PDA

View Full Version : So, When you go...........



jack grebe
07-23-2008, 08:17 PM
What is your final wish?

I don't want to be buried, I hate confinement

I would rather not be cremated, I was burned once, it wasn't fun.

I am thinking a burial @ sea without a casket......just toss the body
overboard, feed the fish............can I do this?:rolleyes:

Mrleft8
07-23-2008, 08:19 PM
Off shore ....... sure. Not within 200 miles of the USA tho.
Just prop me up under a palm tree and let the crabs have at me.

Paul Pless
07-23-2008, 08:21 PM
Just prop me up under a palm tree and let the crabs have at me.In your case ticks will probably be more likely to be what eats you.:p

BrianW
07-23-2008, 08:22 PM
............can I do this?:rolleyes:

No. Somebody else will have to do it for you, you'll be dead. ;)

Mrleft8
07-23-2008, 08:22 PM
In your case ticks will probably be more likely to be what eats you.:p

Prolly.....
I figure you'll ask to be taken to an ALPO plant and canned for yer buddies! :D

BrianW
07-23-2008, 08:24 PM
Off shore ....... sure. Not within 200 miles of the USA tho.

Hmm... and it's legal to pump a holding tank 3 miles off. So we're worse than s**t. :)

doorstop
07-23-2008, 08:25 PM
Sit on the gunwhales, weight around waist, shotty under chin..... pop! gloop, gloop, gloop. Self burial at sea...

jack grebe
07-23-2008, 08:30 PM
Sit on the gunwhales, weight around waist, shotty under chin..... pop! gloop, gloop, gloop. Self burial at sea...
Not goin out that way:eek:

Mrleft8
07-23-2008, 08:32 PM
That's kinda........ Nevermind, the whole thread's kinda morbid.....

seanz
07-23-2008, 08:40 PM
Sit on the gunwhales, weight around waist, shotty under chin..... pop! gloop, gloop, gloop. Self burial at sea...

Drama queen......the weights will do the job on their own.
:rolleyes: :p


Me?
I want the Han Solo treatment..........

http://www.starwars-tw.com/replica/lifesize/lifesize-hansolo.jpg

You know, something simple, yet tasteful, so you won't be forgotten.
:D

skuthorp
07-23-2008, 08:47 PM
Don't care, somethig cheap. Compost? Tree farm, maybe some good boatbuilding wood? There was an English peer a few years ago who left his body to the Battersea Dogs Home for petfood. Court disallowed it, spoilsports!

SMARTINSEN
07-23-2008, 09:34 PM
Howze about this? (http://www3.baylor.edu/%7EElmer_Duncan/Jbentham.600px.jpg)

cs
07-23-2008, 09:38 PM
I wanna go while sitting on the toilet on the worlds largest pile of dynimite while holding sparklers in both hands.

Chad

pcford
07-23-2008, 09:45 PM
Howze about this? (http://www3.baylor.edu/%7EElmer_Duncan/Jbentham.600px.jpg)

He is sometimes brought to academic meetings. He is counted as present but not voting. If there is a tie, he votes in the affirmative.

That is not his real head.

There will always be an England.

The Bigfella
07-23-2008, 10:17 PM
I'm starting up a new investment idea. Its called Soylent Green. I need some volunteers.

J. Dillon
07-23-2008, 10:28 PM
US military veterans can request burial at sea.

http://www.seaservices.com/veterans.htm

JD

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
07-23-2008, 10:35 PM
I'm starting up a new investment idea. Its called Soylent Green. I need some volunteers.

The canned stuff tastes just like chicken.


http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w29/TheSpyboys/MISC/SoylentGreen_Can002.jpg

Yeadon
07-23-2008, 10:35 PM
Dig a hole and roll me in. And remember, please, tip the grave digger. It's hard work.

The Bigfella
07-23-2008, 10:52 PM
As possibly the only person on the forum who has actually spent some time in a body bag (not too long fortunately), I think I'd like to limit my future time in there. Cremation.

Definitely no embalming either. I can't believe it is still so popular in the US. Why? Haven't you guys heard of refrigeration? I was going to go on about trocars, but ...... ughh.

