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ishmael
07-01-2009, 08:02 AM
The closest I've ever come to a bar fight the music and the booze were flowing. I was dancing with a young lady quite sweetly. Then, out of the blue, a guy came up and said, "That's my lady!" Never one to get into a fight if not needed, I said, "****e man, I didn't know. If she's your lady you should maybe keep better track of her."

He wanted to hit me. I ducked it with a smile. I was pretty fit, and he didn't want a fight. Neither did I.

How about your bad bar stories? Just for fun.

WX
07-01-2009, 08:22 AM
Many years ago I was in a pub with some friends one late night. I was quite happy on a liberal quantity of interesting chemicals, there was good music happening and I danced a bit. Finally I felt a bit weary so i sat down at a table...empty chair, pretty women. Nodded hi ans smiled...concentrated on the music.
Next thing I'm being hauled upward towards the stern face of an Alpha male...none to happy I had invaded his personal-sexual space. Somehow I managed to convey my non-competing Alpha male stance and he settled for a slight shove.

Got out of it quite well I felt at the time.

Paul Pless
07-01-2009, 10:35 AM
gimme three steps

Gonzalo
07-01-2009, 10:45 AM
I was in a St. Paul bar in 1975 when a couple of guys in long black coats came in and started shooting holes in the ceiling and yelling for everyone to get down on the floor and cover their eyes. I had had a few beers, and my reactions weren't to the satisfaction of one of the armed gentlemen. He waved his gun at me, and you'd better believe I hit the floor in a hurry and covered my eyes.

After a few minutes it got very quiet, and people started looking up and asking "Are they gone?" Since they had robbed the till, there wasn't any chance of balancing the drawer, so the bartender started giving away free drinks until the owner arrived.

That's my only nasty bar story. Mostly I stay away from bars because I'm too cheap to pay for drinks over the counter.

I've often wondered who lived in the apartments over the bar and what happened to them as a result of the bullets that went through the bar's ceiling and probably through their floors.

paladin
07-01-2009, 10:45 AM
A smart monkey is a monkey that doesn't monkey with another monkey's monkey!

G.Sherman
07-01-2009, 10:57 AM
In mid-sixties I was often found pushing some limits to other peoples sense of propriety (didn't we all?). I happened to find myself in a bar in upstate New York with my brothers and some friends. We proceeded to get ourselves plastered, I was first. It was then that I met some really "nice guys" who took an interest or offense at my Superman Tee shirt.... I was too far gone to protest as the escorted me across the street to an abandoned store front and proceeded to swing me out over the brambles and debris.... Seems they wanted to see me fly!

Fortunately, my brothers had my back and the "nice guys" were persuaded to set me down.... Oh, the sixties!!!

SamSam
07-01-2009, 11:16 AM
A smart monkey is a monkey that doesn't monkey with another monkey's monkey!
I remember that hanging on the wall. Right next to it was ...

She offered her honor
He honored her offer
And all through the night
He was on her and off her

martin schulz
07-01-2009, 11:25 AM
...a guy came up and said, "That's my lady!"

...I said, "****e man, I didn't know. If she's your lady you should maybe keep better track of her."

Which is BS on both sides.

Neither is any women someones property, so saying "That's my lady" is BS...
nor is a women a dog/sheep one should keep track of.

The other question is why the women in question didn't have a say in the whole business. Your dialogue sounds like you guys were talking about anything, but not about a thinking being.



Last weekend my wife was flirted at by a guy at a party. Knowing that in the end she will walk home with me, I didn't see any reason to interfere - she was enjoying a young bloke flirting with her and he was having futile dreams. But the whole business came to an abrupt stop when she told him that she was married to me.

SamSam
07-01-2009, 11:39 AM
It may be bs, but some women you need to keep track of, they have a tendency to wander.

2MeterTroll
07-01-2009, 11:43 AM
why keep track of a single quail when the covey is so big? if a woman dont want to be with you and wonders off get another one.

