honest Thieves

[Meli]

This is something that I have been pondering for some time.
If someone breaks into your home or car or shed and nicks your stuff, they are an honest thief.
They do not know you, it is totally impersonal to them (OK it may not be impersonal if they nick grandma's wedding ring, but they dont know that.
These men or women, if caught, get the full weight of the law.

But what about the person you may invite into your home, have a cup of tea with, you make eye contact, you talk with.
You may make deal with them to your mutual satisfaction, you may give them something (understanding that it is to help them, not make a profit from.)
And then these people screw you (legaly) is this sort of betrayal not worse than an impartial person just nicking some stuff?
These sort of people have committed no crime, yet the emotional pain(and sometimes financial pain) is often worse than that inflicted by the "honest thief"

Think about it

[Paul Pless]

This

uhhh. . .

[Meli]

uhhh. . .

sorry.
Puter problems

[Syed]

Meli, you are talking about thugs.

[Meli]

Meli, you are talking about thugs.

Nope, I'm talking about the Woman that leaves here furniture with you for a year pretending that she wants it restored, the askes for it back (gets 12 months free storage)
Or the man that asks you for an insurance quote on something that is obviously damaged by the kids
Or the person that askes you when you are busy on a stall, how much an old suitcase is ($5) when they know it's full of colectable prints from the 1920's,
Or the person that rips your 8 year old kid off when he's selling his toys at a market.
These sort of scumbags.

[Jim Ledger]

Nope, I'm talking about the Woman that leaves here furniture with you for a year pretending that she wants it restored, the askes for it back (gets 12 months free storage)

Could you explain this one a little bit, Meli?

Did she leave it intending you to start after a years time?

[Paul Pless]

Think about it

I don't let folks that 'don't matter' determine my happiness. . .

[Meli]

nope the just dupm it on you promising a deposit that never arives.
occupational hazzard.

OK I'm having a major rant.

I have an ex that sent me an email saying I should die, and die soon. (cos he has to give me a whole 60% of the house cos he abandonded me with the kids.
I have a son with a crippled leg that may be amputated in 3 weeks
cos I have to find the ex's 40% in 2 months or lose my hom
cos my 80 OY mother is suffering chronic depession and is about to be admitted into a mental hospital and my 3 siblings say it's not their problem
cos to sell my house I have about $25,000 in repairs to do on my own (cos I have no money) in 8 weeks)
C0s my Ex is refusing to sign documents to get me a loan, despite court orders
Cos the bastard next door who said he would buy my land to pay the ex (and it's specifically in the orders to give me time to do this) is now playing silly buggers.

Cos my siblings have said that they are only interested in their own family problems and if I chose to help our mum then thats my affair (Oh, my brother put my 80 year old mum (with freeking ostio perosis) on her bike today and said that cheered her up.. FAAAAAAK

And then some basterd nicks the mirror of my dressing table that I left outside for a gift to anyone who wanted something lovely for free.

[Paul Pless]

See there, now we know what's really bothering you, and it nothing really to do with storing anybody's furniture. . .

[Phillip Allen]

Paul, a word of caution: listen but don't try to fix it

[Meli]

No. thats just a minor exaple of the crappy stuff.
It's half past 12 and you can let Ian know I am getting pissed and will not go to work tomorrow.

[Paul Pless]

Paul, a word of caution: listen but don't try to fix it

I wouldn't dare. Nor would I even know where to start.

[Meli]

Paul, a word of caution: listen but don't try to fix it

have you ever had a partner of 30 years telling you you should Die and die soon?

Or a sibling telling you that your parents did'nt give them enough cuddles (cos my dad worked 15 hours per day) so they dont feel they have to help with your mum? (allthough ther only work 1 day per week and live 3 minuits away from her)

Gahhhh
It's not freekin funny.
Well I supose it is in a black humour sort of way :
So I'm going to rant .....Is the ok with you blokes?

[Jim Ledger]

Go ahead then.

[Phillip Allen]

have you ever had a partner of 30 years telling you you should Die and die soon?

