Lack of adventure

[TimH]

Am I the only one who sometimes feels like he is lacking in adventure?
Maybe its just something people dont like to admit?

[Norman Bernstein]

Am I the only one who sometimes feels like he is lacking in adventure?
Maybe its just something people dont like to admit?

Sounds like incipient mid-life crisis. how old are you?

[Paul Pless]

Am I the only one who sometimes feels like he is lacking in adventure?nope


i give this about a .15 on the ishometer.;)

[Tylerdurden]

Streaking may help.

[ron ll]

Am I the only one who sometimes feels like he is lacking in adventure?
Maybe its just something people dont like to admit?

Boy. There's an opening you can drive a truck thru. So many possible responses, so little time :D. I'll start with the obvious, have you read your own tag line Tim? :)

[paladin]

Yup...sounds like someone that's waited until retirement and suddenly wants to go sailing and figgers life has done passed him by....get off'n yore fanny and just go do it.....don't sit around and whine.....

[Yeadon]

Do you ever feel like you're but one man, stuck on an island?

[Phillip Allen]

you want adventure? try being Phillip for a while!

[Norman Bernstein]

you want adventure? try being Phillip for a while!

I wouldn't recommend that...unless your health care coverage has generous psychiatric benefits.

[ron ll]

How many anchors do you have down? Wife? Kids? Dog? Cat? Mortgage? Pet Tasmanian Devil?

[Bruce Hooke]

Do you mean that you lack adventure in your life or that you lack the desire for adventure?

If the latter I would say that if you are happy with your life as it is, don't listen to someone else telling you that you should be more adventurous. If the former, that is a very different matter. The trick is to figure out what sort of adventure you really desire and see if there is a way to do it that also respects your larger life goals and does not stupidly put you or others at risk.

[TimH]

Sounds like incipient mid-life crisis. how old are you?


41.

[TimH]

How many anchors do you have down? Wife? Kids? Dog? Cat? Mortgage? Pet Tasmanian Devil?

I think I need to finish this house, sell it, buy a 40ish foot sailboat and go explore the world.

A part of me says thats what I need to do, another part says thats nuts :)

[Norman Bernstein]

For a more serious reply:

I understand the sensation you're feeling... and I bet it's probably universal, or nearly so, among men.

Everyone deals with this differently. For some, the quest for adventure is broadly grandiose: some guy quits his job, sells all his posessions, buys some sailboat, and sets out around the world, figuring on picking up odd jobs in exotic ports along the way to pay his food bills.

For others, it's more subdued... maybe a quick couple of weeks as a volunteer on a Greenpeace boat in the Pacific... a climb of Mt. McKinley... or something else that is short term, rather than life-changing.

I went through this phase some years back, but I wasn't one of the 'grandiose' visioneers... I satisfied my need for a difference in my life in more subdued ways, some of them productive or creative, and a couple that were, well, things I regret.

But I can say this: I think it has a lot to do with the level of satisfaction in one's own life. When I sat down soberly and totalled up my life accomplishments, I was 'reasonably' pleased; I had achieved a number of successes in my professional life... engaged in a few extracurricular things which satisfied my craving for accomplishment.... took a lot of satisfaction in my participation in raising two fine young women who make me proud every day... and so on.

Eventually, that feeling that was hard to shake... that I had missed out somehow on life's adventures... that feeling faded, and a feeling of greater satisfaction and tranquility graced me. I'm not trying to argue that I'm totally and utterly satisfied with life... just that it's no longer so important, those things I thought I had missed... and the things I accomplished, and the things I have, especially family, have taken it's place.

I don't know which type you are... but whatever it is, I wish you find what you're looking for... or find satisfaction in who you are, as is.

[2MeterTroll]

I have so far been lucky and had an adventurous life :)

I still want more adventure; this none adventurous part of life makes me feel old and cynical.

[Norman Bernstein]

41.

Yup.. the early 40's are when it hit me. I'm 57 now... not sadder, but infinitely wiser.

[Canoez]

C'mon. I'm just about your age and I have no shortage of adventure - they're not the ones of my youth, but they're still adventures nonetheless. I've got:


SWMBO (Folks, if marriage isn't an adventure, I don't know what is)
2 kids - raising them has been an adventure
The House
The Job(s)
Teaching people to build canoes
Travel - the woife is from the UK and we go to visit periodically, which with two children in tow who want to see everything - that's another adventure.
Pretty sure that I could add to the list without trouble.

I like the camping, hiking and paddling trips and will do more of that when the kids get a bit older - SWMBO may not go for that, but the kids want to and we'll let her sit home in peace while we get a bit more adventure.

It's all in your head Tim. :cool:

[mmd]

Forty-one? Not too old. At forty-one I graduated college (third time), went to the southern Caribbean and started building large 'glass catamarans for the charter trade. Wife & daughter followed a short time later.

There's lots of adventure left in the world. Take an extended amount of time off from what you do (two months, minimum), pack some necessities in a backpack, and go see something far away, like Quttinirpaaq National Park, and let opportunities find you along the way. Adventures are unplanned; expeditions are planned. The hardest part of any adventure is walking out the front door...

[George Roberts]

The movie Up was about adventure.

But I agree with Canoez, wife, kids, house, job provide lots of adventure.

[TimH]

what did you do Norm? It just seems like every day is the same ...wake up work, mow the grass, work on the house, maybe go for a bike ride... I thought buying that Typhoon would help. But actually it makes me want to do more than just sail around the harbor....

That Airbus crash led me to do some reading about that archipelago near where the plane is presumed to have gone down...Fernando de Noronha.

I look it up on the web...look at all the pictures...start thinking how short life is. I feel like I need to go and see places like this..

[peter radclyffe]

Am I the only one who sometimes feels like he is lacking in adventure?
Maybe its just something people dont like to admit? its not a bad idea to count your blessings, you could be testing chinese trucks

[TimH]

its not a bad idea to count your blessings, you could be testing chinese trucks

Thats what I try to do. I have a decent job. A nice place to live.
How could that be boring?

[Norman Bernstein]

what did you do Norm? It just seems like every day is the same ...wake up work, mow the grass, work on the house, maybe go for a bike ride... I thought buying that Typhoon would help. But actually it makes me want to do more than just sail around the harbor......