Joe (SoCal)
07-01-2009, 11:43 AM
Too many to mention - Irish, bar, women & booze is a volital combo ;)

Three quick ones;

NYC east side hard core shanty Irish bar, jerk pushes me into some friends, I push back, he takes a swing, I deck him. As the bouncer is about to toss me, my buddy says the guy passed out on the floor said F*ck the Irish. They tossed HIM out, bought me a round, winked at my buddy ;)

Flight from Fla to NYC grounded in NC due to NYC Blizzard. GF & I hit a local redneck bar. We are watched the whole time, move to a booth in the far corner to avoid incident. Bubba comes over turns a chair round and starts talking to my GF about her short hair. Then turns to me and says I hear all you NY Faggots like to cut hair. I put down my beer and look him dead in the eye and say now why did you have to go and do that for ?- Now Im gonna have to kick your ass. Before the bubba could blink I grabbed his long hair ( maybe he should have had a NY faggot cut it :) ) smash his face into the table and smash my long neck bud over his head, jump up and grab the chair and beat him with it. He staggers to his feet and I deck him. Im given an escort out by the big black dishwasher.

Last one. Surfing in NC again ( what is up with NC ? ) I was at a bar making time with a lovely lass, when out of the blue a fist hits me in the face. I see this long haired greasy guy set up for another swing yelling that that was his girl. We wrestle and the bouncer tosses us both out. In the parking lot we have an audience. He moved with his hands open to grapple me. I grab his fingers and turn them back on themselves until I hear them crack. I broke about 4 fingers. As he is screaming in rage I grab his greasy hair and drive his face into my upcoming knee. He falls to the ground I then grab his head again and was about to slam it into the curb when my best friend comes up behind me and whispers in my ear "Pssssssssssst Joe you're gonna kill the guy " I shake out of it and realize what I was about to do and gently place him on the ground and walk away.

As you can see I don't fight fair - if you dance with me there are no rules

OK might as well include one loosing story . I had just lost my mother and I was down at her place in FLA. I was drinking too much and got into something with a guy I threw the first punch and I was a total asshole. Next thing I knew he had me in a sleeper hold and it all went black. He set me in a booth and the bartender was there when I woke up and said I was lucky that the guy I decided to be an ass to was an Army Ranger and he could have turned me off like a switch. He told me to pay my tab and leave, I thanked him, tipped well and left.

Havent been in a bar fight in about 15 years.

2MeterTroll
07-01-2009, 11:50 AM
I love hearing about little folks in bar fights. :) makes me happy.

Tom Montgomery
07-01-2009, 11:52 AM
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

SamSam
07-01-2009, 11:59 AM
why keep track of a single quail when the covey is so big? if a woman dont want to be with you and wonders off get another one.I was just sayin'...;)

bobbys
07-01-2009, 12:05 PM
Most of my stories are of me getting sucker punched while not looking and tumbling to the floor in a daze so i cant tell any tales of pugilistic contests won or lost.

The most odd thing i ever saw was in the "elbow room" in Dutch Harbor in the late 70s oily 80s.

This bar was known as the roughest bar in America and having lived in Jersey must say it was right up there.

An Aleut passed out drunk in the mens room and everybody that went in pizzed on him including all his friends.

Cant imagine what it would be like waking up drunk after having 100 guys pizz on you!!!!.

Glen Longino
07-01-2009, 12:07 PM
I never had a bar fight, but I did witness a few.
The worst was two guys and woman in their thirties sitting at a table.
I was at the bar drinking a beer six feet away.
The woman pulled out a cigarette and put it between her lips. Both guys scrambled for their lighters and went to light her up. One guy shoved the other guys lighter aside and lit the woman's smoke.
The other guy pulled a .38 and shot his buddy in the belly.
I quietly slipped out the back door.

paladin
07-01-2009, 12:16 PM
Local redneck place in Deale....was a nice place to meet guys , have a coffee/breakfast etc....most of the old charter capt. hung out there....a few years ago when I was still able to drive the short distance and meet a couple days a week with the guys (before they started dying off like flies) we were having a late breakfast. The owner was in semi retirement and had turned most daily operations over to a daughter....who sorta hung out with some bikers...bikers started hanging out at the bar....then a rival club started hanging out.....in the back room a elderly couple were having breakfast, and I and 4 other guys were having breakfast on the other side of the room...when there was a bang like a big pot falling...then another and a window broke....a biker on one side of the bar had pulled a gun, and another member on the other side of the bar pulled a gun...10 feet apart and they both missed. One bullet went thru the swinging doors, parted the hair of the elderly gentleman sitting with his wife, and passed thru the window next to him...we hit the floor...the floor is your friend...one guy runs from the bar for his bike....the other fellow tosses his gun in the creek and walks away.....they both were nailed later....business has steadily declined I hear...Paul and those of our breakfast group go elsewhere.....