The Bigfella
07-23-2008, 11:11 PM
... and, in the spirit of this thread....

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank c heck.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

The Bigfella
07-23-2008, 11:12 PM
Burial at Sea

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise.
They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.
After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?"
Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, "Nope, not yet Bubbles."
So they row a little farther.... Again Bubbles asks Barbie, "Do you think we're out far enough now?"
Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, "No, this will never do. The water is only up to my chest."
So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface,
gasping for breath she says, "OK, it's finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel."

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
07-23-2008, 11:30 PM
Cremation for me.
No dead body for everyone to view, just photos and music.
Ashes dumped (hopefully downwind) in Lake Erie.
A toast, in my honer, from my friends and family.
My fortune will go to a worthy wooden boat restoration project.

The Bigfella
07-23-2008, 11:45 PM
My fortune will go to a worthy wooden boat restoration project.


Been There, Done That

Kaa
07-23-2008, 11:49 PM
What, no one wants to go out the old Viking way?

Kaa

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
07-23-2008, 11:51 PM
As you sow, so ye shall reap.

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
07-23-2008, 11:54 PM
The Viking way would depend on how far gone and big the boat was.

Bob Adams
07-24-2008, 01:41 AM
Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hangin' on the shed!!

seanz
07-24-2008, 02:03 AM
What, no one wants to go out the old Viking way?

Kaa

Wearing a horned helmet, screaming blue murder and waving an axe over your head?

The Bigfella
07-24-2008, 02:14 AM
Wearing a horned helmet, screaming blue murder and waving an axe over your head?

Don't you mean... wearing a horned helmet, screaming blue murder and having an axe waved THROUGH your head

Captain Blight
07-24-2008, 02:29 AM
I'm donating my corpulent bag of rotting meat to a medical school for dissection.

With one caveat: I've been given to understand that the days of the fraternity-boy pranks with the dead are long gone and now they are treated with something not far from reverence. Well, none of that for me! They want to learn from me, they're just going to have to skip rope with my intestines and hide my head in a colleague's bowling bag!

After they're done rummaging around, I'm guessing they can pick the grit out of my colon, put all the parts more or less back where they came from, and burn me. Maybe if the formaldehyde will let them, they can turn me into fertilizer. What do I care? I'll be dead and gone.

Spin_Drift
07-24-2008, 02:35 AM
there once was a lady name Myrtle...
who bought herself a new girdle...
the girdle was too tight...
and so Myrtle died...
now the graveyard is fertile...
with Myrtle...

:eek::eek::eek:

seanz
07-24-2008, 02:37 AM
Don't you mean... wearing a horned helmet, screaming blue murder and having an axe waved THROUGH your head

You go your way, I'll go mine.
:)

Not sure about the medical experiment route...what if they come early?

seanz
07-24-2008, 02:41 AM
Thanks for that Spinner....

Here lies Nigel Daw
With us he is no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

Spin_Drift
07-24-2008, 02:41 AM
As possibly the only person on the forum who has actually spent some time in a body bag (not too long fortunately), I think I'd like to limit my future time in there. Cremation.

Definitely no embalming either. I can't believe it is still so popular in the US. Why? Haven't you guys heard of refrigeration? I was going to go on about trocars, but ...... ughh.

:eek::eek::eek:

I'd like to hear about that one... What happened???????

Someone thought you dead? Did you wake up in the body bag?

Please tell.......!!!!!

The Bigfella
07-24-2008, 03:01 AM
Just something to do with new health regulations at the time Spinner. The whole AIDS thing and a union push for silly conditions related to AIDS.

There was a demand for all people who died - where it couldn't be proven that they did not have AIDS (ie everyone) - to be body-bagged in yellow body bags and labelled "Infectious - handle with care". A rather outrageous scenario. It all got a bit out of hand for a while. I ended up in a body bag as part of a committee demonstration - given that I was the biggest fella there, so to speak. I never quite made it into a coffin. The bastards did zip the bag up and carry me off though.

