Scottish Humor: Glasgow Bans Glassware in Pubs

[Nicholas Carey]

From the Evening Times of London, some Scottish humor.


PUB bosses and business leaders today urged Glasgow licensing bosses to scrap plans for a blanket ban on glasses.

From January all licensed premises in the city will have to serve drink in plastic or toughened glass, plastic bottles or aluminium cans.

The policy - aimed at reducing "glassing" attacks - is already in place at city centre nightclubs and is to be rolled out to all venues with entertainment licences.

[full story (http://www.eveningtimes.co.uk/lo/opinion/7023369.html)]

[JimD]

And plastic cutlery in all the restaurants.

[Hal Forsen]

I Belong to Glasgow !!


I've been wi' a couple o' cronies,
One or two pals o' my ain;
We went in a hotel, and we did very well,
And then we came out once again;
Then we went into anither,
And that is the reason I'm fu';
We had six deoch-an-doruses, then sang a chorus,
Just listen, I'll sing it to you:

Chorus
I belong to Glasgow,
Dear old Glasgow town;
But what's the matter wi' Glasgow,
For it's goin' roun' and roun'!
I'm only a common old working chap,
As anyone here can see,
But when I get a couple o' drinks on a Saturday,
Glasgow belongs to me!

There's nothing in keeping your money,
And saving a shilling or two;
If you've nothing to spend, then you've nothing to lend,
Why that's all the better for you!
There no harm in taking a drappie,
It ends all your trouble and strife;
It gives ye the feeling that when you get home,
You don't give a hang for the wife!
Chorus
I belong to Glasgow,
Dear old Glasgow town;
But what's the matter wi' Glasgow,
For it's goin' roun' and roun'!
I'm only a common old working chap,
As anyone here can see,
But when I get a couple o' drinks on a Saturday,
Glasgow belongs to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;)
HF

[Peter Malcolm Jardine]

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone"

A Rolling Stone says: " Hey You, Get off of my cloud"

A Scotsman says: "Hey Macleod, Get off of my ewe!"

[Peter Malcolm Jardine]

Two Scotsmen during the Second War come across a trench of Germans who are all asleep. The first one says "Whaat kin we do? Should we shoot them all, or take them prisoner?"

The second one says "Och, lets wake them up and start a fight!"

[geeman]

Yep ,,if they cant be trusted let them all play with plastic, LOL thats SOO funny LOL

[P.I. Stazzer-Newt]

chorus
It's twelve and a tanner a bottle
That's what it's costin' today
Twelve and a tanner a bottle
Man it tak's a' your pleasure away
Afore ye can hae a wee drappie
You have to spend a' that you've got
How can a fella be happy
When happiness costs such a lot



It's really high time something is done
To alter the way the country is run
They're no daein' things the way that they should
Just take for instance the price of the food

There's taxes on this, taxes on that
While the people grow lean, the officials grow fat
You have to admit it's a bit underhand
Puttin' a tax on the breath of the land

I used to meet old pals o' mine
When whisky was cheap, went doon like wine
Noo I don't see them I'm sorry to tell
I slip roon' the corner and drink by masel'