Well, as I said, I did a whole bunch of very subtle things that you might not consider all that adventurous. I took advantage, for example, in every possible international business trip that I could wangle out of my employer... which included 7 trips to Ireland, several to England, one massive European tour starting in Ireland, then Britain, Germany, and Italy (where I stayed and worked and lived with natives, not tourists), and three trips to Tokyo, including one that took me to Kyoto. I also took an eastern Mediterranean cruise that took me to Venice, Dubrovnik, Athens, Santorini, Naples, Pompeii, Sorrento, and Rome... hardly an 'adventurous' way to see the world, but I saw much of the world in comfort, rather than having to rough it. I took several 'windjammer' cruises on schooners in Maine (the 'dude schooners'), and sailed my own boat to mid-Coastal Maine for a month at a time, three years in a row. I've spent some time at the controls of my friend's Piper Arrow, which satisfied my lust to fly without committing me to expensive lessons. I travelled to Montreal and Quebec doing research on my family tree, spending time in various national archives. I spent an interesting day in an Iowa slaughterhouse, repairing some instrumentation that I designed... and got VERY well paid for it. And there was so much more....

The point I'm making is this: it wasn't any 'one grand adventure', rather, it was a collection/series of very small things which were more adventurous than the usual 9-5 drudgery that comprises most lives.

No, I didn't hike the Appalachian trail... I haven't sailed my boat around the world... I haven't sipped tea with Bedouins in the desert... or participated in the running of the bulls at Pamploma.... I haven't had the utterly adventurous and seemingly exciting life that some folks have described....

...but I've had more than enough 'slightly unusual' experiences to be able to say that I wasn't merely an engineering automaton through most of my life... and I find that it has satisfied me.

In short, adventure is what you make of it... and OTHER people's experiences should have no bearing on what YOU do, nor how you VALUE it.

[Popeye]

go on a three hour tour
.. a three hour tour

[Wild Dingo]

Am I the only one who sometimes feels like he is lacking in adventure?
Maybe its just something people dont like to admit?

Yep... my lifes just like that... boring mundane and totally devoid of anything even remotely exciting

Yep dull as batshyte my life... I mean yer can count the flamin cobwebs in me brain an the spiders chase each other around me eyesockets... I tell yer its friggin duller than a cemetary with me... yep no love no laughter no smiles no gettin out an about no campin fishin muckin about with any sorta semblance of enjoyment.. yeah sure is hard bein me I tell yer :(



sigh....







sigh....







oooh woe another sigh...





















Well it WAS!!! Now Im here and MAN OOOOH MAN Talk about LIVIN!!! :cool:


HOLD ME BACK!!! :eek: nah dont!! :p Let me loose ;)




ahem sorry bout that back to the usual program :D

[Kaa]

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." -- Henry David Thoreau

Kaa

[Ted Hoppe]

Adventure is a matter of perspective. Finding good balance is key. If you find, build and work on strength in your body and mind, you will fall into some of life's great adventure.

I believe, witnessed and participated in some of the greatest moments a person could have and have come to the conclusion that they are all best shared. Whether I run an iron butt (1000 mile day) motorcycle ride, sail the boat in a beautiful competitive way beyond the horizon, run a half marathon or hit the outback and camp for a few days... I find that telling of the story to my wife or young son becomes the marvelous multiplier to my life long story. Having a shared experience with a like minded partner or loved one, so much the better. In my humble opinion, many men who seek easy answers to your posed age old question often miss their own opportunities because the path becomes messy. Roadblocks to most men (to the best of soul satisfying adventures and in a search of a meaningful life) are strewn with things such as foolish extra marital affairs, the destruction of important lifelong relationships, complicating meaningless delays and most importantly their loss of own beliefs.

My advice: Be true to youself. Be honest with your relationships. Keep taking heathy,rewarding steps forward. Your adventure has been waiting for you.

[TimH]

I hope you are keeping good notes for your book :D





Yep dull as batshyte my life... I mean yer can count the flamin cobwebs in me brain an the spiders chase each other around me eyesockets... I tell yer its friggin duller than a cemetary with me... yep no love no laughter no smiles no gettin out an about no campin fishin muckin about with any sorta semblance of enjoyment.. yeah sure is hard bein me I tell yer :(

[TimH]

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." -- Henry David Thoreau

Kaa

Thats a powerful quote.

[TimH]

Adventures are unplanned; expeditions are planned.

Thats a good one. Never heard that before.
Reminds me of this:

"To be truly challenging, a voyage, like a life, must rest on a firm foundation of financial unrest. Otherwise, you are doomed to a routine traverse, the kind known to yachtsmen who play with their boats at sea... cruising, it is called. Voyaging belongs to seamen, and to the wanderers of the world who cannot, or will not, fit in. If you are contemplating a voyage and you have the means, abandon the venture until your fortunes change. Only then will you know what the sea is all about. "I've always wanted to sail to the south seas, but I can't afford it." What these men can't afford is not to go. They are enmeshed in the cancerous discipline of security. And in the worship of security we fling our lives beneath the wheels of routine - and before we know it our lives are gone. What does a man need - really need? A few pounds of food each day, heat and shelter, six feet to lie down in - and some form of working activity that will yield a sense of accomplishment. That's all - in the material sense, and we know it. But we are brainwashed by our economic system until we end up in a tomb beneath a pyramid of time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, playthings that divert our attention for the sheer idiocy of the charade. The years thunder by, the dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on the shelves of patience. Before we know it, the tomb is sealed. Where, then, lies the answer? In choice. Which shall it be: bankruptcy of purse or bankruptcy of life?"
-Sterling Hayden

[TimH]

I know it's not really much of an adventure, but, want to go for a boat ride from Seattle to PT Sunday? If you got a ride home from Keystone, I could pick you up in Mukilteo.

DAN

That sounds like fun Dan. Thanks for the invite. As far as I know the girlfriend has no plans for me on Sunday :)

[Wild Dingo]

Actually all muckin about aside I reckon Teds got this one nailed! :cool:



Adventure is a matter of perspective. Finding good balance is key. If you find, build and work on strength in your body and mind, you will fall into some of life's great adventure.

