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bamamick
10-04-2008, 11:06 AM
(I really don't want to hear about it if you've been spanked as adult).

I was. I also spanked my kids. Once each time for the twins, and about five or six times for the youngest (she was hardheaded, like her mother).

Heck, we talk about all kinds of things here, we might as well talk about this. Do you think that it's wrong to reinforce with pain? Do you think that there is nothing wrong with it? Seems like a bit of a controversial subject in some circles.

Mickey Lake

Flying Orca
10-04-2008, 11:10 AM
Sometimes you need to get a kid's attention, big time, and a smack on the butt is the best way to do it, but it should be used very sparingly. Worked on me, worked on my kids.

Chris Coose
10-04-2008, 11:16 AM
Big people should not hit little people. Ever.

There are an infinite number of alternate interventions and it is a parent's obligation to be creative enough to apply the appropriate non-violent consequence.

Hitting your child is a violent act.

Phillip Allen
10-04-2008, 11:20 AM
so Chris...were you beaten as a small people?

David G
10-04-2008, 11:24 AM
Mr. Coose,

In theory, I agree. But I'm too much of a a redneck to buy into the theory completely. Yes, my parents spanked or swatted me, but not often. I have done the same with my kids (even more sparingly). I really don't know for sure which is the best way for the kids, but my gut says that this is one of those times when the theory is incorrect. I'll go with my gut. Swats, as necessary... followed by hugs & talk.


"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do" - Dr. Benjamin Spock

Chris Coose
10-04-2008, 11:26 AM
My home was an incredibly violent place. I was raised in a rooming house by 2 alcoholic parents who rented to alcoholics. I was witness to unbelieveable violence and fortunately us kids were spared the physical assaults .
The Sisters of Notre Dame hit me with their hickory clickers and I was struck once by Father Curtain at school prior to the 6th grade.

The violence in the home caused me to become an early pacifist and the school violence left me with horrific anger.

Chris Coose
10-04-2008, 11:31 AM
Swats, as necessary... followed by hugs & talk.




A mixed message which I would not cause a little mind to have to sort out.

coelacanth2
10-04-2008, 11:37 AM
Yup, a couple of times. Once by Dad for rudeness, once by Mom for being a wuss. Boy got it once for hitting his mother during a temper tantrum, once for defiance. One swat, stern talking-to, over and done and the air was cleared. I usually introduce him by his "Indian name", "Manybeatings":D.

elf
10-04-2008, 11:43 AM
I remember cowering in the deepest corner under my bed screaming from fear of my father with my hairbrush in his hand.

Once.

Don't remember how old I was. I'd been spanked over someone's knee before but never been so terrified.

And I don't remember the resolution.

But I don't remember being spanked or swatted ever again.

My mother took me out of the Philly public schools in 2nd grade because I came home one day with a story from the school bus about the principal disciplining some boys with a belt after school in his office. Within a week I was in a different school which required me to walk 10 blocks to the train station, take the train out to the west suburbs and walk 4 blocks to my red brick suburban school with creaky hardwood floors and well-paid teachers who didn't have to deal with rowdy inner city pre-adolescent boys.

I've never had the opportunity to have to swat a kid, but once I took the liberty of dressing a pair of boys down for being way too self absorbed and rowdy. I think, in retrospect, their mom has never really quite forgiven me.

Memphis Mike
10-04-2008, 11:43 AM
Of course I was spanked but I didn't enjoy it as much as I do now.

George Roberts
10-04-2008, 11:45 AM
Spanking varies from a light swat with the hand to a massive paddle.

A light swat to get the attention of the child is much different than a beating with a paddle.

I don't recall our children being spanked. My grandchildren seem to only need to be called by their full name.

Memphis Mike
10-04-2008, 11:48 AM
This message is hidden because George Roberts is on your ignore list (http://www.woodenboat.com/forum/profile.php?do=ignorelist).

David G
10-04-2008, 11:48 AM
A mixed message which I would not cause a little mind to have to sort out.

Mr. Coose,

They weren't confused. The swat brings them up short, and gets their attention. The hugs and talk show them we're not mad at 'em and make sure they know why they got the swat. They usually knew well enough without much palaver, but sometimes some clarification was useful and a final confirmation that we love them doesn't hurt either: "I love ya like my very own son, but if you do _________ again, you'll get more than a swat, you'll (insert consequence here... lose computer privileges, skip your basketball game, etc.). Now, it's your turn to deal... and keep away from the bottom of the deck. I'm watching"

pipefitter
10-04-2008, 11:56 AM
I was spanked as a child but I can count them on two hands and I damn sure deserved it and only once by my father.

