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paladin
01-25-2009, 09:47 PM
I can't vouch for the validity of this....

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand
over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also
asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across
this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took
my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and
it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that
Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a
shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd
come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it
was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and
wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come
help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or
"Movha" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to
one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the
cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on
your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut
down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off
your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office
with it. Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this
whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you.
I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.
I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand
did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not
killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that
you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be
so lucky.
If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.
Peace! - Alex

oznabrag
01-25-2009, 09:56 PM
I can't vouch for the validity of this....


I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took
my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and
it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that
Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a
shoulder holster for it that evening... Alex


So. The guy takes off his jacket and hands it over to the mugger, necessarily revealing his nice new shoulder holster and THEN draws the pistol.

I'm thinking this is a work of fiction. Probably a rage fantasy from a guy that got held up at knife-point and WISHED he'd had the Kimber.

My 2Ę

John T

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
01-25-2009, 10:01 PM
I hope it's true.

JimD
01-25-2009, 10:04 PM
It would be nice if the bad guys always got what they deserved. Whatever that might be.

paladin
01-25-2009, 10:32 PM
I dunno....how big is the guy and what time of day/evening, lighting? I know that if I wear my rig with the Browning, it's almost invisible, especially if you are turned away a bit, like when removing the jacket...and the shoulder rig doesn't require a lot of work, if the Kimber is carried in battery, the shoulder rig is like a clamshell, and a little pressure on the butt will drop the weapon right into your hand....
I wasn't posting this to second guess or analyze it, just as something to ponder.

BrianW
01-25-2009, 10:35 PM
Probably fiction, but certainly funny.

Captain Intrepid
01-25-2009, 11:26 PM
Pretty funny, but in the unlikely even it really happened, it's still no excuse for the gun toting fellow to become a thief in kind. Poetic justice yes, but still illegal.

Paul Pless
01-26-2009, 06:13 AM
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u70/redbear705x/smilewaitforflash.jpg

Paul Pless
01-26-2009, 06:59 AM
I know that if I wear my rig with the Browning, it's almost invisible, especially if you are turned away a bit...I really liked the pipe wrench misdirection in the movie gran torino.

NancyZe
01-26-2009, 12:34 PM
That's funny.

Kaa
01-26-2009, 12:37 PM
Looks like a fancy version of the scene from Crocodile Dundee :D

Kaa

Phillip Allen
01-26-2009, 12:47 PM
Pretty funny, but in the unlikely even it really happened, it's still no excuse for the gun toting fellow to become a thief in kind. Poetic justice yes, but still illegal.


is it not "stealing" time to lock em ujp?

Dave Gray
01-26-2009, 01:03 PM
That's great Chuck. Did this guy then walk to a nightclub in downtown Portland, open fire and kill two people, then wounding seven? Five of those injured or killed were international Rotary students.

I have stayed out of the gun debates but I really hate self-righteous crap like you just posted.

Phillip Allen
01-26-2009, 01:09 PM
That's great Chuck. Did this guy then walk to a nightclub in downtown Portland, open fire and kill two people, then wounding seven? Five of those injured or killed were international Rotary students.

I have stayed out of the gun debates but I really hate self-righteous crap like you just posted.


speaking of self righteous...

Dave Gray
01-26-2009, 01:12 PM
Yep, I knew Phillip wouldn't be far behind.

Phillip Allen
01-26-2009, 01:16 PM
Does that mitigate your self-righteous attitude or veil it?

Dave Gray
01-26-2009, 01:20 PM
Oh Phillip! You won! applause all around!

Phillip Allen
01-26-2009, 01:23 PM
You are trying to re-direct the thinking...as if somehow I am an exception to rational thought...care to respond directly or continue the ad hominum (sp) stuff?

Phillip Allen
01-26-2009, 01:24 PM
Oh Phillip! You won! applause all around!

here is the post Gary want's to be forgotton...

I have stayed out of the gun debates but I really hate self-righteous crap like you just posted.

speaking of hate...are you one of those guys who hate for old people to drive on your hiways?

Dave Gray
01-26-2009, 01:29 PM
Ain't no Gary here. Are you old? Forgotten? Logic?

Phillip Allen
01-26-2009, 01:31 PM
Ain't no Gary here. Are you old? Forgotten? Logic?

sorry...of course there's no Gary here...only Gray


I transpose letters often these days...look at the bright side Gray...when you get old some self-righteous Gary will tell you how non-valuable you are ...karma bites don't it

Phillip Allen
01-26-2009, 01:37 PM
comeon Norman...let the sunshine in

George Jung
01-26-2009, 01:55 PM
I hope we haven't gotten so dull/old/stupid/whatever that we can't recognize, and even enjoy, a lil' 'humor', even something like this that perhaps has a bit of an edge to it.

