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Thread: Really bad Joke of the Day

  1. #1
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    Default Really bad Joke of the Day

    This morning, the priest at my church started his sermon with this one:

    A pastor noticed that his little white church was in need of a coat of paint. He then bought a gallon of white paint and proceeded to start painting. With one side done, he realized that he'd already used half a gallon and wouldn't have enough to finish. Not wanting to go all the way back to the paint store, he found some paint thinner in the basement, which he mixed into the paint thus enabling him to finish the other three sides.
    That night it rained really hard and in the morning he noticed that the one side was perfect, but the other three sides were streaked and washed out looking.
    Frustrated, he raised his face to the heavens and cried out, "Oh Lord! What do I do?"
    A thunderous voice came down from Heaven saying,

    "REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE!"
    I was born on a wooden boat that I built myself.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Correctly titled.
    The Algorithm Is Watching

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I like your priest!
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Might retain that title for more than a day

  5. #5
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    Default

    A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a a bar.

    The rabbit says: I must be a typo.


    Kevin


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

  6. #6
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    Default Really bad Joke of the Day

    I like it!

    Another....

    A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar.

    The rabbit says: I must be a typo.


    Kevin


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Garret View Post
    I like your priest!
    Ditto. It takes heavenly protection to tell a joke that bad.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Rowan Atkinson:

    https://youtu.be/N9NCyGaxoDY

    Take note of the "relief" joke at the end.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by CWSmith View Post
    Ditto. It takes heavenly protection to tell a joke that bad.
    You bet! Can you imagine the sound of the entire congregation groaning at that joke?
    I was born on a wooden boat that I built myself.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    From the JOKES MINISTERS TELL file --

    Q. What did you think of the wedding of the two antennas?

    A. I didn't do a great job with the ceremony... but the reception was great!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I like them but I have a weakness for really silly jokes. Thanks!

    Rick

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Rich Jones View Post
    You bet! Can you imagine the sound of the entire congregation groaning at that joke?
    I bet they groaned, but they smiled when they did it.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    If this is an ongoing thread, like the Cartoons or BYOB, then someone has to alert Tom Wilkinson.
    If I use the word "God," I sure don't mean an old man in the sky who just loves the occasional goat sacrifice. - Anne Lamott

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by TomF View Post
    If this is an ongoing thread, like the Cartoons or BYOB, then someone has to alert Tom Wilkinson.
    75 pages, easy, if he gets started.

    Peace,
    Boy Ant

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    How do you make holy water?

    You start with regular water and boil the hell out of it.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Why did the chicken cross the road? She knew eggzactly where she wanted to go.

    Jeff C

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Wow, a whole series of jokes without the inclusion of an accordion, a banjo, or a bass player.
    The Algorithm Is Watching

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Comments Never Heard At Church

    1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
    2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
    3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
    4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
    5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
    6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
    7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
    8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
    9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
    10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Took my chameleon to the vet. He wasn't able to change color.

    Turns out he has a reptile dysfunction.
    Tom

  20. #20
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Wilkinson View Post
    Took my chameleon to the vet. He wasn't able to change color.

    Turns out he has a reptile dysfunction.
    Seek help...



    Jeff C

  21. #21
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    Default

    I like terrible jokes.

    Sent from my CPH1851 using Tapatalk

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by leikec View Post
    Why did the chicken cross the road? She knew eggzactly where she wanted to go.

    Jeff C
    Why did the turkey cross the road?

    He wanted to be like a chicken.
    Quote Originally Posted by oznabrag View Post
    Just ask Thom.

    He knows.


  23. #23
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The standard has fallen.

    Why did the mouse leave home?

    His father was a rat.

    Rick

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Good Lord... what have I started....
    I was born on a wooden boat that I built myself.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    What did the chicken say when her mother laid an orange?

    Look't marmalade!

    Rick

  26. #26
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I've got a stock of 'bad jokes'. The kids call them 'dadjokes'. And just in case I run out... they gave me a book of 'em for xmas. Here's one --

    Q. When's the best time for a dentist appt.?

    A. Tooth-hurty
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  27. #27
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Isaak prayed every night "Oh Lord, please let me win the lottery".

    Then one night his prayer was answered " Isaak, Isaak, work with me on this"
    "Buy a ticket!"
    It really is quite difficult to build an ugly wooden boat.

    The power of the web: Anyone can post anything on the web
    The weakness of the web: Anyone can post anything on the web.

  28. #28
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The doctor was attending the lying-in of a wife of an ethnic minority of your choice.
    After a long delivery of twins going into the late evening, the doctor realised that it was triplets at least.
    To the husband: " Bring the lamp closer please"
    A: " Not on your life, It must be the light that is attracting them".
    It really is quite difficult to build an ugly wooden boat.

    The power of the web: Anyone can post anything on the web
    The weakness of the web: Anyone can post anything on the web.

  29. #29
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Q. How did you camping trip go?

    A. It was GREAT... and in tents...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  30. #30
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The church elders were discussing how they divvied up the money collected in the plate at services. The priest said I draw a circle on the floor. I throw the money up and what falls inside the circle I give to the church fund and what falls outside the circle I keep for myself. The minister said I also draw a circle but I do the opposite with the money- inside the circle is for me. The rabbi said I throw the money up- what God wants, God keeps. What falls back down is mine JayInOz

  31. #31
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
    He was stapled to the chicken.

  32. #32
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Doc Watson tells a joke on one of his albums that goes something like this:

    In a small town with 2 churches - a Presbyterian and a Baptist - the ministers make their rounds visiting parishioners on bicycles.

    One day the Presbyterian is riding down the street and sees the Baptist walking in the other direction. He stops and asks 'what happened to your bike?'

    The Baptist says 'someone must have stolen it, I can't find it anywhere.'

    The Presbyterian says 'between the two of us we minister to about everyone in this town. What do you say, next Sunday, we both deliver sermons on the ten commandments and really hit home on Thou Shalt Not Steal. Maybe that will flush out the thief.' 'Good idea' says the Baptist, and they go on their way.

    Monday morning, they run into each other again - both on their bicycles. The Presbyterian says 'hey, our sermons must have worked!'

    Baptist replies 'yeah, but not quite how we figured. When I got to Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife, I remembered where I left it.'

    <groan>

    - John

  33. #33
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    As a biology major in a college with lots of pre-meds, I came up with this one:

    How many pre-meds does it take to change a light bulb?

    Three. One to change the bulb and two to kick the ladder out from underneath him.

    <groan>

    - John

  34. #34
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    OK Ive got a medical one too, but its pretty bad.

    Corona virus can be contained.

  35. #35
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A termite walks into a pub, and asks "is the bar tender here?"

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