I spanked my boys once. They had both gotten expelled from day care for fighting each other and I was newly single without any options of where to keep them after school that I could afford. I told them all the way home they were going to get it, told them how many and why. You could have heard a pin drop inside that car without a peep from either. When we got home they had a choice on who was going to be first. I took each to the task separately, and gave them 10 each with a switch and counted each one aloud. They went to their room and cried and man I felt so bad but I knew something had to be done once and for all.

45 minutes later, they both came out of their room and apologized to me and I have never had to raise a hand to them again and the switch just sat in the corner as a reminder. Also, they went to the owner of the daycare and apologized and ended up becoming their favorite kids and they would help the owner with cleanup and such while waiting for me to get there which was usually to the last minute.

If I had not had as much quality time with my kids in which to weigh a comparison, the spanking would have not worked. The real fact of the issue being that they really hated to disappoint me and they genuinely felt bad for doing so. At that instant, we were much closer and it was easy to point out the differences between right or wrong choices. I wasn't just some angry parent with emotional stability issues flying off the handle.

A funny note: A few years later when cutting the lawn, I found that switch in the yard chopped into small pieces with my ax by my youngest. I never replaced it.

Phillip Allen
10-04-2008, 12:11 PM
If Moma only knew...her tool of choice was a fly-swat. I didn't want to get hit with it but not because I feared the "pain". I knew there were squshed flys all over it and it made my hair stand on end just to think about it

Mrleft8
10-04-2008, 12:17 PM
I was spanked, but never in public that I can recall. That's humiliation, and I have no patience for that. I also don't recall that the spankings ever "hurt". It was more a "shock" thing.

Phillip Allen
10-04-2008, 12:26 PM
I was spanked, but never in public that I can recall. That's humiliation, and I have no patience for that. I also don't recall that the spankings ever "hurt". It was more a "shock" thing.


sounds right...

Bruce Taylor
10-04-2008, 12:54 PM
We've never hit our kids. Fortunately, the prospect of disappointing us seems to fill them with terror. :D

Keith Wilson
10-04-2008, 12:55 PM
Never. Nor did I ever spank my kids. Never saw the need. Guilt works better than violence. By the time they could get into serious trouble they were too big to spank anyway.

Bruce Taylor
10-04-2008, 12:59 PM
By the time they could get into serious trouble they were too big to spank anyway.

My oldest has a black belt in Karate... :D

hokiefan
10-04-2008, 12:59 PM
Yeah, I was spanked as a kid. Dad said the Good Lord built our bottoms to take a spanking. Also said beating was not spanking and not acceptable. Both my parents spanked me as needed, mostly my Mom because she stayed home with us. There was no "Wait till your Dad gets home." She was more than capable. They both used their bare hand, and didn't really inflict pain, just got our attention. They didn't spank us often, the quickest offense to get a spanking was lying. The only time I was hit other than the spankings was about 16 when my Mom slapped me. I don't remember what I said to her, but I knew I earned it before she even started to hit me.:(

My kids haven't been spanked. Neither of us are dead set against it, but do feel there are usually better options. We have been blessed with good kids and it hasn't been necessary. At this point, 12 & 16, that won't change. We've been lucky, because if we had had the kid across the street, we would have worn him out.:D

Cheers,

Bobby

Phillip Allen
10-04-2008, 01:03 PM
trivia for those who keep up with this sort of thing...I had a chance to speak privately with Dr. Spok(sp) about 23 or 24 years ago. We sat in the middle iof the basement floor of a local church (he was to speak at a meeting of social workers but got there way too early and I was assigned to keep him intertained).

guess what? he was a sailor! He kept boats at two locations for his convience (I can't remember where now but we had a very pleasant visit and I stayed away from political questions and the stuff he was bound to be assailed with most of his public life...we visited about things HE found interesting...sailing...neato!

LeeG
10-04-2008, 01:19 PM
once.
On the other hand in the peak of my struggle with alcohol, divorce,dying parent and driving my kids 40 miles a day to different places I hit (spanked) my four year old about a dozen times over a few months.
I had run out of reserves and didn't have the patience, maturity and SOBRIETY necessary to negotiate daily life.

Whether you're calm and able to rationalize hitting someone smaller than you or out of control in my case I don't think it matters to what the child learns. It's a primitive tool that sets primitive patterns in motion that become a part of that childs world view,,for the most important part of their life.

paladin
10-04-2008, 01:19 PM
Never whopped the kids when they were kids....eldest son decided one day that he could whip pop and stated his intention to do so (He was 20 at the time)...
He had been taking "karate" lessons and living with his mother...so in his eyes dad was responsible for the divorce.....he came at me and I slapped him twice with my open hand, flooring him......five years later he tried again saying something like "I'm gonna mop the floor up with you, old man"....
After he picked himself up...again...he decided to wait until I got older....by then his views on the situation changed.....
The other boys didn't get spanked, but my favorite trick was to grab one and hang him on a door knob by his belt and leave him there for a few minutes.

joeha
10-04-2008, 04:41 PM
"Spare the rod, spoil the child."