St. John's Newfoundland.....about 10 p.m....heading for Pepperell. Stopped for coffee....only place open was a pub.....I go inside....everyone having a beer...or two...or three.......nobody paying attention to me...Several barstools empty....I sit alone, bartender comes over, I ask if he has some hot coffee, and also a sandwich......He brings coffee/sandwich, looks at me and says "you're a Yank?" I said I guess...I'm American......then he announces that we have a yank in house and he's drinking coffee.....
next thing I know someone grabs my arm, I turn around, and there's a little short guy sorta bout Joe (CSOH) size....he says he's gonna whip my arse....I ask why..."because your a yank and your big"....he takes a swing...I block it....he swings again...and again, so far he hasn't connected.....then he decides to ram me like a bull so I just step out of his way and he hits the bar, sorta sits down slowly on the floor.....no one has bothered to do anything....I turn around to finish my coffee and the lights go out....the s.o.b. grabbed a beer bottle and whacked me in the head when I turned my back...still have a crease in my scalp from it...watch out for the little guys.

2MeterTroll
07-01-2009, 12:29 PM
St. John's Newfoundland.....about 10 p.m....heading for Pepperell. Stopped for coffee....only place open was a pub.....I go inside....everyone having a beer...or two...or three.......nobody paying attention to me...Several barstools empty....I sit alone, bartender comes over, I ask if he has some hot coffee, and also a sandwich......He brings coffee/sandwich, looks at me and says "you're a Yank?" I said I guess...I'm American......then he announces that we have a yank in house and he's drinking coffee.....
next thing I know someone grabs my arm, I turn around, and there's a little short guy sorta bout Joe (CSOH) size....he says he's gonna whip my arse....I ask why..."because your a yank and your big"....he takes a swing...I block it....he swings again...and again, so far he hasn't connected.....then he decides to ram me like a bull so I just step out of his way and he hits the bar, sorta sits down slowly on the floor.....no one has bothered to do anything....I turn around to finish my coffee and the lights go out....the s.o.b. grabbed a beer bottle and whacked me in the head when I turned my back...still have a crease in my scalp from it...watch out for the little guys.

Oh i do; they seem to like to try it out every so often. I have learned over time to never turn my back on a banty.

Joe (SoCal)
07-01-2009, 12:33 PM
and there's a little short guy sorta bout Joe (CSOH) size....he says he's gonna whip my arse

SPEW :D :D :D

I know better than to dance with you Chuck ;)

Osborne Russell
07-01-2009, 12:48 PM
I saw a guy hop down off his stool, whip a set of numchuks out of his jacket and on the back swing he bonked the guy in back of him square across the top of his head and knocked him out.

paladin
07-01-2009, 01:32 PM
Joe...I'm really mild in my old age.....
about 20-25 years ago I was working on a surveillance project in a classified area....I had just been there a few weeks, I was walking down the hallway, about 7 feet wide....when I approached the coffee room and a couple of guys were standing there talking....as I walked past one of them, about 6'4" made a remark in a rather snide way....something about a baby killer from Vietnam, I didn't really stop...sorta slowed down, and he said "hey Phillips, what's the fastest way to kill someone?" and I looked at him and said something to the effect that in his case I'd just break his neck.....he must have thought it pretty funny, and as I turned I kicked upward, planted my foot directly under his chin, and just sorta tapped his head back a little.......
as I walked into the coffee room I heard him remark....Damn, I'd never thought that old bastard could kick that high.........now I'm old and creaky and have trouble getting my leg doubled to put a shoe on that foot...now I have to cheat.....and use a bigger club.

