I guess I'll take it with me when I go
I don't even wish to take it with me. I want to leave it behind but I seem doomed to take all my disappointments along like an unwanted burden. How can I lay it down?
I decided to force myself to write something. It's a ramble but it's all I can achieve. I won't even get very far...
Why does everything have to be so disconnected? I still sing but now I sing out of tune. If I don’t sing out of tune then I choke up. It’s the only way I can get through the song. I have to make a joke out of it. It’s tiresome but I can’t stop, I don’t want to stop.
Every time I think I might share my thoughts, I let it slip away. I am afraid to write it down. I am afraid because I know it won’t mean as much to others as it means to me and I’m afraid of yet another disappointment. It would be tragic theater and no one wants to hear it anyway, not even my own kids. Still, I sometimes wish I knew how to write it down. Maybe just so I could see it all again. Just to renew the ache for a while so I won’t have to feel nothing for a while. It’s like touching a sore to see if it still hurts and feeling reassured by the pain.
I know where I went wrong. Well, at least I know some of those places. There’s no use in turning back the clock even if I could. I’d be just as stupid next time around; I guess that makes me a fatalist.
now I have to try and get some sleep and get up and walk in the morning
Last edited by Phillip Allen; 04-26-2012 at 01:17 AM.
The doctrine of nonresistance against arbitrary power, and oppression, is absurd, slavish, and destructive of the good and happiness of mankind.
Personal failures are too important to be trusted to others.