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View Full Version : Tired of living, 'fraid 'o dyin'



Meerkat
05-29-2006, 01:51 AM
That old river of life just keeps rolling along.

This too shall pass.

MattL
05-29-2006, 02:14 AM
Meer, nothing I can say. Just that I've grown to respect you in the short time I have been at this forum. Keep it up.
Matt

TomF
05-29-2006, 05:13 AM
Tote that barge, Meer. Wish there was a way to make your work in that regard easier.

t.

LeeG
05-29-2006, 08:28 AM
time for the blues

huisjen
05-29-2006, 09:19 AM
Time for some introspection. Why do you fear death? What is it about death that you fear?

http://www.geocities.com/fang_club/bright_side_of_life.jpg


Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of ****
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

Dan

Lew Barrett
05-29-2006, 09:27 AM
Meer,
Think about coming back as a Chihuahua.;)
How are you feeling phsically today?
Give me a call.
Lew

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
05-29-2006, 09:56 AM
I always stick around to see what's gonna happen next.
Think good thoughts.

geeman
05-29-2006, 11:30 AM
Meer,We (all) have pretty much screwed this world up ,Maybe the next one will be better.

Popeye
05-29-2006, 11:33 AM
Well it's cloudy in the morning gonna be raining in the afternoon
Cloudy in the morning and it's gonna be raining in the afternoon
If you don't like this rainy weather you better pack your bags and move
But if you're running from it brother the only road that I can see
If you're running from it brother the only road that I can see
Is the road that leads to nowhere and nowhere is a fool like me
Rain keep a falling falling round my window pane
Rain keep a falling falling round my window pane
Ain't never seen so much rainy weather guess I'll never see the sun again

Rainy Day Blues

Memphis Mike
05-29-2006, 01:17 PM
I can't even fathom being in your shoes although I know it will happen someday. I'm kickin myself because I'm out of a job right now. My problems are miniscule compared to yours.

You're an inspiration to us all.

Hang in there, David.

paladin
05-29-2006, 01:46 PM
Meer...there ain't nuthin to fear except fear itself. Everyone is gonna die, but probably not when he or she would like....that's generally not your decision to make. The best you can do is try to live every day as if it were your last, be kind to folks, children and small animals and make peace with your god......

or as the old song goes..
....some say he's gone to Heaven, but none of us can say...
But if I am right in my surmise, he's gone the other way......

Try not to go the other way.....it may be a bit warm.

Joe (SoCal)
05-29-2006, 01:54 PM
What MMike said. I cant imagine. To be brutally honest it's kinda scares me what your going through. I went through it with my mom and I have a deep fear of it, so its even hard for me to open this thread.

I hope all the best for you, and I am amazed at you ability to overcome it and still make us all laugh.

Tar Devil
05-29-2006, 02:07 PM
David, I don't know where you are in your spiritual beliefs. I will never forget how bravely, fearlessly, my mother met her death.

What she had, I wish for you. I pray for you.

My best to you, Friend.

Phil

Tristan
05-29-2006, 03:06 PM
First, I've sort of been where you are and it scared the pure poop out of me. Second, you got to get past that. This moment is Nirvana. There is nothing else but the moment. Every moment is a good moment. Namaste.

Wild Wassa
05-29-2006, 03:14 PM
Meer, we spend a long time being dead when it happens ... so don't go there.

How is that boat coming on? I'm waiting to see more pictures with images of you, getting wet.

When you feel down make yourself feel better by swimming (under fibreglass boats ... and drilling holes in them). People always feel better after having a good swim.

Here are some photos of a trip past Ajunga Point, to Tarcoola reech, to help brighten your day. The 'black and white' is in colour of catspaws at a place called Deepwater Buoys off Black Mountain Peninsula. Sunset is off the Point and the smokey scene is looking into Tarcoola Reech, photos taken going and returning. A friend and I took a Sonata into Tarcoola Reech and ran her aground ... I was on the helm and the Skipper was navigating ... I didn't half get blamed for his poor navigation. That is what being faithful crew is about, to be good whipping boys. We raised the drop keel, tightened the sheets and she rounded up, and we sailed home horrified that the water levels had dropped so much and thankful that we hadn't raised the spinnaker when it happened ... because we would have hit bottom harder than we did. Just a little story to make you smile Meercat.


http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid206/p40a7557ccd6ab5a85f3deba87d26a3c1/eecca45d.jpg


http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid206/pcd10593aa91deeadb72b818dc1a27f54/eecca3d9.jpg


http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid207/pbc8ce33ef328d2ff49b2c611d06d05f1/eec67f2d.jpg

With smoke in the sky from burning off in the High Country, the late Autumn sunsets have been beautifull this year.


