wooden boat jokes etc...

[Brahm Thexton]

Anyone know any boat building jokes? How about sayings or odd superstitions?

[Concordia..41]

How you you make a small fortune in boats?

Start with a large one...

[Ian McColgin]

I cut it twice and measured thrice and it's still too short.

[Chris Stewart]

If God had wanted us to build fiberglass boats he would have made fiberglass trees.

[WOODZOWL]

What do you call a 21st century boatbuilder?----
An ---- Epoxymoron!.

[Concordia..41]

How did the Vikings send secret messages?

...By norse code tongue.gif

[landlocked sailor]

Date wood, marry fiberglass! tongue.gif

[Katherine]

Q. What's the world's most efficent bilge pump?
A. A scared man with a bucket.

[pipefitter]

Eyeballed to within 5200ths of an inch.

[Bill Childs]

What's the difference between a boatbuilder and a large pizza?

A large pizza will feed a family of four.

[Captain Pre-Capsize]

Forgive the temporary hijack here. There is a dead coyote and a dead lawyer laying in the road. What is the difference? There are skid marks in front of the coyote.

[dman]

A guy walks into a bar and throws down his briefcase,He says"Lawyers are real a--holes" The guy sitting next to him says"I take great offence to that" The other guy says "what are you a lawyer?" "No" the guy says "I`m an a--hole" When is it time to reef? The first time you ask yourself "I wonder if I should reef now"

[ 05-02-2005, 04:20 PM: Message edited by: dman ]

[rbgarr]

Me to my brother-in-law as we sail between islands in the notoriously ledge-strewn Muscongus Bay:

"Do you know these waters well? You don't seem to need a chart."

"Yeah. F'r'xample, there's a solitary rock just over there, and you have to sail real close along this shore to avoid it."

THUNK-CRASH!

He bolts into the cabin to see if the boat's taking on water ...which she isn't.

"Well... I guess I should have been even closer to the shore... or that damn rock dragged in last weeks' storm!"

:eek: :D

-Three surgeons are talking shop at a cocktail party:

The first one says,

"I've got a great system going. My patients are all electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded. It makes keeping things straight pretty easy."

The surgeon next to him says,

"Try operating on engineers like I do. They have diagrams and labels, which make it even easier to take them apart and sew them up."

The third surgeon laughs into his drink and says,

"Whoa! Are you guys amateurs or what?!

I only operate on lawyers. There's nothing inside and only two moving parts, the mouth and the asshole... and those are interchangeable!"

[ 05-03-2005, 06:17 AM: Message edited by: rbgarr ]

[J. Dillon]

The Pirate

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible".

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine"

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now".

"Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really".

"What about that eye patch?" "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye".

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird doo-doo?"

"It was my first day with the hook"







--
joeog
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[JimD]

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

[Bruce Hooke]

Machinists work to the nearest 0.001

Woodworkers work to the nearest 64th

Boatbuilders work to the nearest boat...

[Captain Pre-Capsize]

Originally posted by Bruce Hooke:
Machinists work to the nearest 0.001

Woodworkers work to the nearest 64th

Boatbuilders work to the nearest boat...My amendment:

Boatbuilders do it by eye.

[skuthorp]

Good name for a wooden boat
SYSIPHUS
He was the king of ancient Crete. Condemed by a spiteful god to roll a stone endlessly uphill.
Sysiphean, a never ending task, something impossible to finish.

Souds about right ;)

[Norske3]

Sign on board >>>>>>>> "The Only Thing That Works On This Boat Is The Captain" :D

Boat Cartoons .....by the boat load..

web page (http://images.google.com/images?q=boat+cartoons&hl=en&btnG=Search+Images)

[nedL]

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid9/pcebaa6ad0819643dcbd0afef18f30676/fe26729f.jpg
smile.gif

[Alan D. Hyde]

http://users.argonet.co.uk/users/tjde.barry/yachting/Images2/Hagar.gif

***

Alan

[Don Kurylko]

NEVER, EVER, EVER STORE YOUR CHAINSAW IN THE SAME PLACE THAT YOU ARE BUILDING YOUR BOAT! :mad: :eek: :confused:

[Chris.]

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid167/pec838918548d112b51038062fc6cf6d1/f43e4985.jpg

[Bayboat]

Ian: Don't feel too bad; it's only short on one end.

[ 05-06-2005, 12:14 AM: Message edited by: Bayboat ]

[Keith G.]

with apologies to rbgarr:



-Three surgeons are talking shop at a cocktail party:

The first one says,

"I've got a great system going. My patients are all electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded. It makes keeping things straight pretty easy."

The surgeon next to him says,

"Try operating on engineers like I do. They have diagrams and labels, which make it even easier to take them apart and sew them up."

The third surgeon laughs into his drink and says,

"Whoa! Are you guys amateurs or what?!

I only operate on boatbuilders. If I see something I don't like, I just cut it out with a chainsaw. And if I don't like any of it, I tape it up and put a for sale sign on it!"[/QB]

[Bayboat]

NedL: That cartoon of the guy with the bear trap looks like vintage Darrell McClure?