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ishmael
01-08-2007, 10:52 AM
Have you ever experienced the feeling, it doesn't have to be with a lover, that here was a person who completed you? From first brush, you just knew. Jeff, an old carpentering friend, was that way. Within minutes of starting to gam the first time, we both knew. Kinda eerie. I've known it two other times, both with lovers. Tamsin, dear Tamsin, was my mate as if we'd been together a thousand years. Maybe we had.

LeeG
01-08-2007, 10:54 AM
gam?

ishmael
01-08-2007, 11:05 AM
Gam. In sailor's venacular, a chat, a sit down to shoot the breeze.

Joe (SoCal)
01-08-2007, 11:07 AM
Don't ask me I've been burned.

Went out on a first date 12 1/2 years ago, never left each others side until last month. :( I'm missing a piece of my soul today.

LeeG
01-08-2007, 11:25 AM
boundaries.

Joe, it'll heal. When I was splitting up it felt like a part of me was dying. Truly morbid. It is, but some of what's dying is illusion. Hang in there.

To answer your question Jack. No. My wholeness or lack thereof didn't hinge on the degree of intimacy I had with someone. It definately hinged on the amount of drugs I was consuming.

glenallen
01-08-2007, 12:31 PM
"Joe, it'll heal." LeeG

Yep, for what it's worth I've healed THREE times. Each time I thought I would surely die.
Hang in there, Joe. The best of life is right around the bend.

Nanoose
01-08-2007, 12:34 PM
Ish - yup. Great word choice. A sense of completion - wholeness. Not a dependence, but a definate sense of "home" in their presence. And it was immediate, and has been enduring.

Do we have our 'issues'. Sure. But that sense of 'home', a sense of 'this is right' prevails, and we work it through, and carry on.

Bruce Hooke
01-08-2007, 12:36 PM
Have you ever experienced the feeling, it doesn't have to be with a lover, that here was a person who completed you?

I've certainly met people with whom I felt a deep connection. My ex was one. Various cousins also fit in this category. I do get worried about the "completed you" language, because it suggest that I am incomplete without that sole-mate. In my opinion that is a bad road to go down. To truly love someone you must be complete in yourself, not in need of someone else to "complete you."

geeman
01-08-2007, 12:39 PM
My experience is different,I dont think "it'll heal" but it will be in your mind less so you can "get on with it"
I still get almost as mad today as I did 0ver 30 years ago when my 1st wife and I broke up , when the subject comes up.
Good luck Joe.

Katherine
01-08-2007, 12:53 PM
I'm with Bruce on the whole "complete you" thing. I'm an entire person with or without somebody else. I prefer to have someone to share my life with that I don't have to hide anything from.

bamamick
01-08-2007, 01:02 PM
Five years older than I am. A professional with three degrees. A debutante and socialite as a young girl. I was scared to death of her. I would see her around the yacht club and just wonder what it would be like to talk to her.

At the time she was 28 and had never been married. I was 23. No degree. Just working a job and being a boat bum. The funny thing about it is when we got together I was dating three different women and she was dating a good friend of mine.

Happened at the yacht club. The night before a pretty big race. Some kids were out practicing in rough weather and tumped. A friend of mine and I put a power boat in and went out to do a rescue. We got the kids in the boat and flipped their's right-side-up, and I sailed it in by myself while they went in to get warm. When I got back to the club everyone made a kind of a big deal out of us, buying drinks and such. After awhile I went and sat down on the stairs outside by myself. A few minutes later this girl plopped down beside me and we started talking. Later she let me walk her to her car, and we have been together ever since. 24 years and counting. I remember telling a good friend of mine after that first night (the very next day, as a matter of fact) that I was going to marry her. He just laughed. 'Yeah, like she would marry you', and I hate to say it but that was a pretty typical response.