Warren.

ishmael
05-29-2006, 03:15 PM
It must be quite a challenge to be caught between health and mortal illness. As Chuck said, noone really gets to choose the hour and manner of their deaths, but I hope mine is swift.

I watched my mother suffer with dementia for nigh on fifteen years. What a horrible way to go. Chronic, debilitating illness of any sort is a tough row to hoe.

Even though I don't always like your online persona David, I'll bet you are a good guy, and I wish you all the best in this struggle. FWIW, I'm quite sure this isn't all there is. The ideas and images of an afterlife seem hollow too, but something interesting happens to our consciousness, I'm quite sure.

Kim Whitmyre
05-29-2006, 03:18 PM
When living, live! When dying, die! Which is it, Meer?

huisjen
05-29-2006, 03:21 PM
So Warren, what's your favorite brand of waterproof, battery powered drill?

Dan

Wild Wassa
05-29-2006, 03:54 PM
Dan, use a brace and bit, non of this high tech rubbish, that is for land lubbers ... my advice to Meer was for him to go swimming for the excercise.

Warren.

Claudia
05-29-2006, 03:55 PM
Dave, you know how I am:( I'm worrying. If your not on here in a few hours I will call! And we both know I can make you laugh, I'll push it a step further and p*ss you off by telling you I didn't wear my sunglasses while at the beach today. That will give you a reason to yell at me so your going to have to spunk up for that.:)
I'm here, you know that.

Claudia
05-29-2006, 03:57 PM
By the way, beautiful photos Warren.

huisjen
05-29-2006, 04:02 PM
Warren, the problem is that in Dave's condition, he may not be able to hold his breath very long, especially while working a bit brace.

I suppose he could do it though if he kept his head above water and put the hole just below the waterline. And a bit brace might be quieter too....

Dan

skuthorp
05-29-2006, 04:03 PM
Thinking of you Meer, we can't afford to lose you here.
Fear of the unknown afflicts us all, at 63 I wonder how long though I'm ok (touch wood). My grandfather regarded it as another adventure, his last words were "now I'll know".
Chin up mate
Anne and Jeff

Leon m
05-29-2006, 04:54 PM
Just one breath at a time buddy...thats all we ask of you...Just keep breathing.

Meerkat
05-29-2006, 05:29 PM
When living, live! When dying, die! Which is it, Meer?
Living! :)

Meerkat
05-29-2006, 05:34 PM
Mostly just tired and grumpy last evening. Starting to work off the physical dependence on vicodin I've discovered I have. :mad: STILL don't like taking the crap, but now not taking it is even worse than taking it. Tapering is working though. I'd tried to just cut the dose in half, but that was too quick, so now I'm on 2 in the AM and 1 at bedtime. It's working and I'll continue that until next Saturday and then reduce to 1AM and 1PM, followed, the following week, by 0 and 1.

I'd feel a lot better almost immediately, probably along with much of the rest of the country, if someone would kindly level the District of Columbia with the usual suspects aboard. ;)

Meerkat
05-29-2006, 05:35 PM
And thank you all for your kind words! :)

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
05-29-2006, 05:39 PM
Thinking good thoughts I hope.

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
05-29-2006, 05:43 PM
I'm Weening off Lexapro this week Meer.
Sexual side effects ya know.
It did it's job so I'm done with it, for now.
Looking forward to getting a woodie for the first time since January.
Getting old Is Hell I tell ya.

Katherine
05-29-2006, 05:51 PM
Not much to add, just letting you know my thoughts and prayers are with you man.

Mrleft8
05-29-2006, 08:44 PM
Don't die yet. I still have much to do, and you can help. Plus...... I like you, and too many people I like have died in the last year or so.

Alan D. Hyde
05-29-2006, 09:33 PM
stuff them full of wonder bread.

That way, they won't start leaking fast until the boat's been moving along for a while, and is well away from the dock.

Alan

P.S. God guide, guard & help you, David. We may as well laugh--- it sure beats crying.

Phil Heffernan
05-29-2006, 10:37 PM
Hey Meer

How 'bout a project? Give me some IDEAS Man!!

PH

Lew Barrett
05-30-2006, 12:44 AM
Proof of Life.

A photo hot off the press following two helpings of Bar-B-Q chicken, rice and beans, fried onions and cabbage; what we call a "kid's dinner" around here. Posted for your amazement, a rare photo of Zennus Domesticus Africanus, your basic domesticated Meerkat. Taken in Seattle about 9:15 PM tonight.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid207/p4c9824468b3cd11822bc5af84f73052b/eec41ad4.jpg

Wild Wassa
05-30-2006, 03:22 AM
Meer, good to see you Mate.

Warren.