I believe, witnessed and participated in some of the greatest moments a person could have and have come to the conclusion that they are all best shared. Whether I run an iron butt (1000 mile day) motorcycle ride, sail the boat in a beautiful competitive way beyond the horizon, run a half marathon or hit the outback and camp for a few days... I find that telling of the story to my wife or young son becomes the marvelous multiplier to my life long story. Having a shared experience with a like minded partner or loved one, so much the better. In my humble opinion, many men who seek easy answers to your posed age old question often miss their own opportunities because the path becomes messy. Roadblocks to most men (to the best of soul satisfying adventures and in a search of a meaningful life) are strewn with things such as foolish extra marital affairs, the destruction of important lifelong relationships, complicating meaningless delays and most importantly their loss of own beliefs.

My advice: Be true to youself. Be honest with your relationships. Keep taking heathy,rewarding steps forward. Your adventure has been waiting for you.

Only problem is theres no one to share the journey with :( and a journey like an adventure needs companionship that makes the whole journey or adventure complete... theres one thing to be able to go on a journey or an adventure alone but quite another to share the experiences together with someone special/sygnificant... THAT would make this journey adventure one hell of an experience!!! :cool: Trouble is thats not always an option

ah well the journeys the thing not the destination I suppose ;)

[Mrleft8]

I avoid saying the "A" word, especially when travelling with Carter..... Not kidding. I have stories..... We have pictures to back the stories up..... We avoid the "A" word. If someone uses it in our company, in reference to what we are doing, We have an elaborate cleansing ceremony which involves copious amounts of disinfectant (usually vodka), and subsequent bed rest.

[TimH]

Cool. I'll let you in on the particulars later.

DAN

Sounds good :D

[Gonzalo]

Going on stage has satisfied my need for adventure, at least for now. It is scary, it requires a lot of skill and a moderately thick skin, it is hard work, it is a community effort, and there is lots of satisfaction in a job well done. It has the side benefit of there being lots of young women around.

[Ted Hoppe]

Companionship... That's a different adventure.
I have found numerous amazing women waiting/wanting a good man with a plan in interesting play, shows his true jib, exercising a good laugh, lends a patient ear and gives a nice pour. I would bet my boat that sincere intentions, solid good character, has healthy inclinations and includes inclusive determination are the biggest aphrodisiacs to most women. In the old adages, "Action speaks louder than words." Or "if you have to ask her if you can kiss her... You might want to move on."

In a world of wishy-washy squids, lackluster nay sayers, fatalists, the fearful or the paralyzed, one must seek out, befriend and give the like-minded, one's best buds, close friends and supportive lovers a chance to be part of your adventure. It is the dreamer/planner/doer that inspires the rest of us all to seek, appreciate, learn and join.

[John of Phoenix]

Like Chuck (though to a far lesser degree thankfully), I've never lacked for adventure. Cleansing with vodka sounds like a grand plan, Doug. :)

Tell you what Tim, read the preface and first chapter of this book, "The Three Boxes of Life and How to Get Out of Them. (http://books.google.com/books?id=ceN6EfzfeUUC&dq=the+three+boxes+of+life&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=KyOF0-gOMh&sig=urKCuQtNCrdfMD8BhQyVT1qrX5c&hl=en&ei=wpYlSovgA4OoM7bA6LAF&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=3#PPP10,M1)" and tell us if you get any ideas.

[ishmael]

In the words of the immortal Buckaroo Banzai, "Wherever you go, there you are." He he. I had a skipper who was fond of that and frequently wore a t-shirt with it printed on it. It was a "yachty" venture. We were required to wear khakis and a white shirt, but you could read it through the shirt. Greg was a good chap. Funny, he made deck handing a pleasure with his humor.

Um, as said above, maybe it's time to take a chance? Or, maybe heading into your forties has you a bit edgy and it will pass? All I can say for sure is if you don't like where you are or what you are doing try something different.

[Norman Bernstein]

"To be truly challenging, a voyage, like a life, must rest on a firm foundation of financial unrest. Otherwise, you are doomed to a routine traverse, the kind known to yachtsmen who play with their boats at sea... cruising, it is called. Voyaging belongs to seamen, and to the wanderers of the world who cannot, or will not, fit in. If you are contemplating a voyage and you have the means, abandon the venture until your fortunes change. Only then will you know what the sea is all about.
-Sterling Hayden

I appreciate Sterling Hayden's poetry... but I think it's awful advice... because it's advice that was right for HIM... who is to say it's right for anyone else?

If someone is bound to have a real adventure, it has to be one of their own making, not just the adoption of someone else's dream.

[Glen Longino]

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." -- Henry David Thoreau

Kaa

First time I read that as a young man it scared the hell out of me and influenced my entire life for the better.

[ishmael]

Sometimes a man stands up during supper
and walks outdoors, and keeps on walking,
because of a church that stands somewhere in the East.

And his children say blessings on him as if he were dead.

And another man, who remains inside his own house,
dies there, inside the dishes and in the glasses,
so that his children have to go far out into the world
toward that same church, which he forgot.

Rilke

[mmd]

On an April Tuesday in 1978 I packed my backpack, tent & sleeping bag, and with sixty bucks in my pocket I hitch-hiked across the province (about seventy-five miles) to spend a few days camping on the shore of the Bay of Fundy. I came back in late September of 1979, having held four jobs, travelled through four provinces and seven countries, did a trans-Atlantic crossing, flew in a helicopter for the first time to take ice-core samples on the icecap on Greenland, saw an erupting volcanic island off the coast of Iceland, and went rock-climbing in the fjords in Norway.

Adventures happen when you are planning something else, if you let the opportunity sweep you along...

[Phillip Allen]

mmd has it!

[mmd]

Well, not really... I returned home with about the same amount of money I started with!

But I do believe that the Gods of Adventure tend to favour the young.

[ccmanuals]

Take an Alaskan cruise. Give you a whole new outlook.

[brad9798]

Awe, Tim!

