Grandma's on her way out

[Another One]

A few months shy of 91, survived the depression, two husbands, three strokes, at least one heart attack. Oh, and she fell last fall and cracked a vertebrae. She's been in the hospital off and on for the last 6 months with different complaints, mostly related to problems adjusting her medications and getting them to play nice with each other. So now she's in hospice care at the assisted living place. She hasn't gotten out of bed in a few days now, is only eating a bit and bringing most of that back up. And her kidneys appear to be shutting down. I spoke to her yesterday by phone, and she'd answer yes or no to questions, but not much else. My uncle says it may be a day or a week - I'm five hours away, and I have a 4 day bag riding in the trunk just in case.

There was a line in the Prairie Home Companion movie, something like "When an old man dies happy, it's not a tragedy." I keep trying to remind myself of that. But I also keep getting the shakes when I think about it.

When I was a teenager, I used to worry that I'd look like her when I got old. Now I aspire to have a face, and spirit, which is that strong and independent.

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b59/jamihuisjenscott/Grandma.png

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b59/jamihuisjenscott/Grandmas90th.jpg

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b59/jamihuisjenscott/Grandmas90thdinner.jpg

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b59/jamihuisjenscott/GrandmaandLydia.jpg

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b59/jamihuisjenscott/Grandmalaughs.jpg

Waiting to say goodbye is the hardest part.

Jami

[katey]

Sorry to hear this, Jami (and Dan). It's hard to imagine her not keeping y'all on the straight and narrow.

Katey

[Another One]

She is a very determined lady, Katey. I expect she'll continue to have strong opinions (and make them known!) long after she crosses the threshold. :)

Jami

[ishmael]

Tell her how much you love her. Think she's heard it, tell her again. My experience is a bit limited with people passing, but one thing I think is very important is for them to feel embraced and loved. If there are issues speak openly, let them go, and tell them you love them.

It doesn't have to be in words. A favorite sweet, a little gift, a small bouquet.

[Wild Dingo]

:(

She looks like a fine lady Jami... and Im bettin shes had a good life and takes with her no baggage or regrets.

Maybe instead of the bag you get your bum up to her bedside? better to go and be with her than living with the thought "I really should have..." when you could have... if youve got the bag ready then go


and you sure got her snozzle!!! :D Dont mind me mums snozzle is a hand me down to my elder sis has her honker as I have also which comes handed down through the generations... good thing I reckon... every time yer look in the mirror you can give yer snozzle a tweek an say "gidday grams" ;)


Sorry Im a tad irreverent tonight... but be kind to yourself and go see her one more time... she will be pleased as punch you did and you will forever thank your lucky stars you took the time and made the effort

and grab boofhead on your way through and take him as well!! give her a real treat! :cool:

[Stiletto]

A picture of a Grandmother and a newly born baby always makes me feel that all is well with the world and everything is the way it should be.
I have a picture of my late Grandmother with my son at a similar age.

May she have a smooth passing.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Another One]

Thanks, Stiletto (and all). That was Grandma's latest great-grandaughter. Two more babies due in spring!

Shane, two things holding me back. First, Grandma's four children are already there and nudging each other (unconsciously) for pride of place. If I go do my waiting there, words would be spoken and feelings would be hurt. So I'll do most of my waiting here, and be on the road like a shot when I get the call that we've reached the final stage. I did talk to her yesterday, and told her again how much I love her.

Second reason: Grandma always gets on my case when I make the trip in winter. Hopefully nobody tells her we're going to get 4" of snow in the next few days, or she'll fuss at me from the hereafter.

Quick story: a few years ago I was there in early summer. I stopped by the cemetary and left pots of mums for my grandfather and step-grandfather. A day or so later I stopped by Grandma's place and saw two new pots of mums on the table. When I asked Grandma about them, she said, "Someone left them on Henry's and Harvey's graves, and they were just going to die out there, so I brought them home." You've got to admire her logic and practical nature. :)

[huisjen]

Boofhead? Which one?

I'm in Maine, a long way out of the way, so you can't mean me. I don't fly, lest my head explode out my ears rendering me permanently and completely deaf, and it's too far to drive, especially on short notice in the winter when I need to feed critters and stoke the furnace so the pipes don't freeze.

The thing is that there are layers of family politics. One aunt wants to act as gatekeeper, and Grandma's four children are the first, and perhaps only ones allowed through the gate. So Jami has to wait to be called. In some ways I see this as petty. In some ways I see it as necessary, as Grandma doesn't need a giant convention going on around her just now.

And yes, that nose is quite the family heirloom.

Thanks for your kind thoughts though.

Dan

(whoops. crosspost with Jami.)

[Wild Dingo]

Well Jami cant say as I blame you if thats the way of it... we had that with mum when she passed her brothers wanted to control everything even down to her possessions... words were said and they werent good ones

So keep the peace wait the time and go when its near... she knows you love her... now whats young boofhead up to? he ready to jump in as yer flog past? or is he already there? or not going?