Glen Longino
07-01-2009, 01:35 PM
SPEW :D :D :D

I know better than to dance with you Chuck ;)

You may be short, but you're also Wide, Joe!
Makes a big difference on the dance floor!

David G
07-01-2009, 02:17 PM
Growing up in a fishing/logging town on the Oregon coast, fighting for fun was a common source of cheap entertainment. I've never been a big bar guy, but I can recall my first "bar fight."

High school. Mid-60's. I managed our little Rock&Roll band. Booked us into a dive bar down in Tillamook. Our vocalist was a no-show (not uncommon, he was vastly talented, but into H, even in high school) - so I was on stage doing the vocals. The crowd was commercial fishermen and the mood was ugly, cause fishing had NOT been good that year. We were catching a lot of nasty flak for being "long-haired commie hippies."

At one point I responded to one of the mouthier jerks by asking him, "When was the last time you caught a fish, you loser?"

He and a bunch of friends were waiting for us out back when we finished. They were big, and tough. We were young, and tough. What made all the difference was that they were drunk and we weren't. Being underage, we weren't even supposed to be playing the bar, and the bartender wouldn't give us anything stronger than Dr. Pepper.

It was over quickly. Our drummer took out three of them by himself. The mouthy one swung on me, and I kicked his knee out from under him. We told them if they kept it up, we'd stomp them into the gravel. One of the bigger ones jumped up, roaring, at the bass player - who sunk his fist into the guys gut. He went to his knees, puked, and fell over. We loaded our gear and left... acting all cool and calm. Really, though, we were so buzzed by the experience, and by winning so easily, that we couldn't stop talking about it on the whole hour+ drive home. First time any of us had fought with "adults." Truthfully, though, we'd had far tougher brawls with rival football teams after a game.

I'm with Chuck. I'm glad those days are over. Fun while it lasted and all... but dangerous and stupid, eh?


"To fight and conquer all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemies resistance without fighting" -- Sun-Tzu

bobbys
07-01-2009, 03:07 PM
Growing up in a fishing/logging town on the Oregon coast, fighting for fun was a common source of cheap entertainment. I've never been a big bar guy, but I can recall my first "bar fight."

High school. Mid-60's. I managed our little Rock&Roll band. Booked us into a dive bar down in Tillamook. Our vocalist was a no-show (not uncommon, he was vastly talented, but into H, even in high school) - so I was on stage doing the vocals. The crowd was commercial fishermen and the mood was ugly, cause fishing had NOT been good that year. We were catching a lot of nasty flak for being "long-haired commie hippies."

At one point I responded to one of the mouthier jerks by asking him, "When was the last time you caught a fish, you loser?"

He and a bunch of friends were waiting for us out back when we finished. They were big, and tough. We were young, and tough. What made all the difference was that they were drunk and we weren't. Being underage, we weren't even supposed to be playing the bar, and the bartender wouldn't give us anything stronger than Dr. Pepper.

It was over quickly. Our drummer took out three of them by himself. The mouthy one swung on me, and I kicked his knee out from under him. We told them if they kept it up, we'd stomp them into the gravel. One of the bigger ones jumped up, roaring, at the bass player - who sunk his fist into the guys gut. He went to his knees, puked, and fell over. We loaded our gear and left... acting all cool and calm. Really, though, we were so buzzed by the experience, and by winning so easily, that we couldn't stop talking about it on the whole hour+ drive home. First time any of us had fought with "adults." Truthfully, though, we'd had far tougher brawls with rival football teams after a game.

I'm with Chuck. I'm glad those days are over. Fun while it lasted and all... but dangerous and stupid, eh?


"To fight and conquer all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemies resistance without fighting" -- Sun-Tzu.

