botebum
04-16-2005, 03:42 PM
Day 1- Remove the first 20% of your money from the bank. Purchase beer and liquor in bulk. Subscribe to every boatbuilding and woodworking magazine you can find. Tell your wife she's leaving you. Start drinking and reading the magazines.
Day 2- Realizing from your research that you'll need more cash to outfit a proper shop, remove another 20% of your funds from the bank. Go to the nearest big orange box and spend 75% of the cash on tools.(You can learn how to use them later). On the way home stop and purchase beer and liquor in bulk. Once home remind your wife that she's leaving you. Start drinking and reading the magazines.
Day 3- At about 3am you found a design that is just perfect for your needs. It's trailerable with your Ford Fiesta, sleeps 8 with standing headroom throughout, can be sailed easily with that sloop rig and will get you out to the fishing grounds at about 60mph under power. On your way to the bank(another 20% for lumber,more tools, something called epoxy and beverages) remark to the wife that she's leaving you. Upon returning home begin drinking and reading the magazines untill your wife requests help with her packing. Help her but continue to drink and think of a good name for the boat as you do.
Day 4- Plenty of quiet time to tweek the naval architect's design today with no one in the house to distract you. Begin drinking immediately. By noon you should have the boat redesigned sufficientely. Call a cab to take you to the bank for another 20% for the additional lumber, tools and beverages it will take to finish "Born To Cruise!". On the way home make the cabbie stop when you see a 1970's vintage Volvo station wagon for sale next to a rotting hulk that vaguely resembles a boat in an unmowed yard. You agree to purchase the car for $500 more than the asking price because the back has already been customized into a big tool drawer and the owner's son will tow it to your house. With building costs as high as they are, you have decided that you'll help finance the project as a sort of traveling "boat-repair guy". With all your knowledge and experience it'll be a cinch. Tell the cabbie- "Home, James" and start redesigning your motor-yacht for crew's-quarters. Before "falling asleep" that night, call your brother-in-law and tell him that when he talks to your wife to tell her that everything's okay, the dough's rollin' in any day now and she should come home. Ignore his foul mouth remarks and tell him sure, you know it's 4 in the morning.
Day 5- You rise early and get to the task of opening all those tools. Christmas in (select month of build)!!! First you open up the "Chop Saw". COOL TOOL! Find some scrap wood and... Explain to the ambulance crew about center of effort and self- bailing cockpits. Everybody likes to talk boats as much as you do. Tell them it's not alcohol on your breath it's saltwater in your blood! As you leave the hospital write a check to the Dr. for the last 20% and tell him it's ok some sailors only have a hook on their left hand. You've got two fingers and a thumb. On the cab ride home you see a 13.5ft Boston Whaler for sale in a yard. The owner says sure he'll trade the boat for $12,000 in new tools, $20,000 in lumber and a twelve-pack of Old Milwaukee. He's been wanting to build a boat for a while now. You made out like a bandit! He doesn't know that for a '73 whaler to still have it's original wood seats is rare. Congratulations on your new wood boat!
Hope you all enjoyed my little farce!
Day 2- Realizing from your research that you'll need more cash to outfit a proper shop, remove another 20% of your funds from the bank. Go to the nearest big orange box and spend 75% of the cash on tools.(You can learn how to use them later). On the way home stop and purchase beer and liquor in bulk. Once home remind your wife that she's leaving you. Start drinking and reading the magazines.
Day 3- At about 3am you found a design that is just perfect for your needs. It's trailerable with your Ford Fiesta, sleeps 8 with standing headroom throughout, can be sailed easily with that sloop rig and will get you out to the fishing grounds at about 60mph under power. On your way to the bank(another 20% for lumber,more tools, something called epoxy and beverages) remark to the wife that she's leaving you. Upon returning home begin drinking and reading the magazines untill your wife requests help with her packing. Help her but continue to drink and think of a good name for the boat as you do.
Day 4- Plenty of quiet time to tweek the naval architect's design today with no one in the house to distract you. Begin drinking immediately. By noon you should have the boat redesigned sufficientely. Call a cab to take you to the bank for another 20% for the additional lumber, tools and beverages it will take to finish "Born To Cruise!". On the way home make the cabbie stop when you see a 1970's vintage Volvo station wagon for sale next to a rotting hulk that vaguely resembles a boat in an unmowed yard. You agree to purchase the car for $500 more than the asking price because the back has already been customized into a big tool drawer and the owner's son will tow it to your house. With building costs as high as they are, you have decided that you'll help finance the project as a sort of traveling "boat-repair guy". With all your knowledge and experience it'll be a cinch. Tell the cabbie- "Home, James" and start redesigning your motor-yacht for crew's-quarters. Before "falling asleep" that night, call your brother-in-law and tell him that when he talks to your wife to tell her that everything's okay, the dough's rollin' in any day now and she should come home. Ignore his foul mouth remarks and tell him sure, you know it's 4 in the morning.
Day 5- You rise early and get to the task of opening all those tools. Christmas in (select month of build)!!! First you open up the "Chop Saw". COOL TOOL! Find some scrap wood and... Explain to the ambulance crew about center of effort and self- bailing cockpits. Everybody likes to talk boats as much as you do. Tell them it's not alcohol on your breath it's saltwater in your blood! As you leave the hospital write a check to the Dr. for the last 20% and tell him it's ok some sailors only have a hook on their left hand. You've got two fingers and a thumb. On the cab ride home you see a 13.5ft Boston Whaler for sale in a yard. The owner says sure he'll trade the boat for $12,000 in new tools, $20,000 in lumber and a twelve-pack of Old Milwaukee. He's been wanting to build a boat for a while now. You made out like a bandit! He doesn't know that for a '73 whaler to still have it's original wood seats is rare. Congratulations on your new wood boat!
Hope you all enjoyed my little farce!