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elf
02-12-2008, 10:02 AM
WEEKLY REVIEW

In the G.O.P. primaries on Super Tuesday, John McCain emerged as the likely Republican presidential nominee after winning California, New York, New Jersey, and other "blue states"; Mike Huckabee won states in the South, and Mitt Romney won states in which he has owned a home. Romney later announced the end of his presidential campaign to an audience that moaned and cried "No, no!" "Size," explained Romney, referring to the number of delegates pledged to McCain, "does matter." Democratic primaries left neither Senator Barack Obama nor Senator Hillary Clinton with a clear lead over the other, and operatives inside the Clinton campaign speculated that if the Democratic presidential nominee were not chosen until the convention, Al Gore could emerge as a compromise candidate. "There's a 5 percent chance of that happening," a Clinton source said, "but that's 5 percent too high." "He can still try next time," said Obama's Kenyan grandmother, Sarah, of her grandson, "if he doesn't make it this time." The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles unanimously selected Thomas S. Monson to be the new president and prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In testimony before the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, CIA Director Michael Hayden confirmed that agency interrogators tortured three detainees, waterboarding each man some time between 2002 and 2003. When asked during a House Judiciary Committee hearing whether, based on Hayden's disclosures, the Justice Department would now begin a criminal investigation, Attorney General Michael Mukasey said no, because "that would put in question not only that opinion, but also any other opinion from the Justice Department." Mukasey also reversed a ban instituted by John Ashcroft that prevented DOJ Pride, a gay advocacy group, from using email, bulletin boards, and meeting rooms at the Justice Department. A Texas prison denied an inmate a copy of Roberto Bolano's "The Savage Detectives" after determining that a passage from the book could "encourage homosexual or deviant criminal sexual behavior," and Alabama, Arkansas, Indiana, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Tennessee, and Wisconsin were devastated by tornadoes that killed 54 people, injured more than 150, caused millions of dollars' worth of damage, and whisked away eleven-month-old baby Kyson, depositing him face-down in mud 300 feet from his home, where he lay, unharmed, until searchers realized he was not a doll. Senator John Kerry said the tornadoes were caused by global warming, and two independent studies concluded that biofuels were a threat to the planet.

Researchers curious about the gliding secrets of flying lemurs shaved patches of fur from the creatures' backs and glued backpacks that contained parts found in Wiis and iPods onto their bald spots. Tom Jones insured his chest hair for $7 million. Researchers discovered that baby caecilians--amphibians that resemble worms--tear the skin off their mothers and eat it; and a successful mitochondria transplant resulted in the first three-parent human embryo. A video released by hip-hop musician will.i.am showed Herbie Hancock, John Legend, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Kate Walsh, and Scarlett Johansson chanting and singing, "Yes, we can," in support of Barack Obama, and a representative for John Cougar Mellencamp, a John Edwards supporter, asked John McCain to stop playing Mellencamp's "Our Country" and "Pink Houses" at his campaign rallies. NASA celebrated its 50th anniversary by beaming the Beatles hit "Across the Universe" into deep space, directing the song toward Polaris, 431 light-years away. Scientists meeting at Arizona State University were concerned that the broadcast could provoke an attack by mean-spirited aliens. "Before sending out even symbolic messages," said a researcher, "we need an open discussion about the potential risks."

LeeG
02-12-2008, 10:16 AM
oh that makes me want to have a bagel and gaze out the window at birds

elf
02-12-2008, 11:09 AM
It's only once a week.

Milo Christensen
02-12-2008, 12:00 PM
I don't think we discussed the flying lemur thing at all. Who usually posts threads about that kind of monkey business? Get on it, whoever you are, quit slackin' off.