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Thread: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

  1. #1
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    Default Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    I remember a workman complaining about some sparks from a burning torch coming down and going into his collar.

    A Manager who happened to be passing muttering ,sotto voce " I don't know what you would do if it was shrapnel.

    Tommy had been a rear gunner in the WW2.


    Another was when we were ashore drinking an argument developed between two matelots and one retorted " It was a KINGS NAVY when I signed on".


    I find myself slightly envious when some one upstages someone like that.

    Has anyone any other examples?

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Lady Astor to Churchill "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison"
    Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it"
    Simpler is better, except when complicated looks really cool.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Two that I sorta remember. One was the exchange between senators, maybe, when the one passed the other sitting at a table, and patted his totally bald head, and said, "Oh, that feels just like my wife's arse." To which the rejoinder was, "Yeah, I thought so, too."

    The other was some famous lexicographer riding a train was verbally assaulted by a prim woman fellow-passenger, with, "Sir, you smell!" His retort, "No madam, you smell; I stink."
    Speak softly and carry a mouthful of marbles.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Pless View Post
    Lady Astor to Churchill "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison"
    Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it"
    "Winston, you are drunk."
    "Madam you are ugly. Tomorrow I will be sober."
    It really is quite difficult to build an ugly wooden boat.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Churchill's are among the best.



    George Bernard Shaw, (playwright): " Am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friendif you have one."

    Churchill: "Cannot possibly
    attend first night; will attend second—if there is one."



    ---------------------------



    Then there was the one by
    Benjamin DisraeliA Member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.'

    "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

    ---------------------------



    Then there was the famous response by the Spartans.

    Philip II of Macedon was conquering Greek city-states left and right, Sparta was left alone.

    Philip had achieved a crushing victory, and Sparta was relatively weak and without walls.

    Philip II sent a message to the Spartans saying “If I invade Lakonia you will be destroyed, never to rise again.”

    The Spartans replied with one word, “If.”



    Philip eventually decided to bypass Sparta as it was a poor region and not worth the fight. Neither Philip nor Alexander attacked the Spartans while they ruled.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Going back to Philip II, this may be a fictitious story but it fits in perfectly with Spartan wit.

    After the “If”, Philip bided his time and then sent a diplomat to ask the Spartans if Philip should come to their city as a friend or a foe, essentially giving the ultimatum of friendly submission or conquest.


    The Spartans reply was a bit longer this time; simply “Neither”.



    As bold and insulting as they were, Philip still steered clear of Sparta.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Here's one I have employed several times, from Mark Twain --

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a very nice letter saying I approved"
    David G
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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    And... one suitable for the Usual Suspects --

    David G
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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    From the film, Casablanca.

    Ugarte: You despise me, donít you?

    Screen Shot 2018-03-07 at 11.06.52 AM.jpg




    Rick: Well if I gave you any thought I probably would.

    Screen Shot 2018-03-07 at 11.06.06 AM.jpg

    Kevin
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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    So after quoting the web, has anyone heard or said one personally?

    I moved to a different shipyard and instead of having an office of my own I shared with 8 others. Every morning this fellow used to come in and use our internal phone to phone across to the fabrication shop to ask someone to clock him in so he wouldn't be late. He bottled up his Farts and released them every morning with great delight. After a week of this I realised that this was the norm and nobody was complaining so I waited of him coming in, and when he did his Party piece with the office full, I said "that's the most sensible thing you'll say today". The office erupted in laughter and he never came in again.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    "I'm so angry I could self combust!"

    "That would be one big-azz fire..."

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    High school class reunion, people filling up the room and choosing their tables. A classmate and good friend of mine was MC, and as he was testing the mic from the podium, he was looking around the room and commenting about people he hadn't seen in a while. He saw me and said, "Hey, and there's Ron. Hey Ron, I'm still married to your old girlfriend." I couldn't help myself and hollered back, "Does she still call out my name?" (He laughed, we are still good friends.)

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    My brother told me he was in a men's room in SFO one day, and after taking a leak, zipped and started out the door. An elderly gentleman with an accent said, "In my country, we wash our hands after urinating."