Whoops. Guess I was wrong. Carry on; walkers are over in the corner, boys.

Chris Coose
01-26-2009, 01:59 PM
Mommy, poop, type of detergent, poop, brave girlfriend protector, calling prostitutes, humiliation, poop.
This was written by a psychologist to expose the ill equipped.

John of Phoenix
01-26-2009, 02:14 PM
Pimp my shootin' iron!

Who the hell paints a pistol?
And what's with the picture? What is that, Wiley Coyote? Why not something meaningful, like mud flap girl?

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u70/redbear705x/smilewaitforflash.jpg

Chris Coose
01-26-2009, 02:25 PM
Even deeper and clearer.
What's better that killing the imagined perpetrator?

Dave Gray
01-26-2009, 02:26 PM
look at the bright side Gray...when you get old some self-righteous Gary will tell you how non-valuable you are ...karma bites don't it

Sorry you feel that way. It wasn't anything I said. My name is Dave, by the way. I realize Chuck was trolling and I bit. The posturing done by the pro and anti gun factions does not help resolve a national issue. I doubt it ever will be resolved. The video games and movies will grow increasingly gory. More Kip Kimmels will shoot up schools, more gun fights in churches during funerals, and random acts of shooting innocents by seemingly sane people will continue.

Is this Iraq, or the US?

JimD
01-26-2009, 02:28 PM
...If one of those students had a carry permit...

Certain members posting to this thread are on my ignore list so this may have already been mentioned but...Permit??? Permit!!!??? What kind of anti-American, anti-Freedom Obama loving Commie are you, anyway? A permit means the govmint knows you have a weapon. A permit puts you at the top of the confiscation list as soon as Obama gets his Second Amendment busting goose steppers going door to door in your neighbourhood. No permits. Just the legal right to carry concealed. Permits, Sheesh. Where do these ideas come from?

Nanoose
01-26-2009, 02:32 PM
Is this Iraq, or the US?

Well, if you're not sure, time to get out the atlas. :rolleyes:

It seems to be the US, the way her people want it to be, guns and all.

Dave Davis
01-26-2009, 02:48 PM
Snopes says, "Undetermined." I'll say bs.

So the victim commits armed robbery and any number of crimes in revenge? Someone's fantasy.

The majority of gun deaths are suicides, vigilante or not:

"... gun-related suicides have outnumbered firearm homicides and accidents for 20 of the last 25 years… Public-health researchers have concluded that in homes where guns are present, the likelihood that someone in the home will die from suicide or homicide is much greater. Studies have also shown that homes in which a suicide occurred were three to five times more likely to have a gun present than households that did not experience a suicide, even after accounting for other risk factors."

(posted in the Philadelphia Inquirer in July 2008, and many other media, re the 55 pct of 31000+ firearms deaths in 2005)

David G
01-26-2009, 02:51 PM
I think oznabrag nailed it back in post #2. Cute little "just desserts" fantasy, and quite funny in its way. Likely that it's real? No. Good public policy? Highly debatable.


"The NRA says, 'Guns don't kill people. People kill people'. But I think the guns help" -- Eddie Izzard

Chris Coose
01-26-2009, 02:53 PM
Woody like guns.

John of Phoenix
01-26-2009, 02:53 PM
No kidding, somebody robbed a liquor store? What'll they think of next?

Good news about the clerk. Those guys should keep the cash register in a concrete bunker.

Captain Intrepid
01-26-2009, 03:03 PM
and another....... theres hundreds of them..... thousands.......... shoul I post them all?:) maybe Ill start a daily "Armed Citizen" here in the bilge.


And then there's stories like this...


Man on trial for killing snack-scavenging teenThursday, September 25, 2008 | 4:26 PM LAREDO, TX -- The trial of a man accused of executing a boy who broke into his Laredo home looking for snacks -- has many in the border city outraged.
They're upset because the man is being prosecuted for murder over the July 2007 killing. The trial of 63-year-old Jose Luis Gonzalez could wrap up Friday.
Gonzalez had endured several break-ins when four boys, ranging in age from 11-15, got into his trailer to rummage for chips and soda. Gonzalez, who was in a nearby building, had a shotgun. He went into the trailer and confronted the boys.
The unarmed boys claim they were begging for forgiveness when Gonzalez hit them with the barrel of the shotgun and kicked them. A medical examiner testified 13-year-old Francisco Anguiano was shot in the back.

