Alzheimer's progress

[TomF]

As you folks may remember, my Dad's got Alzheimer's. A family tradition, that. It recently progressed to the point that he needs more care than my Mom can give, even with the support of other family members closeby; she got a call today to say that a bed has opened up in one of her top 3 choices for extended care. Dad moves in on Friday.

Spoke with them both tonight. Dad sort-of knows what's going to happen, and sort-of doesn't. It will likely be a pretty tough transition at the outset, even though it's the right choice - both for him, and my mother. He'll be sad and angry, and confused. And mom is, of course, alternately relieved and broken up. It's their wedding anniversary next week, and they'll be sleeping apart for it for the first time in 47 years.

We'll be down for a visit in about a month, but damn I wish I lived closer. Damn damn damn. He was a splendid man; I hope he doesn't last long.

t.

[Figment]

I'm right there with ya.

[jack grebe]

My wife and I are still taking care of "June" she has alzheimers too.It's a very tough life to be a caregiver. let mum know there is no shame, no reason to feel guilty......she has done all she can.Talk with her often and pray for her......its all you can do.

[Phil Heffernan]

We'll be down for a visit in about a month, but damn I wish I lived closer. Damn damn damn. He was a splendid man; I hope he doesn't last long.

t.

Hey Tom...

It's harder on you & your Ma than it is on your Dad...I have a feeling that he can still feel the wonder of life, just at a different pace..

Our suffering has been well designed to be manageable. For all concerned, if we just keep our perspective...That we are already in Heaven...

PH

[TomF]

Thanks lads. Not like this is any surprise, Alzheimer's being what it is. And we're far from unique; everyone and every family has a certain amount of pain to get through. The question is simply how to make it fruitful.

t.

[Phil Heffernan]

It is 'fruitful' in that you have experienced the depth & breadth of existence...You have seen the best of times, and the most difficult of times...

You have lived life, as has your Dad, and the circle comes to completion...

Pain and anguish is part of it, and put there for a reason...It does not in any way diminish our lives that we end them as infants...We came in that way, and we exit the same..

The beauty of our existence can be muddled by pain, but we shouldn't lose sight of the truth: In all of the universe, there is only us...

PH

[Peter Malcolm Jardine]

Sorry Tom, it is a cruel disease. It's good that he is going into care tho.... Often in elderly couples the healthy spouse dies first from the strain of caring for the other...My thoughts are with you and your family, but it sounds like the right move.

[skuthorp]

Much sympathy Tom, Mum got it late and was only about for 2 years, She knew she had it before anyone else and was totally pi***d off!
I met a very elderly couple once visiting their daughter who was well advanced, she was 41. Very hard that.

[cs]

Tom I pray for your Dad and your Mom. Times like this are indeed tough.

Chad

[PeterSibley]

My sympathy Tom, something similar going on here ,not Alzeimer's ,another form of dementia.Not a good experience for anyone .

[Tar Devil]

My prayers will be with you and your mom, Tom.

Later,

Phil

[peb]

TomF,

My prayers are with you and your family. May God bless you all.

And I am sure your dad is still a splendid man.

[John Meachen]

Like a number of the posters in this thread I know a little of what you're going through.My thoughts are with you.

[Alan D. Hyde]

...sounds like you're doing the best you can, and that's all you can do...

May God guard, guide & bless you and yours.

Alan & Joy

[John of Phoenix]

I've been fortunate. We'll be thinking of you and yours.

[John Turpin]

My mom is fighting that battle now. It's a cruel, heart-breaking disease.

If you haven't already done so, schedule a family counselling session with your local Alzheimers' Association office. This is a wonderful (private donation funded) organization that does great work. I cannot recommend their services enough and have put them on my list of charities to fund.

[formerlyknownasprince]

Been there done that - with Mum - and you have our sympathies. It is hard to watch a loved member of your family deteriorate like that.

I have to say it did give us some laughter too - like when your Mum writes to you and asks for your permission to marry her new boyfriend at the aged care village (his family were horrified).

Good luck. I found the main thing was to make sure the younger ones understood the issue - and to get them to be patient with the repeated questions. I also found that I ended up having to lie to stop Mum getting upset - to do otherwise just ended with her getting upset. Her reality was just different from ours.

Good luck

Ian

[TomF]

Thanks again folks. Got a note from my mother - the move for my Dad to the extended care home went fairly well.

Despite his confusion, she had a sense that he was both sad, but also relieved. When the mists clear periodically, Dad knows how difficult it's become for my Mom to look after him ... and it's a testament to the kind of man he is that he really wants her struggles with it to be eased.

t.

[S/V Laura Ellen]

He sounds like the type of father that we either wished we had or are glad we had. I hope he settles in well.