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Thread: Week at the gym.

  1. #1
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    Default Week at the gym.



    Dear Diary. For my sixty fifth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college tennis team 45 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress .........
    >> MONDAY Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, all though my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
    >> TUESDAY I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air -- then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
    >> WEDNESDAY The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, She gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
    My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone inve gmynt a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh*t too.
    >> THURSDAY Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
    >> FRIDAY I hate that ....bobbys edit......... mean person..... Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the f-----ing barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
    >> SATURDAY Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner.However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
    >> SUNDAY I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I cango and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my .....bobbys edit,,,,, significant partner...... will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a vasectomy.
    Last edited by bobbys; 01-11-2018 at 11:47 AM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Yes this is old.

    I did laugh.

    My son took me to his very fancy heatlh club in bend oregon.

    I swam with the grandkids,

    I just peeked at all the machines.

    Took a steam.

    . Was pooped after that.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader.
    This made you laugh? I'm seriously not feeling it.
    There is no rational, logical, or physical description of how free will could exist. It therefore makes no sense to praise or condemn anyone on the grounds they are a free willed self that made one choice but could have chosen something else. There is no evidence that such a situation is possible in our Universe. Demonstrate otherwise and I will be thrilled.

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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by JimD View Post
    This made you laugh? I'm seriously not feeling it.
    Oh, the wife also gets called b*tch. Itís a charmer of a tale.

    Peace,
    Robert

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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Thassourboy!!
    David G
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    http://www.harborwoodworking.com/boat.html

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Well-Wrote, Bobbys! It is an oldie, but definitely a goodie. I especially like the tooth-brushing visual.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Thassourboyz!!!

    BTW - the thread title is mis-spelled. Should have bee 'weak'... no?
    David G
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    New to me Enjoyed it
    \"Of all the things I\'ve lost, I miss my mind the most.\"

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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by amish rob View Post
    Oh, the wife also gets called b*tch. It’s a charmer of a tale.

    Peace,
    Robert
    .

    Yes i can see how it would have offeneded you so i changed it. Im sorry you were tramidized..

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by JimD View Post
    This made you laugh? I'm seriously not feeling it.
    .

    I changed it for you to mean person. Didga really think thats the humor i found?..

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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobbys View Post
    .

    Yes i can see how it would have offeneded you so i changed it. Im sorry you were tramidized..

    Oh, you didnít offend me, you simply insulted every woman ever born. I would advise you to not use that word around the women in my family. They are accustomed to being treated like human beings, not animals.

    Racist and sexist jokes arenít funny. Hurtful, derogatory, slur based humor isnít funny. Blaming other people for personal shortcomings is not funny.

    To me. But Iím not known for my sense of humor.

    Peace,
    Robert

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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by amish rob View Post
    Oh, you didn’t offend me, you simply insulted every woman ever born. I would advise you to not use that word around the women in my family. They are accustomed to being treated like human beings, not animals.

    Racist and sexist jokes aren’t funny. Hurtful, derogatory, slur based humor isn’t funny. Blaming other people for personal shortcomings is not funny.

    To me. But I’m not known for my sense of humor.

    Peace,
    Robert
    .

    Is the story funny to you now that its changed or was yer reply a chance to take a shot at me?

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobbys View Post
    .

    Is the story funny to you now that its changed or was yer reply a chance to take a shot at me?
    There is not one funny word in the entire post. Not one.

    Peace,
    Robert

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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    Thassourboyz!!!

    BTW - the thread title is mis-spelled[sic]. Should have bee[sic] 'weak'... no?
    "mis-spelled" is misspelled.

    "bee" should be been.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by amish rob View Post
    There is not one funny word in the entire post. Not one.

    Peace,
    Robert
    .

    The humor was he was very out of shape and failed at his try at getting back in shape...

    Thus his anger at the girl and his .....partner....rather then himself..

    I can come over saturday night and splain the bees or 2 wild and crazy guys skits if you wish.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by Donn View Post
    "mis-spelled" is misspelled.

    "bee" should be been.
    Thunk you for the speelong lessen. But please don't start tutoring bbbbbbbybs... his fragile ego couldn't stand the disapprobation. And, for gord's sake... don't ever say anything of substance here. The shock to our system would be be too much. Just continue to follow your sidekick's lead.
    David G
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    http://www.harborwoodworking.com/boat.html

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by David G View Post
    Thunk you for the speelong lessen. But please don't start tutoring bbbbbbbybs... his fragile ego couldn't stand the disapprobation. And, for gord's sake... don't ever say anything of substance here. The shock to our system would be be too much. Just continue to follow your sidekick's lead.
    .