Her friends wore suits to work. My friends wore work boots and flannel, but it has worked out. Always has and always will. Last night she called me her anchor, and she has always been that for me, as well. The kindest person I have ever known. The best mother I could have ever have asked for my children. Every year when we give cards to one another, no matter the occasion, I always write the same message. In the beginning she thought that it was sweet, but as time has gone by I believe that it has begun to mean more to her. My message is very simple, as I am a pretty simple man. My note always says 'I love you. You are my life'. I can't imagine life without her. I won't imagine life without her.

Mickey Lake

Hal Forsen
01-08-2007, 01:11 PM
Sherry and I met 19 years ago in the bar of the Wind 'n Sea in Dana Point Harbor. I walked in , saw her and told my brother "I'm gonna go talk to THAT girl" We've been together ever since. I called my mom the next morning and told her " I found the girl I'm gonna marry!" We got hitched about 18 months later. A few months into our courtship Sherry told my about a year previous a psychic had said she would soon meet her soulmate.:)
After almost 20 years together our relationship is better then ever.
We are a team; pulling together for life.

Some of us just get lucky I guess.

HF

geeman
01-08-2007, 01:17 PM
One thing about soul mates is when they can finish your sentence for you.I used to get upset when wife finished what I started.Now I trust that she will because I tend to forget what I'm saying in the middle of the sentence so her finishing for me now comes in handy.LOL

Michael s/v Sannyasin
01-08-2007, 01:20 PM
I have to agree with the sentiment that you're perfectly whole as you are, and do not need anyone in order to be complete. If you feel that way, you're just not in touch with your true nature.

Buddhists would explain these feelings as stemming from recognizing a person you knew in other lifetimes. Like seeing an old friend you hadn't seen for a long time. Some teachers suggest that if you meet your soul-mate, you should run as fast as you can in the opposite direction, because if you hook up with them again, you'll just be repeating your old lives over and over again... better to seek out new experiences!

Personally, I think if you meet up with someone again, it is because you have some unfinished business together... maybe you were mean to them in your past life and now it is their turn to get even! Or, maybe it can be a chance for you to make up for what you did and exhaust that karma once and for all...

When I meet someone, I just try to focus on how I can do things right in "this life". That is a good strategy whether you do or don't believe in reincarnation :-)

geeman
01-08-2007, 01:23 PM
When I saw my current wife that 1st nite at a party many years ago, my 1st thought was "WOW!!!! Great BUTT!"

Bob Cleek
01-08-2007, 01:25 PM
Gee, Ish, that opening post sounds like you coulda wrote "Brokeback Harbor!" LOL

glenallen
01-08-2007, 01:31 PM
"Brokeback Harbor!"

Ha!!! Too funny!
Hey, Ish has flaws, but the way he talks about women, "Brokeback" ain't one of his flaws.

ishmael
01-08-2007, 02:37 PM
Complete is too strong, and it's not about sex you tittering adolescent morons. Grin.

What I was reaching for was that in this other human presence a home happens, not a completion, which as has been pointed out is already there. A home in the sense of a comfortable place you've always known, and found again. It's rare, and other relations are mistaken for it. A good con man will make you feel that way on the surface, but his plastic is easily broken.

And it's not the psychobabble co-dependancy schtick. Jeff, to use him as an example, was simply a fine friend, from the moment we met. We didn't talk much outside of work, socialized a little, but we were close, trusting friends, immediately. I've been on a lot of job sites, with a lot of differerent people, some fine, some ugly, but meeting Jeff was like meeting a long lost brother, and he felt the same. I don't know how to explain it.

LeeG
01-08-2007, 03:02 PM
I'm guessing that sometime after a stretch of sobriety that feeling will be more accessible and less dependant upon the presence of a person elliciting the feeling,,and when there is a person who does connect,,you'll be there.

JimD
01-08-2007, 09:12 PM
... here was a person who completed you? ...