    And Pete said, "In my country, we don't urinate on our hands."
    Speak softly and carry a mouthful of marbles.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    I heard about this in high school, many years ago.

    A fellow was horsing around in shop class, so the teacher called him up to the front, where the teacher would survey his domain from behind a small podium that held his class lists etc. The teacher looked the kid up and down for about a minute, then says, "Well, Jones, not much separating you from an idiot, is there?" Quick as that, the kid comes back with "No sir, only a desk."

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    My dad was coming out of an hotel in New York in the 1940's, and held the door open for a woman, only to get "Say, waddya want then, mister"
    "I'm terribly sorry, I mistook you for a lady", he replied in his best British BBC accent.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Mahan View Post
    My brother told me he was in a men's room in SFO one day, and after taking a leak, zipped and started out the door. An elderly gentleman with an accent said, "In my country, we wash our hands after urinating."

    And Pete said, "In my country, we don't urinate on our hands."
    It's an old chestnut... but I also had occasion to employ it. Just the once, but it was quite useful.
    David G
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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    My brother was old when he told me the story, so maybe it was his chestnut. Someone started it.

    So. You used my dead brother's chestnut, and you think 'just once' makes it okay?

    [Pretend there is a good rolleyes smiley right here.]
    Speak softly and carry a mouthful of marbles.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Mahan View Post
    My brother was old when he told me the story, so maybe it was his chestnut. Someone started it.

    So. You used my dead brother's chestnut, and you think 'just once' makes it okay?

    [Pretend there is a good rolleyes smiley right here.]
    Lew says he's sorry...
    David G
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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    I used to hang out at Chelsea Commons, a pub on 10th ave and 24th St. Regulars were called Commoners. One day a new bartender was working his first shift when Lucky, one of the oldest "Commoner" came in to have his daily shot & beer and play the lottery. Lucky was about 90 and a WW2 vet. He orders and then hands the new bartender his lottery picks. The new bartender goes to put his numbers in the machine behind the bar and asks Lucky if he wants the lump sum or the long term payout ?


    Lucky sips his shot and gives him the dead eye look and says " What the fook do you think ? "

    The rest of us commoners bust out laughing
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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    I was working for an Engineering company when they acquired a small Toxic Remediation company. They shared our offices and we could overhear how they did business, which was to promise the world to their customers and then skimp as much as possible on the work they did. Very shady and unethical. One day the entire Remediation group left early for lunch. One of our managers came into the office shortly afterward and asked "Are the Dirt-Diggers out to lunch?".
    "I'll say!" I replied.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Towards the end of construction of Truth, the builder, the designer, and I for some reason put our heads in the three notches in the boom gallows. One of them made a comment about our being in the gallows. I was in the middle and said "I feel just like Jesus Christ, dying between two thieves"

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by robm View Post
    I heard about this in high school, many years ago.

    A fellow was horsing around in shop class, so the teacher called him up to the front, where the teacher would survey his domain from behind a small podium that held his class lists etc. The teacher looked the kid up and down for about a minute, then says, "Well, Jones, not much separating you from an idiot, is there?" Quick as that, the kid comes back with "No sir, only a desk."
    You prove my point, Jones.
    The best statement I've seen from this latest carnage came from a student who lived through it -

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    You prove my point, alvin.

    LMAO
    The best statement I've seen from this latest carnage came from a student who lived through it -

    "My generation will not allow this to continue!"

    Remember voting age is 18. Read it and weep reds.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by mmd View Post
    When you have nothing to say, why say anything?
    No. NO. NOOOO!!! And SO close...

    The actual RWW motto is: When you have nothing to say, why say nothing? You can see their allegiance to it every day in the Bilge.
    David G
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    I was working at PNNL (Pacific Northwest NATIONAL LAB), a bean counter who was mucking around in my project funds told me in front of several folks, Farley, I'm not trying to make your little life hard.