Or a sibling telling you that your parents did'nt give them enough cuddles (cos my dad worked 15 hours per day) so they dont feel they have to help with your mum? (allthough ther only work 1 day per week and live 3 minuits away from her)

Gahhhh
It's not freekin funny.
Well I supose it is in a black humour sort of way :
So I'm going to rant .....Is the ok with you blokes?

go ahead and rant... we'll be a sounding board for ya and if we can actually think of something to help we will ask if you want to hear it, we'll ask very timidly though (and I, for one, will NOT laugh... of course it's serious)

[Meli]

Thank you Philip.
Nah, of course you cant actually help (unless you have $260 AU to spare ? )

I'm just a little shocked at the moment at the selfishness of my siblings.
we are not a particularly close family, but neither are we totally disengaged (or so I thought)

My sibs leaving my mums problems for me to deal with again, (they were all away on holidays when I first had to admit her into a psych hosp) has shocked me.
They are all well off, married, two incomes and no sick or little kids and both live 3 minuits away from her.
they know what I'm dealing with, with a mad ex and a crippled son on a single income.

I'm just gutted that they can.
1. be so hard on mum (OK she was'nt the best mum in the world in 2012 terms , but pretty normal for her time)
2. be so blind about the burdens I already have on me.

I've always been pretty self relient but there is a breaking point. I have'nt reached it yet but I'm freekin close

[Phillip Allen]

Thank you Philip.
Nah, of course you cant actually help (unless you have $260 AU to spare ? )

I'm just a little shocked at the moment at the selfishness of my siblings.
we are not a particularly close family, but neither are we totally disengaged (or so I thought)

My sibs leaving my mums problems for me to deal with again, (they were all away on holidays when I first had to admit her into a psych hosp) has shocked me.
They are all well off, married, two incomes and no sick or little kids and both live 3 minuits away from her.
they know what I'm dealing with, with a mad ex and a crippled son on a single income.

I'm just gutted that they can.
1. be so hard on mum (OK she was'nt the best mum in the world in 2012 terms , but pretty normal for her time)
2. be so blind about the burdens I already have on me.

I've always been pretty self relient but there is a breaking point. I have'nt reached it yet but I'm freekin close

breathe deep, take a walk, take a walk in the rain and enjoy it... your mom can't I suppose... and probably your sibs wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much as you and don't even know it... ya kain't fix that, so don't try... save your energy for important things

and now I'm off to deal with family angst, myself...

[genglandoh]

have you ever had a partner of 30 years telling you you should Die and die soon?

Or a sibling telling you that your parents did'nt give them enough cuddles (cos my dad worked 15 hours per day) so they dont feel they have to help with your mum? (allthough ther only work 1 day per week and live 3 minuits away from her)

Gahhhh
It's not freekin funny.
Well I supose it is in a black humour sort of way :
So I'm going to rant .....Is the ok with you blokes?

I am sorry you are going through a bad time in your life.
There is nothing wrong with getting it out, scream, shout whatever helps.

I hope you will not let these problems turn a nice person like you into the kind of person you do not like.

[skipper68]

I'm so sorry to hear your going thru such horrid tribulations. No wonder your exhausted by 6PM. I cant imagine your stress. Vent all you need. You have a good heart and a smart mind. Just remember, with the good times and the bad-"This too shall pass." Wont the health care system help your son? That is truly frightening. Sometimes you just need to get toxic people out of your world, sadly. I did with a few family members. It was a relief to not count on them, to be honest. My best wishes are coming your way, for your true family.

[Durnik]

You know Meli,

I try to remember this -

We're all doing the best we can with what we have..

Your Mum, you.. & you're blasted self-centered siblings - I'm not touching your ex! ;-)

Sometimes when I remind myself of that, it helps.. sometimes, it don't..

Hope it helps you! If not, there's always (a glass of) Chianti.. ;-)

enjoy
bobby

[PeterSibley]

Keep well Meli ..... it all passes, no matter how bad it seems at the time . DAMHIK.

[Meli]

Well I've just had a blazing row with my younger brother.
He just rang to ask what I had done about mums issues with chronic depression and her thyriod problem.
I said I had made the appropriate appointments and would take her to them and he could ask mum or our sisters.
I asked if he had looked up the connection between Hyperparathyriod and depression as We discussed last week.
He said no, neither has my sister. he's apparently not interested.!!
I made it quite clear with all my siblings last week, that... with me having to organise my son's op, organise his physio post op, organise special clothing to be altered to go over his ilizarof frame, organize home ed for him..re arrange my work schedule..for the NEXT 6 MONTHS!!!!
That from last week, I could not be involved with mums stuff.

He got huffy about it and I let fly.