Where is the boofhead?? Dan??? come on mate!! put yer bloody beak in ol son

I dont have a granma now neither does Jo... well I have a step granma over east in a hospital somewhere last we heard about 4 years ago (we dont keep in touch like we should) and the step uncle an aunt arent ones to communicate... but grans are great stuff! I loved Jos "gran" to bits and her "nana" not as much as her gran since she was the first to accept me as part of the family from day dot nana took a few years but finally came around the inlaws I think are coming around slowly... but still those ol girls had some fanbloodytastic yarns!! and the smells! Amazing smells associated with old ladies scented bath salts and lavender makes yer just wanna give em a huggle! :cool:

Damn wish I still had a gram that I could hug right now! :(

Anyway Jami sweet all our love as this unfolds

ahhh there yer are ol mate!! yes I actually meant you... man I really have to start looking at peoples locations eh? not that it would make any difference since I thought Colorado was near to CHicago the other day wouldnt know where anything was over there... anyways thanks for fillin me in boofhead :D Cheers! ;)

[TomF]

Keep us up on this, OK? Passings are hard ... more than a few either recent or forthcoming in this WBF mob, eh?

As Ish said, make sure she knows, again, how you feel about her. Good for her to hear, and good for you to say ...

[huisjen]

Ah, perspective. I've got an inflatable beach-ball globe. Looking at that, getting there from here is almost like getting to the Western Austrailia - South Austrailia state line from Brunswick Junction, or maybe to somewhere like Forrest WA.

Dan

[Paul Girouard]

much I love her.

When I asked Grandma about them, she said, "Someone left them on Henry's and Harvey's graves, and they were just going to die out there, so I brought them home." You've got to admire her logic and practical nature. :)

A women of great reason and wisdom , you all I'm sure have gained much of it, as the Lt. post is sort of the same vain and frame of mind. :)

May she pass peacefully , and peace to all the family.

[Nanoose]

So sorry, Jami. The waiting and wondering is exhausting. Be sure to take care of yourself.

[glenallen]

Sounds like Grandma knows the score and has made peace with it.
The hard part is for you to make peace with it, but I'm sure you can. You seem to be at least as strong and wise as Grandma. It runs in families.
Best wishes to your family.

[katiedobe]

Made me cry. I lost my grandma at aged 91 in 1999. I think of her often.

Cherish the memories, call her and tell her you love her, listen to her voice. Make a recording of it, even if it just a simple phrase.

She looks like a beautiful woman, you are lucky to have had her.

Peace.

[Tar Devil]

Praying for an easy transition... and for you as well, Jami!

All my granparents gone.

Later,

[jack grebe]

sad news indeed....we too are dealing with the waiting:(

[George Roberts]

5 hours away ---

Go visit. It will do you good.

[John of Phoenix]

Love the flower pot story. :)

Take care all you Huisjens.

[Rick Tyler]

God bless.

[Another One]

I'm told she's feeling a bit better but incredibly weak today - can't help when she's lifted, and needs to be fed. I'm angling to head that way on Friday, if I'm not called over before, just so I can help sit with her and adjust blankets, get her a sip of water, whatever.

Jami

[Another One]

I'm off work at 4:00 today and headed 'round the lake. Should hit Chicago by about 5:30 (oh, goody) and be through Holland by 8:30 or so (with the time change). My plan is to stagger into my uncle's living room and crash on the couch, so I'm just there when they wake up. Good thing the dogs know me!

So I'll spend the next three days with Grandma, helping where I can and keeping her company. Which means that until approximately Sunday night, I'll be off the forum, away from e-mail, and resisting the urge to incur roaming charges on my cell phone. (But Dan, I'll check in if anything changes.)

Have a good weekend, Y'all. Wish me safe travels, because I'm going to put my foot in it, hoping the weather stays clear and the police are otherwise occupied. ;)

Jami

[Phillip Allen]

Take my good wishes for her with you Jami

[huisjen]

She died this morning at about 1:55 Eastern. Her last few days were just the clock winding down. Her children were summoned, some needing a small bit of extra prompting (No, you need to come NOW, not Thursday!), and they and several grandchildren sang her hymns for hours at a time. At one point, someone was sent to church to borrow one of the new and expanded hymnals, as they'd sung through the one they'd had on hand, challenging many for endurance and vocal range. Two of my cousins are pregnant, and came to her bedside. The babies dutifully kicked for their great grandmother. In the last day she was mostly unresponsive, her last voluntary act being to refuse the morphine, which was being administered orally with an eyedropper, and which she said tasted awful. I understand it was administered by some other method after that.

So Jami will head back to Wisconsin, and then be back in Michigan on Friday for the funeral. Her eldest, along with five of his second cousins, will be pallbearers.

Gertrude Lummen Huisjen Breuker
May 21, 1916 - February 19, 2007

[P.I. Stazzer-Newt]

Thanks for taking the time to update us.

Sounds like she had a very loving family.