And this from the guy who has Twain's famous quote in his signature line! :(

Seriously though ... I am infamous for doing crazy stuff, although I always take care of biz first ... this allows me to do stuff that most folks think are goofy, lucky, or whatever!

I have toned things way down in the past year or so ... focusing strictly on things with the wife and kids ... something I should have done a while back, but didn't.

Buy a car that folks tell you that you are crazy/stupid for buying ... I GOOD at that! :D

Take a crazy trip ... last-minute trips, especially now, can be had for DEEEEEEEEEEP discounts ...

Buy some crappy little boat to restore to glory ... this is the thing I will prolly do next! I'd like a mid-1950's Chris Craft Capri or Sportsman ...

Get in your car and take a ride somewhere for the day ... stop at mom/pop places to shop and/or eat. We do this a lot. Kids love it too! Never know what you will get!

Go out and overpay for a great dinner and even better service ...

Build a compost pile ... or manage a big garden!

Go to a school or church carnival and knock yourself around on the rides for which you are too old!

Buy cheap land in Colorado ... or another country! Dirt cheap in many places south of the border!

Hope this helps ...

[Paul Pless]

I have toned things way down in the past year or so ... focusing strictly on things with the wife and kids ... something I should have done a while back, but didn't.Brad, are you and your ex-wife back together?

[brad9798]

Yes, sir!

Rough time a couple of years back ... I was miserable and acting like I was 20 again ... but I'd like to think that we never really left each other! Thank GOD!

Thanks for asking!

Things are as they should be ... not just on the surface, but for the right reasons!

:)

[Paul Pless]

Congratulations Brad, that's awesome! and best wishes for continued happiness!

[Glen Longino]

Yes, sir!

Rough time a couple of years back ... I was miserable and acting like I was 20 again ... but I'd like to think that we never really left each other! Thank GOD!

Thanks for asking!

Things are as they should be ... not just on the surface, but for the right reasons!

:)

Well, I'll be darned!
I'm really pleased to hear that, Brad.
I remember some of your posts from awhile back.
Hey, some things turn out right! Good on you!

[brad9798]

Thank you, gentlemen!

:)

[bamamick]

I am happy for you, Brad. Very much so.

Tim, do you have a boat now? My advice, such as it is, is to get a small, trailerable sailboat that you can launch and retrieve easily by yourself, and then go sailing. where you live there are probably dozens of launches in interesting places nearby, and every single sailing trip is about as much adventure as a person would normally need to keep them on their toes. I tell friends all the time that there are no routine sails. Some are more easy going than others, but none of them are ever, ever the same.

Every time I go out IF I get back in in one piece it does a couple of things for me. It boosts my confidence in myself and my boats. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment for having done something relatively rare in this day and age. And it makes me begin thinking about the next trip and where the possiblities for more fun, and yes, adventure, may lie. If you ever get bored with small boat trips you have but to change your launch location or try a little more wind or a beach landing for a quick walkabout. The world is your oyster when you are in a small boat. I recommend it.

jmo Mickey Lake

[Tylerdurden]

I never really had the Mid-life. What happened to me was I fell and broke my back. Laid up for nine months in upstate NY which I hated.
My better half and me had plans to head to Maine sometime after the kids were gone. Both hers and mine. She had a pretty strong career going for her when it happened but I was cooked physically and mentally. She knew as I was getting back on my feet that my motivation was gone and I was at an extreme spiritual low so one day she sat me down and said your killing yourself slowly and watching it was tearing her apart. She said go, blaze the trail and I will follow. I will be standing on the dock someday like I was standing at the Airport fence when you flew in. Its going past four years now and we both have separate lives but the promise stands and we both know it. We talked a few days back and she said she was in the market walking past the magazine rack, she stopped and looked, walked away then came back and bought it. A copy of Wooden Boat. I said I guess I haven't lost my influence and she told me it only grows stronger. I owe a lot to that woman.

[TimH]

I am happy for you, Brad. Very much so.

Tim, do you have a boat now?

I have a Cape Dory Typhoon at the local marina. Been doing day sails. Need to plan an over nighter.

[marshcat]

This is the adventure I have been on for the last 10 years, and expect to be for the next 10 or so:

5:00 get up, drink a cup of coffee, skim the news on the computer
5:30 feed the horses and inside animals. Take a tank of water to the far pasture if necessary
6:00 Get the kids up for school, make them breakfast, supervise dressing/prep
7:00 Get myself ready for work
7:30 wait for the bus with the kids
7:45 drive to work
8:30-17:30 - Work - meetings, analysis, presentations, deadlines, etc.
17:30 Drive to daycare/school to pick kids up
18:00 make dinner for kids and inside animals, supervise homework, etc.
19:00 feed horses, take up hay and water if necessary, attend to any emergency maintenance or chores that can't wait for the weekend
20:00 get the kids started for bed, read to them
21:00 check email, catch up on internet news
21:30 read in bed for a bit
22:00 go to sleep, hope for no stomach viruses, bad dreams, etc.
05:00 get up, drink a cup of coffee, etc.

These tasks are split with my wife, along with normal household chores (dishes, trash, laundry, mowing, etc.).

I am generally happy, although given the low margin of free time in our household, out of the ordinary events can cause significant stress. Sometime I would like to invite one of those extreme sports guys to live with us for a week, hopefully a week that includes a contagious stomach virus (3 full loads of sheets/PJs between 11pm and 4am!), broken well pump, and senior management presentation at work.

I'm sure everyone has similar (or worse) schedules.

[TimH]

It always seemed like the time for adventure would come later. I have successfully eliminated the commute from my daily routine. My boss told me he doesnt care where I live as long as he can reach me by phone and email. That got me thinking perhaps I could live on a boat now. Not only would I be saving thousands a month by not having a mortgage, but with the money I could save I would have that feeling of security. No matter what happened. If I lost my job I could simply take a long voyage. Or just hop-skip down the coast on weekends.

Other languages have better words for this I think...sensucht or saudade.

Most of the time Pink Floyd said it best:

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now. The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.



Sometimes the numbness wears thin.

[Kaa]

Um, Tim? If you're looking for adventure, have a free Labor Day week and about $1000 (much less if you're willing to drive to Reno, NV), I can recommend Burning Man.