I thought you said "who competed with you" :D

garland reese
01-08-2007, 09:45 PM
Oddly, Ish, I experienced that very thing once. Until I did, I thought such things were nothing more than choice..... perhaps they are, but for the rare occassion.
I dunno.

carlg
01-09-2007, 12:35 AM
Not the instant soul mate sort of thing, but I had an experience where I felt completely at home with the Human Resources woman conducting my interview. I found out later that she was the little runt girl (probably four or five years old) who used to hang around the kick-the-can games when I visited a friend in Michigan who I had played with when he lived in Chicago. We were probably six or seven years old at the time. How do connections like that get made and remembered so many years later?

Tylerdurden
01-09-2007, 06:48 AM
Just because you have met your soul mate doesn't mean you will walk together in this life, Some of us are meant to walk alone here.

Wild Dingo
01-09-2007, 10:58 AM
Soul mates? I guess I married mine a few years back

Funny when someone says that your soul mate "completes" you I feel like saying what Kathrine said that I dont need someone to complete me as though Im not complete on my own... strange but its true

See when I was single I was a complete unit... meaning I needed no one to make me feel complete as a person I was content on my own... of mates I had few and of close freinds even less for female company I found it were I could... then there came a time and I cant pinpoint it but there came a time when I needed "something" so I went looking for it... thought Id found it with another lady we got engaged she got pregnant then aborted the baby and ran to Darwin... after finding her again I realized that she wasnt what I was looking for after all...

So I went south again and sat on a beach just north of Carnarvon and stewed in my juices for a few weeks trying to figure out just what the bloody hell I was looking for or what that something was... and this tiny petite little blonde girl walked passed and smiled... that was all this gentle smile these blue eyes sparkling... something special someone I had no choice but to try to get to know

Anyway we ended up meeting and talking... that was it I got her phone number and she left so I left and went on my way... did some travelling and doin things but along the way that smile that sparkle never left me... I went back and rang her we met up and talked again just sat on the beach and talked for hours about god alone knows what cause I cant remember... over the next 5 years she went her way and I went mine and every year we would meet up if she was in Aussie or if I was in Perth at the same time if not then next trip.

There was no asking to marry there was no question it was just... you know "right"?... we knew right at the begining that we would be together but we had to get this other stuff out of our systems before we could her to see the world and I to see Australia... so we did... this beautiful petite little blonde from the rich side of town and this rough as guts long haired boy from the bush with a beat up old car and about 2 bob to his name against all odds against all opinions we got married

You know something? even right back then we shared the same tastes in everything! Amazingly to me this little rich girl who had everything she could ever want on a platter had the same tastes as I did the same wants desires and hopes the same tastes in furniture houses clothes and for the future... I can recall only one disagreement in 24 years and that was before we got married and it was about the number of kids we wanted she disagreed with my view that I wanted 8 kids and I disagreed with hers that 4 would be enough... guess who won?! :D But that was the only disagreement weve had in all those years

We had our problems and were still having them but theyre more related to her family than anything else once was a time when she had problems with my family but since mum passed those problems have gone my sisters and brother accept her willingly and lovingly whereas mum couldnt and didnt... her parents still dont recognize me or accept me and thats truely fine since Jody herself has watched and seen how they behave and well because when alls said and done shes still married to me were still happy together and I guess because we have so many children and now grandchildren together they no longer have any "power" to impact on her or our lives...

A small side note... I was offered $10,000 by these people to just walk away ON MY WEDDING DAY and then told that the marriage would last no longer than a year...

