paladin
09-16-2007, 11:50 AM
The following article was submitted by Ed Gunter, who thinks this isall true..
He reads all of the tabloids and saves them for his quips at the RavenReunions..
WASHINGTON, DC -- On Tuesday, the President signed the Americans WithNo Abilities Act (AWNAA), sweeping new legislation that providesbenefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans.
The act, signed into law by mr. clinton shortly after its passage,is being hailed as a major victory for the millions upon millions of U.S.citizens who lack any real skills or uses.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans, throughno fault of their own, do not possess the talent necessary to carve outa meaningful role for themselves in society," said clinton, a longtimeAWNAA supporter. "Their lives are futile hamster wheel existencesof unrewarding, dead-end busywork: xeroxing documents written by others, fulfilling mail-in rebates for Black & Decker toaster ovens,and processing bureaucratic forms that nobody will ever see. Sadly, for these millions of nonabled Americans, the American dream ofworking hard and moving up through the ranks is simply not a reality."
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act,more than 25 million important sounding "middle man" positions will becreated in the white-collar sector for nonabled persons, providing themwith an illusory sense of purpose and ability. Mandatory, non-performance-basedraises and promotions will also be offered to create a sense of upwardmobility for even the most unremarkable, utterly replaceable employees.
The legislation also provides corporations with incentives to hire nonabled workers, including tax breaks forthose who hire one non-germane worker for every two talented hirees.
Finally, the Americans With No AbilitiesAct also contains tough new measures to prevent discrimination againstthe nonabled by banning prospective employers from asking such job-interviewquestions as, "What can you bring to this
organization?" and "Do you have any special skills that would makeyou an asset to this company?"
"As a nonabled person, I frequently find myselfunable to keep up with co-workers who have something going for them," saidMary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as an unessential filing clerk ata Minneapolis tile wholesaler last month because of her lack of notableskills. "This new law should really help people like me."
With the passage of the Americans With NoAbilities Act, Gertz and millions of other untalented, unessentialcitizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Clinton: "It is our duty, both as lawmakers and as human beings, to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her lack of value to society, some sort of space to takeup in this great nation:D
He reads all of the tabloids and saves them for his quips at the RavenReunions..
WASHINGTON, DC -- On Tuesday, the President signed the Americans WithNo Abilities Act (AWNAA), sweeping new legislation that providesbenefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans.
The act, signed into law by mr. clinton shortly after its passage,is being hailed as a major victory for the millions upon millions of U.S.citizens who lack any real skills or uses.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans, throughno fault of their own, do not possess the talent necessary to carve outa meaningful role for themselves in society," said clinton, a longtimeAWNAA supporter. "Their lives are futile hamster wheel existencesof unrewarding, dead-end busywork: xeroxing documents written by others, fulfilling mail-in rebates for Black & Decker toaster ovens,and processing bureaucratic forms that nobody will ever see. Sadly, for these millions of nonabled Americans, the American dream ofworking hard and moving up through the ranks is simply not a reality."
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act,more than 25 million important sounding "middle man" positions will becreated in the white-collar sector for nonabled persons, providing themwith an illusory sense of purpose and ability. Mandatory, non-performance-basedraises and promotions will also be offered to create a sense of upwardmobility for even the most unremarkable, utterly replaceable employees.
The legislation also provides corporations with incentives to hire nonabled workers, including tax breaks forthose who hire one non-germane worker for every two talented hirees.
Finally, the Americans With No AbilitiesAct also contains tough new measures to prevent discrimination againstthe nonabled by banning prospective employers from asking such job-interviewquestions as, "What can you bring to this
organization?" and "Do you have any special skills that would makeyou an asset to this company?"
"As a nonabled person, I frequently find myselfunable to keep up with co-workers who have something going for them," saidMary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as an unessential filing clerk ata Minneapolis tile wholesaler last month because of her lack of notableskills. "This new law should really help people like me."
With the passage of the Americans With NoAbilities Act, Gertz and millions of other untalented, unessentialcitizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Clinton: "It is our duty, both as lawmakers and as human beings, to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her lack of value to society, some sort of space to takeup in this great nation:D