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Thread: Borowitz on Ryan

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Freeland, WA

    Default Borowitz on Ryan

    Scathingly funny, as usual:

    WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—House Speaker Paul Ryan has set a Google News alert to notify him of the instant that Donald Trump becomes unpopular enough to turn against, Ryan revealed on Thursday.

    The news alert, which Ryan said was set to the phrase “Trump approval rating falls below fifty per cent among Republican voters,” will inform the House Speaker of the precise moment “that I can bail on President Trump at no political cost to me,” Ryan explained.

    “There’s this sense out there in the media that Washington is consumed by drama and nothing is getting done,” Ryan told reporters. “I think it’s important for people to know that important things are, in fact, getting done, and setting this Google News alert is one of those things.”

    Asked by a reporter when he anticipated turning on Trump, Ryan dismissed that as a hypothetical question, adding, “There is no timetable for my inevitable betrayal of him. Once I receive that Google News alert, it will most likely happen a split second after that.”

    Ryan ended his press conference by reassuring the American people that he is hard at work for them. “I am checking my phone every ten—and sometimes every five—minutes,” he said.
    Last edited by Gerarddm; 05-19-2017 at 03:40 PM.
    ​Freeland, WA

    Next election, vote against EVERY Republican, for EVERY office, at EVERY level. Make Lincoln great again.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Portland, Oregon

    Default Re: Borowitz on Ryan

    David G
    Harbor Woodworks

    "It was a Sunday morning and Goddard gave thanks that there were still places where one could worship in temples not made by human hands." -- L. F. Herreshoff (The Compleat Cruiser)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Entry Level

    Default Re: Borowitz on Ryan

    He's a Mexican. -- Donald Trump.
    America cannot survive another four years of Barack Obama. -- Governor Chris Christie (R) New Jersey
    It wasn't racism, it was an attack on Christianity. -- Fox News
    Crying white mothers are ratings gold. -- National Rifle Association

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Between Here and There

    Default Re: Borowitz on Ryan

    One of the most enduring qualities of an old wooden boat is the smell it imparts to your clothing.

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