View Full Version : Get well card

02-21-2007, 12:21 AM
A mortorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, when the patrolman woke up in the recovery room, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that it might be a secondary surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got the courage to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could see what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape. The kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence:
"Get well soon, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week".

02-21-2007, 12:41 AM
A driver was pulled over by a Highway Patrolman. The cop informed him that he had exceeded the speed limit by 5 kph and asked if he had a good reason for speeding.
The driver replied that no, he didn't but it was only 5 kph.
The police officer said 'Sorry sir, the law is the law. I'll have to issue you an Infringement Notice and a fine of $ 126'. The cop wrote out the ticket, handed it to the motorist and started to walk back to his patrol car.
The motorist then reached into his briefcase, pulled out a camera and snapped a photo of the cop.
'What's the photo for?' said the cop.
'Well,' said the motorist,'I'm an Industrial Safety Inspector from the WorkCover Authority. The regulations require you to wear a safety vest while performing duty on the motorway. As you aren't wearing one, I'll be issuing you with an Infringement Notice....and a fine of $700.'
'The law is the law.....'

Lew Barrett
02-21-2007, 01:05 AM
A man was stopped while shopping in the supermarket by a woman who said:
"I believe you are the father of one of my kids"

The man paused for a moment and thought to himself
"I've only ever been unfaithful to my wife once."
With that in mind, he said:
"Oh my, were you the stripper at that bachelor party that I had on top of the pool table while your friend beat my butt with wet celery?"

To which the lady replied,
"No, I'm your son's math teacher."

02-21-2007, 02:04 AM
Anymore funnies? I like these....
How about you, Paladin?
Have any good ones up your sleeves?

02-21-2007, 06:25 AM
Naw! The snide remarks afterward ain't worth it.....

Phillip Allen
02-21-2007, 07:23 AM
Sure they are Chuck! (they don't bother me at all)

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
02-21-2007, 08:30 AM

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. Not having one the fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Every day I come done to the water and whistle and these lobsters jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"