Kaa

[TimH]

Um, Tim? If you're looking for adventure, have a free Labor Day week and about $1000 (much less if you're willing to drive to Reno, NV), I can recommend Burning Man.

Kaa

Have you been there?

[Kaa]

Have you been there?

Yes.

Kaa

[Paul Pless]

I can recommend Burning Man.Tim's Cape Dory would fit in perfectly there!

[Kaa]

Tim's Cape Dory would fit in perfectly there!

I don't see why not :D

http://www.formandreform.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/la-contessa.jpg

Kaa

[Wild Dingo]

okay seriously

When a young fella I wandered and had adventures all over Aussie exciting times almost maniacal times I guess... but the biggest adventure I sought wasnt some high lofty mountain or some far of land nor a flash car or boat... for me the biggest adventure I sought was to find the right woman settle down raise a large family then sit back and watch the future through them... and you know I did that adventure to and it was the best of adventures even with the present situation between us the adventure of our marriage was everything I thought it would be... for the most part.

Now its pretty much over and gone I did what most people do when it all comes crashing down around their heads I was a shipwreck washed up on some deserted rocky cove alone shattered depressed and in heart wrenching agony... you know selling the house sticking the money away and just getting on a plane to here WAS the absolute BEST adventure and journey I could have given myself

Now maybe your life isnt like mine was... but none the less maybe you need to make some changes to your life? change a few things go someplace different exciting new and fresh do something outside you comfort and safety zone... take the missus along!!! Sometimes all it needs I think is something neither of you have done over the years together cause like everyone else on this planet I bet you and her have fallen into some ruts of your own creation... just gently try to break free of the ruts of life and you WILL find adventures!!

Sharing adventures with your missus/sygnificant other gives a wider more fuller perspective on the advenure she will remember things you may not and you in turn may remember things she may not and over the years after at odd points in time one of you will start a small snicker of laughter as you recall something that happened on one of those adventures you shared "you remember when..." pinch me moments! moments that bring you together closer and with tighter bonding than anything else can do.

I surely wish Jo was with me on this adventure Im undertaking... honestly I do... but shes not so Im fine with that the memories will be mine and mine alone so the "pinch me" moments will be mine as well... I could never begin to describe even a small part of this adventure with anyone... give them a hint maybe a taste of what it has been like but no one will be able to share it because no one is with me... such is life... its a mighty adventure and one Im glad Ive undertaken the end may not be what I may think or she for that matter may think... but it will end the adventure will be over and doubtful it is that the life I once had the marriage I once dreamed and enjoyed will ever return but again such is life... the adventure such as any adventure is.. is to broaden your knowledge experiences to enrich your lifestyle and give rise to expreiences that you can take back with you as you move forward into a new life... This adventure of mine has shown me that I CAN have another go round at life... that THERE IS someone out there for me to give and be loved by... and that I dont as a person need to suffer another moment and can let go the baggage of my previous life and move forward into a new life... each experience Ive had here even those I thought would be the best but ended up not being so have given me the ability to see past what was and into what can and could be its now up to me to put down the baggage and start to lift and walk into the new adventure of life again... the ability to see things clearly to understand things better from a great distance to impart a sence of understanding that couldnt be understood without the adventure of this journey... Ive dropped a lot of the baggage I left Aussie carrying not all by a long shot but a fair amount and so each day that passes increases my self respect self esteem self knowledge and understanding Im raising above the things that dragged me down and am now content and happy with me as a person... people along this journey have given me that... thats part of this adventure to grow learn and be myself... and thanks to one wonderful lady I now KNOW I can love and be loved again that there is someone special around the corner for me... nothing happened between this lady and I it was just a click of a spark a sudden feeling of contentment to just share a moment and enough for me to suddenly have a "pinch me" moment a sudden clarity of knowledge that someone else could actually want to be with me and the potent of something more... something I thought and believed couldnt be but thanks to this lady I now know can be one day... your adventure may not deliver to you those things but what it will deliver to you is a time of discovery of each other if nothing else and thats as important as anything else...

An adventure can give you back your zest vitality and enjoyment of life in all its colors and tastes... doesnt matter if its a major adventure such as this one Im on which has its reasons for being or a simple change in activities you and her participate in a new restuarant a movie a play see a sunrise in a cottage by the sea... whatever it is it will give you both more pleasure and enjoyment of your lives and each other...

ruts people create their own ruts but struggle to find their way out of their own creation

Make some very simple changes and the adventure will begin dont and it will remain the same... as the saying goes

If you keep doin the same shyte
You WILL keep getting the same crap

So change some of the shyte your doing
And gather some.... adventure? :D :cool:

Im in NO WAY advocating that anyone else do such as I am... getting here was more painfull than Id recommend to my worst enemy... just do the simple things and start to break the monotony of your lifestyle... you will feel better for it and the missus will feel you better for it... ahem... she will be better for it as well I meant!! but hey if the other works then let the adventure begins!! :cool:

[TimH]

Good advice Shane. I like the part about "An adventure can give you back your zest vitality and enjoyment of life in all its colors and tastes" and "ruts people create their own ruts but struggle to find their way out of their own creation"

This feeling I have is called sensucht. Im not sure if its a strictly German trait but I have it. From Wikipedia:

Sehnsucht is a German (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_Language) word that literally means "longing" or in a wider sense a kind of "intensely missing". However, Sehnsucht is almost impossible to translate adequately and describes a deep emotional state. The stage director and author Georg Tabori (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Georg_Tabori&action=edit&redlink=1) called Sehnsucht one of those quasi-mystical terms in German for which there is no satisfactory corresponding term in another language.[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sehnsucht_(C._S._Lewis)#cite_note-urlWhen_Sehnsucht_.28desire.29_leads_you_up_the_ga rden_path-0) It is this close relationship (encapsulated in one word) between ardent longing or yearning (das Sehnen) and addiction (die Sucht ) that lurks behind each longing, waiting to turn the feeling into a destructive, self-defeating force.[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sehnsucht_(C._S._Lewis)#cite_note-urlWhen_Sehnsucht_.28desire.29_leads_you_up_the_ga rden_path-0) Sehnsucht took on a particular meaning in the work of author C. S. Lewis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C._S._Lewis).
Lewis denotes by Sehnsucht the "inconsolable longing" in the human heart for "we know not what." In the Afterword to the third edition of The Pilgrim's Regress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pilgrim%27s_Regress) he provides examples of what sparked this desire in him particularly. Lewis talks about