Some people can handle the power, some abuse it.

Dave Gray
01-26-2009, 03:03 PM
Woody, the soldier of fortune, proves my point. Most days I would find this funny, today I do not. Tomorrow, who knows?

ljb5
01-26-2009, 03:03 PM
Some people believe professional wrestling is real. :rolleyes:

JimD
01-26-2009, 03:12 PM
Some people believe professional wrestling is real. :rolleyes:

It's not? :confused:

Phillip Allen
01-26-2009, 03:52 PM
somebody brought self murder into it...again...it is a non issue...take suicides out of it and see what's left...otherwise we have to include abortion in the death count...

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
01-26-2009, 04:31 PM
Oh come on!!!
This is not a gun troll.
It's humor.
I understand Chuck's humor.
You don't?

The Bigfella
01-26-2009, 04:32 PM
somebody brought self murder into it...again...it is a non issue...take suicides out of it and see what's left...otherwise we have to include abortion in the death count...

I wasn't buying into the original joke, but since the thread has drifted, I'll answer you - again, since you seem to have forgotten.

The answer is that one in every 100 American males will die by gunshot (excluding suicide by gun). If you include suicide (and you should - because, as was pointed out above, if guns are in a house, it increases the likelihood of a suicide occurring by three to five times) - then one in every 45 American males dies a violent, gun-induced death. Yes, it happens more often to African Americans - but not THAT much more that you deserve to feel smug about it if you are white.

Before Ish pipes in and tells us its all drug-related, it isn't. Narcotics involvement in firearms deaths is 1 in 20. The vast majority of violent gun deaths are due to arguments.

... and finally - some of you guys could really use an injecton of helium. Lighten up - its only life and death you know.

paladin
01-26-2009, 05:07 PM
I guess that leaves me out...ain't black, and only 40% white....maybe more prone to falling on a war lance or dying by battle ax?

The Bigfella
01-26-2009, 05:12 PM
Sorry Chuck - I couldn't find the stats on those. Take care.

JimD
01-26-2009, 05:16 PM
...If you include suicide ...
Interesting statistic for Canada. About 80% of all gun deaths in Canada are suicide. And since hand guns are very restricted the suicides are almost all by rifle. Just an interesting fact, folks, not trying to make a point about anything with it.

pcford
01-26-2009, 05:58 PM
bang bang. shoot shoot.

Chris Coose
01-26-2009, 06:02 PM
If this gun thing was moral we wouldn't be having extended threads every month or so.
I think the gun guys try to convince us it's OK more often than we get into it about abortion.

JimD
01-26-2009, 06:43 PM
they need to stop making bridges. somebody in my town jumped off a bridge and killed themself

That's an excellent point, Woody. Even though the primary reason for building bridges is so people will have something to jump off the fact remains that bridges don't kill people, they kill themselves. My beef is with low bridges. Some of them aren't high enough to ensure death when you jump off them. That still leaves hanging, I know, but there are even a few lunatics out there who will deny that the primary use for rope is to hang people with. There's just no arguing with some folks.

pcford
01-26-2009, 06:50 PM
Homoerotic Overtones Enliven NRA Meeting

COEUR D'ALENE, ID—Repression was the order of the day as theNational Rifle Association's North Idaho Chapter held its annual convention this weekend.


NRA member Jack Harwich admires a fellow member's piece, stirring potent new feelings within himself.

More than 25,000 dedicated gun lovers from across Northern Idaho flocked to the Coeur d'Alene Convention Center for the two-day event, happily sublimating homosexual impulses amid a carefully maintained facade of platonic camaraderie.

Moscow, ID, resident Richard Hoflinger, 47, a longtime gun-rights activist, exhibited the collection of antique rifles through which he has channeled his culturally unacceptable impulses. "Guns should be part of any upstanding Christian family," Hoflinger said, sticking a long, thick, oily pipe-cleaner 14 inches up an 1886 Remington.

In the next booth, another latent gay man, Duane Erlich, moved his hand slowly up and down a well-polished 1948 Winchester. "Ain't she a beautiful baby?" he said, displaying the kind of feminization/infantilization of firearms for which NRA members are renowned.

Erlich then demonstrated the proper loading procedure for his "baby," lovingly inserting a pair of bullets into the dark, snug-fitting tunnels before thrusting the gun's bolt smoothly into the action, cocking it firmly. "This'll blow a man straight to heaven," he said.

