An Immigration Problem

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  • Ian McColgin
    Senior Member
    • Apr 1999
    • 51639

    An Immigration Problem

    Illegals Flood Canada
    from the Manitoba Herald, Canada (a very underground paper):

    The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
    Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased
    patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

    The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among
    left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal- rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

    "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh? "

    In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
    fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

    Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
    liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

    "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an
    Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of
    drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

    When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border,
    often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

    In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of
    crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.

    "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk
    Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
    creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
    Sarandon movies.

    "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
    can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

    # # #
  • Harry Miller
    Senior Member
    • Mar 2003
    • 2137

    #2
    Re: An Immigration Problem

    Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

    Keith are you here already?

    Comment

    • P.I. Stazzer-Newt
      obnoxiously persistent.
      • Jan 2005
      • 26001

      #3
      Re: An Immigration Problem

      There's an easier way.
      I'd much rather lay in my bunk all freakin day lookin at Youtube videos .

      Comment

      • Bruce Hooke
        Senior Member
        • Mar 2000
        • 14297

        #4
        Re: An Immigration Problem

        LOL....

        I know some quiet lakes up along the Canadian border in Maine where I very much doubt anyone would notice some nice, innocent-looking cross-country skiers making their way across the frozen lake, seeking to flee oppression in the U.S. for freedom and a better life in Canada!

        Comment

        • paladin
          Senior Senior Member
          • Dec 2000
          • 26476

          #5
          Re: An Immigration Problem

          hell...if Franz Von Werra can do it, anyone can.....
          Wakan Tanka Kici Un
          ..a bad day sailing is a heckuva lot better than the best day at work.....
          Fighting Illegal immigration since 1492....
          Live your life so that whenever you lose, you're ahead."
          "If you live life right, death is a joke as far as fear is concerned."

          Comment

          • JimD
            Senior Mumbler
            • Feb 2002
            • 29704

            #6
            Re: An Immigration Problem

            We'd like to be more accomodating but we're afraid of the negative impact on our society that might result from the conservative attitudes of American liberals.
            Last edited by JimD; 12-21-2007, 01:24 AM.
            There is no rational, logical, or physical description of how free will could exist. It therefore makes no sense to praise or condemn anyone on the grounds they are a free willed self that made one choice but could have chosen something else. There is no evidence that such a situation is possible in our Universe. Demonstrate otherwise and I will be thrilled.

            Comment

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