The outcome would have been a bit different if you took on sum of those big TiLLamook woman.:D

Leon m
07-01-2009, 06:31 PM
Oh I got a few...But my favorite one was a a honky tonk down In Texas. I was with with my wild buddy "Woody"(last Name Wood), Once you got a few flaming shooters into Woody ya better be ready for anything, and I mean ANYTHING, this guy was scary. So we're shooting some pool and pooling some shooters. Having a good ol Texas time when these two Mexican fellas come up and ask if we wanted to play doubles...well my good buddy Woody looks the one square in the eye and says..."WE DON"T PLAY POOL WITH NO STINKIN GREASY MEXICANS" ! So I'm thinkin oh sh!#, it's on. The one mexican fella takes a swing at Woody with a pool que. Then I look at the guy across from me to guage his intentions, and he says to me "You got a problem?"...I says..."Guess I do now" so I planted the heel of my boot in his chest , and he goes flying into this big texas REX kinda guy playing pool next to us. Rex gets nocked over onto the pool table and spills his beer. Rex has a short fuse and comes up swinging and breaks his pool que over the mexican guys shoulder. then he looks at me and realizes I'm the one that caused the trouble. So he standing there with a broken ,sharp, jagged pool que, and looking at me real mad like, mean while I see Woody exchanging blow with his dance partner out of the corner of my eye, and I'm thinking this isn't looking good for me.Then all these sirens and flashing lights start going off in the bar, and an army of bouncers and bartender are rushing us. After a little man handeling buy some really big guys me and my buddy are thrown out the door in a rather ruff manner and told to never come back...I was ok with that...but my buddy Woody(all jacked on adreneline) had to take a tire iron and bust out a window on a car that he thout belonged to our mexican dance partners on his way out...Good ol Woody...never a dull moment with that dude.

For the record... I have no problem with Latino's...there fine people. :)

huisjen
07-01-2009, 06:47 PM
Back to the original subject, if you dance with her, you might find out why she's not dancing with him, and that whatever he says, she's actually a free agent.

Dan

pcford
07-01-2009, 10:16 PM
.

The outcome would have been a bit different if you took on sum of those big TiLLamook woman.:D

Ya, like you've been there.

bobbys
07-01-2009, 10:28 PM
Ya, like you've been there..

Built the Forestry dept building one winter and fished out of Garibaldi, Very scary Bar{ocean};) there but other then that did not live there.

ishmael
07-01-2009, 10:44 PM
Which is BS on both sides.

Neither is any women someones property, so saying "That's my lady" is BS...
nor is a women a dog/sheep one should keep track of."

You've obviously never been to a bar in central Massachusetts.

PatCox
07-01-2009, 11:42 PM
I was cutting the rug at a place called the Jug with a girl named Linda Lou
when there came on a man with a gun in his hand, looking for you know who
I said "listen here mister, I didn't even kiss her, and I got no problem with you
So I know you don't owe me, but I wish you would let me ask one favor of you
Oh won't you give me three steps, give me three steps mister, give me three steps towards the door,
Just give me three steps, give me three steps mister, and you'll never see me no more.

Great song.

PatCox
07-02-2009, 12:01 AM
I was 20, I was in love with this blonde Christie Brinkley lookalike who was a waitress where I was working as a cook.

She and I had hooked up and were working a fine passionate romance. We had been out that night, and I was driving her home.

As I drove down her street, a car parked at the end of the street followed us and pulled into the driveway behind us.

Now for the last 5 minutes, during the drive home, Christie Brinkley was telling me she had to cut it off with me, onnacounta she had this boyfriend.

Thats who pulled up behind us.

He got out of the car and walked up to my door, and yelling and all, and then he punches me in the face, a glancing blow, through the open window.

Now I am not, by any means a tough guy, though I am not small, and I was fit then, and strong. I decided to open the door of the car very abruptly and forcefully, it hit him and got him off balance.

And the poor schmuck, he was a little dude, now, I cannot box, but I can grapple, and in 5 seconds I grabbed him, put him down, sat on his chest, pinned his arms, and commenced to lecture him, on a subject very important to me, and on which I have strong opinions, which was that I don't like being hit in the face. I did at this time actually grab his gonads and squeeze them, for emphasis. My dad always said to me, fighting is not a game, its serious, and if someone forces you to do it, you should fight very dirty, incapacitate them as soon as possible, and he specifically said, no pulling hair, they will just pull yours in return, no kicking or punching in the balls, you are likely to miss, he told me, grab a guys balls, that gets their attention. He also did tell me that I should gouge out their eyeballs if necessary, my dad was a city kid. So I followed the "grab the balls" advice."

