View Full Version : The boat ramp thread...

Joe Dupere
07-17-2008, 08:03 AM
I'll confess up front, I'm the guy you hang out at the local boat ramp to watch!!

What are your favorite boat ramp stories?

Joe, FPoP

Phillip Allen
07-17-2008, 08:06 AM
I'm my own best story...tried to sink Dad's boat by leaving the plugs out as I launched (I was 16)...not much of a story as I covered my butt well and no one knew how close I'd come (water over the sole, down by the stern...) I still had enough power to get it up on the step and suck that water out and put the plugs in under way...

07-17-2008, 08:28 AM
No great story's at the new ramp just a lot of inconsiderate stink pot owners. I had to scream at one the other day as he was backing into some kids swimming off the end of the dock, he came real close and shot me a look then started yelling at the kids. I told him to STFU and he did but he jumped of the boat without a line in hand. He almost didn't make it back:D
The kids are the local poor and one offered to keep an eye on the ding while I went to the truck. I trust those 13 year olds more than the powerboat guys.

I noticed the big money autobody shop types are too cheap to launch from the yards to go to their summer places over at Peaks Island and they have a nasty habit of pouring on the coals on their way through the mooring fields. Both the Harbor Master and the Park guys who run the ramp are not there anymore due to budget cuts so its becoming a free for all. A couple of recreational lobster guys have there traps set in the field so maybe we will get lucky and snag some of the bad asses.

Paul Pless
07-17-2008, 08:49 AM
I was coming back to the boat ramp, and there was a guy launching his boat with his wife. Besides myself, they were the only other people there. It was a very very cold January day. The wife was holding the rope tied to the bow and when he tapped the brakes, the boat perfectly slid off the trailer and drifted slowly backwards, whereupon she dropped the rope and the boat continued to drift back across the river. It really wasn't a big deal, as I was already heading over to get his boat for him when I looked back to see her dive off the end of the dock next to the boat ramp to swim out to get their boat. Her husband saw her do it too. The look on his face was priceless!!!

Paul Pless
07-17-2008, 09:00 AM
As far as bad stuff...

I've seen a few people get pinched badly between boats and trailers and boats and trucks. The ramp I use most often on the river often has a fair amount of current and I've seen alot of people come in too fast and either completely miss their trailer or get hung up on it and then swept sideways.

For the most part though what really gets me is the inconsiderate bull****. Like people working on their boats at the bottom of the ramp, or not having their boat and gear ready to launch, and holding other people up. When I leave the house, my boat is ready to go other than to be released from trailer. It takes me less than a minute usually to get away from the ramp.

The absolutely worst inconsiderate crap I've ever experienced is from kayakers. There's an extremely rural and not often used boat ramp on the river near my house. Kayakers use it as the take out spot below a series of rapids. I've actually come to the boat ramp to launch my boat and had the bottom of the ramp blocked by cars that they have left there unattended while they went up river to put in.:mad::mad: A call to the sheriffs to have them cited and to have their cars towed offered a little bit of calming influence on me, its a good thing the sheriffs showed up before the kayakers did.

07-17-2008, 09:03 AM
You should install a push bar on your truck Paul:D

07-17-2008, 09:06 AM
Couple weeks ago I was at the Kits ramp and a half dozen Vancouver FD personnel were launching an 18' zodiac from a trailer. Every one was in uniform; well they must have had a rookie because they got him to hold the painter while the truck quickly rolled down the ramp and slammed on the brakes at the waters edge to force the boat off the trailer...

Well the rookie wouldn't let go; and remember he was in uniform...

The driver laughed so hard he almost fell out of the truck.

Wild Dingo
07-17-2008, 10:00 AM
Not mine of course... but... while in Broome recently I had the delishiously enjoyable time of being the witness to an event that had me almost wetting me duds laughing

So there I was doing what became my morning ritual up there... sitting at the table overlooking Roebuck bay at 5.30am watching the sun come up in the east and creating the most amazing display of color... when down onto the beach drove this rusty old Hilux ute towing one of those monster plastic penis boats... anyway he roars down to the edge of the fast receeding waters turns sharply and starts backing back... so Im watching thinking to meself "now THIS is gonna be flamin interesting"

So there he is backing up backing up backing up... finally he must have seen his tyres in water so he gets out races back unhitches the tail lights throws them in the back of the ute and then undoes the hitch from the boat to the winch... mmmm interesting eh?... nothing holding onto this damned plastic thing just sitting on the trailer... so the fella gives it a bit of a push it moves a bit you know an inch or so... he scratches his head and makes for the front of the ute again... all the time the waters disappearing from his trailer... (note this hilux was not of the 4x4 variety just your average road warrior type)

he chucks it into reverse and FLOORS IT!... then slams it into FORWARD and floors it again... yep one new plastic penis boat slides of the trailer and... onto the sand!!! :D ... yep no water!!

