
    One of Dostoyevsky's favorite words, often used ironically, was "fact" (fakt, a harsh-sounding foreign loan word in the Russian language) . . .

    William Mills Todd, Introduction to Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot (1868) Penguin Books edition 2004.

  27. #1182
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Stiletto View Post
    The number 666 is said to be evil, so is 25.80697 the root of all evil?
    Only if you're square...
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  28. #1183
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    It's not unheard of for me to fall asleep briefly in the recliner while reading a book... before I haul myself off to the bedroom for my main sleep.

    I call that a snore d'oeuvre...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  29. #1184
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Can anybody recommend a good second hand shop?

    IMG20221203110130.jpg second hand.jpg
    There is nothing quite as permanent as a good temporary repair.

  30. #1185
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Uggggg--

    A local pole barn company has the name of----
    "Excell Erection"

    Their company motto--
    " Our erection can't be beat"
    Even a fish wouldn’t get in trouble if it kept it's mouth shut.

  31. #1186
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A boating buddy lives in a dodgy part of town, and chimed in this morning with this story --

    I went to the gas station to get a Gatorade and as I walk up, I noticed these Officers watching a woman smoking while pumping her gas. I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid, crazy, or tweeking, especially with the Officers standing RIGHT there. Being that it’s In This part of town it’s a sure bet she was TWEEKING.

    .Anyway, I minded my own business and went in for Gatorade....As I was paying I heard someone screaming!! Man, I’m talking violent death
    screams!! I looked up and saw the woman's arm was on fire!! She was swinging her arm, running around going nuts!! When I got my Gatorade and walked out the door the Officers had the woman on the ground putting the fire out!!

    Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the patrol car....I was thinking, arrested?? I was thinking, Shouldn’t she be in an ambulance, not a patrol car?? Being the nosey person I am, I asked the Officer what they were arresting her for....The Officer looked at me, dead serious, and said, "WAVING A FIRE ARM IN PUBLIC!"
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  32. #1187
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    When is a door not a door?

    When it's ajar...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  33. #1188
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    ^ A friend had a car that would say that when a door wasn't fully closed. He was fond of using that joke by opening his door at the punch line.
    "Where you live in the world should not determine whether you live in the world." - Bono

    "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." - Will Rogers

    "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." - Groucho Marx

  34. #1189
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    When is a door not a door?

    When it's ajar...
    But a nightjar is not a jar- is it a door?

  35. #1190
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    Seattle
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by birlinn View Post
    But a nightjar is not a jar- is it a door?
    Not in the daytime.

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