Joe

Pugwash
10-04-2008, 04:57 PM
http://www.braehead.info/assets/images/tawse_belt_03a.jpg

The Tawse.

Most favoured form of punishment in Scottish schools, when I was a kid. Made from thick leather.

The answer is yes.:(

Rigadog
10-04-2008, 05:07 PM
Got spanked but not on a regular basis. I probably deserved it. My dad always felt horrible about it. I did get paddled in grade school (public). I think I had that coming too. Generally I think spanking isn't a good idea. You've lost the case if it gets that far.

Scott Rosen
10-04-2008, 05:37 PM
We've never hit our kids. Fortunately, the prospect of disappointing us seems to fill them with terror. :D

Same here.

I was spanked with a wooden spoon a few times as a kid, and I hated it. It just made me angry, defiant and full of vengence.

After my parents split up, my mother married a man who regularly beat on his two boys. It was utterly revolting. The kids were never the problem. A sick man with no impulse control and unexplained rage was the problem.

I wouldn't condemn a parent who gives a light tap on a kids butt to get his attention, for example, to stop him from running into the street or touching a hot stove. But if a parent feels he has to resort to ritualized violence to keep his kids in line, there's something very wrong.

htom
10-04-2008, 05:46 PM
I'm told I was; I don't remember it. I have vague memories of brothers and sisters getting an attention-getting bare-hand swat on the bottom. I think that some children can probably be well-raised without that, and others cannot. There's a difference between a swat and a beating, and if you won't make the distinction, you are going to be a poor parent.

seanz
10-04-2008, 06:17 PM
Who, me?
Probably not as much as I should have been......

But then, these kids today, spoiled they are, spoiled rotten.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10440080

Some 'concerned citizens' are trying to get the anti-smacking legislation repealed.

TimH
10-04-2008, 06:42 PM
of course. Thats how we learn.

abbyj
10-04-2008, 09:03 PM
Big people should not hit little people. Ever.

There are an infinite number of alternate interventions and it is a parent's obligation to be creative enough to apply the appropriate non-violent consequence.

Hitting your child is a violent act.

How about physically restraining a child on the floor?

Pugwash
10-04-2008, 09:16 PM
[QUOTE=abbyj][How about physically restraining a child on the floor?/QUOTE]

give 'em tha tawse.

Captain Blight
10-04-2008, 09:19 PM
Beatin em just makes it louder.

StevenBauer
10-04-2008, 09:21 PM
We were never spanked. The few times it was threatened my brother and I shaped up immediately. Usually it was on a long car ride. Something like "If you two don't knock it off back there I'm going to smack out!" :eek:

We never spanked our kids either. Like Salvor Hardin said: "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."


Steven

abbyj
10-04-2008, 09:42 PM
[quote=abbyj][How about physically restraining a child on the floor?/QUOTE]

give 'em tha tawse.

Sometimes, pinning them down is the only way to give them one of these

http://www.sashadesign.com/img/weblog/pampers.jpg

:D

LeeG
10-04-2008, 09:45 PM
ok,ok, this is a story from my gf, she has three nephews and two nieces, the youngest boy is a hellion, smarter than the rest and raised on negative reinforcement, wiry and energetic. She's baby sitting them and one day loses it with him "_________, if you don't settle down I"m going to tie you to this chair"....of course he didn't settle down and she followed through.

Later on she said.."I can't believe it, I actually tied a 8yr old boy down to the outdoor chair. If CPS came by it would have looked like a kidnap scene"

Captain Blight
10-04-2008, 09:49 PM
Apparently my grandma used to keep my uncle Jack in a little harness with a lead to a pulley on the clothesline. He's a Republican now.


THINK, PEOPLE!!!

Bob Cleek
10-04-2008, 11:15 PM
Sure, didn't everybody? Lessee... there was your ordinary backhand across the face for "general purposes...," and the slap across the back of the head for the same. When Mom went into a rage, it was pretty much about whatever was close at hand. I used to hope it was a wire coat hanger, since the wooden ones usually broke, which only increased her rage. Then there was the tablespoons of Tabasco sauce forced down my throat for "bad language," while the old lady cussed like a drunken sailor hereself.

The old man was much less spontaneous... more measured and calculating. He'd think about it for awhile, and then it'd be THE BELT! Although, on occasion, the BELT would be used in the heat of passion, but only rarely. The old man was pretty mellow. Still, he could whip that sucker out from the belt loops around his waist and catch the biitter end in mid air, doubling it up, and come down with one fell swoop without missing a beat. The belt was a bitch, though. It left big whelts across my ass and back and stung like a mother. Fortuately, the belt wasn't an ordinary thing... maybe once a month or so. I left home at fourteen. If it wasn't for my parents' discipline tactics, I'd have had nothing to tell my shrink about.