So wallywakker gets out walks back to where the boat sits like a beached jelly fish kicks it shouts at it swears at it then wanders back to the ute... sits there for a bit then arcs her up and roars around the boat with trailer attached out into the water he heads then starts backing up to the back of the boat!!... mmm but the water hadnt gone from under the truck had it? nope and what happened when he gave it to her? DOWN SHE WENT!!! did he stop? nope he gunned it again and again and yet again until it was down on the axles!!... bogged.

So he gets out swears his head off looking around for someone to help saw a bloke walking his dog and starts yelling at him to "FN WELL GET OVER FN WELL HERE AN GIVE ME A FN HAND" the guy stops and looks at him shakes his head and walks on huge smile on his dial I think he noticed me rolling around on the table laughing like a manical hyena about then and roared at me to "STOP YER FLAMIN FN LAUGHING YER WAKKER AN GIVE A BLOKE A HAND"

So me bein the good hearted bloke I am... took a few minutes to compose meself stop laughing and chuckling to meself headed down to the beach... why not I had not much else to do and hell this would be interesting just act totally dumb and see what he does

So I get down there and start humming and haaing looking at the sand now well over the axles then at the boat laying there "mate yer sorta a bit f***ked eh?" says I with a grin... I stand there looking surprised as he almost totally lost the plot then when he stopped to breathe I turned to start walking away "You want help or not?" well... he lost it rather badly then but the crux was "of course I want help my good friend"... so I looked at him and said in my best "I know absolutely nothing about this sorta thing" voice "well whats to do eh?" he threw a snatch strap at me and said brusquely "hook that on the friggin towbar" So I did bein helpfull and all "now what?" I asked politely as he got into the car "Now hook the back of the boat to the winch" mmm okay so I dropped the loose end of the snatch strap on the sand... grabbing the hook and unlatching it from its holder I reeled the hook out and stood scratching me noggin then yelled to him over the sounds of the roaring motor of the hilux... "HEY!! Where you want me to hook the thing?" something came out of the cab but I couldnt quite hear it over the motor and figured he meant hook it to the outboard... but there were two outboards!! I raised me hands in that time honored manner of "well what now?" thing... ooh well me being me I hooked it around BOTH outboards and clipped it... and wandered back to the front of the cab "You right mate? shes all hooked up no wukkers" "GEDDOUDDAWAY!!" he yells "no worries" says I and wandered away and sat down comfy and had a smoke while I watched... thinking he is a right antsy sorta bloke musnt have gotta a bit last night poor buggar

So hes givin the hilux the utter max on the accelorator first forward then reverse then forward then reverse... and going nowhere real fast just further down into the sand... I looked over at the water yep starting to turn... I get up and wander over "look mate what do you want to do about the boat shes all hooked up" "THEN FN WELL WINCH THE BITCHE BACK ONTO THE FN TRAILER YER BLOODY IDIOT!" he shouts as sweat pours from him and hes givin the motor the boot right proper so I step away muttering "ooh right... gotcha... no wukkers"

I head back to the trailer checked the electric winch setup... mmm push this little button? no worries... I stepped away rapidly cause aside from the damned hilux is fair going insanely back and forth the winch started pulling... so I wandered away to stand 100 yards or so away and squatted down to watch... yep the tide had turned alright so I called out "hey mate you might wanna get a tow truck down here soon else your gonna give that nice ute a bath real soon" but try as I might he just didnt hear me over the sound of the engine roaring :rolleyes:

So I watched as the boat started sliding... not much of course as the suction had her in its grip by now... then I noticed the outboards begin to move on their own without the boat... mmm thats not gonna be good I think and get up and move another 100 yards further away and sat down again might have to give him another hoi shortly I start to think about shouting out to him again but no he musta decided to get a tow truck after all and was getting out... I looked around a bit then wondering if their was a crowd gathering... yep a mob had gathered on the shore pointing cameras popping laughter and such... a couple of beer keg carrying fellas were wandering slowly out with beers in hand and small esky being carried by one... aah my kinda blokes these ones the thinking mans mates!!



Yep... the outboards broke from the boat!! Major BANG and shattering splintering sounds then two outboards were being dragged onto the trailer and right up over the small front board and WHAM into the back of the ute!!!... "nice dents bro" I thought thinking of a Kiwi mate who did much the same years ago in Derby :D

The bloke stood there absolutely gobsmacked as you yanks say... But I sorta noticed about then that I was getting a tad wet on the butt area so I stood up and started to walk around the boat toward the bloke "Mate the tides coming in you might wanna get that tow truck about now eh?" He looks at me looks at the boat looks at the ute looks at the rising waters now near the bottom of the doors and then back at me as I shrugged and wandered toward shore.

