View Full Version : How to approch others

02-17-2006, 09:41 AM
The boss and myself were having a phone call with an engineer. After the phone call me and him had a short conversation. We talked about how I approch people and talk with them. While we were on the phone we had talked with one of the engineer's assistants who always gives us a problem and she never wants to work with us, she tries to tell us what we have to do, even though we pay them to do what we ask. Nevertheless, I've dealt with her "can't do" attitude quite a while and I guess it shows when I talk with her.

Barry (the boss) talked with me a little about how I approch and talk with others. His point of reference is the military and being as I have a long military background he sees that sometimes I approch people with that military bearing. We almost want to say forceful, where as he says that sometimes I "force" my opinion. Kind of an either for or agaisn't attitude.

Of course I don't see that, because it is always hard to judge how you, yourself approch others. I always try to be nice and always ask instead of tell. I ask others for their opinon and I really do listen. I guess I can come off a little forcefull sometimes, but I believe that once you find out others opinion a decission has to be made, and I'm not afraid to make that decission, and I do. Once a decission is made, I move on to other things and that issue is settled.

On the other hand he says that when dealing with a client that I tend to be to respectful or even humble. He says that I say "yes sir" and "no sir" to much, and this may be true. Untill I feel a person out and how they want to be treated, I use sir quite a bit, esp when dealing with CEOs. After I get to know them I will revert back to using their first names if that is how I perceive what their personality is.

Remember my positive note thread? Well Barry also uses that method of talking to folks. He talked to me about when I first wanted to start doing project management and he thougth I didn't have the right attitude to be a project manager. He stated that I have proved him wrong and that I turned out to be good at it. He just wanted to let me know that at times I can be a little forceful when dealing with others.

It is a fine line you walk when in a management position. You have to know when to be forceful and when to be humble. When to make a decission and when to seek advice. I will continue doing what I think is right, but I will keep in mind how I address folks.

One other thing, is that Barry rarely sees how I interact with others. It seems that he only sees the bad and that may be because I generally show that attitude or it may be because he only notices that. He is not around me on a daily basis when I work out deals that work for all and he doesn't get to see that side of me. I do know that the client I'm working with at the momement has told Barry that I'm doing a great job and that they need to make sure they keep me. He has also seen the projects I've completed and the admiration and respect that those clients have bestowed on me.

Life is about learning and if Barry sees faults in the way I handle things, it is my responsbility to look at these faults and see what I can do to make it better.


Paul Girouard
02-17-2006, 09:48 AM
Roger that , Chad. Same old same old here . My boss a retired Commander , sez I'm hard on the guys some times . I explain how , and why it will be done , I ask for questions , make adjustmnets ,the carry out the Plan Of the Day (POD). Mission sometime over comes process.
Have a good day , Sir ;)

02-17-2006, 10:49 AM
Always assume that you are perfect. It's the others that don't know what in hell they are doing! :D

02-17-2006, 11:06 AM
I approach others as I expect to be approached....
Not condescending......not from one who feels superior....
And with a sense of humor when needed...

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
02-19-2006, 07:50 AM
I just make them think I'm crazy and they leave me alone. ;) :D

Ron Williamson
02-19-2006, 08:59 AM
It's all about adapting to a situation.
You do what's appropriate,no three piece suits at the beach, etc.
When I deal with clients,I like to state my opinion,like what's a good idea and what's not,but not tell people what they want.
When someone trusts you with their 40K worth of cabinets(or anything for that matter),you want them to know that their money buys your experience and ability,but also that they don't own you.
When I deal with suppliers,I like them to know that I won't put up with much crap,but in a light-hearted way.

It's good to know that you're appreciated.

Sue H.
02-19-2006, 09:02 AM
Chad, having met you, I can say that you are one heckuva nice guy.

Your boss is no doubt trying to give you some constructive criticism, but he could be off the mark, too.

All you can really do with his assessment is weigh it for what it's worth and take what's useful from it. His opinion is just that - an opinion.

Just keep on keeping on.

02-21-2006, 07:50 AM
Sue, thanks for stroking my ego. I guess we all need that from time to time.


02-21-2006, 08:32 AM
I am probably the wrong person to make some of these remarks...but....
When confronted with someone who sez it can't be done...I show them once, and then suggest that practice at it until they get it right...and I never let a newbie work on my airplane..
I have worked all over the world, and mostly with military or military contractors and all my jobs were accomplished on time....and I would never hesitate to fire someone that came on the job unqualified...with one exception...I am convinced that you cannot train a Saudi if their family has money of any kind...they always hire someone else..