I only hit my own kid once, a "surprise" pop on the bottom when she was about two and a half and was playing with the hot water fawcet. It had the desired effect. Never had to do it again.

At the time, it seemed pretty ordinary. Kids are just TOO mollycoddled these days. LOL

pila
10-04-2008, 11:44 PM
I got spanked, and had it coming each time:)

johnw
10-05-2008, 12:20 AM
Kindergaten teacher spanked me. While she was out of the room, another kid was running around and ran into the corner of my desk. When she came back, he claimed I'd hit him. She took me out in the corridor and spanked me. Instead of crying, I told her she'd hit me for something I hadn't done, and told her I thought she knew it. The look on her face said she didn't.

I've always had trouble with authority.

brad9798
10-05-2008, 12:37 AM
Was spanked ... and have popped my kinds on the A$$ from time-to-time!

GoldDogs
10-05-2008, 12:52 AM
The first thing parents should try is a hug.

johnw
10-05-2008, 12:58 AM
Gold, you make me feel so lucky.

GoldDogs
10-05-2008, 01:34 AM
Gold, you make me feel so lucky.


ever been tortured?

jbelow
10-05-2008, 06:24 AM
I was spanked as a kid by parents and public school teachers. My kids were spanked less and my grandkid spanked even less. I do note that there is less discipline with each successive generation.

Vince Brennan
10-05-2008, 06:38 AM
..... but my favorite trick was to grab one and hang him on a door knob by his belt and leave him there for a few minutes.

"My Muddah hung me on a door, once..... Onc...."
Danny Vermin

Ron Williamson
10-05-2008, 06:59 AM
My sisters and I got the wooden spoon or fly swatter for fighting or messing up the house which generally happened at the same time.
I got the belt once for stealing from a store and I got a glancing backhand when I walked into the middle of a rare, massive,non-violent argument between Mom and Dad.I mouthed off and Dad took a swipe just as I was sitting down.Silly bugger almost missed me and ended up breaking a finger on the upright piano.It was an eye opener for him because it didn't even phase me and he never raised his hand to me again.At the time,I think he figured he connected,but didn't hurt me.
My daughter got one good welt raising smack ,from me,on her bare ass when she was about four and torturing her little brother.
I still feel guilty because of the rage I felt at the time, especially for something so trivial.
Now I prefer psychological manipulation.I can't MAKE them do anything,but I can make them want to do it.
R

Andrew Craig-Bennett
10-05-2008, 07:24 AM
My mother told me that she spanked me quite severely for refusing to learn my two times table, when I was five. I have no recollection of it, but looking back she had my mentally handicapped brother to cope with, a new baby sister and a husband in a tight spot overseas at the time, so I can see why a five year old tantrum would be the last straw.

My grammar school did have corporal punishment, but the disgrace of being caned by the Head was such that nobody who underwent it remained at the school. I think it might have been done twice.

Bob Adams
10-05-2008, 07:28 AM
Judging by the behaviour in the bilge, the rod was definately spared on the formites.

botebum
10-05-2008, 07:44 AM
Spanked yes. Beaten no. There were times when a beating might have been the wiser option. I was a pretty rotten kid some days.

Doug

Tylerdurden
10-05-2008, 07:52 AM
I don't remember getting spanked other than hiding under my bed against the wall and learning the barber strap reached.:eek: Must have been okay as I never felt my father to be unjust. I was rebellious as a teen and at 15 I thought I could stand up against him. He swatted me open handed over the couch. Last time I did that:rolleyes:

My kids never got any of that though when my son reached that same point he got my boot in his arse. He still talks about how whenever he thought of doing trouble he would come back to that thought. As in everything sometimes a little in the right place does not hurt but help. I would rather he get a kick from me than a beatdown from the cops.

Like treatement for hysteria is the slap to shock one back to their senses so it goes for the little ones. On only the most rare occasion should it be used. I notice most hit out of frustration which is the wrong approach.

merlinron
10-05-2008, 08:51 AM
never spanked or hit by my parents and never swatted my kids. that's not to say i wouldn't have if they deserved it, maybe i/they was lucky....
in seventh grade, a catholic grade school, i had a nun that believed in making kids hold out thier hand while she whacked it with a pointer. after getting busted for spit-ball fighting.... pulling the ink tubes out of our bic pens and turning them into blow guns..... a popular pass-time in our class, this nun decided i needed to be made an example of the way she ran her classes. when she whacked my hand i grabbed the pointer, took it from her and busted over a desk chair. this was followed by a trip to the monsieniour's(sp.) office and letter explaining to my parents that i was not welcome in school untill they came for a conference.
my dad came in for the meeting with me the next morning, sent me to my class and he went into the office. you could hear him all the way on the opposite end of the school from the second floor! i was a hero!!!!
now, my dad was just a construction worker that, in his words," graduated out the back door", but he did know that kids are not to be hit, especially by someonelse who's not thier parent.......i never saw or heard of this nun doing that again.

