Really bad Joke of the Day

[mmd]

I just farted on my wallet... now I have gas money.

[birlinn]

I just farted on my wallet... now I have gas money.

Methane?
But are you thane?

[oznabrag]

An artist thought she'd discovered a new color, but it was just a pigment of her imagination.

[Hwyl]

If somebody throws something at trump does the secret service yell “Donald duck!”

In most cases that's true, but not in breweries.....he's really good at dodging the draft.

[Stiletto]

Insanity is hereditary

You get it from your children.

[David G]

For my fellow horn players ---


Q. What is the loudest pet you can own?

A. A trumpet,,,

[Canoe]

Book Title:

"Fallen"

By: Lucy Lastik

[isla]

Methane?
But are you thane?

Do I look like Macbeth?
Or maybe you just have a lisp, in which case I can tell you "there ain't no sanity clause".

[David G]

Tried this last night. Half a dozen times. Sad to report... no success --

Q. How do you get a confession out of a hamburger patty?

A. Grill him...

[phlygh]

biggest ant in the world? the eleph ant

[CWSmith]

Got caught taking a leak in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

[Garret]

Tried this last night. Half a dozen times. Sad to report... no success --

Q. How do you get a confession out of a hamburger patty?

A. Grill him...

Musta been fried...

[leikec]

The local Bookcase Factory is closing--their last run of cases got shelved...

Jeff C

[David G]

[jonboy]

Man walks into a pub with his dog and asks the barman for a free beer....
'get outa here, good grief...
' no really , my dog can talk, , go on ,must be worth a couple of drinks...
' go on,ask him who's his favourite composer... you got nothing to lose and think of the extra trade you'll get.
So the barman thinks , well he's got some front, this bloke ,.... sighs,...ok. Who's your favourite composer.?
Dog goes 'Bark'
Right! , out now ! jeeez...
Dog turns to the man and says
' you know , I've been thinking, maybe next time I should say Rimsky Korsakoff

[Rich Jones]

Guy goes into a psychologist's office and keeps saying, "I'm a tee-pee, no I'm a wigwam, no I'm a tee-pee, no I'm a wigwam..." Psychologist says, "Settle down, you're too tense."

[Garret]

That one's a real pup Rich!

[isla]

In a small town, in an autonomous region of Spain, there was a fire in a cinema. The audience rushed to the fire exits but found that all but one had been locked. During the rush to the only available fire escape many people were killed.
This is what happens when you put all your Basques in one exit.

[Breakaway]

What's the difference between a cocktail lounge and an elephant fart?





A cocktail lounge is a barroom and an elephant fart is a BAH-Roooooooom!


Kevin

[David G]

Q. Why is fishing better than playing the banjo?

A. You don't have to tuna fish...

[rayman]

Just be aware, "The arse you kick today-you may have to kiss tomorrow"

[jonboy]

Man goes to the psychiatrist and says, Doc, I can't help thinking I'm
a pair of curtains
Doc says 'pull yourself together man.'

[JayInOz]

Feller walks into a store and says I think I'm a moth. Store keeper says I think you need to see a psychiatrist. Feller says yeah I was on my way there but I saw your light on. JayInOz

[David G]

[jonboy]

knock knock
who's there?
Isabel-
Isabel who?
Isabel Necessaryonabicycle

[birlinn]

That joke dates back to when bikes were penny- farthings!

[JayInOz]

Knock knock. Who's there? Avon- your doorbell's fu... um... not working.

[UCanoe_2]

An oldie from the WBF, worth dragging out every four years:


Did you hear about the medical condition associated with this year's presidential campaign?

People are complaining to their doctors that they can't get aroused by either of the candidates.

They are being diagnosed with Electile Dysfunction.

[David G]

Q. What do you call a blind deer?

A. No ideer...

[JayInOz]

A dead blind deer? Still no eye deer.

[David G]

Q. Hey Jay... can February March?

A. No, but April May...

[UCanoe_2]

Q: What do a tornado and a West Virginia (Newfoundland, etc.) divorce have in common?

A: In either one, somebody's going to lose a mobile home.

[jonboy]

Went and bought a chicken the other day, thinking maybe it will make some sandwiches, a salad perhaps .
three days later and all its done is s**t on the floor

[David G]

Food jokes, eh?

Q. What do you call a cheese without any friends?

A. Provolone...

[UCanoe_2]

Once upon a time there was an old farmer in West Virginia. One day some city slickers drove up and asked permission to hunt squirrels on the farm.

"Why, sure," said the farmer, "and my boy Zeke will go with you and show you the good spots."

So while the city slickers got their expensive hunting gear and fancy shotguns out of the car, Zeke walked around and picked up a pocket full of rocks.

Zeke led the hunters to a good spot in the woods, and they took turns with the squirrels. One at a time, the city slickers would each shoot a squirrel, and then Zeke had a turn.

Zeke was pretty accurate with the rocks. One rock, one dead squirrel. Finally everyone had a limit, and they hiked back to the farm house.

"Say, Zeke," one of the city slickers asked, "I noticed that you threw rocks at the squirrels left handed, but you do everything else with your right hand. Why is that?"

"Well," Zeke replied, "Paw won't let me throw right handed. He says it tears up too much meat."