[skipper68]

Good on ya!Let him ask her PERSONALLY. Guilt is FOREVER. Not for you honey, but it will BURN HIS AND YOUR SISTERS HEART. Stand your ground. You have WAY too many "Fish to fry"..Best wishes coming your lovie's way still. Be the Biatch. They can kick it up a notch..I'm proud of you. Tough line in the sand. Stick to YOUR kids and your home's work.<3

[Meli]

Pisses me off skippy, I regained my usual sunny equiliberam within a day or two last week, despite a scary apt at the childrens hospital (this lattest operation is a toughie with me having to dress pin sites, get him in and out of car bath and a major upheaval in general.

I'm ignoring the bloke next door, my ex and just concentraiting on my son and doing what reno's I can to my house befor I have to sell it.
Feeling good, just about to get the ladder out and start sanding back the flaking paint in the kitchen when .... who should ring. My wittle bruvver.
Is he offering help??? no.. just wants to know What I'm doing for mum!! GAHHHHHHH
I'm all upset again.

I just told him that he and my sibs could just leave me alone for the next 3 months PERIOD

[skuthorp]

Sorry to hear of your family problems, dump 'em all. You got to prioritise here, and your kids and your problems with the ex are the most important, next is you and don't forget that as you are carrying the lot. Re the sib's, they may not want to know now, but when your mum passes watch the vultures descend. Just keep that in mind and plan for it.

[purri]

Meli, the ex can wait for as long as he screwed you around. All it takes is to plead "reasonable effort" to comply with the Court's order(s). Brief your legal counsel quick smart to get the paperwork rolling.

The remainder is the harder part but remember it's not called public health care for nothing.

[Meli]

Sorry to hear of your family problems, dump 'em all. You got to prioritise here, and your kids and your problems with the ex are the most important, next is you and don't forget that as you are carrying the lot. Re the sib's, they may not want to know now, but when your mum passes watch the vultures descend. Just keep that in mind and plan for it.

To be fair, my elder sister did take mum to the psych last wee and bring up a few issues.
The trouble is, they won't communicate anything to each other and use me as a sort of go between.

Sister 1 does this, sister 2 does that , mum tells one one thing and another another.
Brother does SFA but expects to be "involved" in decisions and put his 2 bobs worth in.

I think Im the only one that is talking to all of them so they use me as a ouija board and then blame me when the messages get blurred.
Usually I dont care but now I've told them to deal with it all between themselve and they are not happy.

Stiff fromage

[Meli]

Meli, the ex can wait for as long as he screwed you around. All it takes is to plead "reasonable effort" to comply with the Court's order(s). Brief your legal counsel quick smart to get the paperwork rolling.

The remainder is the harder part but remember it's not called public health care for nothing.

Thanks Rick, my solicitor is on to it all and told me just to relax and much the same as you say.
The trouble is, I want it over. I cant get on with my life until it's sorted and everyone is stuffing me around.

[skipper68]

I need you to PM, or email me. I have something I want to send you. It brings peace to your soul, and good vibes. True. You need some good luck, along with wishes. You are so strong now. You NEED to be selfish. Your doing the right thing.

[Meli]

That flag will do nicely
Yah just made me laugh again.
Off to get the stepladder.

[skipper68]

Really Meli- there are things not of this conscious world. You need my talisman, made by the almighty. Not religious, but effective. Not joking, as your situation needs all the strength you can get. Truly Just contact me, and let me send it.

[Domesticated_Mr. Know It All]

If it doesn't kill you, it just makes you stronger.
Crap I went through during my divorce and custody battle prepared me for the rest of my life.
That was 15 years ago and things got bad after that, heart attack, lost my job, my car, became homeless for about a year, but never as bad as that time in my life, at least emotionally.
At least you have your kids Meli.
I had to wait until my 3 boys turned 18 to be their father again, but it happened and I'm blessed.
Everything you do after this will seem easy.
Hang in there, keep your chin up, do the best you can and enjoy the freedom.

[skipper68]

Yes, My DEAR Mr Domesticated Know it All.. That which does not kill you, makes you smarter. I know your tribulations, like the back of my hands. The answer is- GET MAD. Tell the powers that be-"GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT!" I feel like Costello- I fear NOTHING, when I am in the right. Time heals all mistakes. I send them bad vibes out in bubbles sometimes-yup, weird...but works. There is a pre determined future we learn from.

[skipper68]

Meli, the thing I am sending you, is ASAP on the way back from my lovie in Mass. KOOL!I'll look at my email. sending it express. SWAK, for you and yours.