Driver Mark
10-05-2008, 09:57 AM
Quite often, w/ belt, wooden spoon, rubber spatula, switch, whatever happened to be in hand at the time. Then when I reached the grown up age of 12, I got the fists for the terrible crime of wanting to watch football instead of going to church. The old man would tell me "you're goin to church goddamnit" . Kind of soured me on the religion thing.
Swatted my kids on the butt a few times, but as a rule they only got three swats, instead of the free for all till they got tired thing that my parents seemed to enjoy.(don't get me wrong there were times I deserved a spanking) A couple swats here and there didn't seem to ruin them, they're both straight A students and got their college paid for with academic scholarships, and they're great kid's and make dad real proud.

mmd
10-05-2008, 12:03 PM
When Gwyn was about a sixteen months old Maureen & I were sitting on the living room couch, playing with Gwyn, and discussing how we would discipline our daughter as she became more "adventurous". We both agreed that a spanking was not out of the question, but that it was the very last resort to an egregious offense. But what constituted such an awful offense on the part of such a cute little toddler? Just then Gwyn crawled up on my lap, stood up, leaned in as if to kiss me, and bit me - hard - on the cheek.

The definition of "egregious misbehaviour" had been cast. A swift swat on the diaper-padded bottom with a sharp "NO!" fetched her up short. Followed by consoling, cuddling, and calm, supportive verbal reinforcement that biting was hurtful and shouldn't be done. Back to playing within five minutes.

That was the only time that we have ever spanked Gwyn, and the only time we ever needed to. Throughout her childhood (even to this day, and she is almost eighteen) all that ever was needed to rein in unacceptable behaviour was the calmly spoken advice that if she were to continue what she was doing, Daddy might yell at her. I think that I only yelled at her twice, and at that only a few words.

Me? I recall being spanked once when I was around five for trying to push Dad down the stairs (we were playing tag at the time) and once by Mom for painting the stove with corn syrup. I got a lot of "time outs", though...

skuthorp
10-05-2008, 03:59 PM
I think once, but dad was not himself after the war, probably never the same again.
Children of war veterans often have these problems and the latest generation wil be no different.
It's not as straightforward as it may seem.

P.I. Stazzer-Newt
10-05-2008, 05:15 PM
http://www.braehead.info/assets/images/tawse_belt_03a.jpg

The Tawse.

Most favoured form of punishment in Scottish schools, when I was a kid. Made from thick leather.

...

In a variety of different thicknesses.

A.K.A. Belt or Strap.

http://www.archivist.f2s.com/cpa/instruments/scotsbelt.htm

At one time the firm was selling 70 or 80 tawses a week

I never knew anyone wear one out.

seanz
10-05-2008, 05:32 PM
I never knew anyone wear one out.

I'll bet they only need replacing when they go missing.;)

crawdaddyjim50
10-05-2008, 07:20 PM
Not spanked, I was beat as a child. And I have the scars to prove it. That said, I think you can meet out corporal punishment to a degree and it be a positive influence on the child.

Jim

olafkolind
04-08-2012, 08:27 AM
My parents didn't spank very often, and not, when we were small children - they used it mainly, when we misbehaved after the age of 10! There are two punishments, that I will remember the rest of my life! The first happened, when I was a little more than 12 and was in 6th grade at school! I had been called to the headmasters office for being rude to a teacher, and he gave me a serious scolding! I got angry and shouted to him: Shut up, you old idiot!! That was a very serious offence, but instead of caning me, he told my father, who was teacher at the same school, what had happened - and he did it in front of all the teachers in the teachers room during an interval, which was very embarrassing for my father! I soon came to regret my behaviour - when we came home later the same day, he at once called my mother and my two older brothers, who was 18 and 16 years old, to the living room, ordered me to take off all my clothes, so I was completely naked (he didnīt want any clothes to get in his way during the punishment, and at the same time it increased the humiliation), and sat down on a sofa with a large towel over his knees! I was then placed with my naked bottom upwards right over his knees, and he gave me around 50 very hard strokes with his open hand in my naked behind with the whole family watching! My buttocks were very red, very sore and swollen, and very warm afterwards, and my father later told me, that the strokes had been as hard, as he could manage - the very many and very distinct marks could be seen and felt for 2-3 weeks, so it was difficult to sit down on the hard benches at school! It turned out, that he had been wise to protect himself with the towel, as I urinated several times during this enourmous spanking, and now it ended up on the towel instead of on his trousers or on the sofa! Moreover, it turned out later that one of my best friends very well before anyone else knew that I had been beaten badly. Oddly enough, my parents had only thought of pulling the living room curtains, so no one could look in, but not thought of locking the doors to the house before the punishment began, and my friend had unsuspecting come to be together with me. He had knocked on the door, but since no one responded and the door was unlocked, he went in - he came into the hall and could now clearly hear what was going on, both from the screams and the very revealing, very loud and sharp smacking sounds, namely that there was someone receiving a violent beating in the naked behind! Of course, he hastened to leave, but he could figure out that I was the "victim", as my big brothers were too old to receive corporal punishment. He told me some months later, and it was also embarrassing for me to know that he had directly heard the sounds of my punishment.