The tone of the event was set by chapter president John Henry Unger, whose opening remarks cited the "wonderful variety of weaponry on display, from little snub-nosed pieces that fit snugly in your pocket to big, meaty shooters with barrels as thick as your arm."

Unger then fired his father's prize Colt Peacemaker revolver into the air, drawing raucous applause from the crowd, many of whose own fathers had suppressed latent physical attraction for their adolescent sons by channeling forbidden feelings into totemistic firearms.

All over the convention floor, gun manufacturers proudly unveiled new technologies which will allow simmering homoerotic tensions to be expressed with greater nuance than ever before. At the Smith & Wesson booth, company spokesman Darrell Trace displayed a handgun made from a newly developed metal alloy whose "incredibly hard" nature, he explained, gives it no recoil after use, providing its user with "a far greater sense of control over his piece."

"It's a very comfortable gun, very soft in the hands," Trace added, noting that Smith & Wesson had designed the gun to appeal to "shooters tired of coming home from the firing range with sore, worn-out wrists."

But even as conventioneers reveled in a two-day orgy of firearm-to-phallus transference, a dark cloud hung over the event. The NRA has declined in power over the last decade, and its once-potent lobbyists have come out on the small end of key legislative battles like the Brady Bill, causing many members to bring their lifelong subconscious fears of castration to the fore.

"If the gun-control lobby wants my rod, they'll have to yank it from my dead body," said Pocatello-area bar-owner Joseph Greer, holding a tell-tale snub-nosed revolver.

"Those guys up there in Washington are tryin' to take our guns away, but we ain't gonna let 'em," Greer continued, adding classic paternal displacement to the already rich psychosexual tapestry. "No siree, Bob."

from the onion news service

bang bang shoot shoot

rbgarr
01-26-2009, 06:59 PM
If I say I think this is funny will I be harangued for trolling?

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/everyone_should_own_a_gun_for

botebum
01-26-2009, 07:13 PM
Troll!

Doug

oznabrag
01-26-2009, 07:46 PM
Homoerotic Overtones Enliven NRA Meeting

COEUR D'ALENE, IDóRepression was the order of the day as theNational Rifle Association's North Idaho Chapter held its annual convention this weekend.


NRA member Jack Harwich admires a fellow member's piece, stirring potent new feelings within himself.

More than 25,000 dedicated gun lovers from across Northern Idaho flocked to the Coeur d'Alene Convention Center for the two-day event, happily sublimating homosexual impulses amid a carefully maintained facade of platonic camaraderie.

Moscow, ID, resident Richard Hoflinger, 47, a longtime gun-rights activist, exhibited the collection of antique rifles through which he has channeled his culturally unacceptable impulses. "Guns should be part of any upstanding Christian family," Hoflinger said, sticking a long, thick, oily pipe-cleaner 14 inches up an 1886 Remington.

In the next booth, another latent gay man, Duane Erlich, moved his hand slowly up and down a well-polished 1948 Winchester. "Ain't she a beautiful baby?" he said, displaying the kind of feminization/infantilization of firearms for which NRA members are renowned.

Erlich then demonstrated the proper loading procedure for his "baby," lovingly inserting a pair of bullets into the dark, snug-fitting tunnels before thrusting the gun's bolt smoothly into the action, cocking it firmly. "This'll blow a man straight to heaven," he said.

The tone of the event was set by chapter president John Henry Unger, whose opening remarks cited the "wonderful variety of weaponry on display, from little snub-nosed pieces that fit snugly in your pocket to big, meaty shooters with barrels as thick as your arm."

Unger then fired his father's prize Colt Peacemaker revolver into the air, drawing raucous applause from the crowd, many of whose own fathers had suppressed latent physical attraction for their adolescent sons by channeling forbidden feelings into totemistic firearms.

All over the convention floor, gun manufacturers proudly unveiled new technologies which will allow simmering homoerotic tensions to be expressed with greater nuance than ever before. At the Smith & Wesson booth, company spokesman Darrell Trace displayed a handgun made from a newly developed metal alloy whose "incredibly hard" nature, he explained, gives it no recoil after use, providing its user with "a far greater sense of control over his piece."

"It's a very comfortable gun, very soft in the hands," Trace added, noting that Smith & Wesson had designed the gun to appeal to "shooters tired of coming home from the firing range with sore, worn-out wrists."

But even as conventioneers reveled in a two-day orgy of firearm-to-phallus transference, a dark cloud hung over the event. The NRA has declined in power over the last decade, and its once-potent lobbyists have come out on the small end of key legislative battles like the Brady Bill, causing many members to bring their lifelong subconscious fears of castration to the fore.