The thing is that we fullfill each other... complete each other? Im not sure I agree with that term but we definantly fullfill each other she is her own person still does her own things and when Im away at work runs the house without me or my imput and I also have my own things am my own person but together we are always together always thinking of each other and never far from each others thoughts... No I dont think we complete each other per se but we do fullfill each other... And yes theres things about this little lady that get right up my nose at times but then I know theres things about this manic little fella that gets right up hers... least of all would be my "phases" wherein I shut her and everything out and isolate myself from them I know it drives her totally nuts but she and I fulfill each other and compliment each other in all things... and marriage to us is compromise and give and take more than anything else Its about careing enough about your partner to WANT to do everything you can to make them happy and your partner WANTING to do everything they can to make you happy... but still retain who they and you are as an individual person

I suppose Im lucky as hell... I just feel theres nothing more I need in this life than her by my side to make everything in life worthwhile... actually I KNOW Im lucky as hell every now and then I wonder what my life would have been like if I had married that other lady... nothing like the life I live now thats for sure

Rich? no were not rich nor do we ever expect to be... in the financial stakes... but rich in having by our sides the person who most makes us happy within ourselves who makes us unquestioningly beautiful handsome special wonderful brave solid whatever you want to say

To have that person next to you is to have your soul mate beside you.

So in answer to your question Jack... yes I have my soul mate :cool: And mate? I hope you find yours cause I believe there is one special soul mate for each of us in this life time

All the best

Nanoose
01-09-2007, 11:28 AM
Dingo: "The thing is that we fullfill each other... complete each other? Im not sure I agree with that term but we definantly fullfill each other she is her own person still does her own things and when Im away at work runs the house without me or my imput and I also have my own things am my own person but together we are always together always thinking of each other and never far from each others thoughts... No I dont think we complete each other per se but we do fullfill each other... "

Guess I don't think about the terminology too much. Am I complete, independent, "ok" without Dave - yup. Yet am I more complete, fulfilled, whatever, with him - yup.

An instant connection... 'love at first sight'. Terminology issues again. He knew immediately he'd marry me.

Soul mates? Yup. Hard to explain...terminology problems...

huisjen
01-09-2007, 03:38 PM
Nope. I don't buy it.

First, it requires a belief in an immortal soul. I see our beings as being much more tied to our physical, chemical, neurological selves. Our being is not only mortal, but can change significantly over the years. What may seem like a soul mate can become, well, just an old friend in time.

Second, let me mention the girlfriend here. We're pretty different people. I'm mechanically minded, great with abstract geometry, and can't remember people's names and faces. I'm disorderly in my housekeeping, but a good cook. My spirituality is largely observed through shoveling compost and planting seeds. She's not a mechanic. She works with people and seems to know a large number of them, both through work and through her church. While I work from home, she has an office job in town, plus has to make site visits around the county. Her housekeeping is excellent, however, we agree it's better that I cook.

We do not complete each other. We are complete in ourselves. There are things we can do for each other that improve life for both of us, but we are not disfunctional as separate individuals.

This makes me think more about what makes people compatible. In many ways Katey and I had more interests in common. The girlfriend doesn't knit, garden, or do any woodwork (although she's interested in learning). I wonder if that isn't part of the attraction. We can more easily give each other un-critical space to be ourselves and play our own games, all because we are such different individuals. And then when together, we can admire those strengths in the other that are less notable in ourselves.

Dan

ishmael
01-09-2007, 03:57 PM
I didn't write to convince anyone of anything. It's okay not to argue, to just share stories.

I'm in the midst of one of Andrew Harvey's first books, "Hidden Journey." An erudite western mystic is the best description I can give. Man, he writes very well, and the things he says just ring my bell. It's like going to AA: you know they are going to understand, be on your side without slavishness.

In anycase, I think the western reliance on the rational has gotten out of control. There are things that are true which cannot be transmitted rationally. It doesn't make Jeff any less a soul mate.

P.S. There was an intimacy I shared with Tamsin that I've never shared with anyone else, before or since. When we were exhausted in our love making, so intense, we would lay together, mouth to mouth, and breath each other's air.

Michael s/v Sannyasin
01-09-2007, 04:47 PM
Have you read A Journey in Ladakh? Great book.

LeeG
01-09-2007, 05:21 PM
In anycase, I think the western reliance on the rational has gotten out of control. There are things that are true which cannot be transmitted rationally. It doesn't make Jeff any less a soul mate.

.

was grass a prefered high at one time?