The second happened, when I was 14― and was alone at home with my mother on a hot and humid summer day, and thus, besides my underwear, was only wearing shorts and a T-shirt - that turned out to be a great disadvantage! I didnīt want to do my many chores, so we got into an argument - one word took the other, and in the end I shouted some awful things to her (bitch and worse)!! She gave me a hard and very well-deserved slap on the side of my head, but I was very angry and slapped her back - that was a great mistake! Although I was nearly as tall as her, she managed to fetch a solid wooden coathanger, grab my arm, bend me over a table, and pull down my shorts and underpants! She then gave me an enormous trashing with the coathanger - 60-70 violent strokes in my naked behind!! For the second time in my life, I urinated during a punishment, and the very many and very distinct marks and stripes could be seen and felt for 5-6 weeks! It gave me great problems at school, when the other boys in 9th grade saw it - I had to take my showers after the PE lessons (it was very painful just to participate in those lessons, because my shorts rubbed against my very sore buttocks), so I couldnīt avoid, that they saw my very colourfull bottom! Before long, as was the case with the spanking after my misbehaviour at school 2― year earlier, the whole school knew, what had happened, which was very embarrassing for a teenage boy!!

S.V. Airlie
04-08-2012, 08:42 AM
Once...Hurricane Island 1958. Cutting a switch meeting certain standards and having to be approved by my father was 80% worse though.

Bobby of Tulsa
04-08-2012, 09:04 AM
I don't know nothin bout no spankin, My Granny used up most of an elm tree on me. As for my kids. The youngest got one spanking. It was her choice, that or being grounded. Five swats, we only got half way through. She was smarter than I thought. The oldest, well I always said, If you did you had to whip her twice.:)

George Jung
04-08-2012, 09:06 AM
Actually a very good thread - and I'm encouraged by most of the responses. In our family, we received some nasty 'spankings' - beatings actually. It was how my parents were raised, and the greatest predictor of being an abusive adult is if you were abused as a child. I struggled how to raise my kids, but migrated quickly from a bottom spanking to talking only. Honestly, too many parents discipline in anger, and it teaches that hitting is okay.
Worst discipline I ever received was from a college professor. I don't recall the infraction, but all he said was 'I'm so disappointed in you'. He was by far my favorite professor (ever), and I was devastated. Whatever I had done, I didn't repeat it!

Phillip Allen
04-08-2012, 09:27 AM
I don't know nothin bout no spankin, My Granny used up most of an elm tree on me. As for my kids. The youngest got one spanking. It was her choice, that or being grounded. Five swats, we only got half way through. She was smarter than I thought. The oldest, well I always said, If you did you had to whip her twice.:)

maybe we could start calling you Elmer? :)

Bobby of Tulsa
04-08-2012, 09:32 AM
maybe we could start calling you Elmer? :) ..:)..

John Smith
04-08-2012, 10:04 AM
I was, some. I'm not sure this entire subject falls into a one size fits all category.

When my daughter was very small and we had the older style Christmas tree lights, she was going to touch one. I told her not to; a couple of times. She touched it and burned her finger. From then on, if I said, "no" she didn't question it.

Keith Wilson
04-08-2012, 10:13 AM
No. Didn't do it to my kids either. Guilt is very effective. ;)

Bobby of Tulsa
04-08-2012, 10:52 AM
Guilt may work for some, others not so much.

Lew Barrett
04-08-2012, 12:04 PM
I wasn't spanked, and never spanked our kids, but there are other forms of cruelty, some of them quite scarring. My sister and I both got our share of unnatural punishment. Usual source.

Raising kids without spanking takes more imagination, I think.

A thought for your consideration: if you can outsmart a four year old, you don't need to spank him or her. If you can't then getting medieval is one of your few remaining options. It is amazing to me how many people who never had kids think spanking is OK, and how most people who were spanked also think it's an acceptable routine. I think spanking lacks creativity and is the cheap way out.

Vigilance is an extremely important tool when raising kids.

