Favorite headline or Man Bites Dog!!!!

[seanz]

What's your best headline?
It doesn't have to be current but if it is, a link would be nice.
Here's mine for today.
Flute saved tourist when Japanese speaking dog couldn't

from here:

http://www.stuff.co.nz/4252765a10.html

[Paul Pless]

I like this one from The Onion the week after 9/11.

http://www.timemachinego.com/linkmachinego/images/onion_attack_on_america.jpg

Also from The Onion in that same issue was this headline:


Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell

[Michael s/v Sannyasin]

I think the NY Post gets the nod with

"Headless body in Topless Bar" from April 83?

[Woxbox]

There's a famous one from some years back. I think it was in the London Times.
A politican by the name of Foot was named to head a committee created to study military issues.
The head read:

Foot heads arms body

[Canoez]

Seen in today's news, really :

Boiled nuts help protect against illness

:eek::eek::eek:

[Bruce Taylor]

Lifted from some website:

* * *

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

House passes gas tax onto senate

Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

William Kelly was fed secretary

Milk drinkers are turning to powder

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Quarter of a million Chinese live on water

Farmer bill dies in house

[Mike McN]

A few years ago, in one of the biggest ever upsets in Scottish football, Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat Glasgow Celtic 3-1 in a cup game, leading to the headline:

Super Caley go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious

[JimD]

Police Help Dog Bite Victim

[seanz]

And from Oz, where a neighbors dispute ended in murder.

Police hunt banjo-player in noise-complaint killing


Poor bloke gets killed and some twerp comes up with this headline.
:(

[John Meachen]

Around a hundred years the Times carried the headline: Fog over English Channel-Europe cut off.

[Vince Brennan]

A few years ago, in one of the biggest ever upsets in Scottish football, Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat Glasgow Celtic 3-1 in a cup game, leading to the headline:

Super Caley go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious

Gae stan' i' th' corner!

[Dan McCosh]

Had a contest around the newspaper office, and the winner for shortest, most attention-grabbing headline:

Pope elopes

[Dan McCosh]

Actually published. A headline I wrote about the appointment of a new DNR chief"

State names new game and fish head

[martin schulz]

this movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi5rmt-gucs

[Uncle Duke]

Harvard Crimson, 1968:

"Harvard Beats Yale, 29-29"

[seanz]

Police hunt Christchurch fire-alarm prankster on crutchesFrom the poorly thought out to the truly bizarre


'Trouser snake fight': the bite to make all men wince


http://www.stuff.co.nz/4580717a4560.html

A man who was bitten on the penis by a deadly snake used a cold rum can to soothe the pain while he rang his mother to say a final goodbye.
"I thought I was gone," Cairns carpenter Daryl Zutt yesterday told the Cairns Post of his encounter with a brown snake during a roadside toilet stop in remote Far North Queensland.
"I thought, `Maybe, this is it. Maybe, I'm gonna cark it."
The incident occurred two weeks ago, but the identity of the victim remained unknown until yesterday when Mr Zutt revealed how the snake pounced as he relieved himself near Laura, 300km northwest of Cairns, on April 27.
Mr Zutt and his mates were returning from a pig-hunting and fishing trip.
"I squatted down – I reckon I must've nearly sat on his head," he said.
"As soon as I felt it, I yelled.
"It really hurt."
He said he tried to remain calm as he inspected the damage.
"He got me about halfway down," he said. "I saw fang marks and a bit of blood come out."
Mr Zutt and his mate drove to a nearby medical centre to seek help.
"I was nauseous and had pains in the stomach," Mr Zutt said.
"I couldn't talk properly. I was tongue-tied."
A paramedic treated Mr Zutt and took him to hospital.
A series of blood and urine tests confirmed he was not poisoned.
Mr Zutt said he had copped a ribbing from his mates but they knew full well "they could've been attending my funeral".
"They've been saying things like `It was a trouser snake fight' and `He (the snake) saw the competition and got scared'," he said.
He said he would still venture to the outback but there would be no more "running through the bush barefoot and pig-hunting

[The Bigfella]

Did anyone suck the poison out?

[Captain Blight]

From a Washington Post contest for world's most boring headline:

Small Earthquake in Peru
not many dead

[Old Sailor]

After the Belmont Stakes.
BROWN

[Old Sailor]

From the Georgia Times Union after the Belmont Stakes.

BROWN FROWN!

Old Sailor

[Old Sailor]

Little Leaguer ****s home run.
Old Sailor

[Joe Dupere]

Harvard Crimson, 1968:

"Harvard Beats Yale, 29-29"

I saw that game. Man, it was a close one. Just a few more breaks and the score could have gone the other way!!

Joe, FPoP
:D:D

[seanz]

Not a headline but from tonights TV news.....
"The storm struck under the cover of darkness"
Whatever happened to "at night"?

[Domesticated_Mr. Know It All]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft*

[Larks]

Todays front page headlines in the NT News (Northern Territory News)

Quote: "Is this bloke a complete Tosser?"

This guy was stopped for speeding at 150kph in a 130kph zone (Stuart Highway) and was found to have 5kg of drugs plus 2 dope plants on his back seat and was videoing himself masturbting while driving at 150kph. Only in the Territory eh??? http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2008/07/31/4887_ntnews.html

[seanz]

Was he calling out his own name?

Todays favourite.........

One-armed Frenchman almost swims channel

[Michael s/v Sannyasin]

usually, they don't get arrested until after they post the video on YouTube.

[Phil Eves]

First all white dalmation spotted.....

Dyslexia for cure found....

[Captain Blight]

Todays front page headlines in the NT News (Northern Territory News)

Quote: "Is this bloke a complete Tosser?"

This guy was stopped for speeding at 150kph in a 130kph zone (Stuart Highway) and was found to have 5kg of drugs plus 2 dope plants on his back seat and was videoing himself masturbting while driving at 150kph. Only in the Territory eh??? http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2008/07/31/4887_ntnews.html

27 bucks AUS a gram? Wow. You guys need more botanical hippies in OZ.

[seanz]

Late night news and an piece about Palin's book refering to the amount of her publishers advance......

"one, point, twenty-five million"

'cause "one and a quarter" doesn't sound anywhere near as impressive......of course it may have been a very bad case of 'can only read from cue cards'.
;)

[purri]

First all white dalmation spotted.....

Dyslexia for cure found....

I thought it read "Lysdexia for urec found":D

[Bruce Hooke]

Not a headline, but along the same lines...I heard on the radio about a sign seen in a pharmacy*:

"We dispense with accuracy."

*I think the Brits and maybe other speakers of the Queen's English would call this a "chemists."

[jonboy]

On a mental patient assaulting some women in a laundromat and escaping...

Nut screws washers and bolts

[Taylor Tarvin]

From our local paper several years ago,

"Man fataly shot five times".

[Evan Showell]

And the one I thought for sure we'd see splashed across the back page of the New York Post after the Dolphins hired Bill Parcels, but which never materialized:

Fins Land Big Tuna

[Stiletto]

Di, Dodi, Dead!

[RFNK]

I had to reply to this. Years ago, the famous cricket player, Shane Warne, was copping grief over his weight and fitness. He responded by complaining that the media should give him a break. The headline next day was `Warne Fed Up'. Rick

[coelacanth2]

Up where I'm from, Boston area, there are quite a few Catholic grade and high schools, some with interesting names. Local sportswriters have a good deal of fun with their headlines, "Blessed Mother stomps Baby Jesus 29 - 6". Norm can probably provide more examples...:D