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Tar Devil
12-18-2006, 01:08 PM
Taking a vacation day. Without thinking I offered to accompany Cheryl on a shopping trip. I must be losing it...

This could drive me over the brink. Might be my last post ever, barring a miracle.

Later (I hope)

Phil

Katherine
12-18-2006, 01:10 PM
Just tell her to drop you off in the nearest book store or outdoor equipment store. YOU CAN SURVIVE!

Memphis Mike
12-18-2006, 01:10 PM
Oh NOOOoooooooo! Just stay away from the wimmins shoes and you might be alright.!:eek:

John of Phoenix
12-18-2006, 01:11 PM
A volunteer to be the forum sacrifice.

All hail Tar Devil.

S.V. Airlie
12-18-2006, 01:11 PM
The only way I can see to survive is to stay single.

JTA
12-18-2006, 01:15 PM
Be very afraid of the question "Do I look fat in this?"
Also remember a woman can never have too many black shoes. You are only there to carry packages, do not complain, ask permission prior to going to the bathroom, do not stare, pay attention at all times.....

Crap you are in trouble

Good Luck
Jack

S/V Laura Ellen
12-18-2006, 01:15 PM
There should be a bar at every mall, us guys need a place of our own while the wimmin are shoppin.

Katherine
12-18-2006, 01:21 PM
I've actually had this conversation with a certain forumite. He's promised me that the only way I'll be able to get him in a mall is if I don't tell him that's where were going. Apparently he isn't enough of a modern man to sit there quietly and hold my purse. :D

S.V. Airlie
12-18-2006, 01:23 PM
Doesn't take long to write a check and then ya forget. :)

TomF
12-18-2006, 01:26 PM
Ugly ugly ugly.

On the bright side, John B can stop worrying about the ghurka knife.

t.

John B
12-18-2006, 01:33 PM
This is true.

Milo Christensen
12-18-2006, 01:35 PM
Ahhh, but we are sacrificing Phil to propitiate the ghost of Christmas presents.

John B
12-18-2006, 01:40 PM
any ah way, you think you've got problems.
you know my mid life crisis car, eh, you know , the crumpy old jag I bought "rather than suddenly becoming succeptible to the wiles of the rather to die for chicky babe down the road and thats my story and I'm sticking to it".. THAT car. You know,
well , my wife is taking it to school today ( second to last day) to show her pupils that she's cool.

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Is there a " help me" graemlin?





help.

geeman
12-18-2006, 01:55 PM
If you HAD a Gremlin,she wouldnt be taking your car!!!!!!!!:cool:

paladin
12-18-2006, 02:23 PM
Dude...You are done for!...Never let a wimmins drive the Jag....I did...ONCE....and she drove it to a White House dinner with her Cousin innitt and it came back smelling like cigarettes and had THREE crushed out cigs in the ash tray......NEVER AGAIN.......:D...it had about 10k on the odometer and it took 4 detailings before the smell left...I offered the 72 mustang with the 351 cleveland but she wouldn't drive it..

blacksmith
12-18-2006, 02:26 PM
Rejoice with me! My wife hates malls and dislikes shopping. 52 years with this jewel.

geeman
12-18-2006, 02:32 PM
My wife used to love shopping years ago.Now days tho its might be a toss up as to which one of use hates shopping more.Wife makes a good list of what we need,we hit the store and get it and we're gone.Wife even makes her list according to where the items are located in the store so we can just go right down the list.WHATTA GAL.

paladin
12-18-2006, 03:48 PM
I really never liked shopping.....it's a pain to get food fer me and dawg....although I'll look around when I visit Fawcetts...which is around the corner from the Chart House and Carol's Creek Cafe.....:D

S.V. Airlie
12-18-2006, 04:58 PM
Hey Chuck.. next time ya go there, I'll treat ya to lunch.. at the yachty club.. reciprical agreements. Gotta go to Fawcetts anyway....sometime this winter

JimD
12-18-2006, 05:30 PM
There's one on every forum...

Phillip Allen
12-18-2006, 05:46 PM
allow me to brag on my 38 year old daughter...she shops just like me...decides what she wants at the house, drives to the store and gets it, pays for it and leaves as quickly as possible...simple

Bill R
12-18-2006, 05:54 PM
I got lucky- SWMBO hates malls and shopping every bit as much as I do. Make a list, determine where it is located, get in, get the item, get out.

paladin
12-18-2006, 06:22 PM
Jamie...whatcha gonna buy at Fawcetts....I may have it a lot cheeeeper....:D

Memphis Mike
12-18-2006, 07:26 PM
Still no word....this looks bad, real bad!

huisjen
12-18-2006, 07:28 PM
Phil, may the gods have mercy on your soul.

