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Tanbark Spanker
06-26-2008, 12:34 PM
I'm looking for a flock to sheppard in my new church. It's a little bit Scientology, a little bit Born Again, a little bit Buddist, a smatter of Islam, some Jew, a smidge of Hinduism, some Wikka, without all the imprisoning bull**** that is religion today.

Jesus Christ did not exist, let alone die for anybody's sins. However, there was the Pimp Jesus that dropped in on the planet about 14,500 years ago and stayed only long enough to stir up some **** between the lizard overlords and the slave humans. He does this once every couple of eons.

Genisis 3:22

Popeye
06-26-2008, 12:36 PM
i washed my flock last night

Kaa
06-26-2008, 12:36 PM
I think the Church of the SubGenius has you beat :D

Kaa

Tanbark Spanker
06-26-2008, 12:44 PM
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdLCcQixNvg

All faiths will be welcome to thank Jesus for the way to eternal joy.

SchoonerRat
06-26-2008, 01:41 PM
Sorry, I'm already a member of an obscure religious cult. We worship at the foot of an altar in the likeness of Nat Herreshoff, and follow the teachings of the prophets Alden, Barr and their disciples. Our sacred rites date back to the 17th and 18th centuries. We are not open to conversion!

Milo Christensen
06-26-2008, 01:47 PM
Sorry, I'm already a member of an obscure religious cult. We worship at the foot of an altar in the likeness of Nat Herreshoff, and follow the teachings of the prophets Alden, Barr and their disciples. Our sacred rites date back to the 17th and 18th centuries. We are not open to conversion!

Tell us more, much, much more! Are you at all interested in adding the prayer "Next year in Mystic" to your arcane sacred rites and rituals?

SchoonerRat
06-26-2008, 03:00 PM
Tell us more, much, much more! Are you at all interested in adding the prayer "Next year in Mystic" to your arcane sacred rites and rituals?
How in the world have you gained access to the most sacred words of our Holy Scripture. It is sacrelige to utter those words in any but the holiest of circumstances! In written text the words can only be represented thusly.

"N-xt y--r -n M-st-c"

I'm sorry to have come down on you so hard. My beef is not with you. We are a small order, and when the leak is found he will be dealt with harshly.

Chris Coose
06-26-2008, 03:43 PM
I'm looking for a flock to sheppard in my new church. It's a little bit Scientology, a little bit Born Again, a little bit Buddist, a smatter of Islam, some Jew, a smidge of Hinduism, some Wikka, without all the imprisoning bull**** that is religion today.

Jesus Christ did not exist, let alone die for anybody's sins. However, there was the Pimp Jesus that dropped in on the planet about 14,500 years ago and stayed only long enough to stir up some **** between the lizard overlords and the slave humans. He does this once every couple of eons.

Genisis 3:22

Joseph Smith said pretty much the same thing in 1830. You've discovered nothing. You are about to sheppard a Mormon splinter group.
Now go marry a dozen women, live long enough, then marry your daughters.

Tylerdurden
06-26-2008, 04:19 PM
Don't start another religion. Start a Fight Club.

We have a newbie division, come try it out and find a good dentist.:rolleyes:

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
06-26-2008, 06:06 PM
You're gonna burn in Hell.


http://farm1.static.flickr.com/5/7474965_ba4d28c43f.jpg?v=0

TOMR
06-26-2008, 06:29 PM
so sad

Milo Christensen
06-26-2008, 07:06 PM
so sad

Elaborate.

Peter Malcolm Jardine
06-26-2008, 07:53 PM
Almost as good as the Russellites...:D

S B
06-26-2008, 08:35 PM
If you start a church ,with that sort of mix, you will most likely be told,"get the flock out of my neighbourhood", often.:D

SaltyD from BC
06-26-2008, 09:59 PM
I am at one with nothingness. I no need church. :)

ishmael
06-26-2008, 11:33 PM
The characterization of Jesus as a pimp needs amending, imho. A lot going on there, I'm not one who thinks in holy terms, but pimp isn't right. From the records Jesus loved women, and would never be a pimp.

Pimp, my dictionary, a man who sells women's wiles for his own profit.

Tanbark Spanker
06-27-2008, 12:25 PM
Pimp is being used as an adjective in place of a word like 'cool' or 'hip.'
The word 'fly' may be used in front of 'pimp', and the resulting 'fly pimp' may be employed. However, just 'fugitive' gets the point across. Trust me, the Fugitive Jesus was not loved by all. And he is on the run and wanted in at least this galaxy.

SaltyD, you have something with that nothingness.

Tanbark Spanker
06-27-2008, 12:28 PM
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoK_JaWJeBE

Tanbark Spanker
06-27-2008, 01:51 PM
www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU7BdN5EYwM

Dear Mr. Domesticated Know-It-All,
I am happy to inform you that you have been chosen to represent all that is wrong with the organized religions of the world. If you will please note ...again congratulations.

Saved, Redeamend, and Worthy of Total Consciousness,
The Wholly Fly Reverend Tanbark Spanker

Tanbark Spanker
06-27-2008, 02:55 PM
I think I want music to be a big part of my church. We'll jump around and laugh a lot at how silly it is to get too involved with the present society on Earth. There will be a lot of excursions into the community and lots of peeing and laughing in public. Farting and laughing will be incouraged. Making fun of angry people and people who think they some some importance will be the norm.

This will be the type of music that we will use.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YdMAC0vXIA

Nanoose
06-27-2008, 03:49 PM
Baptism by bungee?

Tanbark Spanker
06-27-2008, 05:17 PM
Thank you, Nanoose, but I HAVE THIS HANDLED!

Bob Cleek
06-27-2008, 05:29 PM
"It's a little bit Scientology, a little bit Born Again, a little bit Buddist, a smatter of Islam, some Jew, a smidge of Hinduism, some Wikka, without all the imprisoning bull**** that is religion today."

Sounds to me like it actually IS exactly "a little bit and a smattering" of "all the imprisoning bull**** that is religion today." Sort of like a boat that is "a little bit Herreshoff, a smattering of Alden, and some Barr..." (Although I'm not aware of any boats that Charlie Barr ever designed, Schooner.)

Tanbark Spanker
06-27-2008, 05:33 PM
It's is all in the interpretation of ancient scripture and application of newly added esoteric knowlede, thank you. There is also a charismatic element.

Bob Cleek
06-27-2008, 05:35 PM
I'll give you the esoteric (Gnostic) knowledge, but I've yet to see any charisma.