Bobby of Tulsa
04-08-2012, 12:09 PM
Why don't we quit locking up criminals, kinda cruel dont ya think. I mean come on. Oh, and while I am at it how bout those drill sargents making those poor kids do all them push ups.

McMike
04-08-2012, 12:19 PM
The only way I will hit my kids is if they swing first, god help them if they do. Two boys, 13 & 16.

I think a swat on the backside is okay if used sparingly but even then, kids tend to learn by example and if you're teaching violence solves problems …

Soundbounder
04-08-2012, 12:35 PM
I used to have the living blank beat out me.
Bloody noses, bruised face, hair pulled out...it was usually all to my head. One time however, when I was about 12, he hit me and I went down, and he proceeded to kick me in the ribs and gut.

The worst though was the when it took place in public. One time we were in a museum, of all places, and I was so nervous about it being witnessed that I wet my pants.

Lew Barrett
04-08-2012, 12:41 PM
Why don't we quit locking up criminals, kinda cruel dont ya think. I mean come on. Oh, and while I am at it how bout those drill sargents making those poor kids do all them push ups.

Not the same thing. Are the kids criminals? Do the troops not require training?
Context matters.

Very few parents have ever NOT hit their kids, either in anger, frustration or a sincere sense that corporal punishment might be worth a try. That doesn't make it the most effective discipline.

Lew Barrett
04-08-2012, 01:07 PM
I used to have the living blank beat out me.
Bloody noses, bruised face, hair pulled out...it was usually all to my head. One time however, when I was about 12, he hit me and I went down, and he proceeded to kick me in the ribs and gut.

The worst though was the when it took place in public. One time we were in a museum, of all places, and I was so nervous about it being witnessed that I wet my pants.

This is incredibly painful stuff to hear. My father was a very ill man, but because he only lived with us for a few of our early years, we were spared a great deal. We did not escape the misery of a really unhappy family life in other regards, much of it directly attributable to the old man but it was not physical abuse.

The kind of anger and abuse you were subjected to is one big step beyond "spanking" in my mind.

A worthwhile thread......

Rich Jones
04-08-2012, 01:26 PM
My mother never spanked us. Her job was to say, "Just wait until your Father gets home!", which would leave us in dread for the rest of the day. I'd hide under the bed when I heard the door open, but he'd call me out and I'd get one or two smacks on the backside. But, his hands were the size of tennis rackets! Didn't really hurt, but I sure learned the lesson. Then my mother would come in and comfort me. Only happened a couple of times when I was 6-7 years old.
Never spanked my own kids. A small slap in the face once in a while when they were disrespectful. A sharp rebuke usually did the trick. I'm told by them, now that they're grown up, that I had a very effective "mad-dad" voice.

Soundbounder
04-08-2012, 01:31 PM
This is incredibly painful stuff to hear. My father was a very ill man, but because he only lived with us for a few of our early years, we were spared a great deal. We did not escape the misery of a really unhappy family life in other regards, much of it directly attributable to the old man but it was not physical abuse.

The kind of anger and abuse you were subjected to is one big step beyond "spanking" in my mind.

A worthwhile thread......
Yeah, it wasn't like today where there's so much more awareness of the tell-tale signs, and places you can turn to. Back then, a cop or a priest would tell my father to cool off and they'd take a walk around the block.

My mom was afraid of him, and many times she had packed us up in the car and left.....only to return a few days later. Wasn't till I was in HS that she left for good.

Remarkably.....other than a random outburst in the Bilge, and occasional bouts of depression, none of us are firing rifles from the top of clock towers. One brother seemed to be following in his footsteps by being unable to control his violence, but he quit the booze and appears to have overcome it for a decade now.

Chip-skiff
04-08-2012, 03:11 PM
Mum used to growl a lot and sometimes she'd nip us when she was really annoyed.

http://texx-wolf-hybrid-rescue.webs.com/PUREWLF_pup3.jpg

But she never drew blood.

fishrswim
04-08-2012, 04:13 PM
I was. too many times. It only made me mad. Belts, hair brushes, green switches off a handy tree, fly swatters, open hand, lariat rope, baling wire, you name it we got it. After I was about 7 I refused to cry no matter how bad it hurt.

Also the neanderthals I had as teachers in Texas were proud of their paddles which they used to enforce "discipline". They were elaborately carved and varnished, made usually of 1x4s, sometimes of 2x4s and often with holes drilled in them so they really popped when you were hit. One old gal who "taught" 6th grade geography could hit so hard it lifted the kids feet off the floor. Today these people would go to jail for some of the things they did.

Imagine getting "swats" at football practice for missing a tackle or a block, being last when running wind sprints. Or at BB practice for missing a lay up or the famous "not hustling". Great motivators these guys.

Spanking is just a different word for beating. Big people beating little people is a bad practice.