Damn but Ive never much liked them plastic penis boats anyways... flamin ego trippers ;)

I got back to the table on the hill just in time to get a new cuppa from my younger sis Kree and to watch the waters rise up the doors and the boat float away while the bloke was running around on shore like a chook with its head cut off "Did he call the tow bloke?" asked Kree "not that I know of sis I told him to a couple of times but well you know these tourists know all sorts some of them eh?" she grinned "yeah to right they are... good morning?" "Yep the best kiddo"

Ohhh about 30 minutes later the tow truck was parked quietly in the car park opposite facing the remainder of the top of the cab of the ute the bloke going absolutely chocolate at the driver who didnt even get out of the cab just shook his head with a huge grin on his dial :D

Seems this happens at least twice every tourist season in Broome :rolleyes:

Phillip Allen
07-17-2008, 10:19 AM
Dingo has a very mean streak... :)

07-17-2008, 10:21 AM
I used to work part time at a big plastic boat shop inland and I specialized in diagnostics for him. I would show up on Saturday morning and sort out what the shop boys could not. Usually that include testing on the lake. I had a big EFI Larsen one day that would lose power intermittently and they already had over twenty hours into it with no luck. After loading my gear I took it down to launch as one of his newly sold boats was ahead of me. The guy kept slamming it back and forth to try and get it loose off the trailer but had no luck.
As I approached him I saw the safety chain was still on. There were cracks in the gelcoat all around the hook but I said nothing and winched it up to let off the hook. He and his family got on and off he went. Now I am charging this boat up and down the lake to get to the problem and here I see the boat aground with the mother holding a baby on a sand bar up to her waist waving franticly.
Seems he didn't know to fill it up with gas and the five gallons it came with didn't last too long. Ended up taking wifey back then returned and towed him off and back to the ramp.
I took off and continued only to get a call to go to the ramp and help the guy load the boat. I get there and asked the guy why he didn't just go get a couple of gas cans filled and bring them back as it was still early. "You can do that?":D

Wild Dingo
07-17-2008, 10:34 AM
Dingo has a very mean streak... :)

ME??? :eek: Never!!! ;)

I just dont like them plastic penis boat things thats all :rolleyes: ...Personally I think they look just great layin on the sand with their motors ripped off beautiful in fact :D

I must admit I did see a wee sailboat slowly listing to port the other day in the bunbury harbor... tied to the peir the bloke jumped off and wandered up to the car where the missus and little takkers were waiting impatiently got in and drove away... slowly the boat started to list then list some more a few short hours later it was down below the waterline and steadily going under!!... sad... truely sad in fact... but what could I do eh?... only positive I could see was that it was plastic so if someone got down there and put the sodding bungs back in and got the water out maybe it would ruin the scenery for another day?... sad though it was a pretty wee thing... but hey it was plastic so no great loss and the bloke drove away without a second glance of course he did have his hands full with the missus squarking at him the nippers yelling and crying and such but still it was his boat so why didnt he care? And give he didnt seem to care... I sorta stopped caring as well and just wandered over to the gate keepers hut and told him that I thought one of the boats was sorta you know kinda sinking?... went back the next day and well it was sorta well under water and you know something no one seemed to care

But penis boats? nope no time for the ugly things should all be holed and sunk for ground fill in my book... I mean if someone has that much moola to waste on penis envy then send some to me and Id have me a fine wooden sail boat in no time flat and boy would I have some fun!!!... ahem and Im pretty happy without any penis envy in my life :D

07-17-2008, 10:45 AM
People in lawn chairs next to the ramp. Random strangers. I stopped to talk. They filled me in on how much fun it was.

As we talked somebody was backing down to launch their jet skeet. Lines were off and it was just loose on the trailer. They started to back crooked and hit the brakes. The jet skeet kept going, off the trailer. Clunk. Scrape. Grin from the folks in the chairs.

Paul Pless
07-17-2008, 10:46 AM
But penis boats? nope no time for the ugly things should all be holed and sunk for ground fill in my book... I mean if someone has that much moola to waste on penis envy then send some to me and Id have me a fine wooden sail boat in no time flat and boy would I have some fun!!!... ahem and Im pretty happy without any penis envy in my life :DDoes your ire stretch to penis boats from the golden age of speed boats?

1924 Penis Boat.



07-17-2008, 10:55 AM
1924 Penis Boat.

In the pre-Viagra age they had to make them out of wood :D