That unnameable something, desire for which pierces us like a rapier at the smell of bonfire, the sound of wild ducks flying overhead, the title of The Well at the World's End (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Well_at_the_World%27s_End), the opening lines of "Kubla Khan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kubla_Khan)", the morning cobwebs in late summer, or the noise of falling waves.[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sehnsucht_(C._S._Lewis)#cite_note-urlCalvin_College_-_Faith_-_Resources-1)
It is sometimes felt as a longing for a far off country, but not a particular earthly land which we can identify. Furthermore there is something in the experience which suggests this far off country is very familiar and indicative of what we might otherwise call "home". In this sense it is a type of nostalgia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nostalgia), in the original sense of that word. At other times it may seem as a longing for a someone or even a something. But the majority of people who experience it are not conscious of what or who the longed for object may be. Indeed, the longing is of such profundity and intensity that the subject may immediately be only aware of the emotion itself and not cognizant that there is a something longed for.
The key ingredient of the experience, as Lewis treats it, is that this longing—never fulfilled—is itself sweeter than the fulfillment of any other human desire. Another feature is that it is so deeply personal that it does not occur to the one feeling it that others would have similar experiences and so is rarely communicated verbally. For most people it is something which cannot be put into words. Indeed the present description of Sehnsucht is itself inadequate and is only suggestive of it. Yet, though difficult to define, Lewis maintained that this is a universal experience.

[Kaa]

Spending a weekend or more screwing one's brains out tends to help wonderfully with German-named emotional afflictions :D

And I suspect C.S.Lewis was talking mostly about longing for God -- making this a subject for a different thread.

Kaa

[Wild Dingo]

mmmmm... I dont know about all that Tim I just know that an adventure starts with putting the first foot forward... making the first step toward the ultimate goal... maybe that goal isnt the actual adventure maybe just maybe the adventure is in the getting there?

I know it was for me... and continues to be... I dont actually care where this adventure leads me as long as I continue to grow experience and find the essense of who I am so I can be a better person as I go along... not for any other person or reason than I think we should all grow and become incresingly better people no matter how jaded angry or bitter we become through the vaguries of our lives... only by creating new adventures experiencing new excitements people and places can we grow... we all wither and die a little inside when we find ourselves in the ruts of life we create no matter who you may be there are definable ruts that you should make all attempts to change.

I guess... for me a big part of the adventure Tim was to find out IF I was still able to sence and feel love for someone else... Ive found by this adventure Im on that I can and that someone else can feel the same... and thats a good growth spurt... for it enables you to slowly let go of the baggage thats been holding you back keeping you from living again.

Mystical things can I think be more readily defined when you start to really look hard at what your life is what the mundane parts of it are what is changable and whats not... sometimes its only us who hold ourselves back from asking our partners (no matter how many years we have shared) to try something new a new restuarant a play whatever... we dont make the step of asking because we dont believe our other would want to and so we assume that its so when more often than not if asked they to would like to break free of the ruts they have become adjusted and accostomed to in their and your lives together... simple small steps mate and let the adventure begin anew :cool:

Trouble is I think most of us OVERTHINK things!!! I know I do and hence why nothing happened when the potential was there for it to happen... I overthunk it... DONT!!!... If given the chance again I would just enjoy her company and allow the spark of potential lead where it would... Id certainly NOT overthink it!!... Just do something that will include her and enjoy each others company

Really mate thats the greatest adventure of all... the company of your sygnificant other so dont let it become jaded boring mundane or full of ruts! Make it THE adventure of your lives together!!

[Leon m]

Spending a weekend or more screwing one's brains out tends to help wonderfully .

Kaa

Works for me. :)

[TimH]

Spending a weekend or more screwing one's brains out tends to help wonderfully with German-named emotional afflictions :D

And I suspect C.S.Lewis was talking mostly about longing for God -- making this a subject for a different thread.

Kaa

Yes, but how do you convince her that thats a worthy use of time? :)

Im not that familiar with C.S.Lewis. Was his sensucht related to his religious beliefs or did he become religious because of it?

[Kaa]

Yes, but how do you convince her that thats a worthy use of time? :)

If you have troubles convincing her, you're doing it wrong :D

Kaa

[Wild Dingo]

Spending a weekend or more screwing one's brains out tends to help wonderfully with German-named emotional afflictions :D

And I suspect C.S.Lewis was talking mostly about longing for God -- making this a subject for a different thread.

Kaa

As was my understanding of CS Lewis's words

As to the screwing your brains out comment... rather simplistic and not very adventurous really a mere moment of time rather than an adventure with lasting benifits.

In my experience spending a weekend screwing ones brains out has very little to recommend it as a lasting experience or even a changing one... rather its just a hell of a lot of excersize... yeah fun while your at it but is it really as much fun for her as it was for you? did it change anything in your life? did it alter your perceptions? did you learn anything from it about you the person you are the person she is what you want from life what she wants from life did it change how your life experiences happen?

An adventure as such SHOULD do that... it should be an experience that lasts beyond the time it takes... an experience that changes or alters all your preconcieved notions ideas an beliefs... it should last a lifetime and give you great joy in recalling from time to time... an adventure of "screwing your brains out for a weekend" may give you some satisfaction in a purely physical sence but will it gain you anything in the long term?

One would hope that a "weekend screwing your brains out" would make you more aware of the partner in the "screwing" what and who she is what she wants from life you and whatever bond you have together and should in return give her a sence of who you are what you want from life her and whatever bond you have together... otherwise a "weekend screwing your brains out" is purely an act of incredible selfishness.

Sex I once was told before I married SHOULD BE 9% of any relationship... once it becomes a dominate part of a relationship it begins to impede the love that was once the dominate part and the relationship will begin to slide... sex is only a small (albeit wonderous) part of any realitionship... sex simply to screw ones brains out is an act of gratuitous insensitivity on the part of one or the other involved.

