View Full Version : Tool gangs... are they tajkin oba yer shed too?

Wild Dingo
02-03-2007, 10:20 PM
Seemf I habr a gang of toolas in me shed that ar no t playin nice so Im askin tha wquestion..

So youer tools gang up on yer?

Mine do!!! :eek:

Yep there I was cutting the rebates in the falloes od the shups wheel Im makin when the table saw decided it WAS NOT going to cut this one and chucked it baxk at me... so I said fooku as I suxked the blood of me first finga of me left hand and put it back to the balse... blade... DUMBASS... it tossed it straight back at me again... strainfg onto me flamin firdt finga AGAIN!! do I thed FFOOKUUU and put it to the saw again!!... same bloosy result!! dame damned finga!!

so I got smaer then... an got the jap saw out an xlamped the following falloes to the benxh an began darksider ways... whixh Im not good at by the way ans proxeeded to cut the rebates out... so there I am holdin the falloe with the vety sore an somewhat red with some sorta stuxky stuff leaking all over the place... ands I start cuttin... slip... saw slides full blasr on the baxkstroke down onto the same flamin finga!! Now Im startin to see flamin red about now I can tell yer!!

So I line up and do it again... more red... ry another falloe... same bloosy deal!!... by now Im startin to think real daeksider thoughts like xhisel an mallet thoughtd... so I have a few more goes with the saw... same bloody results!!

so I get meself xleaned up of the leaking red stuff.. and look at how many falloes Ive got left...mmmm sone what? 5? cool only another 11 to go wixked as the kids say while I just groaned and shook the blood of me finga... sigh... nothin for it mallet an xhisel time :eek:

I have if you rexall told you thatr me xhisels need sharpenin an I needs some lessons in sharpenin said chuseks havent I?... well... I mananged to find a chisel that gave of the aroma of maybe possibly having slight vague memories odf sharp... and went at it... you blooy gessed it!! MOZRE STINKIN TED STUFF!! :mad:

So it goes sorta likew thid..

chisel to the wood... bam with the malled... chisel slides od wood an into finga... YOU F*^%^*&^$%&N MONGREL SODDIN FN W&^^(&*%*^$ followed by the xhisel to the wood... BAM with teh mallet... slide YOU F67%*&64568N MONGRZEL &^(*^%*&^$(I... a moment of fuming air while the red flowin stuff is shaken off and a baleful glare and I WILL FN WELL WIN!! followed by xhisel to the wood... BAM with the mallet... ((*&Y()*^&)&*^& etc etc etc

BUT!!,,, gib me my dues alright I GOTY THEM SONE... DONE!!... struth thart Jarrahs a REAL REAK RED color!!... no I mean it its seriously BLOODY red!!

An ths pain... ohhhhhhhh tis not goos mates tis not goos... so here I sits with a finga the size of me head shes waxked so muxh stuff on it "to protext you fom yerself" as she muttered and the stern warnin not to go near the shed while shes out today... yeah right ha!! like thats gonna stop me?! NAH!! like a series of various depth cuts all over me digits gonna stop me!! IM A BLOODY WOODBUTCHA darls no little bittle blood lettins gonna stop this boy!! ;)

although the damned pain might have an impaxt :rolleyes:

So totasdy I sit herr with HZER glasses on as shes nicked mine tryin tgo seee tghe scewen while I tyope this with a bloosddy greatr football where me right rfirt finga was!! :( so sotthy ig yhid id hsaf yo read but Im tryin... gawd me poor fingas... an me eyesoxked aintr too fgood neevea!... an the sceran is all foggy where Im leanin against to tryin to real whiel teryin to teype


Anyways I just wondered if yous blokes an sheilas have tools that gang up on you? :(

Note... this thread was begun as a bit fo a joke ans humor is its intent although the yarn id based on faxt (I ddid cut the hell outta me finga yesty rewuiting all up some 10 stitxhes an me finga is wrapped like a bloosyt footabll an she has nicxked me glasses! :mad: ) xome faxts have been xhanging to protextr me sanity... one part I would note id the referrednxer to the xchisesl needin sharpeenin... trhey are SHARP... so sharep that one xut the qwhit of ther bone was xlearly visible... an 3 stitxhjs were stukx in it at the hospital... I needed an ezcuse for sdoin darklsider stuff an it sounfed right when takrn in xontrxt

02-03-2007, 10:33 PM
There are days when one should not approach sharp objects.

