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Thread: morning joke

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Pleasant Valley NS Canada
    Posts
    15,588

    Default morning joke

    Did you hear about the loser who called a phone-sex line and got a pre-recorded message that said, "Not tonight; I have an earache."?
    Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Caribbean cliff edge
    Posts
    18,318

    Default Re: morning joke

    Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

    To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
    Enjoy a good rum on the rocks at sunset.

  3. #3

    Default Re: morning joke

    What happens when you play country music backwards

    You get your wife back, your dog back, your job back.......

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    1,766

    Default Re: morning joke

    These are great, thanks guys
    Don't worry I'm happy

    "The law is what we have to live with.
    Justice is sometimes harder to achieve."

    Sherlock Holmes

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Northern NSW Australia
    Posts
    72,450

    Default Re: morning joke



    A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
    He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
    When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
    The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..."
    The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an
    Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas
    somewhere.

    When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
    So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
    The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
    He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
    One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. (I know, a tear is coming to my eye too)
    All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
    When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
    The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
    "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife
    and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

    "Hasn't affected my brothers though...."
    '' You ain't gonna learn what you don't want to know. ''
    Grateful Dead

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Yolo County
    Posts
    5,599

    Default Re: morning joke

    I don't care to know what the tough do when the going gets tough.

    I am interested in what the enlightened do.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Livin' in the Golden Triangle
    Posts
    56,424

    Default Re: morning joke

    After checking into the hotel, Father Willy O’Dilly finds a Bible on the bed-side table. He reads it for a couple of hours and then leaves his room and wanders into the lobby. There he strikes up a conversation with the pretty young receptionist.

    After she has finished work, they share a few drinks in the bar and then retire to Father O’Dilly’s room, but when the priest starts removing her clothes, she begins to have second thoughts. "Are you sure this is alright?” she asks. ”I mean, you are a priest.”

    “Don’t worry, my dear,” he replies, ”it is written in the Bible.”


    She believes him and the two of them spend a very pleasant night together. But in the morning, as the girl is preparing to leave, she says, ”You know, Father, I don’t remember that part in the Bible you mentioned last night. Could you show it to me?”


    So the priest takes the Bible from the bed-side table, opens the cover and points to the bottom of the title page, where someone has written in pencil, '

    The girl in reception is a good root!'
    "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome and charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime" Mark Twain... so... Carpe the living sh!t out of the Diem

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