JimD
05-30-2006, 03:24 AM
Somehow I pictured him furrier.:D

P.I. Stazzer-Newt
05-30-2006, 03:29 AM
“Serenely full, the epicure would say, Fate cannot harm me, I have dined today”

BrianW
05-30-2006, 03:54 AM
Proof of Life.

A photo hot off the press following two helpings of Bar-B-Q chicken, rice and beans, fried onions and cabbage; what we call a "kid's dinner" around here. Posted for your amazement, a rare photo of Zennus Domesticus Africanus, your basic domesticated Meerkat. Taken in Seattle about 9:15 PM tonight.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid207/p4c9824468b3cd11822bc5af84f73052b/eec41ad4.jpg

Damn Meer, you look great!

Got a stogie in the ashtray (didn't know they still made those) and an empty glass, which I hope was full of a strong medicimal liquor.

Peace Brother! ;)

BrianW
05-30-2006, 03:55 AM
What the heck is that small picture next to my name?...

WX
05-30-2006, 05:07 AM
Good to be able to put a face to the name, we look similar :-)
Hang in there mate... life can get a bit intense at times.

PeterSibley
05-30-2006, 06:53 AM
And thank you all for your kind words! :)

I didn't say anything ! :o

But i will ...hang around Meer....we need your crypyic input :D
Iz zat really you ? you look GOOOOOD !!!!

Joe (SoCal)
05-30-2006, 07:00 AM
Lookin good David.

huisjen
05-30-2006, 08:12 AM
:) :) :)

Bruce Taylor
05-30-2006, 08:22 AM
Well, you don't look tired of living!

When I'm afraid of dying, I read Philip Larkin's Aubade. There's not one gram of consolation in it, but I find it strangely soothing anyway. Why that is, I can't say.


Aubade
by Philip Larkin

I work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what's really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.

The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
-- The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused -- nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.

This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear -- no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anaesthetic from which none come round.

And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.

Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can't escape,
Yet can't accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.

Lew Barrett
05-30-2006, 09:35 AM
The stogie was mine, I'm afraid.
Lew



Damn Meer, you look great!

Got a stogie in the ashtray (didn't know they still made those) and an empty glass, which I hope was full of a strong medicimal liquor.

Peace Brother! ;)

Claudia
05-30-2006, 09:39 AM
http://www.toa.co.nz/graphics/pouakai/meerkats.jpg
Silly me, I always pictured you looking more like this:D

John of Phoenix
05-30-2006, 10:12 AM
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu

Lookin' good. Seems you're doing it just right.
Nice to be able to put a face with the "voice".

Meerkat
05-30-2006, 02:37 PM
http://www.toa.co.nz/graphics/pouakai/meerkats.jpg
Silly me, I always pictured you looking more like this:D

As long as you didn't picture me looking like this! :D
http://dalliance.net/b3ta/meerkat.jpg

Meerkat
05-30-2006, 02:38 PM
This is more like it! :)
http://www.photo.net/photo/2000pcd1690/meerkat-32.4.jpg

Wild Wassa
05-31-2006, 05:49 AM
Meer, obviously you have picked up ... but watch those little furry buggers, they will attack without warning.

The boat I ran aground goes on the hoist for inspection tomorrow ... I can't wait to see her in anticipation of seeing a damn good walloped keel. I'll post a shot tomorrow, since I'll be doing the fix, it had better be worth it..

Claudia liked my photos, so here is another ... thanks for your kind words Mate. I hope you like this one too, of a 'Little grey cloud'.


http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid207/pebf5ba9a5bab9c1fba210027e488d317/eebe56b7.jpg


Here is one for you Meer ... 'Surfacing Giant Clams'. One of my friends said to me today, " Wooden boats are so yesterday."


http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid207/peaf9465d97e0905cb7db859dade0cd8a/eebe5ad0.jpg


This photo below is for anyone who is feeling a bit below par. Knowing that you don't have to fix this mess, this should be comforting. This image should brighten everyone who isn't involved in this stuff-up, right up ... I don't often get such good fixes to do, I've had a badish week this week. Outgassing is so masculine but I've done some bad outgassing ... and all under a 2oz cloth ... it stinks. Do you notice how regular this outgassing is ... more regular than normal.


http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid206/pa4690ade1254d205af110572fd5f03fd/eed9b513.jpg

Does laughing hurt Meer? ... I'm not laughing, and not laughing hurts.


Warren.

Keith Wilson
05-31-2006, 10:37 AM
The thing is
to love life
to love it even when you have no
stomach for it, when everything you've held
dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands
and your throat is filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you so heavily
it's like heat, tropical, moist
thickening the air so it's heavy like water
more fit for gills than lungs.
When grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief.
How long can a body withstand this? you think,
and yet you hold life like a face between your palms,
a plain face, with no charming smile
or twinkle in her eye,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you again


(Ellen Bass)