The trick is to know which days.

02-03-2007, 10:40 PM
Bloody hell, damn machine can eat yer finga with no remorse.. Look out and be careful, mate....

02-03-2007, 10:44 PM
Gawd I love this guy.

Wild Dingo
02-03-2007, 10:46 PM
The machin was good it onleyt tghrew the thing at me xloxkin me on da finga an xhest heas arm an legf... it ddint xut me as shuch!.. well not as muxh as the otherr buggarsd didn! :rolleyes:

02-03-2007, 10:53 PM
I think this is much more comprehensible than usual. Are you trying to impress the nurses?

The Bigfella
02-03-2007, 10:54 PM
That reminds me - time to give up on the Tohatsu repair and cut some timber.

Take care mate

02-03-2007, 10:55 PM
Were you cutting falloes on a tablesaw?:eek: ....
Oh my goodness:eek:
Do you have a bandsaw?... It'll be safer cutting it out on a bandsaw..
Or a jigsaw, perhap?
Find someone who will let you borrow them... Yer fingas worth more than what you think, mate.....

Paul Girouard
02-03-2007, 11:28 PM
No more blood lettin Dingo :eek: , it gets on the wood :D No blood on the wood , ya hear!;)

Wild Dingo
02-04-2007, 07:42 AM
Were you cutting falloes on a tablesaw? ....

Yes I was... well I was attempting to cut the rebates on the table saw... the actual falloe I cut on the bandsaw ... but I was tryin to cheet an cut them on the table saw... shoulda gone to the trouble of settin up a jig and doin it with the router... and thinking about that I probably should have rigged up a jig on the table saw too eh? instead I just held the damned falloe flat an sent it through... yep blam whack yerflaminrottenmongrel... kickback gots me didnt it :( serves yer right dipstick!

Oh my goodness

WHAT??? :eek: doesnt everybody do it this way? :rolleyes: :D

Do you have a bandsaw?... It'll be safer cutting it out on a bandsaw..

But a bandsaw wont do the rebates now will it? nnoooo! so one tends to do things like that on the table saw doesnt one? RIGHT!!! but normal people take the time to make a jig so its safer than just hangin on tight an runnin the wood over the blade eh?... and yep I said I was a bit of a DUMBASS!! :p ... an now I thinki on it a bandsaw could probably do the rebates... mmmm will have to look at that for next time eh?!

Or a jigsaw, perhap?

You must be kidding right? :eek: Actually I tried the jigsaw on the first one... you havent tried cutting OLD 3/4in Jarrah with a jigsaw have you? no didnt think so... think Lignum Vitea here ol mate... jigsaw decided real quick to jack up an blow a fart at me a bit of smoke an it knew Id put it back on its shelf an try something else... hard stuff this Jarrah Im using :cool:

Find someone who will let you borrow them... Yer fingas worth more than what you think, mate.....

Yep gots one! No worries nice big 18in jobbie (see below) ... just wanted to do the rebates is all... so I ended up doin them by hand... an the timber colors a nice rich red color instead of a drab red color its rich!!

Hugh... I couldnt impress the nurses if I bloody tried... Im just plain unimpressive bein a short wheeled based type of fella a few tubby pounds over weight with a shock of wild curly locks an well they just aint interested no more... was a time when they were... but thats a long gone time

Im not ashamed of me mistooks out there yesty cause I learnded from them... but still it was rather intimidating to know all my tools hate me an are ganging up to get me thats such a sad thing really... I mean there I go buyin them draggin them all the way down here give em a nice new home clean em give em new blades an all that sorta gumph an the bloody things attack! ... I think its damned Jap saw personally its had it in for me since I first took him outta his jacket... snarled right then!! took a bit of flesh of an then well... its a fine saw an a joy to use its just got this penchant for red flowin stuff... mine! and we all know Chisels are bloody vampires if given the time an opportunitiy...

I went out there after posting the last post and got stuck in to Yaz's birthday pressy (only a month late ) and was fair gettin phissed off with it too... then the bloody great football wrapping flew off an I was able to get really stuck in!!... got it near finished too! :cool: The wheel has gone on the other bench for another day when I get some time to do some serious sanding an fine tuning to it... gotta get some things done... Yazs side hall table Jacs music jewelery box a toolbox for Joshy a telescope case for Ben amd wee widdle twuck for Lukas...

Anyway havin the bandage of is a bloody fantastic feeling!!... man its sooo good!... movements still restricted a tad as its swollen an such but still better than the flamin footy on me finga!

Okay heres a pic of the shed... you can see the selection of tools... they all hate me :(

My wee bandysaw

The table saw... minus the sliding table attachment that since Im all outta room to have it up on the saw resides against the wall behind it

And of course a joe original... yours truely

and so it goes... an those pics were taken after one maniacal day of cleanin up... the floor was under 5in of sawdust an bits an bobs so I went nuts... now I gotta do it again this time theres a fair whack of red sawdust!!.. ah well

ooh an I gots me damned glasses back from her bloody highness too!! WHAHOOOOOOOO!!! I can write without havin me eyesockets restin on the screen YEEEEEEESSS!!!

Note... no pics of bloodletting or its results are shown due to bein compassionate to our more sensitive shipmates

Phillip Allen
02-04-2007, 09:25 AM
What's with the prison orange coveralls Shane?

Paul Pless
02-04-2007, 09:32 AM
prison orange coveralls

work release, maybe?:D

Wild Dingo
02-04-2007, 09:40 AM
What's with the prison orange coveralls Shane?

:eek: :eek: Strike me roan!! Id never thought of that :eek:

Theyre the hi-vis overalls used for underground mining here... theres also hi-vis blue ones but theyre in heavy drill and theyre just plain too damned hot underground these ones are a lightweight cotton and comfy as buggary also the orange with hi-vis actually gives more visibility than the blue do

Damn eh? :o ahh well if the whollopers come to nick me in the night I can just say "hang on a tick I gots me own prison garb" eh? then when next they show pics of fellas in Gitmo an one little tubby fella with wild curly locks shuffles out you'll know its me!! :eek: :D

02-04-2007, 10:03 AM
Well Shane, as long as you still have all twelve toes and eleven fingers, I guess you'll be okay.


Joe Dupere
02-04-2007, 11:42 AM
Well that explains it!! I thought he had a cold and that's why I couldn't understand what he was typing!! :D

Joe, FPoP

02-05-2007, 12:03 AM
Dingo, I see that you are well tooled up.. Wood that you mentioned there (Jarrah).. I haven't heard of it.. I assumed the bugger must very hard wood...

02-05-2007, 12:14 AM

I just looked up about Jarrah.... Very pretty wood..
Jarrah species (sp. eucalyptus marginata): Jarrah grows in Western and South Western Australia.

Jarrah wood: Jarrah is a rich, reddish timber and it is prized for its rich warm color. Jarrah is heavy and hard. Jarrah grain is usually straight, even textured, sometimes displays decorative flecks on flat sawn surfaces. However, other variations in Jarrah grain may be present. Jarrah is extremely durable and resistant to insect attack, making Jarrah viable for indoor and outdoor uses.

Jarrah markets: Jarrah has a variety of uses including in marine work, ship building, construction, weatherboard, flooring, and furniture. Jarrah has properties that are appropriate for chemical vats and filter presses.

Jarrah sourcing issues: Jarrah is sustainably managed by the Australian government's program for Jarrah sustained-yield management program

02-05-2007, 12:17 AM
Far canal Dingo
had to read the original post TWICE :)
Didja have story time before nie nies when ya was a wee tacker?
Ya did?
Whale oil beef hooked.
These bed-time stories,they weren't by a bloke called James Joyce by any chance were they? :D

02-05-2007, 12:18 AM
Admit it!:mad:
You were very well medicated when you started this thread.;)
I'm glad the pain killers had kicked in, your typing was much clearer than normal.:cool:
I''l bet with your thick WA blood you didn't spill much claret at all.;)


02-05-2007, 12:39 AM
Ah. Bring on the bloody finger. Pictures! Pictures!! We want pictures:)

02-05-2007, 01:09 AM
The aftermath.:D


02-05-2007, 01:14 PM
Oh geeeeez, LMAO....