"If the gun-control lobby wants my rod, they'll have to yank it from my dead body," said Pocatello-area bar-owner Joseph Greer, holding a tell-tale snub-nosed revolver.

"Those guys up there in Washington are tryin' to take our guns away, but we ain't gonna let 'em," Greer continued, adding classic paternal displacement to the already rich psychosexual tapestry. "No siree, Bob."

from the onion news service

bang bang shoot shoot

Man, I love The Onion! The damnedest thing about satire is that it wouldn't be funny if there weren't a grain of truth!

Kaa
01-26-2009, 08:08 PM
and you libs would deny this young lady her weapon of choice?:(

Weapon? I see at least two. :D

Kaa

Bob Adams
01-26-2009, 08:09 PM
Homoerotic Overtones Enliven NRA Meeting

COEUR D'ALENE, IDóRepression was the order of the day as theNational Rifle Association's North Idaho Chapter held its annual convention this weekend.


NRA member Jack Harwich admires a fellow member's piece, stirring potent new feelings within himself.

More than 25,000 dedicated gun lovers from across Northern Idaho flocked to the Coeur d'Alene Convention Center for the two-day event, happily sublimating homosexual impulses amid a carefully maintained facade of platonic camaraderie.

Moscow, ID, resident Richard Hoflinger, 47, a longtime gun-rights activist, exhibited the collection of antique rifles through which he has channeled his culturally unacceptable impulses. "Guns should be part of any upstanding Christian family," Hoflinger said, sticking a long, thick, oily pipe-cleaner 14 inches up an 1886 Remington.

In the next booth, another latent gay man, Duane Erlich, moved his hand slowly up and down a well-polished 1948 Winchester. "Ain't she a beautiful baby?" he said, displaying the kind of feminization/infantilization of firearms for which NRA members are renowned.

Erlich then demonstrated the proper loading procedure for his "baby," lovingly inserting a pair of bullets into the dark, snug-fitting tunnels before thrusting the gun's bolt smoothly into the action, cocking it firmly. "This'll blow a man straight to heaven," he said.

The tone of the event was set by chapter president John Henry Unger, whose opening remarks cited the "wonderful variety of weaponry on display, from little snub-nosed pieces that fit snugly in your pocket to big, meaty shooters with barrels as thick as your arm."

Unger then fired his father's prize Colt Peacemaker revolver into the air, drawing raucous applause from the crowd, many of whose own fathers had suppressed latent physical attraction for their adolescent sons by channeling forbidden feelings into totemistic firearms.

All over the convention floor, gun manufacturers proudly unveiled new technologies which will allow simmering homoerotic tensions to be expressed with greater nuance than ever before. At the Smith & Wesson booth, company spokesman Darrell Trace displayed a handgun made from a newly developed metal alloy whose "incredibly hard" nature, he explained, gives it no recoil after use, providing its user with "a far greater sense of control over his piece."

"It's a very comfortable gun, very soft in the hands," Trace added, noting that Smith & Wesson had designed the gun to appeal to "shooters tired of coming home from the firing range with sore, worn-out wrists."

But even as conventioneers reveled in a two-day orgy of firearm-to-phallus transference, a dark cloud hung over the event. The NRA has declined in power over the last decade, and its once-potent lobbyists have come out on the small end of key legislative battles like the Brady Bill, causing many members to bring their lifelong subconscious fears of castration to the fore.

"If the gun-control lobby wants my rod, they'll have to yank it from my dead body," said Pocatello-area bar-owner Joseph Greer, holding a tell-tale snub-nosed revolver.

"Those guys up there in Washington are tryin' to take our guns away, but we ain't gonna let 'em," Greer continued, adding classic paternal displacement to the already rich psychosexual tapestry. "No siree, Bob."

from the onion news service

bang bang shoot shoot

Please don't post stuff from the Onion like its real. Yeah it's funny, but it's not legit.

paladin
01-26-2009, 08:18 PM
That young ladies weapon appears loaded...maybe false bullets but that ain't kosher......

pcford
01-27-2009, 12:38 AM
Please don't post stuff from the Onion like its real. Yeah it's funny, but it's not legit.

there are standards.

Phillip Allen
01-27-2009, 07:40 AM
That young ladies weapon appears loaded...maybe false bullets but that ain't kosher......

art photographers are not noted for deep intellegence Chuck...think of hollywood

JimD
01-27-2009, 12:01 PM
That young ladies weapon appears loaded...maybe false bullets but that ain't kosher......

And she's using arm rests. Is that allowed?