Dan

Milo Christensen
12-18-2006, 07:30 PM
Ahhh, but we are sacrificing Phil to propitiate the ghost of Christmas presents.

Prophetic, what? Alas poor Phil, still circling the mall looking for a friggin' parking place. Will he ever return, no he'll never return!.

Reminds me of the old MTA song by the Kingston Trio...


Let me tell you the story
Of a man named Charlie
On a tragic and fateful day
He put ten cents in his pocket,
Kissed his wife and family
Went to ride on the MTA
Charlie handed in his dime
At the Kendall Square Station
And he changed for Jamaica Plain
When he got there the conductor told him,
"One more nickel."
Charlie could not get off that train.
Chorus:
Did he ever return,
No he never returned
And his fate is still unlearn'd
He may ride forever
'neath the streets of Boston
He's the man who never returned.
Now all night long
Charlie rides through the tunnels
the station
Saying, "What will become of me?
Crying
How can I afford to see
My sister in Chelsea
Or my cousin in Roxbury?"
Charlie's wife goes down
To the Scollay Square station
Every day at quarter past two
And through the open window
She hands Charlie a sandwich
As the train comes rumblin' through.
As his train rolled on
underneath Greater Boston
Charlie looked around and sighed:
"Well, I'm sore and disgusted
And I'm absolutely busted;
I guess this is my last long ride."
{this entire verse was replaced by a banjo solo}
Now you citizens of Boston,
Don't you think it's a scandal
That the people have to pay and pay
Vote for Walter A. O'Brien
Fight the fare increase!
And fight the fare increase
Vote for George O'Brien!
Get poor Charlie off the MTA. Chorus:
Or else he'll never return,
No he'll never return
And his fate will be unlearned
He may ride forever
'neath the streets of Boston
He's the man (Who's the man)
He's the man who never returned.
He's the man (Oh, the man)
He's the man who never returned.
He's the man who never returned.

Wild Dingo
12-18-2006, 08:36 PM
Phil will survive... there is after all only Cheryl and if hes really unlucky Lauren for him to worry about... no big thing easy as ;)

Now... on Friday I had the nightmare of all nightmares well it woulda been a nightmare if it wasnt true!! :eek:

Yes there I was out in me shed makin dust an shavings on something or other busy as heck an happy as can be... when young Tiffany followed closely by her mother and two of her sisters came wandering out

"Dad?" she asks
I stop the bandsaw an turn my attention to her "Yeah?"
"We need your help"
uhoh... chrismas isnt it? oooh shyte... I felt the beads of sweat forming on my brow and begining to trickle down me dust covered face and into me beard as I remembered the last time this statement was made at this time of year
"ooh mmm yeah?"
Now Tiffany Bethany Jacinta and Brieanna were standing at the shed door with possum to one side (shes more experienced than the girls) with little Lukas on her hip
Beth blurbs out
"Were goin shoppin!"
"ooh... mmm... rightio then see you when you..."
"an yer comin Dad!" says Jacinta

I turn I glare I swear I fume all internally of course as I feel the rush of sweat bead out all over my body... I can win this I think tentatively I can win this

"nah I gotta do this Chrissy pressy kiddo you toddle on without me I'll be right" I turn away hoping that thats the end of it but knowing it wont be
"BUT you gotta come Dad!!" says Brie with anguish in her young voice "You just gotta!"
I turn back to face my youngest daughter
"Why do I gotta Briezy?"
Which is again when Tiff steps up
"Cause Yaz is gonna be there and Aarons gonna take Joshy to the beach so we can go girl shopping"
"AND we NEED you!" cried Jacinta
"mmm" sweat was flowing faster than Niagra Falls "but why? you know I hate shopping"
"yeah but..." Briezy
"yeah we know but..." Jacster
"Look Dad we need you isnt that enough?" Tiffany

"mmm normally yes but today? no I gots pressys to make kiddo I dont wanna go shoppin... but you go along and enjoy yerselves"

"DAD!!" Bethany with a cross look

"eerr yeah?"

"YOUR COMING AND THATS ALL THERE IS TO IT!" and she storms away expecting me to follow meekly along... 16 year old sheilas have gotten this down pat

"mmm nah I dont think so... what yer reckon Jo?" I look for support from me bride of 25 years mother of me children keeper of me hearth etc etc etc

"nah Luv Im outta this one! the girls want you to come along dear"

"But I dont wanna!"

