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Thread: Really bad Joke of the Day

  1. #526
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
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    ibeeria
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    3,455

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Went and bought a chicken the other day, thinking maybe it will make some sandwiches, a salad perhaps .
    three days later and all its done is s**t on the floor
    'C'est la vie' say the old folks it goes to show you never can tell

  2. #527
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    Dec 2003
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Food jokes, eh?

    Q. What do you call a cheese without any friends?

    A. Provolone...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  3. #528
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    Jan 2008
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    landlocked in Mt. Solon, VA
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Once upon a time there was an old farmer in West Virginia. One day some city slickers drove up and asked permission to hunt squirrels on the farm.

    "Why, sure," said the farmer, "and my boy Zeke will go with you and show you the good spots."

    So while the city slickers got their expensive hunting gear and fancy shotguns out of the car, Zeke walked around and picked up a pocket full of rocks.

    Zeke led the hunters to a good spot in the woods, and they took turns with the squirrels. One at a time, the city slickers would each shoot a squirrel, and then Zeke had a turn.

    Zeke was pretty accurate with the rocks. One rock, one dead squirrel. Finally everyone had a limit, and they hiked back to the farm house.

    "Say, Zeke," one of the city slickers asked, "I noticed that you threw rocks at the squirrels left handed, but you do everything else with your right hand. Why is that?"

    "Well," Zeke replied, "Paw won't let me throw right handed. He says it tears up too much meat."
    "George Washington as a boy
    was ignorant of the commonest
    accomplishments of youth.
    He could not even lie."

    -- Mark Twain

  4. #529
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    NE Scotland
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    11,052

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q: What's that thing on Trump's head?
    A: A $70,000 tax deduction.
    Structures uninformed by geometry tend towards the ramshackle.

  5. #530
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    Portland, Oregon
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes???? Wtf??? My dogs don't even own bikes tf
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  6. #531
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    32,039

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked him straight in the eye and said:

    "I'd like to by some cyanide."

    The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

    The lady replied, "I want to poison my husband."

    The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed. "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanine to kill your husband. That's against the law. I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not!! You CAN NOT have any cyanide!"

    The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and said:

    "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

  7. #532
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    32,039

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I hope this one hasn't already been told. I tend to forget where I hear them and this thread is getting delightfully long.

    ------------

    In a dark and hazy room, peering into the crystal ball, the Mystic delivered the grave news to Laura.

    "There is no easy way to tell you this so I'll just have to be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a horrible and violent death this year."

    Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the women's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know. She met the Mystic's gaze, steadied herself and then asked in a quivering voice, "Will I be acquitted?"

  8. #533
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    Dec 2003
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Random question from a buddy last summer: 'Do you sleep with a fan?'

    ME: Well, my wife really likes me - but 'fan' might be pushing it...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  9. #534
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    Dec 2003
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Married Life: My sweetie says I have so many different sighs that they should come with subtitles...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  10. #535
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Portland, Oregon
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    More Married Life: My sweetie complains that I always want her to do things my way --

    Fold the towels in thirds.

    Wash the whites separately.

    Don't hit the mailbox when backing out of the driveway.
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  11. #536
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    How's YOUR Married Life? -- My sweetie says we have too much stuff.

    So tomorrow we'll be starting in the basement and getting rid of a bunch of my stuff....
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  12. #537
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  13. #538
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Congratulate me on a successful (big) project. I taught a wolf to meditate in time for Halloween!!

    Now... he's aware wolf...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  14. #539
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    Mar 2007
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    East Quogue,NY
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    20,899

    Default

    Not monstrously funny, David. Mediogre, actually.

    Kevin


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

  15. #540
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  16. #541
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    Gulgong. Central west N.S.W. Australia
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Hahaha! They're actually getting worse! Whoda thunk it?

  17. #542
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    Dec 2003
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    Portland, Oregon
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by JayInOz View Post
    Hahaha! They're actually getting worse! Whoda thunk it?
    Izzat a challenge? <G>
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  18. #543
    Join Date
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    central cal
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    18,200

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I bought some shoes from my drug dealer. I donít know what he laced them with, but Iíve been tripping all day.

  19. #544
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    Isle of Mull, Scotland
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    7,487

    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Man, you got sole!

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