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Thread: greyhound for sale.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
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    ibeeria
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    3,223

    Default greyhound for sale.

    Walking down the street near one of the old dogtracks, a man sees a sign outside a house 'Talking greyhound for sale'
    He rings the bell and the owner says' yes he's out in the garden, come and have a look' In the garden there's beauty of a greyhound , and the man says 'is it true you can really talk?'
    'Yes', says the dog, I discovered it when I was still a pup, but I wanted to be a top racer, so I didn't say anything til after I was about three, I'd won all the top prizes and champonships , so thought I'd have a change...' Wow says the man , this is amazing...what did you do ?'
    'I always wanted to work for the government, so joined MI6, and spent the next few years travelling all around the world, sitting in on summits and meetings,.. no one ever suspected a greyhound after all. I listened in to the most secret spies reports and all sorts of espionage. I was the most successful operative for five years, but I got tired of all the travelling, you know, wanted to settle down have a few pups. But after a while I was bored , so I freelanced for a security firm at one of the worlds biggest airports, listening to all kinds of deals, managing the sniffer dogs, drug busts, that kind of thing. Sidling up close to dodgy geezers and villains, I'd see them a mile away after the years at the tracks...'
    'Incredible' says the man.
    So he goes back into the house and says to the owner. 'I'll have him , he's amazing , how much?'
    'Twenty quid' says the owner
    'What !' He must be worth a fortune ! why are you selling him so cheaply?'
    'Well' says the owner, 'he's a lying little bastard, he's never been out of the garden'
    'C'est la vie' say the old folks it goes to show you never can tell

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    25,652

    Default Re: greyhound for sale.


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Posts
    28,476

    Default Re: greyhound for sale.

    Good one.

    Two women are walking through NYC's Central Park when a frog jumps out and says, "If you kiss me I'll turn into a wealthy, handsome investment banker."

    The one nearest grabs the frog and stuffs it in her purse.

    "Aren't you going kiss him?" the other gasps.

    "Investment bankers are a dime a dozen. But a talking frog?"
    The best statement I've seen from this latest carnage came from a student who lived through it -

    "My generation will not allow this to continue!"

    Remember voting age is 18. Read it and weep reds.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    ibeeria
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    3,223

    Default Re: greyhound for sale.

    Man ties his horse outside a bar and goes in for a drink. when he comes out later , someones painted his horse green.
    he storms back into the bar, rolling up his sleeves, and shouts 'OK which one of you jokers painted my horse?
    An enormous mountain of a man slowly stands up and says
    'Me...you got a problem?
    'No Nooo,' says the man, 'just to tell you the first coat's dry'
    'C'est la vie' say the old folks it goes to show you never can tell

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Fredericton, New Brunswick
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    35,224

    Default Re: greyhound for sale.

    Awesome. Carry on - please.
    If I use the word "God," I sure don't mean an old man in the sky who just loves the occasional goat sacrifice. - Anne Lamott

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Winnipeg MB
    Posts
    17,835

    Default Re: greyhound for sale.

    There was another guy rode into town, all dry and dusty from the trail, and after hitching his horse, went around and planted a kiss right on its puckered orifice. Two old fellows passing time in the shade of the saloon porch asked him, "Why'd you do that?"

    "Chapped lips", came the laconic reply.

    "Huh. Does it help?"

    "Well, it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

    What are you doing about it?




  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Port Richey
    Posts
    12,320

    Default Re: greyhound for sale.

    Florida voted to ban greyhound racing by 2020. There should be lots of them ready to be rescued for free.
    Tom

    "Leave the gun, take the cannolis"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    ibeeria
    Posts
    3,223

    Default Re: greyhound for sale.

    three drunks on a train in London
    one says 'Is this Wembley?'
    next one says 'no its Thursday'
    third one says 'me too...lets have a drink'
    'C'est la vie' say the old folks it goes to show you never can tell

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