Kaa mate not meanin to take what may have been a jib a joke a tongue in cheek comment to seriously but man the sexual bond of a man and woman (or whatever if in love) is a precious thing and demeaning it by such is something I didnt expect from you... Ish yes but you no (no reflection on Ish its just that at times he comes out with the weirdest of things :rolleyes: and as such its something Ive come to expect from him)

Maybe Im just bein a tad weird right now due to my long standing status of enforced and unwanted celibacy but I tend to think and always have thought more of the person Im with than to make such a comment... maybe thats just me? ah well

If its meant as a joke... sorry bout that carry on... if it was a serious comment shame on you.

otherwise carry on

[Kaa]

Ah, Shane, mate, this was a typical comment of mine -- a bit of truth, a bit of jest, season to taste, shake well, and serve! :-)

Sex by itself is rarely an adventure once you're past your early 20s -- unless you're radically changing your sexual tastes, that is. But then, I wasn't suggesting that it is.

See, sex is a deeply biological thing. And if you umm... screw around with it :-) there are very often mental consequences. Lots of different ones. Some are mostly positive -- for example, it was pointed out that both Victorian engineering and the Silicon Valley boom are mostly the result of energy spent by sexually unsatisfied males :D Some are not so positive, among them a feeling of vague general dissatisfaction or maybe even depression.

If you want to be explicit about it, my suggestion about screwing one's brains out wasn't meant to replace an adventure. It was meant to raise one's level of energy and drive and self-confidence and what not so that you actually will go onto an adventure instead of sitting and whining about it and never actually doing anything.

As to the importance/meaning/seriousness/proper role/etc. of sex in a relationship, that's major drift -- an interesting topic, but probably worthy of a thread of its own.

Kaa

[Paul Pless]

...long standing status of enforced and unwanted celibacy...Jesus mate, you're in the land of the free now, what with that accent and all I figured you be rolling in the uhhh.... lap of luxury! yeah!:D

[Wild Dingo]

aaahh as I thought then... actually as a metaphore I guess one could call it its not bad. :cool:

See I knew that!!! ;)

[Osborne Russell]

Let the inquiry not be hobbled by political correctness.

1. Nature: men roam, women nest.
2. Nurture: marriage is to a girl what war is to a boy.

[Wild Dingo]

Jesus mate, you're in the land of the free now, what with that accent and all I figured you be rolling in the uhhh.... lap of luxury! yeah!:D

mmm yes so do many others... myself included at times... however reality is rarely what is imagined and so far no sheila has thrown herself at my feet... sadly... BUT there is still hope!!! Hope runs eternal you know and Im an optimist at heart so sooner or later some fine sheila will... ahem take me to task and change the status quo... just havent found her yet

Thought I had but over thought it and lost... such is life

[TimH]

Oz has a much higher woman to man ratio no? Probably have a better chance down there Id think. You never know though. The accent thing might outweigh the ratio by a huge margin :)

[TomF]

When it was my Dad's turn, he built a boat - said it was cheaper than a divorce, and he still loved Mom. A few years later, they went to work overseas for a few years.

Not long after I turned 40, our family uprooted and moved clean across the continent, to a place none of us had ever visited. I still want to buy a motorbike (again). Started to get fit too, in a manic way.

There's a reason "mid-life crisis" is a cliche, Tim. We can't pretend we're not entering middle age, and we fight against it .. not even realizing it's happening. I think biologically, some switch trips and we recognize in our cell membranes that we're mortal, even if the notion hasn't bubbled up into consciousness. We've got stuff to do, not least to prove we're still alive.

Recognize the energy, and channel it - rather than letting it drive you. Find something you really believe in, and just bloody jump in. My $0.02 anyway.

t

[John B]

Mid life crisis sure is a cliche.. it carries so much negative connotation because its identified with broken marriages owing to bedroom eyes, and harley davidsons late in life , and sports cars, and ... well you've possibly heard me refer( in a surprising original thought) to the male menoporsche.

But the reality is that there's nothing at all wrong with waking up and realising you only have a certain amount of time on this good earth.If it was sudden you'd call it an epiphany.. when its gradual you can call it what you like ,but unless its harmful to your loved ones .. dig in and do something. I don't even see that it needs to be an adventure per se.. just a challenge based on your personal perspective. John Smiths big challenge was navigating an estuary but every step was a thrill for him .. reminded me of the feeling we had when we took Waione out for the first time. Gareths 'adventure' is taking a boat across the Atlantic( on a regular basis), mine is sailing a 45 footer by myself ( or with family)up and down the coast or doing a two handed race series, and maybe buying that old jag because I always wanted one as a youth.

Anyway.. in my experience ( and I believe you think the same way as me to an extent ,where ideas slowly form and develop) be careful what you wish for because it tends to happen.
I call em aspirations rather than dreams. whats wrong with a menoporsche I say.. nothing ... just takes time.:D

[TimH]

For the short term helping Dan move his boat from Seattle to PT helped. Thanks, Dan :) Still thinking a lot about a really big adventure in the next few years though.

[LeeG]

41.

that's a little late for a mid-life crisis,,were you busy or something?

[TimH]

that's a little late for a mid-life crisis,,were you busy or something?

Yea...didnt have time for this before :)

Working and going to school took up all my time.

[LeeG]

Um, Tim? If you're looking for adventure, have a free Labor Day week and about $1000 (much less if you're willing to drive to Reno, NV), I can recommend Burning Man.

Kaa

ditto, that will satisfy some urges for adventure. Push the comfort zone so to speak. I don't mean a venue for screwing around but a place to see what people are doing to make meaning in a desolate place. It doesn't last long, it makes a big mess but everyone picks up after themselves. Besides what is more right than fire, sex(display doesn't mean doing it), discussion, wandering, feasts and costumes.

I have no idea what it's like now but I went when I turned 41 after losing custody dispute and having to move out east. Very cathartic experience. Seriously it may seem stupid, self-indulgent and just plain silly but there's something about being around a mix that's like Mad Max, Sesame Street and Myth Busters that's very uplifting. Has to be the weirdest mix of geeks, nerds, and exotic dancers I've ever seen.