    I mis spelled a bilge persons name once and faced a vigalante group with rope.

    Odd they never have said anything when you mock my name.

    Typical lib hypocrites.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobbys View Post
    .

    The humor was he was very out of shape and failed at his try at getting back in shape...

    Thus his anger at the girl and his .....partner....rather then himself..

    I can come over saturday night and splain the bees or 2 wild and crazy guys skits if you wish.
    Oh, this is a 'story'.

    I thought it were autobiographical.

    Tough crowd here today eh BS?
    Simpler is better, except when complicated looks really cool.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Pless View Post
    Oh, this is a 'story'.

    I thought it were autobiographical.

    Tough crowd here today eh BS?
    .

    Well no one laughed at my dog dead.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Still beating that dead horse... er, dog ... story?
    Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by mmd View Post
    Still beating that dead horse... er, dog ... story?
    he finally gave up on the taking a long walk off a short roof story
    Simpler is better, except when complicated looks really cool.

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Pless View Post
    he finally gave up on the taking a long walk off a short roof story
    Oh Crapt... NOW you've gone and done it...
    David G
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    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobbys View Post
    .

    Is the story funny to you now that its changed or was yer reply a chance to take a shot at me?
    Your insistence there is some ďbeefĒ between us may be the thing that drives me away from here.

    Where were your concerns about my being offended when I was calling out an offensive meme about the First Lady?

    Peace,
    Robert

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobbys View Post
    .

    The humor was he was very out of shape and failed at his try at getting back in shape...

    Thus his anger at the girl and his .....partner....rather then himself..

    I can come over saturday night and splain the bees or 2 wild and crazy guys skits if you wish.
    Not funny. My world is full of lazy, big mouthed ďmenĒ ready to belittle anyone around them, especially women, and especially their own wives. They also like to externalize blame for all their problems.

    As to coming over, anyone is welcome in my home, but manners are required, and that means we respect everyone, and only tease people we know.
    Iím not sure what the bees are, but the 2 wild and crazy guys skit is something I could explain to you, Iím sure.

    Peace,
    Robert

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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Robert, buddy, expect nothing more than Dunning-Kruger from alvin and you'll be handsomely rewarded. Expect anything else and you'll be sorely disappointed.
    The best statement I've seen from this latest carnage came from a student who lived through it -

    "My generation will not allow this to continue!"

    Remember voting age is 18. Read it and weep reds.

  26. #26
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by John of Phoenix View Post
    Robert, buddy, expect nothing more than Dunning-Kruger from alvin and you'll be handsomely rewarded. Expect anything else and you'll be sorely disappointed.
    .

    I do not expect anything from you besides dunning kruger and a LMAO..

    For a guy that shoud l be plenty smart yer replys are very limited to mocking..

    Why is that?

  27. #27
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by John of Phoenix View Post
    Robert, buddy, expect nothing more than Dunning-Kruger from alvin and you'll be handsomely rewarded. Expect anything else and you'll be sorely disappointed.
    John,
    I figure bobbys to be a guy being silly and having fun, and I hope Iím right. Itís not my brand of fun, but I like to think heís just playing Puck.

    Peace,
    Robert

  28. #28
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    yer replys [sic] (as Donn would say) are very limited to mocking..

    Which is more than you deserve.

    LMAO
    The best statement I've seen from this latest carnage came from a student who lived through it -

    "My generation will not allow this to continue!"

    Remember voting age is 18. Read it and weep reds.

  29. #29
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobbys View Post
    .

    I changed it for you to mean person. Didga really think thats the humor i found?..
    Sure, I get, I think. The humor is about what a jerk he is for reacting towards his spouse and trainer the way he did, consistently angrily blaming others for the condition he is in. It goes to his juvenile lack of maturity, character, and ability to take responsibility for himself. A testament to his shallow social and emotional development. Perhaps when I was much younger and more like the person he has not moved beyond I might have found it funny. But as it is I'm so done with this sort of thing. Perhaps it is a good reminder of how many older men are still like this fellow although I'm too world weary to laugh at it anymore. But thanks for the effort.
    There is no rational, logical, or physical description of how free will could exist. It therefore makes no sense to praise or condemn anyone on the grounds they are a free willed self that made one choice but could have chosen something else. There is no evidence that such a situation is possible in our Universe. Demonstrate otherwise and I will be thrilled.

  30. #30
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by JimD View Post
    Sure, I get, I think. The humor is about what a jerk he is for reacting towards his spouse and trainer the way he did, consistently angrily blaming others for the condition he is in. It goes to his juvenile lack of maturity, character, and ability to take responsibility for himself. A testament to his shallow social and emotional development. Perhaps when I was much younger and more like the person he has not moved beyond I might have found it funny. But as it is I'm so done with this sort of thing. Perhaps it is a good reminder of how many older men are still like this fellow although I'm too world weary to laugh at it anymore. But thanks for the effort.
    You good organize word me want say.

