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I have PTSD something shocking, this is no secret.
One of the worst symptoms is being hyper alert at all times, from a coma to 104 mph in half a heartbeat. it is very dangerous to approach me when I am asleep or half way there.
My wife woke me by poking me with a broom handle for the first twenty years of our marriage, I kid you not!!!!
Yesterday afternoon I was dozing on the lounge after lunch when my grandson Matari came to visit and he came looking for Grandpa.
Forgetting all the warnings he had been given about me, he came right into my personal space, kissed me between the eyes and quietly said " love you more, grandpa"
My reaction?
In spite of the huge surge of Adrenaline I experienced, I reached out, gently cupped his cheek and said "Love you back, big time"
So? Most people would say that this is a normal interaction between Grandfather and Grandson. Not for barney, I have had to exercise the most incredible self control just to survive.
This is mind blowing, I am coming home, I have learnt to love and to trust.
As i write this I am in tears. I dispared of ever being able to interact normally with my family, with my children and grand children.
This incident proves I am human and not a monster to be feared.
A new feeling, one I could come to love.
One of the worst symptoms is being hyper alert at all times, from a coma to 104 mph in half a heartbeat. it is very dangerous to approach me when I am asleep or half way there.
My wife woke me by poking me with a broom handle for the first twenty years of our marriage, I kid you not!!!!
Yesterday afternoon I was dozing on the lounge after lunch when my grandson Matari came to visit and he came looking for Grandpa.
Forgetting all the warnings he had been given about me, he came right into my personal space, kissed me between the eyes and quietly said " love you more, grandpa"
My reaction?
In spite of the huge surge of Adrenaline I experienced, I reached out, gently cupped his cheek and said "Love you back, big time"
So? Most people would say that this is a normal interaction between Grandfather and Grandson. Not for barney, I have had to exercise the most incredible self control just to survive.
This is mind blowing, I am coming home, I have learnt to love and to trust.
As i write this I am in tears. I dispared of ever being able to interact normally with my family, with my children and grand children.
This incident proves I am human and not a monster to be feared.
A new feeling, one I could come to love.
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