One guy made a 15' diameter ball of ice suspended on three intersecting steel poles. The bike constructions are worth it. My $.02 is to load up the truck or whatever vehicle you got and configure some kind of shelter over it. I used a bunch of bent 1 1/2" pvc pipe with drop cloths that covered my Isuzu Trooper in kind of a geodesic tent and put a 2'x16" platform on top as an observation platform with 4" diameter PVC providing support beyond the truck. I could sit up on a beach chair and watch the night time entertainment above the dust.

a significant theme is putting closure on an old life or letting go of one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnRk4iaATo4


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1I4agB9QLE

set up your camp on the periphery with the old folks,,it's quieter and hopefully you're not next to a big rv full of frat boys. Wear a hat, bare skin isn't a good idea in the desert.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHgGukP_8Xk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA5FIglUvRI&feature=related

it's really not a drug friendly environment, camping in the desert kind of screens out the yahoos who are prone to getting drunk and getting taken home to recover. For the folks building things it's a construction site and you don't want powertools and drugs.
There weren't dust storms when I was there but it's a possibility.

[LeeG]

Yes, but how do you convince her that thats a worthy use of time? :)

Im not that familiar with C.S.Lewis. Was his sensucht related to his religious beliefs or did he become religious because of it?

methinks your need for adventure isn't the same old firing up of the testosterone hormones that worked as a young man. Sounds like some kind of shedding of skin is needed. This is an opportunity for different.


It's between your ears and may or may not occur with geographical fixes.

[peter radclyffe]

Good advice Shane. I like the part about "An adventure can give you back your zest vitality and enjoyment of life in all its colors and tastes" and "ruts people create their own ruts but struggle to find their way out of their own creation"

This feeling I have is called sensucht. Im not sure if its a strictly German trait but I have it. From Wikipedia:

Sehnsucht is a German (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_Language) word that literally means "longing" or in a wider sense a kind of "intensely missing". However, Sehnsucht is almost impossible to translate adequately and describes a deep emotional state. The stage director and author Georg Tabori (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Georg_Tabori&action=edit&redlink=1) called Sehnsucht one of those quasi-mystical terms in German for which there is no satisfactory corresponding term in another language.[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sehnsucht_(C._S._Lewis)#cite_note-urlWhen_Sehnsucht_.28desire.29_leads_you_up_the_ga rden_path-0) It is this close relationship (encapsulated in one word) between ardent longing or yearning (das Sehnen) and addiction (die Sucht ) that lurks behind each longing, waiting to turn the feeling into a destructive, self-defeating force.[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sehnsucht_(C._S._Lewis)#cite_note-urlWhen_Sehnsucht_.28desire.29_leads_you_up_the_ga rden_path-0) Sehnsucht took on a particular meaning in the work of author C. S. Lewis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C._S._Lewis).
Lewis denotes by Sehnsucht the "inconsolable longing" in the human heart for "we know not what." In the Afterword to the third edition of The Pilgrim's Regress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pilgrim%27s_Regress) he provides examples of what sparked this desire in him particularly. Lewis talks about

That unnameable something, desire for which pierces us like a rapier at the smell of bonfire, the sound of wild ducks flying overhead, the title of The Well at the World's End (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Well_at_the_World%27s_End), the opening lines of "Kubla Khan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kubla_Khan)", the morning cobwebs in late summer, or the noise of falling waves.[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sehnsucht_(C._S._Lewis)#cite_note-urlCalvin_College_-_Faith_-_Resources-1)
It is sometimes felt as a longing for a far off country, but not a particular earthly land which we can identify. Furthermore there is something in the experience which suggests this far off country is very familiar and indicative of what we might otherwise call "home". In this sense it is a type of nostalgia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nostalgia), in the original sense of that word. At other times it may seem as a longing for a someone or even a something. But the majority of people who experience it are not conscious of what or who the longed for object may be. Indeed, the longing is of such profundity and intensity that the subject may immediately be only aware of the emotion itself and not cognizant that there is a something longed for.
The key ingredient of the experience, as Lewis treats it, is that this longing—never fulfilled—is itself sweeter than the fulfillment of any other human desire. Another feature is that it is so deeply personal that it does not occur to the one feeling it that others would have similar experiences and so is rarely communicated verbally. For most people it is something which cannot be put into words. Indeed the present description of Sehnsucht is itself inadequate and is only suggestive of it. Yet, though difficult to define, Lewis maintained that this is a universal experience.
thanks for explaining this word
the best advice mike scott of the waterboys got was from jackie leven, who told him to get on the bus , some of us have found in music what weve searched for in literature

[TimH]

That burning man sounds like something very unique in our human culture. Like a giant rave in the desert. 48,000 people! thats like a small city. Ill add it to my list of things I need to see :)

[Mrleft8]

Burning man is for sheep. It started out as a psuedo anarchist rant, and has morphed into pure commercial theatrics.

[LeeG]

Not an environmentally friendly event but it doesn't pretend to be. I think a month is spent cleaning up from it. They've donated a few fire trucks to Gerlach.

I have no idea what it's like now, when I went it was 12,000 people. It's gotta decline when gas prices go up again.

When I was there there was an opera with a theme about the goddess Ishtar. It sure looked like all the strippers from SF were there, male and female. Just pretend you're at a convention where everyone is more responsible than normal...and there's a lot of workshops.

[Kaa]

Burning man is for sheep. It started out as a psuedo anarchist rant, and has morphed into pure commercial theatrics.

Depends on when you went there.

Even Disneyified, it's still a unique experience.

Kaa

[LeeG]

Burning man is for sheep. It started out as a psuedo anarchist rant, and has morphed into pure commercial theatrics.

my understanding is that it started as a cathartic baccanal for a guy who was going through a divorce and they set a bonfire on Ocean Beach to celebrate it. It was always connected to commercial theatrics.

I kept my clothes on because bare skin and the desert doesn't make sense.

[bobbys]

Last night i put extra marshmellows in my hot coco, Put the blankie in the dryer for a bit so it would feel nice and warm and wore my woolen socks to bed, I should like to set forth on adventures and challenge windmills to duels but do not like to stray far from a toilet.