    My reply was, I went to a Catholic school in South Chicago, served in the Marines with a tour in Vietnam, and have been married to the same woman for 38 years, you don't have the resume to make my life hard.
    PaulF

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Should that not be:
    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post

    The actual RWW motto is: When you have nothing to say, make something up. You can see their allegiance to it every day in the Bilge.
    It really is quite difficult to build an ugly wooden boat.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    The first couple of hours at work are frantically busy for me- unloading the mail truck, loading the delivery van, sorting parcels, magazines, letters, getting it sorted into various bike runs with everything in order. My boss removes labels from letter trays and pushes them across to me to "dispose of". Yesterday as he pushed them across he said I hope you are making something interesting with all these gifts I send you. I looked at him and replied "an effigy". He thought it was hilarious.
    I was working in a road house years ago and a bad tempered young woman used to come in every morning with a milk delivery. She was never happy. One morning I said I think you should give me a hug. She looked me up and down and said Sorry- I don't do road kill. JayInOz

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by Peerie Maa View Post
    Should that not be:
    I agree... that's a variant they are quite fond of, and familiar with. It might be hard to gauge which they have most allegiance to. <G>
    David G
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    I once was on a road trip that involved driving in a group of bright red Porsches in Georgia. One of the group got pulled over by a state trooper, Ray-Bans and all, who walks up to the car and says "Nobody goes through this state that fast..." to which the driver replies: "Well, Sherman did."

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by bobbys View Post
    .

    No.............

    I'm, so sorry you feel that way. Really I am. So very sorry! I hope none of my scribbling has caused you to be bitter and irrelevant, but if I have ever had anything to do with your unhappiness, know that I'm really, really sorry.
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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dan McCosh View Post
    I once was on a road trip that involved driving in a group of bright red Porsches in Georgia. One of the group got pulled over by a state trooper, Ray-Bans and all, who walks up to the car and says "Nobody goes through this state that fast..." to which the driver replies: "Well, Sherman did."
    Did he get on the radio and ask for back up...with a rope?
    PaulF

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    One time I got pulled over for speeding, doing a little over a hundred.

    The cop said, sarcastically; " I've let Porches and Corvettes go by all night doing, 90, 95. You were doing 101. I've been waiting all night for you. "

    I said, without thinking: " I got here as quick as I could."

    I swear to God it just came out of my mouth.

    He broke out laughing and let me go!

    Kevin
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by Breakaway View Post
    One time I got pulled over for speeding, doing a little over a hundred.

    The cop said, sarcastically; " I've let Porches and Corvettes go by all night doing, 90, 95. You were doing 101. I've been waiting all night for you. "

    I said, without thinking: " I got here as quick as I could."

    I swear to God it just came out of my mouth.

    He broke out laughing and let me go!

    Kevin
    What were you driving at the time? Was that the Yugo years??? <G>
    David G
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  34. #34
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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    I used to hang out at Chelsea Commons, a pub on 10th ave and 24th St. Regulars were called Commoners. One day a new bartender was working his first shift when Lucky, one of the oldest "Commoner" came in to have his daily shot & beer and play the lottery. Lucky was about 90 and a WW2 vet. He orders and then hands the new bartender his lottery picks. The new bartender goes to put his numbers in the machine behind the bar and asks Lucky if he wants the lump sum or the long term payout ?


    Lucky sips his shot and gives him the dead eye look and says " What the fook do you think ? "

    The rest of us commoners bust out laughing
    LOL. I had a similar situation with my buddy, Billy, who just passed at age 84. Last year coming back from fishing, we stopped to buy coffee. He bought a lottery ticket and the clerk asked whether he wanted lump-sum or payments if he won.

    Billy, laughed: "Son, I don't even buy green bananas."

    Kevin
    There are two kinds of boaters: those who have run aground, and those who lie about it.

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    Default Re: Put Downs to be slightly envious of?

    Quote Originally Posted by paulf View Post
    I was working at PNNL (Pacific Northwest NATIONAL LAB), a bean counter who was mucking around in my project funds told me in front of several folks, Farley, I'm not trying to make your little life hard.

    My reply was, I went to a Catholic school in South Chicago, served in the Marines with a tour in Vietnam, and have been married to the same woman for 38 years, you don't have the resume to make my life hard.
    Oh, that's GOOD!
    The best statement I've seen from this latest carnage came from a student who lived through it -

    "My generation will not allow this to continue!"

    Remember voting age is 18. Read it and weep reds.

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