[Concordia...41]

It is obvious that the mark she left on this world is a very bright and wonderful one. May they say the same about us when it is our time....

God bless, Godspeed, and God's love on you all.

- M

[Phillip Allen]

Peace to all, Dan, Jami and family

[Another One]

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness,
which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give to me on that day, and not only to me
but also to all who have longed for his appearing.


Goodbye, Grandma.


Jami

[Scott Rosen]

In View of the Fact
by A. R. Ammons


The people of my time are passing away: my
wife is baking for a funeral, a 60-year-old who

died suddenly, when the phone rings, and it's
Ruth we care so much about in intensive care:

it was once weddings that came so thick and
fast, and then, first babies, such a hullabaloo:

now, it's this that and the other and somebody
else gone or on the brink: well, we never

thought we would live forever (although we did)
and now it looks like we won't: some of us

are losing a leg to diabetes, some don't know
what they went downstairs for, some know that

a hired watchful person is around, some like
to touch the cane tip into something steady,

so nice: we have already lost so many,
brushed the loss of ourselves ourselves: our

address books for so long a slow scramble now
are palimpsests, scribbles and scratches: our

index cards for Christmases, birthdays,
Halloweens drop clean away into sympathies:

at the same time we are getting used to so
many leaving, we are hanging on with a grip

to the ones left: we are not giving up on the
congestive heart failure or brain tumors, on

the nice old men left in empty houses or on
the widows who decide to travel a lot: we

think the sun may shine someday when we'll
drink wine together and think of what used to

be: until we die we will remember every
single thing, recall every word, love every

loss: then we will, as we must, leave it to
others to love, love that can grow brighter

and deeper till the very end, gaining strength
and getting more precious all the way. . . .

[Keith Wilson]

I'm so sorry, Jami. :( I love the picture of her with the baby.



Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

~ Mary Oliver ~

[Concordia...41]

I'm so sorry, Jami. :( I love the picture of her with the baby.


http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b59/jamihuisjenscott/GrandmaandLydia.jpg

Aye - that is certainly one for the picture-worth-a-thousand-words nomination. :)

[Katherine]

I'm very sorry for your loss. :(

[TomF]

Jami, Dan? I'm so sorry.

So sorry.

t.

[hokiefan]

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness,
which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give to me on that day, and not only to me
but also to all who have longed for his appearing.


Goodbye, Grandma.



Jami


Jami, I am sorry for your loss.

That is a wonderfull scripture. Our pastor wrote my father's eulogy around it, and I loved it very much. I have a tape of the service that I listen to occasionally, and the words still help. I know your Grandma has found her crown and hope that you, Dan, and your family can find peace with that knowledge.

Bobby

[brad9798]

Ahoy from the Midwest!

:(

[Robbie]

I have great memories of my Granny so obviously do you .
Take care of yourself at this sad time...enjoy the family gathered around and always remember her with affection
God Bless
Robbie

[Another One]

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. I've forwarded both poems to other family members, who also send their thanks and appreciation.

Yesterday was tough. With all the events of last weekend, I didn't get around to taking my nightly migraine medicine and got semi-slammed yesterday morning. Off work at 4:30, pick Luc up at the library at 5:15, drop him off at K-Mart to find a shirt and dress pants, as his last set of good clothes have mysteriously disappeared. ("No, you cannot be a pall bearer in jeans!") Pick Tasha up at home, with a quick trip down the hill to coop the chickens up for the night, then run her to church for the Fat Tuesday fundraiser gig. Run back to K-mart, find Luc and approve what he'd picked out (and he did suprisingly well), and oh, we need cat litter. Strike a bargain with Lucas that he'll come back to church with me and hang out, saving me an extra trip home to drop him off. Get to church about 4 minutes late and run the powerpoint for the fundraiser, as promised. Load both kids back in the car and run them home about 8:30. (Since their last fight, Tasha has started calling Luc her "biological brother" and referring to him only in the third person.) I got a call offering some moonlighting work, so east to Kohler and clock in just shy of 9:00 for a three hour stint. Whew.

Today I'm off work at 4:30, home by 5:15, must get laundry done for the trip, fix and eat dinner, locate a tie for Luc and confirm his good shoes still fit, maybe get him a haircut, get to church by 6:45, choir practice at 7:30, home by 9:30 or so, double-check what the kids packed, locate two sleeping bags, and get laundry in the dryer. We need to be out of the house by about 5:00 tomorrow morning, but that's allowing a little extra time since I'm making Luc (who still has his learner's permit) drive for part of the way tomorrow. Tomorrow night will be such a relief; nothing to do but be with people I love and cry and laugh together.

It's getting easier. Thanks, everyone.

http://www.kroeze-wolffis.com/obituaries_old.php


Jami

[Wild Dingo]

Jami and Dan {ala boofhead} sorry to hear this in one way the love of a grandma is something special but in another am glad for she went well be easy on yourselves
Love Shane Jody and the hoonberries