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Thread: Really bad Joke of the Day

  1. #1086
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    An old black guy is walking to his home on the outskirts of town carrying the groceries when the bag bursts open and the big wheel of cheese he bought hits the ground and starts rolling down the hill. Old guy watches in dismay as it picks up speed. On the path down below a little Mexican feller is heading home after another fruitless day of job hunting. It's been weeks. He's desperate. No money left and very little food. He starts to cry, drops to his knees and prays to God for help to feed his family. A second later he's face down in the dirt with his ears ringing and a big wheel of cheese lying six inches in front of his nose. He picks it up and praises the Lord and runs home to show his wife. He bursts into the house blabbering about his desperate prayer and God intervening to save the day. They are overjoyed. He tells his wife You must make nachos with this cheese- God spoke to me and said so. But why nachos? asks his wife. I don't know but that is what God said. As I ran home I could his his voice above me saying That's nacho cheese! That's nacho cheese! (not your cheese for those slow on the uptake) JayInOz

  2. #1087
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Sorry David - that wasn't a bad joke, it was a pretty good one!
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

  3. #1088
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Garret View Post
    Sorry David - that wasn't a bad joke, it was a pretty good one!
    I thought maybe, because it was about Bad Girls, it would quality <G>
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  4. #1089
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The past, present and future walked into a bar.

    It was tense.
    It's all fun and games until Darth Vader comes.

  5. #1090
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Saw a thought-provoking bumper-sticker today --

    "I'm a veterinarian... I can drive like an animal"

    Made me realize how many proctologists are on the roads...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  6. #1091
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    What do you get if you boil a bunch of funny bones?

    A laughing stock!
    It's all fun and games until Darth Vader comes.

  7. #1092
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    They laughed when I said I wanted to become a comedian. Well, I did become a comedian and no one's laughing now!

  8. #1093
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    ^used by Bob Monkhouse.

  9. #1094
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  10. #1095
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    My family keep criticising me for impersonating a flamingo.
    I had to put my foot down.
    It's all fun and games until Darth Vader comes.

  11. #1096
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

    A satisfactory.
    It's all fun and games until Darth Vader comes.

  12. #1097
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I once won a best scarecrow award - i was out-standing in my field.
    It's all fun and games until Darth Vader comes.

  13. #1098
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by gypsie View Post
    My family keep criticising me for impersonating a flamingo.
    I had to put my foot down.
    Great minds think alike! See post 1082.
    There is nothing quite as permanent as a good temporary repair.

  14. #1099
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    Default

    What is the number one cause of dry skin?




















    Towels.



    Kevin


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

  15. #1100
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I lost my job at the bank today, a lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her and she fell over, her balance wasn't that good?
    without freedom of speech, we wouldn't know who the idiots are.

  16. #1101
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Grandchildren!

    The reward we saintly folks get for not strangling our teenagers!!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  17. #1102
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    Default

    There you go.

    Sent from my SM-A715F using Tapatalk
    without freedom of speech, we wouldn't know who the idiots are.

  18. #1103
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Orion's Belt: a big waist of space!!

    <bad joke... 3 stars>
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  19. #1104
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day


  20. #1105
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    ^ Nailed it with a two-fer! A bad joke about a bad joke! I loved it! Thank you.
    "Where you live in the world should not determine whether you live in the world." - Bono

    "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." - Will Rogers

    "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." - Groucho Marx

  21. #1106
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    The kids went camping in the Cascades recently. They were asked - by a person who shall remain nameless - to pass something along ---

    Everyone asks, 'Where's Bigfoot?'

    But no one asks 'How's Bigfoot?'

    And Yeti never complains...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  22. #1107
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    I once met a bad, evil man who was so lactose intolerant that he would go into hay bars and beat up cows.

  23. #1108
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by johnw View Post
    I once met a bad, evil man who was so lactose intolerant that he would go into hay bars and beat up cows.
    Good thing he wasn't jocose intolerant.

  24. #1109
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by David W Pratt View Post
    Good thing he wasn't jocose intolerant.
    .

  25. #1110
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    If a dolphin dies penniless does he get a porpoise funeral?
    There is nothing quite as permanent as a good temporary repair.

  26. #1111
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her another one. She was livid..."what am I gonna do with two dead dogs?"
    There is nothing quite as permanent as a good temporary repair.

  27. #1112
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Knock knock..who is there? Grandad... Jeez, stop the funeral!
    There is nothing quite as permanent as a good temporary repair.

  28. #1113
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    100 years ago, everyone had horses and only the rich owned a car.

    Now it's the reverse.

    My... how the stables have turned...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  29. #1114
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    A guy is walking down the street with 20 penguins. A cop sees him and says, “You should take those penguins to the zoo.”
    Nexrt day the guy is walking down the street with 20 penguins wearing sunglasses. The cop sees him and says, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.” The guy answers, .”l did and today we’re going to the beach.”

  30. #1115
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Youngest son is developing his own fitness routine. Reading. Watching videos. He called and said 'I just watched a guy do 150 pushups... could YOU do that?'

    I said I hated to brag... but I could easily watch a guy do double that!!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  31. #1116
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Been sick lately, and swallowing anything I can think of to feel better.

    Being a bit out of it, I made a big mistake. Swallowed a pocket dictionary.

    Gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had!!!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  32. #1117
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    Tell us more about your symptoms,
    or has the catarrh got your tongue?

  33. #1118
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    No time to think about symptoms. I'm busy... considering preparing my first draft for my first book. It's about all the things I really should be doing in my life. An Ought-To-Biography of sorts.

    And I really ought to get cracking!
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  34. #1119
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    True story. It just happened a half hour ago.

    I got a call on my cell. I answered, there was background noise, but I couldn't get a response.

    Caller ID told me who it was, so I texted her back. I said, "Did you just butt dial me?"

    She said, "Sorry. Yes, but it wasn't a butt dial. I was emailing you, but I hit the wrong button."

    I said, "No problem. At my age, a butt dial is the closest thing to a booty call I'm going to get."

    Sad, but true.
    "Where you live in the world should not determine whether you live in the world." - Bono

    "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." - Will Rogers

    "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." - Groucho Marx

  35. #1120
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    Default Re: Really bad Joke of the Day

    One of my 'honorary' sons confided that he's considering becoming a vegetarian or vegan.

    I shook my head at him and warned himagainst it. Saying that making such a choice would be to begin a long series of missed steaks...
    David G
    Harbor Woodworks
    https://www.facebook.com/HarborWoodworks/

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

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