Spin_Drift
07-24-2008, 03:08 AM
Glad it was just a demo...phew...:eek::)

The Bigfella
07-24-2008, 03:28 AM
Yeah - all the rest of the ones there were, shall we say, rather stationary.

Tylerdurden
07-24-2008, 04:30 AM
Over the side, after the revolution preferably.

ChrisBen
07-24-2008, 09:00 AM
What, no one wants to go out the old Viking way?

Kaahttp://www.cemeteryspot.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/viking-cremation-ship.jpg

bamamick
07-24-2008, 09:23 AM
Cremation. Ashes spread at sea. It's in the will.

Mickey Lake

huisjen
07-24-2008, 09:24 AM
As someone who preforms memorial services on occasion, Sara has opinions on keeping the body where someone can go visit the site now and again, to help with the grieving and recovery process. That's why I'd be content with a hole in the garden. No preservitives please.

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain.

huisjen
07-24-2008, 09:29 AM
InaBell is dead, Savior, and we pray that Thou wouldst give us the strength
to lift her and carry her to her grave. InaBell is dead, and, Jesus, we'll
never again hear her gravel-on-the-window voice, her tail-in-the-door
voice. We'll never again see her goiter shake like an old apple in a
windstorm. InaBell is dead and gone home to Thee, oh Precious
Lord. Welcome her with open arms and spread 'em wide. She's dead, oh
Precious Lamb, we're sure of it this time. She went over in her kitchen
with a thud, scattering her Chicken Surprise for her ill-tempered, little,
pop-eyed, slobbering dog, who ate most of it. InaBell is dead and gone and
left us here to carry on and carry her big, fat, annoying ass out to the
grave and bury her deep so she won't get up even in dreams to HOLLER HER
INSANE **** AT US! THANK YOU, JESUS! THANK YOU, LORD, FOR TAKING
INABELL!. I bet she was hard to lift, even for Thee.

InaBell is dead. She killed her husband, poor old Pete. She screamed and
hollered him to death with her helium woodpecker voice, pulled at him and
yelled at him and hit him and screamed at him until he had fits and slapped
his own face and talked in tongues (talks in tongues) at the dinner
table. OH, SWEET JESUS CHRIST! INABELL IS FINALLY
DEAD! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH AND AMEN!

There's a big sale on Tuesday. Big sale on Tuesday, who will buy her angry
purse, forty pounds of frozen pot pies? Who will buy her stiff hairnets
for failed perms, her fly-speckled glasses? Who will buy her girdle that
didn't? Who will buy her hippo bra, and her nylons that woulda fit
pylons? Hey!
Who'llgivemeanickelwho'llgivemeadimewho'llgivemean ickelwho'llgivemeadime,
who'll give me sumpin' for this ****?! Who'll buy the little plastic
church that used to light up, the busted pink hairdryer, and half a carton
of menthol cigarettes? Who will buy her cracked bowling ball and enough
knickknacks to sink the Titanic?! Who will buy her sidewalk made out of
storm doors and cardboard and a blown Pontiac full of sparrows and
saplings? Oh, who will buy? Who will buy? Step right up! Who will
buy? Who will buy? Who will buy?

Put a big ol' stone on top of her that says, "InaBell finally shutup and
kicked the bucket!" Big sale on Tuesday.

Concordia...41
07-24-2008, 04:53 PM
I think John Prine has the right idea :D


Woke up this morning
Put on my slippers
Walked in the kitchen and died
And oh what a feeling!
When my soul
Went thru the ceiling
And on up into heaven I did ride
When I got there they did say
John, it happened this way
You slipped upon the floor
And hit your head
And all the angels say
Just before you passed away
These were the very last words
That you said:

Chorus:
Please don't bury me
Down in that cold cold ground
No, I'd druther have "em" cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size
Give my stomach to Milwaukee
If they run out of beer
Put my socks in a cedar box
Just get "em" out of here
Venus de Milo can have my arms
Look out! I've got your nose
Sell my heart to the junkman
And give my love to Rose

Give my feet to the footloose
Careless, fancy free
Give my knees to the needy
Don't pull that stuff on me
Hand me down my walking cane
It's a sin to tell a lie
Send my mouth way down south
And kiss my ass goodbye