    Peace,
    Robert

  31. #31
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by JimD View Post
    Sure, I get, I think. The humor is about what a jerk he is for reacting towards his spouse and trainer the way he did, consistently angrily blaming others for the condition he is in. It goes to his juvenile lack of maturity, character, and ability to take responsibility for himself. A testament to his shallow social and emotional development. Perhaps when I was much younger and more like the person he has not moved beyond I might have found it funny. But as it is I'm so done with this sort of thing. Perhaps it is a good reminder of how many older men are still like this fellow although I'm too world weary to laugh at it anymore. But thanks for the effort.
    .

    Thank you for yer imput.

    Heres how i saw the humor.

    I have body builder friends.

    I had been roofing for decades, i had walked up and down pitched roofs. All day during that time.

    Thus my legs snd calfs were bigly.

    They came one day and told me i had definition no body builder had..

    They all said even aronald did not have legs like i did .

    Not so much anymore and i do have a bit of a pot belly.

    I had dozens of people help and a lot left or never showed up the next day.

    If you walked up and down a 6.12 pitch roof or steeper carrying roofing for one day you would know the pain.

    Thus i saw the pain in useing those machines and workouts and how i would feel the next day...

    When in the club the buffed girls were there and i was aware i was no attraction..

    Ok thats not funny.

  32. #32
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobbys View Post
    .

    Thank you for yer imput.

    Heres how i saw the humor.

    I have body builder friends.

    I had been roofing for decades, i had walked up and down pitched roofs. All day during that time.

    Thus my legs snd calfs were bigly.

    They came one day and told me i had definition no body builder had..

    They all said even aronald did not have legs like i did .

    Not so much anymore and i do have a bit of a pot belly.

    I had dozens of people help and a lot left or never showed up the next day.

    If you walked up and down a 6.12 pitch roof or steeper carrying roofing for one day you would know the pain.

    Thus i saw the pain in useing those machines and workouts and how i would feel the next day...

    When in the club the buffed girls were there and i was aware i was no attraction..

    Ok thats not funny.
    I reshingled our garage roof last summer. That was not funny, either
    There is no rational, logical, or physical description of how free will could exist. It therefore makes no sense to praise or condemn anyone on the grounds they are a free willed self that made one choice but could have chosen something else. There is no evidence that such a situation is possible in our Universe. Demonstrate otherwise and I will be thrilled.

  33. #33
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    A few years ago now I was on life support for a couple of weeks, with a breathing tube down my throat. When all that was removed, I had a speech therapist assigned to me, who's task was to make sure I could swallow without choking to death. She was a bit like Bobbys instructor, young, petite, stunningly gorgeous woman. Just glorious. Honestly I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. But then she started to work her evil trade. First I had to drink thickened water. Thickened water. Can you imagine such a thing? It was a bit like having to drink a glass of KY jelly, but worse. Later on she made me eat dry, crunchy biscuits, no water, pressing two fingers on my throat while I tried to swallow. She had a whole bag of nasty tricks for me. Bloody devils spawn that woman, never hated anyone so much in my life. My heart sank every time she entered the room. So yeah, I found the joke a bit funny too. Sorry if that offends you Rob. I understand your position, but maybe there's still room in life for the occasional sexist racist mysoginistic belittling bit of humour. Just maybe.

  34. #34
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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    The toothbrush visual was good though.
    "If it ain't broke, you're not trying." - Red Green

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    Default Re: Week at the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil Y View Post
    A few years ago now I was on life support for a couple of weeks, with a breathing tube down my throat. When all that was removed, I had a speech therapist assigned to me, who's task was to make sure I could swallow without choking to death. She was a bit like Bobbys instructor, young, petite, stunningly gorgeous woman. Just glorious. Honestly I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. But then she started to work her evil trade. First I had to drink thickened water. Thickened water. Can you imagine such a thing? It was a bit like having to drink a glass of KY jelly, but worse. Later on she made me eat dry, crunchy biscuits, no water, pressing two fingers on my throat while I tried to swallow. She had a whole bag of nasty tricks for me. Bloody devils spawn that woman, never hated anyone so much in my life. My heart sank every time she entered the room. So yeah, I found the joke a bit funny too. Sorry if that offends you Rob. I understand your position, but maybe there's still room in life for the occasional sexist racist mysoginistic belittling bit of humour. Just maybe.
    Not in mine. Donít disparage women around me.

    Peace,
    Robert

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