But don't get me started.

skuthorp
04-08-2012, 04:17 PM
Huh, ya gotta pay attention, I just quoted myself!

Tom Montgomery
04-08-2012, 04:22 PM
Spanked? No. Strapped with a leather belt.

The belt was hung on the door knob of the coat closet to serve as a constant warning.

I think there are better ways to correct children. YMMV.

Waddie
04-08-2012, 04:36 PM
You only spank because you're bigger than they are. Spanking is bullying, plain and simple. Almost all spanking is done out of anger, annoyance or impulse. Wait a few minutes before spanking and you wouldn't do it. Try counting to ten.

If even then you can't control your violent impulses, try picking on some one you own size.

Is there a specific reason to resurrect this old thread?

regards,
Waddie

Tom Montgomery
04-08-2012, 04:39 PM
I actually think adults can use their size to advantage in correcting children.

Having said that, I see no need for striking children.

AussieBarney
04-08-2012, 04:48 PM
nine broken bones from a rotten, drunken, violent, savage a**ehole of a father before I was twelve years old. Ask Paul Pless, You cant train a horse or a dog using fear or violence. Why is it you think you can train a human child using the technique.

Meli
04-08-2012, 05:32 PM
My father was a gentle man.
My mother was brought up with 5 sibs and 3 step sibs.
My grandma who (I remember as a chubby,kind, jolly redhead bringing comics and sweets and cakes) I later learned was a violent, frightened woman. too many kids to care for in a war. Strain must have been awful. The only boy in the family used to get beaten and locked in the cupboard. she probably lashed out at the girls too.

next generation? my mother used to lash out with my elder sister (usually a full faced slap) Me, she once grabbed round the neck and "throttled"

I dont think she hit the two youger ones.

I dont think my elder sister has ever hit her boys
I've smacked mine on the bum (daughter 2-3 times, son once. two or three sharp slaps), much to my shame.
I just lost it. I think I would feel worse if I planned it.
As several here have said. Never hit little people.

My younger sister regularly just casually hits her son across the head.

My brother would rather eat glass than discipline his kids in any way.

Oddly, my elder sisters and my kids are the best of 8. well mannered, mature good kids.
My younger sibs kids are brats.

So my conclusion is that the odd light smack on the bum does no harm whatsoever.
But regular, out of the blue, inconsistent blows, or no sort of discipline whatsoever, produces either angry kids that dont understand consistency or whats right or wrong. Or smug spoiled little brats.


I think tendencies to violence against children is part learned and part inherited disposition

Tom Montgomery
04-08-2012, 05:52 PM
Examine how animals correct their young. They use their size to advantage to correct their young without employing violence.

They cuff their young, hover above them and growl, physically move them about, etc., all without physically harming them. If only human beings were so wise.

Lew Barrett
04-08-2012, 06:12 PM
You only spank because you're bigger than they are. Spanking is bullying, plain and simple. Almost all spanking is done out of anger, annoyance or impulse. Wait a few minutes before spanking and you wouldn't do it. Try counting to ten.

If even then you can't control your violent impulses, try picking on some one you own size.

Is there a specific reason to resurrect this old thread?

regards,
Waddie

In 100% agreement.

Like George, I think this is a kosher subject if somebody feels the need to delve into it.

Bob Adams
04-08-2012, 06:25 PM
nine broken bones from a rotten, drunken, violent, savage a**ehole of a father before I was twelve years old. Ask Paul Pless, You cant train a horse or a dog using fear or violence. Why is it you think you can train a human child using the technique.

I don't think you can equate the beating dealt in a drunken rage to a measured swat on the bum administered by a concerned parent.

Meli
04-08-2012, 06:26 PM
Bringing these things out into the open can only be good in the long run.

Like mental illness in the family, child abuse, alcoholism etc.
There are many families that keep "secrets". Better for the next generation to be warned and shame free to prevent perpetuation.

My kids father's family have a long generational history of alcoholism and mental illness. It would have been better for both sons of that family to be fully and accurately informed, they might have been more careful of their own habits.

My kids are aware and educated.

bobbys
04-08-2012, 07:24 PM
If the brats hid the good Halloween candy from me i used to waterboard them till the libs got all hissy/pissy about it..

Then i Reasoned with them.

Or waited till they fell asleep then raided the bags for MandMs.

bamamick
04-08-2012, 07:35 PM
I started this bloody thread and can't even remember why, but if has done a wee bit of good to let people get some painful memories off their chests then I am glad I did it.

Mickey Lake

Paul Pless
04-08-2012, 07:37 PM
I started this bloody thread and can't even remember why, but if has done a wee bit of good to let people get some painful memories off their chests then I am glad I did it.

Mickey Lake

Do you still not want to hear about me being spanked by Katherine?