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View Full Version : How to fight a war.



Tinman
04-02-2009, 09:22 AM
You may have seen this already. For those who haven't, here is a little light reading. Personally I thought it was funny. :D:D:D

New Direction for any war:


Send Service Vets over 60!







I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35..



For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.



Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.



An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up b efore 10 a.m.. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing fanatical s-o-b's....



If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser...



Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.



They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.



Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.



An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade hi s eyes, not the back of his head.


These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.



Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.



***How about recruiting Women over 50 ...with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!



If nothing else, put us on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

TMny
04-05-2009, 09:07 PM
Roger that.
And a bit more than mere humor... talking 'bout the decisionmakers on high switching seats - good recipe for feedback!

skuthorp
04-06-2009, 02:08 AM
Good idea, send Cheney, Rummy and GW in the next draft. Oh, and a slew of their 'advisers' too.

Mad Scientist
04-07-2009, 05:06 PM
Gosh, I would have thought that women over 50 were done with PMS...
BUT, it's been proven that keeping a group of young women together for a few months will cause their periods to synchronize! :eek: Something to do with their systems 'picking up' on each others' hormones.
I asked a female shipmate about this a few years ago. Sure enough, it happend with the two dozen women in her messdeck (called a 'berthing space' in the USN).

There must be some sort of combat application for this phenomenon - imagine an amphibious troop transport carrying female Marines, all ready to storm the beach on PMS Day! No enemy would stand a chance.

Tom