Little punk was screaming at me that I was "messing with the wrong dude, and messing with the wrong FAMILY, which really annoyed me.

But here I was on Christy's mom and dad's lawn, so I decided I would try to defuse it, and I told him I was going to let him up and we were going to act like grownups.

I let him up, and the bastard caught me on the chin and put a hole in my face where my teeth came through my face. And the amazing thing was it still only took 5 seconds to get him down, kneel on his arms, and grab his balls again. I bled on him, for a spell, just to show him how bad he had been, like shoving a dogs nose in its mess.

The chick by this time was screaming at him to stop being an asshole.

I was so level-headed, I was thinking, I am going to be the cool one here, and impress her with my collectedness and adulthood, and I did not kill him, I let him up again, this time telling him if he hit me again I would kill him. And this time, it was over, he left, she brought me ice for my face, and I went home.

Now, remember, she was breaking up with me at the time.

The next morning, she drove him to my apartment and made him apologize to me. She was that beautiful, he did. I was standing there in my underwear, hungover, and this dude was saying he's sorry.

Then she dumped him and went out with me for the rest of the summer, until I went back to college and never saw her again.

Damn, she was hot.

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
07-02-2009, 02:02 AM
When you're a great dancer, like I am, that kinda crap happens all the time.
My first verbal reply to guys making a claim on the girl I happen to be dancing with is......"well why aren't you dancing with her then?"

skuthorp
07-02-2009, 10:16 AM
Only once did I whip a guy's girl olut from under his nose, but it was one of those instant atraction things for both of us. He really didn't get a chance to get sore, she just got up and we left. I still feel sorry for him. She was hot too, med student, I had an old Chev that her dad took a fancy too. We'd swap for his Roller (he was a surgeon), he'd take it to golf and we'd go surfing. Eighteen good months and an amicable parting.

Chip-skiff
07-02-2009, 03:53 PM
Having played in a series of bands, I spent quite a lot of time in places ranging from classy ski-resort clubs to crossroads dives (the sort with chicken wire around the stage).

I'm not a fighteró don't like to hit people, because I know it hurts. It's also hard on your handsó can't play guitar with busted knuckles. But one weird thing kept happening over and over.

When you're onstage, singing, you try to make eye contact with people in the crowd, and the pretty girls naturally draw my gaze. But that's entertainment, right? And a lot of the time there are stage lights glaring in your eyes and you can't really see anyone clearly.

In the redneck roadhouse joints there'd be a guy with self-confidence issues who'd come barging up between sets and accuse me of eyeballing his female propitty. Most often I could apologize, buy him a beer, and cool him out.

But occasionally some hyperactive geek would come roaring up during a set and try to nail me.

First thing: turn my back and set the guitar out of harm's way. Second: grip the microphone stand firmly and elevate it. Third: apply the heavy steel base to attacker, as required.

It's not sportsmanlike, but by god it works.

bobbys
07-02-2009, 04:07 PM
Having played in a series of bands, I spent quite a lot of time in places ranging from classy ski-resort clubs to crossroads dives (the sort with chicken wire around the stage).

I'm not a fighteró don't like to hit people, because I know it hurts. It's also hard on your handsó can't play guitar with busted knuckles. But one weird thing kept happening over and over.

When you're onstage, singing, you try to make eye contact with people in the crowd, and the pretty girls naturally draw my gaze. But that's entertainment, right? And a lot of the time there are stage lights glaring in your eyes and you can't really see anyone clearly.

In the redneck roadhouse joints there'd be a guy with self-confidence issues who'd come barging up between sets and accuse me of eyeballing his female propitty. Most often I could apologize, buy him a beer, and cool him out.

But occasionally some hyperactive geek would come roaring up during a set and try to nail me.

First thing: turn my back and set the guitar out of harm's way. Second: grip the microphone stand firmly and elevate it. Third: apply the heavy steel base to attacker, as required.

It's not sportsmanlike, but by god it works..

Ever wonder if it wuz your singing?????:D

Chip-skiff
07-03-2009, 12:56 PM
.Ever wonder if it wuz your singing?????:D

That's possible. Maybe the girls whispered things to their boyfriends like, "Wowó that guy can really sing. Sexy, too."