"Dont be a sook darls... you know they will just go on an on if you dont"

"But!!... I gots work to do"

"You can do that when we get back... and I'll even help you AND Lukas will help too" Tiffany feeling a weekening jumps to the kill

"brrrrrrrring brrrrrrrrrring" my mobile lets rip at me... ah an escape!!

I dash of to the bench an picked the phone up "Yellow! Gidday me speakin!" I sing happily as the girls all kick the sand outside the shed

"Hi Dad" Yaz "Its great your comin shoppin with us Im buyin lunch see you soon" click

DAMN!!!

I look over at her bloody highness... shes hiding her head behind Lukas but I see a small smile on her friggin dial as she ducked... SHE PLANNED IT!! rotten sod of a sheila!

"nope Im not doin it"
"Dad!! Your mean!" Jac huffs away
"Daddy!! Your mean AND cruel" Briezy storms away
"ooh come on how bad can it be to go shopping with your wife and daughters dad? And little Lukas would love to have Poppy with him... so why not?" Tiff tryin a bit more

"DAD!! YOUR COMING NOW GET IN HERE AND GET READY IM NOT JOKING!" Beth blasts from the back door feigning anger while showing her disappointment

"no" I said it quietly remembering the last time I went "shopping" with these sheilas sent a shiver down my spine fear set in as I looked at possum who was now clearly shaking her head and giving me that glare of "you will pay for this young man" she gets when I dont agree to her every whim an fancy let alone the whims and fancies of 6 other females loosely called loving daughters but more like terrifying banshees :eek:

oooh Im gonna pay... I know it she knows it the girls know it

but mates the mere thought of going shopping with Jo an the 5 girls {Lissa is still in kal and too big in the belly with our next grandchild to come down this year :( ) is enough to make tarzan run screaming home to the apes for comfort or into the arms of a man eater just to get some peace...

Think Phils got it hard... HAVE PITY ON ME!! :eek:

Beth came out the door like a demented chook when they all wandered back to the house

"YOUR A MEAN NASTY OLD MAN!:eek: And you dissapoint me.. you know that dont you? I mean how hard is it? to go shopping just once with your wife and daughters we dont ask much your always away working and the one time we can have a day out with you and you dont want to go YOU would rather play in your shed I mean dad its not hard is it? you just come with us we will do all the buying... oh where is your credit card?... oh no worries its in your wallet :o But we can do the shopping while you bring Lukas along now whats hard about that eh? nothing thats what your just being mean and cruel do you know how long Ive waited to go shopping with you FOREVER thats how long! and what about Briezy or Jac dont you think you should spend some time with them? What about mum? dont you love her enough to take her shopping just once in a year? the one time your home long enough to do something with us you want to be in your shed..."

Breath

"... and whats so great about your shed anyway? its always a mess theirs wood everywhere and all these... whatever they are... tools... WHATEVER! I mean were talking about YOUR daughters AND your wife dad get it right now stop being stupid and get ready WERE GOING AND LIKE IT OR NOT YOUR COMING so dont just stand there move it I expect you to be getting ready within 5 minutes and if your not... well I will NEVER speak to you again! SO THERE!!"

And with that she turned and marched back to the house...

gawd strewth she can sure let rip and man I feel for any fella that hooks up with young Bethany! :eek:

I rolled the doors down and locked them from the inside... I know I know week of me but shyte mate Ive done that before!! truely not a thing I want repeated... an besides Beth is already talking to me

Of course theyre all disgusted with me... disappointed with me etc etc but at least Im still alive reasonably sane and well they did crucify the credit card to appease their anger... retirement has been pushed out by another 20 years :rolleyes:

But I won!! :D of course now the worry is what they got me for Chrissy! :eek:

nah Phils fine and dandy :cool:

Tar Devil
12-18-2006, 09:39 PM
Made it back at 9:31 this evening. Came in, took River out and the first thing he said to me was, "You dumbass!"

Talked to the cop at the jewelry store..."I actually volunteered for this. Could've been fishing."

He said, "You dumbass."

All in all, it was survivable. Often in life we do things we think we can't do.

Anyway, I lived to post again, and what could be more important??

Beaten,

Phil

Wild Dingo
12-18-2006, 09:43 PM
concensus is?


Dumbass! :D


Glad you made it mate :cool: